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My husband walked out on me - how to cope when your husband leaves you

Many more women have had this experience than you might imagine. It’s usually devastating and more often than not there is nothing anyone can say or do to make you feel better right away. In plenty of cases the husband does come back home so if the main thing you fear is that he won’t come back you should remember that the odds are in your favor that he will. No doubt you’re in a state of panic and feeling desperate right now. If this is the first time your husband has walked out on you it’s possible you already called a friend, a sibling, a parent, and they did their best to calm you down. They told you it’s going to be okay, not to worry. Maybe some told you your husband will come back. Maybe others told you you’re better off without him anyway; but once they hung up you were back in your panic. Your pain didn’t ease. In fact with every minute that passes without the sound of a key in the door your pain and panic increases.

Maybe this is your second time or your third time and you don’t feel like you can call anyone because you know they won’t have any sympathy for you because you shouldn’t have taken him back the first time to give him another opportunity to walk out on you. So you’re trying to bear your anguish, trying to avoid flying into a full blown panic as you listen for that key in the door, hoping and praying.

It’s never easy to deal with all the emotions and the panic that takes hold of you when your husband leaves; and very often words like “everything is going to be okay” not only fail to comfort, they can also be patronizing. But the truth is, you really are going to be fine. You husband will probably come back and if he doesn’t you’ll live to thank him. Because when a husband leaves it means things aren’t great in the relationship for you either. You are married to someone who is capable of just walking out and abandoning you. That is not the action of someone who cares about you; and what’s the benefit to you to be married to someone who shows by his actions that he does not care about you? There is none.

If money is part of the reason you’re panicking you might have to be prepared to reach out to your family, church or community. If you have no job and no money you will need help getting on your feet if your husband does not come back. sad-woman-300x244Even if he does come back you should seek help finding ways to take care of yourself so that in the event he leaves again you can at least know that you’re not at risk of becoming homeless.

Reach out to people. This is not a time to be alone. Even if your husband has walked out so many times you’re ashamed to go crying to anyone about it, there’s always someone you can talk to who won’t judge and will just listen and be supportive. It might not be any of your friends or family. It might be a stranger on a crisis helpline or strangers on a forum message board. There are people who understand and want to help; so don’t suffer alone.

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0 182 78976 10 October, 2010 Love Hate Cheating Divorce and Everything Else October 10, 2010

About the author

Hi, though my real name is not Soliel, it is the name I have chosen to represent myself here. I am a freelance writing wife and mother who is in no way an expert in the subject of love and marriage. My posts, particularly any posts that appear to be giving advise or providing answers to questions, should be regarded as an expression of my personal opinion on the subject of discussion. Nothing I write is meant to be presented as if coming from an expert source. I have no professional qualifications or specialized knowledge in marriage and relationship fields of study. I am not a marriage counselor nor do I have any background in counseling. I present my thoughts much in the same light as a mother, sister or friend might. I only hope to help contribute to the ongoing conversation about love and marriage relationships and what makes them succeed or fail. If you disagree with something I write you are welcome to share your thoughts by leaving a comment. I do get to approve or disapprove my comments so please keep in mind that comments intended to offend are not likely to be approved. If anything I write offends anyone I do offer my sincere apology.

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  1. JohnC

    Don’t assume that men who walk out are to blame. Sometimes they are, sometimes they are not. Men may leave an abusive relationship. Their wives may be having an affair. They may be unable to cope any longer with the behaviour of their wives. Or the marriage may simply be over, and one of them has to leave.

    1. Elizabeth

      @JohnC, yes, you’re right. It’s not always men who are to blame. I’ve witnessed marriages where I wonder how on earth or why the man is staying, the woman is emotionally abusive or I’ve had female friends who have cheated on their husbands, yet would scream if their husbands cheated on them, imagine?

      Sometimes a marriage simply is over. I’m not one that believes you must stick it out until death. You should try, of course, to do work on a marriage and I don’t believe in bailing out at the first problem. Happily married people often go through a lot of peaks and valleys.

      But, if a marriage is dead, it’s dead. Someone must be the first to leave. The key is to leave as ethically and fairly as possible, when possible. Being a decent person can go a long way is doing the right thing.

      1. Fiona

        Yes when a marriage has run it’s cause it’s time for someone to do the DECENT thing and leave. Problem is the person leaving usually doesn’t let their now unwanted spouse KNOW that it’s over. You hear it time and time again “out of the blue”. Being some what distant isn’t a CLEAR sign that it’s the NATURAL END of your 23 year long marriage, especially when you lovingly ask if anything is wrong and the reply is usually DEPRESSED or WORK ISSUES. You back off, give them space and low and behold when the BIG ANNOUNCEMENT comes, it leaves the spouse reeling. Most of the time the person doing the leaving is months or even years ahead of you. Poor things haven’t been HAPPY, they TRIED to make it work. Move out, run towards their dream of the BETTER, HAPPIER, lives, sometimes into the arms of someone who has no history, no roots, no loyalty to them. They don’t really know them (lucky old them, their in for a shock). In my case, mine didn’t even have anyone special but was enjoying his new found confidence of being able to pull woman that advertise their “talents” on casual internet sites(how difficult can that be). These men are FLAKEY, STUPID, SELFISH, PRATS, qualities every girl dreams of. The only worry we should have is that they will one day realise they have made a HUGH MISTAKE and try and worm their way back HOME. To the ONLY person who has truly loved them, supported them through the ups and downs of life and ALWAYS put them first. These men (observe in lower case), are NOT the men we married. They look like them but act and sound totally differently. They are STRANGERS. We love and miss our husbands not these STRANGERS. Keep the two seperate and it’s easier to deal with. Don’t waste another day of your PRECIOUS LIVES on them. They have made their bed (or in my husbands case BEDS), let them lie in them with the shallow person they chose OVER YOU. Take care of YOU, you KIDS, look the best you ever have, smile, hold you head high and let your future life take its course. At 48 and after surviving cancer, I am going back to college to get the qualifications, job, life I never took because of HIM. The only person I can truly depend now is ME. Be the strong WOMAN (notice in caps) and show EVERYBODY (sod him) what a strong human being you are. FLAKEY men, who NEEDS them. Good luck.

    2. Val

      My husband of 10 years (15years together) walked out on me 3 weeks ago, he has now said he isn’t coming back, the reason - he can’t see us together anymore. Maybe there is someone else and maybe there isn’t ,but that is the reason he has given and he won’t even try to make a go of it. I have lost over 2 stone in weight, I am on anti depressants and sleeping tablets, but nothing can take away the pain he has caused me.

      1. yvonne


        I am so sorry and can only say I have had the same words said to me when my husband left a week and a half ago. Im at a loss over it, as I’m sure you are. You have my sympathy and empathy. As you are I am trying to cope too. Its hard. I pray you make it through this and the pain lessens as time passes.

      2. Sylvia

        Val, stop taking sleeping pills and stop crying about it. Nothing can change, only you can change the future and make Yourself happy.

      3. Julie Dunbar

        Awh please I really really know what you are going through honestly I do after 32 years he pissed off and left me but you know what ” your beautiful beautiful it’s true. “

  2. Maria

    That’s a total cop out! When you’re married, you work through those thngs.. it’s called commitment..

    1. Blessed

      I married someone younger than myself and wonder if that play a part in our constant battle of infidelity followed by me allowing him to come n go. I am strong minded and independent but I feel,this is getting the best of me and questioning my own self esteem

      1. Bambi

        I know just how you feel. My husband is 9 years younger, we had been married for 14 years before he left me yhe second time. Our relationship wasn’t exciting for him anymore. It doesn’t matter their age but their emotional maturity. He just didn’t value what we had, the support and love I provided was too boring for him. I too was strong minded but you love for em makes you emotionally dependent on them. It is time to get your self respect back and stop enabling him to walk over you.

      2. Wendy Barnes

        Abusive, addicted, or adulterous spouses only change when they decide to change. Let ‘e-m go and concentrate on choosing more wisely next time.

    2. mike

      but what if she walked out the marriage session and wants her hubby 2 bank his money in her moms acct so she can have access to it is that marriage ?

      1. Linda Shelton

        You say no, no way. Never put your money in someone else’s control. She is trying to keep taking advantage of you, don’t let her do it. If she was a caring person she never would have walked out, but now that she has cut her off financially and in every way you can. In fact you should open a new account in your name only and keep your money there. She does not deserve anything good. She cannot be a good person to have just left, remember that. If she comes back she will not be the caring person you need, and deserve. It will get a little easier as time passes. It may be time to get a lawyer, if she keeps bugging you about money.

    3. Julie Dunbar

      Commitment is fine if it’s two way !! Happy Ever After is great but it’s not always ” butterflies ” 1

  3. Julia

    What can you do when your husband leaves you, even though I pleaded to have counseling? I take part of the blame/responsibility of why our marriage was in trouble. But as Maria above is a commitment. At least give it a chance to work it out. I have realized too late that we did not communicate enough. I have to say he is emotionally immature and I have my own issues like insecurity, anger, etc.

    1. Rhoda

      You said it that is exactly what I am feeling. he left one week ago. I didn’t realized he would leave. I was so willing to go to counseling. At least to try.

      1. Rae

        Subha, How many times has he left? Passive Aggressive men cannot handle a crisis or face to face. So they leave.
        I discovered my husband was Passive aggressive 4 months ago, he left 6 months (several times before that but I always called him back, the next to the last provoked fight on his part, I said if this happens again and you walk out, I am filing so dont come back).
        I was married 30 years, traveled for work so rarely home. I did not see the PA in him, but when he retired, boy, were my eyes opened.
        He behavior changed abubtly I even wonder, another women?, drugs? alcohol?
        I really dont know.
        My divorce will be final within days, hopefully. When a man abandones you for no reason, and will not discuss maturely the argument, then something is wrong with him.
        Seek a really good Phyciastrist, go to counseling alone not with him.
        Hang in there I am 56, and starting a new life….which includes PEACE. Hugs Rae

        1. cindi

          I’m 51 - husband 6 years younger. Tried to get him to counseling because things changed after my hysterectomy. I felt differnt he said so not much sex after that then 3 years later sex 1 time in a year. Found FB women friends, adult websites, texts from ladies for hire. bank account going down. But I’m the bad person. Had a note left on the counter when I got home from work after hes been un emplyed for 6 months 3 months no money coming into household from him. My self worth is shot. Don’t know what to do

        2. Wendy Barnes

          Being gone all the time is not a real marriage to me. If you like and love each other you would not put some job in front of him. He knew it too.

    2. Linda Shelton

      Anyone who leaves you is not worth anything, they cannot be the caring person you need if they won’t even try to work things out, or talk about problems. You are so lucky to be rid of him, just know the pain will get better, and you will be a better person for it. For better, or worse needs to be repeated a few times in the wedding ceremonies. Anymore people are so selfish they don’t care who they hurt and that kind of person is what you need to avoid. You are actually lucky he left you, because that kind of person never cared enough to think of you first.

  4. Mary

    My husband walked out on me — while I was on a week-long business trip. When I called him from the airport to let him know he told me that he would not be picking me up because he moved out while I was away.

    I came back from a long trip to an empty house. That was absolutely the worst day of my life.

    I want him back, but he dosn’t answer my phone.

    We’ve been married for 5 years, and I also don’t understand what commitment means to him, and the vow we took.

    I am confused, humuliated, and all alone.

    1. teresa

      my husband walked out on me 8 weeks after our wedding.
      I am in shock , I was with him for 7 years .
      i am so alone, Everyone who knows me is in shock I had no idea at all

      1. Diane

        How are you? My husband walked out on me a around 8 weeks after the wedding, we were together for four years, and we are in a long distance relationship. I too could ot believe how he could bail out on me like this. I accept my role in the problem, but I never gave up on him, necause I saw him as my family. We dont give up on family, no matter what… He unfortunately changed his mind. Its been fouror five weeks since he left. And ive been questioning everything in my lilfe right now. I need help and i think my friends have had enough of me crying, but evyday is a battle, each day is a trial i have to go through…

        1. Bambi

          My husband left me on valentines day this year. We also had a long distance relationship because of his work, but envy weekend he came home until the weekend he dumped me for a more exciting life. Didn’t even want to talk it out and work on us. how little did he value what we had I still cry and it has been nearly 4 months. The pain is a little less but you feel you have been used the whole time you were together. Hang in there, pack his stuff out of site, start planning you life around you, visit friends and try not to talk about him with them as it will just open the flood of tears again.

      2. Wendy Barnes

        Did you have to threaten or coerce him into marriage? If he did not propose by 5 years at the latest (if you were both young at the time) I get the feeling he did not want to get married in the first place.

    2. Blessed

      I completely understand the feelings. I have been through this for as long as I have been married 8years. I know every one expect me to divorce him,but their not God. I look to Him for answers and I press forward. You can do the same,wiat on the Lord for Guidance and depend on him for your Strenght.

      1. Linda Shelton

        But put yourself first, because that is what h is doing. When you really think about all this you will see you were lucky to be rid of him, and start a new life. There are no what-if’s, what if I had done this or that. Whatever you did, or do would not change him into a caring and decent person, and that’s what you all deserve. I have been there and I made it through, the pain is behind me and when I look back I can see what a terrible person he was. I’ll never forgive him, but I don’t feel any pain over it any more. I had to center my life around my children and building a new life. Go to a movie alone, it’s OK. Go out to eat, same way! Join a yoga or exercise class, and even try to find a support group, other people are what helps you the most. Make a bucket list of things you wanted to do but never did because he was there, and slowly do them, then be proud of yourself, you are becoming a new, and stronger woman.

    3. jackie

      my husband of 22 years left me and after 7 months hasn’t answered any of my letters or text messages. I don’t understand why a man that knows how much a woman loves him can continue to ignore her. Now after 7 months I’m getting angry that he can’t even face me to seperate our personal stuff and give me closure as to why he broke my heart as if I never mattered. I know that our problems were as much mine as his but I guess that isn’t the problem because anyone that can hurt the woman he married and had 3 beautiful daughters with has no love for her at all anymore. So in a way I’ve got my reason why he left and the only closure I will ever get!!!

      1. melia

        jakie i so know what your going through i got four and each day goes by so difficult but i know there will never be a closure it was that emptyness of just walking out end of story nothing you can ask or do will matter they made their mind and as much as im a god person and pray its so hard and i hope you carry on strong its a mothers role always seems to carry on pick the pieces stay strong your not alone xoxo

      2. Listenup

        I am not saying that it is right, but when we men are done…we’re done! We don’t need closure. I am not saying that you did this, but in some marriages the endless nagging, no sex ever and rolls of fat on our wife that eats enough for 5 is our closure. We don’t need to be what some people call “civil” and have “coffee time” and talk for hours about what went wrong. We don’t ever want to see or talk to the women that did this to us again…not a text, not a call, not an email…nothing! Nothing were done! Enough is enough!

      3. Linda Shelton

        He left because he is a self-centered, ignorant, uncaring a__hole. He will never understand your need to talk about it for him when it’s over he’s done. He couldn’t be a good person for you or he wouldn’t have put you through this. Give his stuff to GoodWill, he obviously doesn’t need it, and just realize no matter what you did you can never be as heartless as him, so forget about him, no matter how much it hurts, and it hurts a lot. But in the end he will still be a jerk and you will be a new, improved woman. Anyone who just walks out was not good for you even when he was there so thank him for leaving, and when he calls… hang up. Learn to do new things, make a bucket list, join a support group or yoga or exercise class, anything to help you meet new people and get on with your life. He has already ruined a large part of your life, don’t let him ruin one more day.

      4. Robyn

        Mine has been gone two years three months? does not answer phone or family? left everybody and everything after his father died? Mother died a year later and he ran! Nobody has done anything to him?we were all there for him through both of the deaths? He left with clothes only for a Homewrecker in Long Island on the internet? married wiith her own family?everyone is stunned we did everything together! we just became Grandparents for the first time? our Youngest Graduated High School i was blindsided by his behavior? This is his choice he basically off the Grid? he left behind a Grand Daughter, Son, Daughter, he didnt go to his Sons graduation? or Grandchild birth. He moved to Long Island living a double life with her?after his Mother died last year? recently im told it didnt work out with her and he realizes the grass is not greener on the other side? did he really think it was? Whats with no communication with anybody is it a remorseful or ashamed thing they are thinking? have not seen his family in a year three months after his Mothers funeral or will have communication with his brothers and sisters or daughter or son, He left his boy toys of a snowmobile, camper, hunting and Fishing equipment behind? left his friends in the area? Can anybody tell me whats happening to him? or if he will return to his family? its mind blowing like a alienship picked him up after his parents death? Everything has been left in the same spot in apt, our family is loving kind and close? there were no unkind words said to him or anything he started locking his phone after fifteen years? very unlike him we then discovered her on the internet ? he still wears his wedding ring and says for better or worse before communication cut off six months ago? when asked to return home he said not now, is this a midlife storm? he is 54

    4. Subha

      Mary- I am in the same situation as you too, I came back from a trip and he left me and told me it is over.

    5. Wendy Barnes

      In my 50 years on this planet, I have seen few marriages survive or thrive when one spouse is out of town almost every week. I figure the average marriage just cannot take these constant long separations.

    6. Julie Dunbar

      I really really feel for you Awh God Mary ave been broken for nearly 11 months I would really appreciate your guidance xx

  5. rosie

    i found out at christmas my husband was having an affair which has now ended.we both agreed to try and stay together,he left yesterday to go to the shop and texed me
    that he was going away for the weekend to sort his head out,later i received a tex saying he carnt do it its over!

    1. Julie

      Rosie that is so sad but I do know how you feel. My husband left 4 mths ago and begged me to take him back 2 mths later which I did. Then he sent me a txt after 2wks to say he was so sorry he had left and had gone back to her! Now after another 2 mths away he is deeply sorry, has made the worst mistake of his life and is desperate to come home. I want our lives back but cannot put myself through anymore hurt.

      1. trish

        If it falls apart with the other woman they tend to try and go back to the wife. It is in their nature to make sure they have a roof over their head! I have been there, he can stay away and keep his coming and going for another woman who will tolerate it. I was left to it, once i agreed to his terms of me doing it all, i never went back. My father kept leaving, once he wore out his welcome, he came back. This went on for years, he knew he could always come back, even after spending the housekeeping on booze. We were left with nothing, but he had a great time! No man is worth the heartache or misery, they just want it laid on and any willing female will do. As one man was facing divorce and having to move out, he eyed my place and started thinking about moving in. This had nothing to do with me as a person, he just saw what he wanted and it was a flight of fancy to say the least for him. Home from home is in a mans nature.

      2. Rae

        As a friend of mine told me. “Sometimes giving someone a second chance is like giving them another bullet because they missed you the first time”, be careful, if itquakes like a duck, it is a duck. Be strong. Us Women Roar….look out for yourself. Hugs Rae

    2. alison

      My Husband left me after 34 years in November. I got a phone call saying he wasn’t coming home!.I have 3 grown up children, all devestated, this is the man that taught them them morals, and he had a lot of those!I since learned he had had an affair for eight months, he asked if we could try and work it out early january. we did and it seemed better than ever, maybe we needed to think about each other a bit more. we had a lovely trip away and all seemed well, then he told me he was going on a boys trip away, ok we agreed to give each other space. He came home on wednesday. Thursday he had a boys day out racing and got home late. Today, Saturday he had to work and at I got a call from an unknown number, a women said just a minute and then handed the phone over to my husband who just said he wouldnt be home, we arent getting along. I am in a state of shock and so sad. at 61 in May what hope is there for me.

      1. sharon

        I am in a very similar situation cant believe he has done this yet again 38 years 2 children all devastated what on earth is it all about

        1. Elaine

          HI I have been with my husband since I was 17 we have two kids 10 and 6 and 3 weeks ago I found out he was having an affair. I am devastated, this is the man who would have challenged anyone who had an affair and lived for his family. I can’t eat or sleep and am barely functioning.

          1. Sylvia

            Take good care of yourself and your children, you are the most important now. One day your husband will regret, but then you will have moved on for the better. You deserve better. I have been there too, I’m now a strong happy woman with 2 young daughters, enjoying their upbringing, something precious the father will miss out on, shame on him. Be strong, it takes time but you will one day know the meaning of strong! Eat healthy and practice yoga!

      2. lorraine

        same as you, 38 but with 3 kids age 3, 6 & 8. my husband left me today.mi cant stop crying, i cant think, im so lonely and in pain. been together nearly 15 years, my best friend, my soulmate.

        1. Rhonda

          I am right where you are! Mine walked out Friday and I’m a flipping mess
          I have been writing all my feelings down they chance so quickly I gave to

        2. Marsha

          Lorraine I am in a similar situation. 38 in a few months, 2 kids aged 8 & 10. I’ve been with my husband for 14 years, we would be celebrating our 10yr anniversary in Dec.
          The difference is that he’s still at home but wanting to leave. Claims he has trauma from me arguing with him and therefore I am left doing everything by myself so he can focus on his journey to heal. I suspect there’s someone else as I found messages between him and a 20 yr old girl saying he wanted to leave me though he denies it.

          Up until 4 weeks ago, we were the most affectionate couple around. Always holding hands, hugging, kissing, laughing, going out together and declaring our love for each other 10 times a day. Fourteen years of never wanting to spend a day apart. Suddenly, for the first time ever - it all stopped like a flick of a switch. 4 weeks has gone by where I live with a cold, cruel stranger who looks at me with hatred.
          It’s killing me. If he were gone maybe I could deal with the loss but everyday that look of hatred destroys me. Yet I have to act normally and bear it for our children’s sake.

          I Feel the deep pain you do. I too wonder where my soulmate went. It’s gut wrenching and so many times of the day I find myself unable to breathe and spiralling into an anxiety attack.

          I wonder (and hope for your sake) are things better 3mths down the track?
          You’re not alone. I empathise with you so greatly

          1. Renee

            My husband, too, just decided to leave after a loving relationship. He left, came back, left again, came back again and now is gone again. All this in 5 months. He says each time he leaves he loves me dearly and wants to get his head straight. Now, we are looking at depression and mid-life crisis. I however, do not think I can tolerate him coming back only to leave again. It is hard. He was a good loving man. We were soulmates and did not have any material issues beside the normal day-to-day stuff all couples have. I am lost, hurt, and not sure what to do. He wants to go to marriage counseling, and he is in counseling and just started anti-depressants. I just don’t know how I feel anymore.

  6. Katie

    My husband walked out on me last year & I took him back. Things have gotten back to square one & I’m conflicted now. We tried the couseling thing & I know as a person I share the blame too. We’ve been together for 7 years & had some good times too but deep down I fear it’s only a matter of time before I come home to an empty house again. I know it’s not good for either of us to live like this but I’m too coward to do anything about it.

    1. trish

      Some said i was brave to leave the marital home, nothing of the sort. I used common sense and did the right thing for myself and my children. I have suffered grief, stress and anxiety making it work for us in the new place. I would still be waiting to leave if it meant having the courage. Fear is in the mind, it can stop you from taking the right action. I had no idea about much at all when i left, but i grew and my children have a much better life. It is self imposed torment to me, that is how i see myself when it comes to tolerating the nonsense of being married. I had to change it quick, too many years wasted back there and i wish i had been able to get out sooner. I regret those wasted years, life is short and i am not able to do much but have grief for those tainted years. Try to look past the leaving and getting set up, the years will be lost for good.

      1. Elizabeth

        Trish, good post and you make a very important point — fear is often the only thing standing in our way of making our lives better. For women who would choose fear over having a man treat them like a doormat, coming in and out of their lives, sleeping with other women, and generally spitting on anything that resembles a “commitment”, doesn’t make sense to me. There is no man worth the 15-minutes of “love” he might give on occasion, worth giving your self-respect and self-love away for.

        Financially, yes, I get it … been there, done that. Very scary for many women who are not financially self=sufficient, but I would ask this: How much better more financially secure are you with him walking in and out of your life? And, if he decides to support another woman and another family, how does that secure you?

        1. Wendy Barnes

          Why would you even go on a second date with these losers? Women are just not picky enough when we pick a mate. Nonsense of marriage?! It is what you make it and who you pick.

      2. Blessed

        I totally agree as well;however I dnt need him financially. I wanted him becuse I felt as though he was mine. Dont get me wrong I dnt try to own him, but my vows was very important to me. I allowed it so many times becuase I looked so desprately for change in him and struggled for patience in me with him. This time he left i got home and he wasnt there. The sad part is I expected it and no 1 should look forward to their spouse not being home /coming to an empty house. It stil hurts cause now he allows the other women to be disrespectful. Thats when you know its time for change. Money and time are the 2 things you cant get back. In the end all you have is memories

  7. Carmen

    I just found out that my husband has a woman pregnant she is 7 months we have been married 11 months but together 7 1/2 years, he uses his job to cheat on me and to stay out at night the woman actually works with him, she says some of his things are at her house, what should I do i feel like i have no say…

    1. trish

      He seems to enjoy having two homes. The choice is yours, wait for him or give him to her on a platter. While there is a choice, he will go from one to the other. You have rights as a wife, but he seems to ignore those rights. Men like it both ways, personally i believe they can go to blazes if they expect the wife to tolerate that sort of thing. They can get the wife mixed up with the mother figure they have in their head.

    2. Elizabeth

      Carmen, I can’t tell you what to do, but I can remind you of something very important in life: You have control over YOUR own life. Your husband obviously doesn’t take his marital vows to you seriously. He’s impregnated another woman, which means some of his loyalties and most definitely part of his income is now tied to her through this child and the child’s support.

      I don’t know what your personal situation is, but I would a) get counseling on your own and b) if you are working and making your own money, protect it. You still sound as though you are young and if you don’t have children — start over. You have the power. Good luck.

  8. Maria luisa

    My husband left me a week ago. This is not the first time, many times he left when I start to confront him with our problems he shuts down. we had a great first 3 years of marriage but he is just stubborn and wants his way. Most of those times that he left, I was always the only one begging him to come back, and the last time I told the next time you walk out there is no revolving door. I still love him, but I think I have had enough, I am just mad that it is so easy for him to walk out on me.

    1. la calavera

      I’m in a very similar situation Maria Luisa. My husband of 5 years just left today, and I don’t know if to feel relieved and happy, or sad and defeated. He’s always had anger issues, and this isn’t the first time he’s walked out on us. We have a 2yr old son, and I feel so bad for my baby. But I refuse to put up with his BS anymore. Anytime there’s the tiniest problem he runs to his family. It doesn’t help his family hates me. Except this time, he walked out and I packed his stuff for him. I just graduated college and have no job, so the money situation is what scares me the most, especially because my sons bday is around the corner. Feeling confused, mad, and heartbroken.

    2. Stacey-Lee

      I’ve read all the comments and all this happened to be lasy year.How much has changed now?

      I am this crazy 21 year old for God!I am not one to say I am a saint, but a woman of God values I really am.I met Jason and we dated for 2 years and in this two years we were engaged and we were married for a month.I went to church alone Sunday as he didnt want to come with.

      when i got back his mom helped him pack and they left me.I have no closure no note.No nothing.
      I guess it would have made me feel better if I had a child to love and hold onto or even him just coming back to say his Sorry and that he loves me.
      I pray and I do my best to please everyone, I didnt ask for alot.I am sooo independent. I work and study.I never ever used him or cheated.
      I would rather have him happy than myself.
      TO BLAME MYSELF WHAT DID I DO WRONG?WHAT COULD I HAVE DONE TO BE BETTER AND TO HAVE PEOPLE UNDERSTAND WHEN REALLY NOBODY UNDERSTANDS THE PAIN of loving to the extent where you care so much that every pain,joy that your partner goes through you really and truly feel this too..To have them run away???

      The shame of having the my silverring thing a promise to God that I would keep my virture and the promise to my husband…was left on the table…no value no emotion to anything…It hurts alot and to pray at this stage I try but its can be overwhelming because I dont know what to say anymore…I dont know what to feel…

      if any of you have a testimony or anything that could help please email me

    3. Bbdiva71

      I read a lot of these posts and can’t believe am not the only one x I have been married 23yrs and my husband has left for the 3rd time last week but I’m confused he said he still loves me that am a great wife mum n friend but he needs to move on !!! I can’t get my head around it x I still love him dearly and can’t believe he ha done this again but how long do I give it to sort out x I feel so lost as my friends are his friends and am so scared of bumping into him just yet I really don’t know what to think he says we may rekindle our relationship but he has hot to be sure it will work ?? Help am lost

      1. Rae

        My husband of 29 years provoked me for the 3rd time, with emotional and verbal abuse. I had enough, I told him to leave.
        He left on Dec 19th 2012 after taking down all the Christmas decor, wreaths, lights outside, everything. To hurt me.
        He did not contact me for 11 days. I did not know where he was.
        When he did contact me he asked when he was going to get “served”, he knew I would file for divorce after that abuse he did to me.
        It has been now over 3 months with another month to go before our divorce is final.
        This man changed big time when he retired. He turned into an asshole. He got controling and I have also discovered he is Passive Aggressive.
        I am 56 years old. I will salvage what I have left of my life, I will not let him ruin the rest of my years.
        I am learning to live on my own, it is very hard. Everyone says it will get better, I hope so, the deep sorrow in my heart is killing me.
        I have learned to meditate, this is helping me cope, along with antidepressants and valium to sleep. I do not know why these idiot men do this to their wives. It is cruel. God will judge them one day. God Bless everyone who is going through this, or has gone through this. You are not alone, please remember that.
        One day at a time.

      2. Bambi

        After leaving you e third time and he still hasn’t worked out what he wants. It is time for you to move on and get your life back. The pain will be there for a long time. Move town, get closer to your family - they will give you the support you need .

      3. Fiona

        It’s called having his cake and eating it. He likes the famility of home but wants different.

        My husband of 23 years also walked. He just said I’m 47 and there has got to be more to life than this. He started dating again and a year later is in a relationship with a women 9 years his junior.

        At 39′ I think she saw £ signs and a sperm donor and if he is changing nappies at 50, well that’s different isn’t it? She isn’t anything special to look at, friend saw them out a few weeks ago having a coffee and said they both looked miserable and weren’t even chatting to each other. Maybe the grass isn’t greener.

        Unfortunately, the him having different means that two years short of being mortgage free, the house must be sold and 23 years of hopes and dreams ripped to peices. I’m going back to college to re train ( also surviving cancer) at the age if 48. What choice do I have.

        So I say “let them eat cake” and perhaps they will choke on it. Look out for yourself because he is looking out for only himself. You become the enemy even though you did nothing wrong. When you take you last breath on this earth, don’t regret anything, but will he be able to do the same?

    4. Ella

      Oh my you sound like me I’ve just opened my calander and it would seem his little habit has bin going on more or less each month since August last year. He didn’t leave the house key this time but little does he know that was his last chance x he’s gone away yet again thinking he can do what he wants and come back when he’s had enough! Well not this time

      1. Lori

        My heart goes out to everyone. My husband left after 23 years of marriage. We have 5 daughters and 7 grandchildren. He claimed to be a Christian, but his actions show otherwise. I had no idea at the time, but he had been living a double life including pornography and adultery. There was no closure because he had become someone that was a stranger and there was no possibility of reasoning with him. It felt like I would die and I often thought death would be preferable to the pain and agony I was experiencing. I learned that I could not trust even one thing he said and so I avoided him as much as possible…only speaking with him when necessary about our children. Dealing with him would have continued to wound me and I needed to heal! I have been single all of these 10 years since he left and am so thankful that God spared me from exposure to std’s, etc. that my ex might have contracted through his sexual infidelities. Our children lost all respect for him and he doesn’t have a good relationship with ANY of them. He is paying a high price but most likely doesn’t even realize it. Being single has given me a chance to get to know myself better and deal with the issues of why I was ever willing to be married to him in the first place. I think if I had been dating it would have prolonged this process of healing.

  9. Princess

    My husband of 3 years picked me up one day from work and told me he had a new apt , a new job, and was leaving me… I was in sheer panic and truely broken hearted. I feel like my life is over, I feel old washed up unlovable and unworthy…Im almost 35 and I dont have any children, and desperatly want atleast one. Ive given up that dream since trusting someone new seems impossible.He left me with thousands in unpaid bilss im in the process of being evicted, cable turned off and electric soon to follow… I am in a desperate state of despair….He is happily in love with another woman(with whom he cheated on me with) he has a gorgeous new APt, a new car , new furniture,a huge 52 inch TV a great new social life… I was loyal loving and always honest…. Im not sure why I deserve what im getting

    1. Elizabeth

      Princess, you may not “deserve” what you are getting, most people don’t, but we (as women) will continue to get it as long as we allow it. Don’t be brokenhearted over a man who doesn’t value you or your life, trust me. Thousand of other women can say “amen” to this too! Often we give away our power, we think “but I love him” and hold onto memories of the past, meanwhile these men are out, sleeping with other women, enjoying their lives, and not caring what we’re feeling.

      First, you are NOT old and washed up for heavens sake! You’re only in your mid-30’s which is a prime time in life. Pick yourself up, do not allow this your husband to rob you of your precious years, and concentrate on YOURSELF — your health, your looks, your education, your career, getting yourself back on financial footing … make your life a priority, not his.

      Once you understand that, you’ll start to love yourself more. Be selfish with your love in the future — don’t give it out until it’s reciprocated by a man who is WORTHY. You can find love again. You say your husband is “happily in love with another woman” … well, you can be happily in love with another man too, just work on yourself first and be kind to yourself. Good luck!

      1. Bridgette

        What an awful thing to say to someone… Harvey obviously, there’s some self issues with criticizing others on your part. I’d hate to be your significant other, you seem like someone who when tough times strike, you sound like you’d kick someone to the curb… Always remember, what goes around Always comes back around…

  10. caroline

    My husband left me last year, i came home and found a note he had left! Was in total shock didn’t see this coming thought we were solid! Since he left found out there is another woman and he is in serious debt. He hadn’t been making mortgages payments so myself and daughter had to go in a hostel till we were eventually housed by local authority. I am really struggling coming to terms with his betrayal and the fact he took the money my Dad had left me in his will really crucified me. Have had no contact from him he won’t even acknowledge me. I know i am better off without him but it doesn’t stop the pain! I am now in the process of taking the lying PIG to court. I devoted my life to him and he left me with nothing he even took away my dignity the day my home was reposessed. I don’t deserve this, but has the saying goes ‘what goes round comes around’.

    1. Julie

      11 weeks ago my husband left me, she were married for 15 years, together for 18 years, in the morning he left me he was being very romantic, he was kissing me cuddling me being very romantic for the fist time in a very long time, when I went into work I was so happy and so looking forward to getting back home on a works night out he even agreed to pick me up and take me home. Each morning I sent him “love you xx” texts and that morning he replied back “love you too xxxxx” I was so happy with that text and I started to become flirty, I was so happy as I noticed he had mega improved just that morning with me being for the first time so kind and caring as all this year we didn’t get on well as I was suspicious he was having an affair, at my lunch time I got to my mobile and I got lots of miss calls from my sister, when I rang her back she told me my husband text her telling her he had left me and asked her to come a pick me up form work I was so destroyed when I found that out I was taken to hospital, when I get home there was a letter left from him, my sister read it out he said our marriage was over, I was kept in limbo for week then I got a text off him saying our manage is over, all my fiends/family members are so shocked the wayne left me and the way he told me ii is definitely over via a text is so cruel its now 11 weeks since he left I have made it clear I want him back, I have changed my behaviour , and for weeks he kept via my sister giving different feedbacks so I was kept in limbo, I was so hoping to get him back, he is blaming our breakdown 100% on me he has to accept his behaviour was awful,cruel to me making me feel unloved, insecure vulnerable but I still want him back band he says to my sister he is hurting and emotionally unwell to so why doesn’t he come back as both of us and our son are hurting so why doesn’t he start taking small steps by meeting up first then stating to go out on dates once a week so that will make it calmer between us then when we feel ready for him to move back home - comic up to Christmas being without him will be so upsetting for me. I appreciate we did need a short separation to enable both of us to change and re-build our lives but he is hitting me so much by refusing to come back, how can he end an 18 year relationship the way he did informing my sisters via a text

      1. Annie

        I am so sorry for you. I know exactly how you feel. My spouse of 35 years did this to our family, two weeks after we buried his dad, he moved into his dad’s house, announced that he had another woman and moved out. We are heartbroken. Do men have morals????

      2. Sheri

        I feel your pain. I found out my 32 year marriage was over via text message as well. I kissed my husband goodbye when he left for work. He left his computer on the nightstand. Sensing something was wrong, I saw it was logged into his e-mail account. There is all was, 18 months of sent messages back and forth between he and the OW. Which by the way was a mutual friend. There were e-mails referencing threesomes, love notes, hotel reservations, a cruise…the list goes on and on. I sent him a text confronting him with all of this. All he had to say is “this needs to be over. I am done”
        No explanation, no apology, no nothing. Of course he had to accuse me of having an affair with my gay coworker. To make matters worse he is fighting me in divorce court not wanting to share any assets. He is trying to hide them and give me nothing. We live in a community property state. I feel like my life has turned into one of those really sad country songs. Every day it is an effort to wake up, force myself to work out, get dressed and go to work. I come home to an empty house, get up the next morning and do it all over again. I feel like a robot. I just want to be rid of him and the toxic toll he has taken on my life. He is dragging this divorce out to the bitter end. I know I have to be strong, but he is just trying to drag me through the mud, when he is the one who has done wrong.

    2. Wendy Barnes

      You mingled money from your father’s will into the marital money?! When you are not the family bill payer? Women, be smarter!

  11. catherine

    how do i cope when he walks out leaving me with two boys 4 and 5 and the 5 year old has austiusm, his debts which are in my name, going to lose the house and i have no friends or family at all?

    1. Janette

      You do the best you can thats what you do and be strong for your children! My husband left me 5 1/2 months ago, 2 days before our 11 year anniversary and just before the holidays. I had no money and worked a part-time job. I know what your going through, believe me. It feels like a nightmare that you cant get out of ! I have never prayed so hard in my life like the last past five months. I have three kids and they are the only reason I stay strong and get out of bed each day. Only advice I can give you is cry, cry cry.. it helps let out the pain. One day at a time is how I live my life now.
      I wish you the best of luck!

      1. trish

        I hope all goes well for you, the children are the best part of life. My children keep me going, i am now the grandmother of three girls, they are the jewels down here for me. I have five people down here who make my life worth it. I have never felt that it was a shame that children were involved in the equation, they are happy and have their own lives. As for him missing out, he never thought of anyone but himself and what you do not know does not hurt you. I know, i love it, they are the best things in my life.

    2. Elizabeth

      Catherine, you are indeed in an incredibly difficult spot with children to protect, but think of it this way: By your husband walking out on you now, with him having debts in YOUR name is only going to perpetuate the terrible adversity. It will continue to make your life unbearable.

      I also don’t have any family to rely on so I understand how scary it is. But, I think where you should start is to call/speak with “Legal Aid” in your state. Then, ask them to connect you with a state program to help you find affordable housing, somewhere. Even if it’s a group home. If you’re going to lose your house anyway — what is there to lose in the alternative? You must protect yourself.

      Your husband will continue to wreak havoc in your life as long as he knows he can. Contact Legal Aid, contact a state agency re housing, any organization you can. Join a church community — I cannot stress this. When I was down on my luck, without family, the members of my church community rallied around me with emotional support and at times, financial aid. It was life-saving.

      Good luck. You can start over. You are stronger than you may think you are at this time, trust me. You have two boys that depend on you and will give you strength to carry on. I’m not saying it will be easy, for sure it won’t be at first … but I can guarantee when you start to take your power back, it will become easier. There’s a better life on the horizon.

  12. Tasha

    My husband just left me an hour ago he says he don’t love or want me anymore my youngest is 4weeks old today and he said we should not of had him because he knew deep down he wanted to leave me I have two other children a son 1 and daughter 2 1/2 years I don’t know what to do know I’m heartbroken also he always controls our money and bills and now I don’t know where to begin with paying then or what gets paid I’m so sad but I’m trying to stay strong for my children who watched him leave and are with me now please help I don’t want to call my family cuz in my head I will be saying it’s really over what do I do next???? Please someone help me…..

    1. trish

      Cover yourself financially, you must be entitled to benefits of some sort. What ever the outcome in the long run, you have to cover yourself and your children so you do not run out of food and other necessities. Friends have proved to be fantastic, they were there for my daughter when it happened to her, i live too far away. They were very giving and they supported her all the way. It works both ways, be open and wait and see. Some might not have any money, but advice and guidance got her through those times and now she can stand on her own two feet. She was bruised and depressed, friends can make all the difference in these times.

    2. Blessed

      I am curious to the women that they choose dnt ever think he will do them the same way. Is there a cloud or a cape on their back making them invinsible to heart break ,to not only allow a man to lay/live with them living his wife but his kids too. Many of these girls (cuz a women w/morals wouldnt allow this)are so arrigant to its sad. I wish you luck and Prayers, cause Karma is Real!!!

    3. Tasha

      I just come on here again after my husband walked out on me and my kids this morning and I found this post my post from a year ago when he did the same I was feeling lonely and confused until I read this and the reply I deserve better than this and I’m going to stay strong I’m not taking him back anymore it’s time for me to start enjoying my life everyday since then it has been horrible I feel unloved and lonely it stops now

  13. MrsMolly

    Dear Tasha, I’m so sorry to hear that your husband has walked out on you, and to leave you with a 4 week old, that’s just so seriously cruel it breaks my heart. Why do you want to suffer alone because you don’t want to admit to yourself that it’s really over? Maybe it’s not really over, maybe it is really over. That’s not important right this minute. Right this minute what’s important is you and those children of yours and your livelihood. You need to try to establish contact with someone who will be able to help you if your husband does not come back home within the next 72 hours.

  14. Kate

    My husband left me 6 weeks ago after 20 years of marriage and the longer it goes on the worse it seems to get. You think you know someone but he is being so cold and cruel it’s so hard when you still love them and they seem to have shut down completly.
    I still hope we can get back together but it seems less and less likely.

    1. sharon

      Mine left 8 weeks ago after 26 years and yes he too is cold and crruel. I still love him too. Yes time is going on and he seems happy living with his mother. If he did come back the person he now is could walk away the following week. I dont know him anymore and i miss the old him so much.

      1. Debs

        I feel heartbroken. My husband has been having an affair since May this year and the day before we went on holiday, 11th July, to celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary, I found a text to her from him Before that, I had no idea, although he was distant to me and was being very arrogant indeed to both me and our two kids - 24 and 18. Anyway, he said he’d only been texting and occasionally seeing this tart - like they all do first of all - and when we went away, he was very loving, caring and nice. The day we returned two weeks later, I find a hotel receipt and kicked him out. I thought he’d come snivelling back home begging me to let him in. No such luck. He has now been gone three weeks, has told me he doesn’t want to be married and has broken off all verbal contact other than to tell the kids, via text, that he will always love them. He is ignoring me and acting like I don’t exist. He admits to seeing the other woman because he has ‘feelings for her, she makes me feel good and I like being with her’. I am devastated, can barely eat and am overwhelmed with feelings of denial, hurt and raw, raw pain for what I thought was a good marriage, the man he was all those years to me before the affair started and my feelings of being rejected. The fact that he has fallen for someone else and given me up leaves me wanting to scream with so, so much hurt. Help.

        1. judi

          My husband has walked out after twenty two year of marriage, and we had just came back from a weeks holiday. He waited until our 15 year old daughter was going away with friends and just informed me that he did not want to be with me anymore, and walked out the door. he then texted my daughter the next day, while she was on holiday to tell her, he has left me. Which i think is unforgivable!

          I hate the situation, and have not had any answers of what went wrong, I have since found out that he has been having an affair, with another woman, who is older than in and in her fiftys!

          I just feel so angry and upset all at the same time, and have been off my food as well, know how you are feeling.

        2. done this both ways

          Get ready to look him in the eye and tell him “No thanks” when he comes sniveling back in a few months or two years down the road. (Considering the date of your post, he likely already has) Take care of yourself. Build yourself a life without him. Find new friends and interests. Don’t jump into another relationship right away (It really kills them when you can sincerely say you are very happy now on your own with a smile) It will hurt very bad for awhile but it will get better in time. And, if you give in to the sniveling and pleading, it will be even more painful. You won’t be getting the same man back. That one only existed in your mind, probably helped along by a few lies from him. You will never be able to believe in him or trust him as you did before. He will sense that and might take his guilt out on you by blaming you for driving him to it, by insisting that you act like nothing happened. Now that you know what he is capable of doing to you, you won’t take any real comfort in his presence. His words will ring hollow. And you will likely feel diminished for lowering yourself to accept him back. In rare cases , I think it is possible to reconcile after something like this, but in my experience and cases of other people I know the relationship is damaged, whatever was valuable about it, that which made it worth having, never comes back.

        3. Marsha

          Debs I feel for you so much. The depth of love cultivated after 25years and so cruely taken away is unfathomable because that’s how I feel after my husband has withdrawn all his love after 14years.

          You’re not alone in that raw pain. I’m 4 weeks in, I can’t even begin to foresee a time where I won’t feel like this :'(

      2. Collette

        Deb my heart goes out to you…..pls pls dont blame yourself, this is his decision, his choice , nothing you could have done would have prevented this. I got through a similar experience by accepting that this wasn’t the man i married but one in the turmoil of mid life crisis trying to grab hold of the remainder of his youth with everything he had, A man in this position won’t feel the pain he is causing and won’t consider the long term implications of his actions. Gather all your strength and do everything you can to protect yourself, financially and emotionally. Because sadly all the things you believe he would never do like close bank accounts etc.. he may well do. Much love and I am thinking of you. YOU WILL COME THROUGH THIS . I promise xxx

    2. Collette Deakins

      Kate you could be telling my story.happily( or so I thought), married for 21 years then my husband blurts out he is not in love with me anymore. New Audi soft top, trendy clothes and aftershave, he has changed so I dont recognise him. It is so hard but this happened last year and he has been back twice, given me a new wedding ring , sugested we have our wedding blessed and then left again. No more. I care deeply for him but I dont trust him anymore. So sad but i have to think of my sanity and our family. I would have fought for our marriage forever if we were both committed, but you cant do it alone. Be strong xxx

      1. Annie

        My husband left us after 34 yrs of marriage…two weeks after we buried his dad, he announced the OW and said he was moving out. He moved directly into his deceased father’s house and is living off his father’s money. SO sad! We have nutured him through a heart attack, the loss of his mom, the loss of his dad, the loss of SOOO many jobs and SOOO many health issues. It just seems that we are just not GOOD enough for him but this OW and her children seem to be what he feels he needs. I know it will just be a matter of time before he misses us (Hasn’t seen our children or grandchildren in 7 months!) and realizes that the grass may be greener, but only over the septic tank.

        1. Wendy Barnes

          I hate to label people but as I read your post, Annie, all I saw was your spouse was a loser who still is a loser. Maybe between now and dead you can have a happier life.

  15. Louise

    My partner walked out on me no word nothing!
    Tried to call his mobile but no answer . Am angry at him for
    Getting me worried about if he’s ok and isn’t sleeping
    In the car.

    1. trish

      I have seen posters for missing people. I do wonder at times if some go missing instead. Some ended up in hospital with amnesia. It sounds funny, but it could happen. When there is no news it is an open door. There was a man stuck on the M25 for five days because he could not get off, can’t work that one out! But men are strange and i hope you get good news.

  16. Linda

    my husband left me on my birthday April 4th- out of all the days and went to go live at his moms house for a week and said he needed time think to see if he wanted to come back. I PLEADED with him everyday and told him that we needed to go to counseling and start fresh when he decided to come back. He agreed and said he needed more time. April 13th he called me after work and said he wasnt coming back and that he had fallen out of love with me. Boy was that a slap in the face! I thought he was coming back and it was the biggest shock of my life! Not only did he wipe his hands clean w the relationship, but he also left me all alone w the rent, bills, and our beautiful 14 month old SON. I’ve been reaching out to my family and slowly getting some girlfriends back. I’m still in love w him but have not called to try to get him back. What he did to me i will never ever forget. The only thing i can do is move on and turn the switch off just like he did…

  17. Tammy

    I was walked out on 17 months ago, absolutely devastated my life throwing our entire world into a tailspin. I found out he was cheating on me, confronted him and he was enraged with me and walked out. I was left with under a dollar, three kids, two dogs and eight new puppies, not too mention a house full of furniture with no where to go. My progress has been slow and painful but God is faithful and in the long run I will be better off I know. My heart goes out to anyone who has been left in the lurch after committing their lives to another. I shutter too think of the devastation of divorce let alone being stonewalled and treated less than human.

    1. trish

      I had to leave the marital home, i ended up homeless with two children. The rage is still there, even after more than a decade. He thought it was fine because someone else would rehouse me and the children. Heartless and self centred all the way, until he changed his mind and asked me back. Hell will freeze over first, he enjoyed the friction and drama of ups and downs, but that was the last straw. I am settled here, but deep down the rage still burns at the fact that me and the children had to leave and go homeless because of someones stupid games.

  18. moon

    Mine left me every weekend it is going to be a year… i asked him to move out a month ago and he went directly to the other woman’s place. Told him our place is not a hotel and he does not come home only when ever he wants . He is supportig financially, keeps on telling me it is going to work out !!! i listened to him for a year now no more … i miss him so much and i miss our life together …but i do not know if i will ever live with him again ..though i want so much … we have a girl 20 months old …he comes to see her every thrusday eve when i go for yoga …and he calls me and txts me as if nothing has happened… there r times he txts me 2 am in the morn and tells me how sorry for all this mess … The other woman has 3 kids … and i do not know what the hell he is doing in her house …instead of giving his time to his daughter . i never saw it coming we were solid ..until he met this other woman …she txted me several times telling me to leave them alone …OMG what a world !!!!! i hope i stick to my decision and be strong !!

    1. Blessed

      so true Sunshine. Things had gotten so crazy w/me and my husbasnd we were @ verbal war fair. He had gotten so disrectful especially in front of the other women. I have to livwe not only for me but my kids. I have a daughter and i dnt want her to think you have to put up with anthing to keep from being alone. I have to be my own Empowerment.

  19. sunshine

    When our significant other walks out or has an affair it is a terrible experience of abandonment. The only thing to do is believe in yourself, use the love you have to love yourself and children if you have them. Life is not nice with people who do not respect others. Life will be better when these disrespectful people are gone. It is emotionally hard, but time heals and life goes on and it will be much better than it was. So do as much as you can to express your hurt and then move on in life because life is too short to worry about disrespectful people. Love yourself and believe in the beautiful person you are and remember there is always someone in our world who is suffering much more than you. Take care of yourself and children, be strong and forget about the disrespectful person. It is a strange world with many strange people, we cannot change others we can only change ourselves and make our lifes better each day.

    1. Vanessa

      My husband leaves anytime we have an argument I have a 6 yr old and 5 year old and I’m 3 hours away from any of my family. My 6 yr old has ADHD n both my childrNen have a genetic disorder they get from my husband, the 6 yr old is more affected n requires 2 visits a week to hospital for treatment in addition goes to therapy and I work part time. He got diagnosed at same time as my 6 yr old and leaves even more now. He used to come back and tell me sorry and that he would get counseling. That happened temporarily and now doesn’t go. Now, I used to have help from my mom shed come a few days out of the week, but has been really sick this past year. He knows that, I’m afraid to lose my job in this economy and i literally have no help. Seeing my 6 yr old alone in so much pain with his condition is hard enough alone, I tried getting ssinfie him n was denied,
      I’m appealing it. I don’t know any other job that wouldn’t fire me having to leave 2 or 3 times a week for his treatments. He pays the rent, and I feel the only way I could leave is if I have that income from ssi because I spend over 200 dollars a week on treatments etc. he knows this and in a sense bullies me because he knows I have nobody. I’m just stressed and tired. My kids are my heart, I struggled to have them. And now, he feels nothing n doesn’t reflect when u have to go to work n won’t watch them sometimes.

  20. shannon

    My husband of 37 years - left me this weekend. He is my high school sweetheart. We have two wonderful adult children and 3 beautiful granddaughters. My husband has always been the weaker one and it was up to me to make the big decisions. His mother was like that too. I did not dominate him yet he would not make decisions so I would have to. He is a sweet guy. The women really love him. He is a sociable person. Yet, he has withheld affection from me for more than 2 years and that is his way of controlling. When he left he said it was because we had grown apart. The reason - he was withholding emotions. So, he withholds emotions and then uses it as an excuse to leave. I am devastated. I am a grown woman, 57 years old, and did not see my marriage ending in divorce. We are both Christians. His mom died last month. I took care of her in our home - my mother in law - for more than 10 years. After she died, he left me. I feel abused, betrayed and and abandoned. We both know this is wrong but he doesn’t care. He seems soul-less. I do believe there is someone else but of course he will not admit it. I am just beginning this new journey and trusting God to take me through this. Between crying spells I repeat — “In all things give thanks.” It keeps me going God bless you all. I only wish the devil was not roaming the world devouring our families. God help us all.

    1. Elsie Williams

      Dear Shannon,

      My heart goes out to you. I am a Christian as well but me and my husband are having problems. We have decided to have some time apart to try to see what we should do. I now this has been a particuarly hard decision as I truely believe in the vows we spoke. I also can’t bring myself to return to a church where everyone knew us both. I have lied and told people that he is working away with the army.

      You are dearly loved by family, friends and God. You cannot change the thoughts/feelings/actions of your husband. You are grieving for so many things, your past life, your future as it was going to be and for this man who you have loved for such a long time and now feel betrayed by.

      Just keep on breathing, it will get easier, eventually you will have the odd good day and these will become more frequent. You will emerge a stronger person.

      1. Tania

        Your church is in place to support you during tough times. If you feel they will judge you, or there is a bit of a superiority competition amongst the ladies - that is not the type of place you belong! I bet you would be surprised with the outpouring of support from friends, just knowing folks are in your corner can be comforting in the rough times. Heck, whether its illness, major financial problems, death, children getting in trouble, divorce - everyone has their fair share of at least one giant life hurdle, you deserve support!

  21. Tormented

    Is there an epidemic of husbands who have lost their souls? I read my story in many of the comments….are all of our husbands that abandoned us narcissistic? These deviant breed of husbands seem to have no conscience and empathy for others….How do you leave a relationship for years and feel nothing……When you have a family pet and they expire or are put down we mourn them…..How does a man leave his wife, children and never look back….IT IS NOT HUMAN NATURE…..IT IS MORE LIKE THESE MEN ARE HEARTLESS ROBOTS….GOD BLESS YOU ALL AND MAY GOD ALLOW US TO FORGIVE THESE HEARTLESS HUSBANDS WHO ABANDON…..GOD IS LOVE…..

    1. Listenup

      I too am a Christian. I am also a man. I will tell you that every story that you read on this site, wether it is left by a man or by a women, is one side of the story. The other person…”man or women” would have a totally different story to tell.

      Women, the sex matters a lot to a man…keep it alive…even when you might not want to.

      Don’t nag 24 hours a day, if you do, he hasn’t lost anything by leaving. This is like a faucet dripping, and will drive any man crazy.

      Growing old don’t mean…”growing fat”. Don’t eat enough for 5 people. Stay thin, you will live longer and feel better for it. You man will respect you for it. Over weight women are very gross to most men. If you stay thin, you could end up being “smoking hot beautiful at 70 years old”.

      Contrary to popular belief, we men want to love our wife, and our wife only. Throw us a bone here! “Stay thin and don’t nag”. We won’t leave a warm bed for a cold one!

  22. Robin

    So now what? I read all these posts & now what? I’m looking for solutions. How did others make it through this journey? My husband of 20 years left me last year w/ 2 teens and no money. I work my rump off (80 hour weeks) to try & keep a roof over our head & food on our table. I was a mommy prior to all this, so no work experience = no good-paying job. I work any job that is handed me. Divorce was final in Feb. Couldn’t afford an attorney so I handled all legal work myself. Now I’m going back to court to see what the judge says about him not paying child support. Then what? He hasn’t paid support in a year, what difference will it make now? Narcissistic, yes. Uncaring human being, yes. This whole thing is just wrong. I get that. So now what? I’m left standing here w/ no family, community or church help. I’ve gone through all the channels. Asked all the questions. Called legal aide (kept me on hold for 4 hours). They told me they have no money to help me unless I’m being physically abused. So dead-end, dead-end, dead-end. All I can do is have faith that God will turn all of this around. But outside of faith, what else can a woman do? How do I move us out of this mess? How do I get to the other side? Going on no sleep, working 80 hour+ weeks. A body can only take so much. Now what?……

  23. Tonya

    My husband walked out on me 3 days ago. We can only been married a year. Within that year he had made the decision to accept a job out of state and been gone for 7 months. I had to deal with spending EVERY holiday alone. It just seems so easy for some people to walk away from their marraige without carring how the other person feels. What happened to the vows and the covenant that was made with God. He even had the nerve to show up with two police officers to get his clothes and he had not been home at all. What a coward and a theif. A wolf in sheeps clothing. It hurts but I have a teenager that I have to raise. I pray that he finds what he is looking for.

  24. Elizabeth

    The majority of all married men will not leave their wives unless there is already another woman in place for them to go to. Men will stay, even in bad relationships, and just tune out because for most, being alone is more frightening than staying in an unhappy relationship. Once they have the next woman up on deck, they’ll bolt for their new lives. Trust me, I’ve seen it a thousand times. It’s the way they’re built.

    The worst - absolute worst - thing a woman can do is “beg” her husband to return. It will make you look pathetic and his new woman look more appealing. Desperate women come off as needy, clingy, even if there are children involved. You can play the “guilt card,” and it might work for the sake of the kids, but it won’t make him want YOU any more.

    The best advice I can give a woman whose husband has left her for another woman? No matter how excruciating, remain calm and have an “okay, I guess this is the way it is” type of attitude. Do not beg, plead or threaten acts of desperation unless you want to push him further away. There’s a good chance his new love affair won’t work out, he’ll be disillusioned, and want to make his way back to his “marital home.” Then comes a big decision — do you want him back? Do you want a man who decided he found someone he wanted more than you, and now you’re the default relationship again? Some people can rebuild, depending on the circumstance, however it’s a hard road.

    1. T

      My husband of 7 years told me last night he was leaving me as soon as he had enough money saved up. I don’t think there is another woman, though, I could very well be wrong. I had an affair 4 years ago while he was in prison. He says that is the reason he is leaving, but why wait til we have a 2 year old and are in the process of buying a house. I didn’t beg him to stay and told him I wouldn’t. If he wanted to leave, who was I to stop him? I am completely heartbroken and have no idea how to function without him. We have been together for 11 years. He was my high school sweetheart and now he wants to leave. We have had alot of ups and downs and alot of tears have been shed in the last decade. I thought that we had finally grown into 2 adults that could work out our differences. I guess I was wrong. That is what hurts the most. I have known for a long time that we were not happy, but that didn’t mean I didn’t love him and that I didn’t care. How do you start living your life as a single mom?

      1. Nagged

        It’s just not true. I’m considering leaving my wife because of two things 1) She won’t admit that here PMT is a problem and 2)Nags and undervalues me constantly. I’ve tried everything but it seems the only thing that will get through to her is if I leave. I bet here’s plenty of men like me - we don’t have another women waiting in the wings - in fact the very idea of being with another woman makes me physically sick. I will be celibate from here on in I think. Feminism and Materialism have destroyed 85% of modern women

    2. Theresa

      MH walked out in early March and began dating some woman who’s part of his social scene at work (she’s best friends with one of his female colleagues). A few weeks after he left, he posted a ‘couple’ photo of them on FB, and she did likewise. That hurt like hell and I called him about it. He was remorseful and said he’d change the photo.
      The thing is, he’d left ALL his possessions when he walked out. Just took a few essentials. He hadn’t yet informed his family that we’d separated. Yet, he was posting all this s**t on FB like he was advertising his current status. Even one of his friends asked him why he was “doing all that stuff” on FB.
      Shortly after, they both changed their profiles. Since then, I’ve learned that MH didn’t even have a place to stay the night he left, and a friend had to save his ar*e. So, it would seem the GF was yet THE GF at that point. But they’ve been dating since at least early April. And everyone knows now.
      She’s even posted love messages on his wall - and he’s responded twice with “love you too baby”.
      Of course I’m jealous. I still love him. It’s taken me months to get through the pain and anguish I’ve suffered. I’m still not entirely through this dark tunnel…but I’m getting there.
      MH’s behaviour, for far too long, has been arrogant, distant, immature and selfish. He has anger issues. He was saying for a while that he wanted to be free; that he didn’t want to be married, but that he’d never want to hurt me. He’s said that he thought I didn’t care, that I didn’t want the marriage. Lately, he’s said he doesn’t go out anymore; that he’s become like an old man (he’s 35). He has no money, pays high rent for a room in a houseshare, and is living at his 3rd address since leaving. This, I know is not the life he ever wanted. He likes to know where to lay his hat every night.
      He soon friended her parents and brother on FB. The net of FB friend between spreads far and wide. I never was his FB friends and it’s all wrong. He doesn’t discuss divorce. His post still comes here, and he still has some stuff here too.
      I’ve NEVER pleaded with him to return. But I’ve told him what I was feeling and told him about his appalling behaviour. He did confess to me that he hadn’t planned to leave. I don’t think he really knows why he left and is living in denial. So we’ll see what happens next. Meanwhile, it’s almost 7 months since his departure. I wonder if the distance between us has become to wide?

  25. Elizabeth

    I’m reading these posts and do feel sympathy for many of the women who were abandoned by their husbands. A common theme, aside from emotional heartbreak, is the financial chaos and despair it leaves the woman in. Many have depended on a husband as a sole source of financial support. When that is gone, it will turn your whole world upside down into a hellish, just “trying to survive” type of existence.

    What’s the solution? I don’t profess to have all the answers, but I will tell you what I counsel young women today, based on my own past horrible financial experiences — never, ever get married without having some sort of education, career, or background that you can revert back to in the event the marriage comes apart.

    I’ve thought a lot about this. My parents were in an unhappy marriage for over 35 years before both of them passed away, however they did not divorce. My father’s sense of duty and obligation towards his family, coupled with family religious beliefs, ensured my mother that he would not leave her, even if he wanted. She rested on that, and as a result, didn’t care whether she contributed to the marriage’s health or not.

    I think I figured out when it all “switched” in society. My parents, for example, got married in the early/mid-1950’s. Divorce was still a societal scourge, it certainly wasn’t as prevalent as it is now, current day. There were many reasons, but two that come to mind is that a) since it wasn’t as acceptable in society to be divorced, fewer chose it and stuck it out in unhappy marriages and b) back then, when men divorced their wives to marry their secretaries (just taking a little poetic license here, as per many of the 1950’s movies) they were obligated to pay their ex-wives alimony for LIFE or until the ex-wife remarried.

    The court system didn’t recognize, as it does now, that women were to work outside of the home, therefore being a “career homemaker / stay at home mom” was rewarded with alimony. Not today. The shift happened around 1970-1980, when the divorce rate started on the upswing, more women were graduating college and/or entering the workforce directly out of school, as opposed to getting married/starting a family. There was a societal shift if the way we viewed marriage, divorce, financial independence and commitment.

    What I say to my young adult nieces upon graduating college is this: MAKE SURE YOU HAVE A WAY TO SUPPORT YOURSELF. Educate yourself. Have your own money to start. Know the ins-and-outs of money, credit, applying for loans, mortgages yourself — even if it means having the knowledge without buying your own house, for example. Knowledge is power. Financial independence is a lifeline to any woman’s life. Remember, marriage can be wonderful. It can be a lifetime experience. However, there are great odds that anything can happen - a divorce, abandonment, the death of your spouse. If you can support and take care of yourself, you’ll always be one step ahead of the game. When people have financial power over you, they own a piece of your life.

    1. Marsha

      Elizabeth I have a degree and my own investment property. They don’t mean squat compared to the pain and anguish you suffer at the loss of your marriage. I’ve always had a career and independence but I’m just as debilitated by grief as someone who doesn’t so having an education and financial knowledge doesn’t mean much in the end when it takes all your energy just to put a smile on your face for the sake of your children

  26. Quin

    I too see my own story in many of these posts. So many common themes. The new fancy clothes, change in appearance…as in my case he was obsessed with the gym and tanning, the secrets, lies, disrespect. I asked him to leave when his behavior became too much to bear but when he actually did my heart sank. We have two young children, one only 3 weeks. What kind of man does this??? There are probably several other women - but he is now also living with his mother. A new job had a lot to do with it too. All these themes that repeat from story to story. How pathetic are these men? This is all new - less than a week ago. I had this hope that he would change and I would get the old him back. The old him was great and all of our memories and all of our trips etc…I cry when I think of that. But the change of the past couple of months - yeah, that is no one I want living in my house - yelling at the kids, too much stress, coming home at the crack of dawn with stupid explanations. It’s actually more calm in our home now as we don’t have to walk on eggshells as not to upset or stress him out more. I’m not checking his stupid phone or looking out the window and it feels good. Who needs that? Now I think my hope for a return has faded but not because he won’t want to come back because I don’t want him back. How can you trust again? So many of these stories have the man coming back only to repeat his actions…what a crazy waste of time that is. He says he doesn’t love me anymore - why would I want this person around me again? Yes for now, i do still love him, the old him but that man is gone and the new man is a lost, empty soul. He wants a realtionship with the kids…ok. he says he will give us money as I am still on maternity leave…ok. I’m sure lawyers are in our future. This sure is a disapointment to say the least but as many of these advisors say…start with yourself and love yourself and love your children. Then and only then can you be happy.

  27. Paula

    I am 21, my husband is 22. He decided he needed to move out because he couldn’t deal with stress at home. We have an 11 month old son and we just couldn’t fight with him in the house anymore. We started marriage counceling and he says he does want to work on things, but it is still so hard for us to communicate without misunderstanding one another. He sometimes says he doesnt care anymore and he wants a divorce, but usually comes back saying he was in the heat of the moment and he still wants to keep trying. I There is no cheating involved from either of us, but i keep getting so many mixed signals i dont even know where to begin. Does anyone have any advice for me, and does there sound like theres some hope or is it just a lost cause? I dont want to give up on my marriage, i feel like as a wife i can never give up, but i want to know if im doing more harm than good for myself to keep trying for something thats not there. Also i need to do whats best for my son. Im so confused. Advice please!

  28. Jane

    I have been with my husband for 20 yrs and we have 3beautiful children together. We had the perfect marriage until he started a new job working away. He has always told me everything, but now he was keeping secrets from me and always hiding his phone. Then one day he phoned me to tell me he was having an affair and that he wanted to be with her. We spoke on the phone and I decided to take him back because I still loved him. He came home or one day then just left to be with her. I feel in limbo I’m hurt,angry,and he hasn’t sorted anything out.he is being so selfish he’s living like a single man while I’m home alone with the children, but that is my choice I would never leave my kids, I would die for my kids. I cannot go back to the uk to be with my family cause my eldest is doing exams and if I stay here I have no one. I just don’t know what to do.

  29. connie

    Men leave because they want us to pick up where their “mommies” left off…well I wont do it…..mine left after 6 years of marriage for a fat pig who doesnt even work….she got an inheritance recently and they are living off of that….whats worse is he will not even answer me as to the reason he did this. I have a stable career always made time for him and helped him through school. this is the thanks I get….after all these years….seriously……

    1. Wendy Barnes

      Do not marry a momma’s boy. Why would you choose someone like that? Was that attractive because you thought you could boss him around? Us women cannot respect a guy like that.

  30. Brandy

    My husband left me because he can’t deal with me and the kids he is frustrated and over whelmed he can’t handle our kids we have a 3 year old and a 1 year old and he can’t take it! He said he don’t want to be on a relationship he does not fight for me at all this isn’t the first time he’s walked out either! Men just don’t know the value of commitment…. We have been married 5 years and he’s very emotionless but says he loves me ad can’t live without me when he finally decides to come back home?? Idk if we need a divorce or what but he makes me cry and he dosent even cry he said he’s angry I dunno what to do I never did anything to him but be there for him
    When nobody was there for him… I feel alone and he dose not care at all?!!! I live him and he can just walk out I feel like if he ever came back I could never forgive him again he has done this to many times and he will do it again!!!!!

  31. april szajko

    My husband left three weeks ago, the day I told him I was pregnant with our first child. We have been married 8 years and it’s like he woke up a different person a few months ago. He started hanging out with this one guy and I was never invited, never met him, etc. My husband was in the military when we met, I stayed by his side through three deployments, all his friends said they wished their wives were more like me, I was ALWAYS there for him, always loved him, always took care of him. We only had one car and he took it, he left me in our townhouse because that and all the bills are in my name, I am sick and pregnant with no car, insurance, money, or way to pay rent or bills. He left on the 1st when all the bills were due, I do have a job but he has left me with no car and i barely make enough in a month to pay rent alone. Also, I guess he has been planning this because he hasnt paid bills in two or three months. I found out today I have a $700 power bill and my power is getting cut off Friday unless paid in full. How can someone leave their pregnant wife with absolutely nothing after 8 years? I feel like he is possessed almost, I would have never expected for him to leave us like this. I don’t know what to do, I have applied for Medicaid, but I still have no way to pay rent and without a car I don’t see how I can get a second job. I am an emotional wreck, after he left he wouldn’t respond to any of my calls or messages for a week, then he finally said that he still wasn’t going to come back but that he would help with the rent and get me a car and take me to my doctor appts. I have not heard from him since and it’s been two weeks, he said he was excited about the baby and everything. I just don’t get how someone you thought you knew and loved could turn out to be so cold and heartless and selfish. I am already having complications with my pregnancy and was told to stay in bed and not be alone and he refuses to help me. I have called some places in my city for help and cant get any and i have even been to my church. If anyone has any ideas for what I can do, I would greatly appreciate it. I feel like I have to fight for this baby now, no matter how sad or depressed I am.

    1. Theresa

      I feel absolute pain for your predicament. This selfish, nasty, immature, narcissist needs to be pinned to the wall like the nasty cockroach he is. To leave you after announcing that you’re carrying his child is utterly despicable. I couldn’t care less what his personal issues are; he has to fulfil his duties towards you and your unborn child.
      You need to get a lawyer - pro bono (if you’re in the US) - to pin him down for some kind of maintenance. Do it quickly. Get as much support as you can. If you’re sick and can’t always work, what are you going to do? Try to get as much government assistance as you deserve.
      It’s simply not fair what he’s done. I don’t understand why God made so many men like this. I don’t understand some of the scum that walk the Earth.
      I like men. But, Lord knows there are far too many like your husband going around and destroying innocent lives.
      Good luck and God bless you.

    2. Marsha

      April I am so sorry. That’s one of the cruelest things a man can do to his wife.
      I hope after 10 months you are happier and in a better place

  32. Lost

    My husband of 10 years left 8 weeks ago. He is still paying th morgage and the car payment but just keeps saying he is scared to move back home. He has never made any major decsions in his life. He has literally gone from his mother bosom, to a military college to my bosom. I am to blame for alot of this but he is only focused on working out and going to work. He has become very introverted. The confusing thing is that he has signed up for a biblical based marrige class. I only know this through a third party. He has told me zero as to where things stand other than he is scared. I am being as patient as I can be and working on myself with some very good and lasting changes but at what point if any am I going to get something from his end? Or will I never get “hey I am working on some things”. I belive 100% in commitment but at what pointdo I have to protect myself? I am no longer chasing and demanding answers that ended after week 2. He sees the changes but is scared. Does anyone have any ideas?

  33. devistated

    My husband left me 3 days ago. I was gone less than 3 hours and came home and he was gone, along with all his belongings. He left some tools & a few little things. I have tried several times to text or call him but he hasn’t responded once. I’ve called his family and no one has heard from him. We have only been married a year and we get along great.. I am completely devastated . I don’t believe he is having an affair. We haven’t been arguing but have been struggling financially. I was laid off and have steadily been looking for a job. I know it is a lot on him but he doesn’t want to talk about it. There were no signs or warnings that he was unhappy or planning on leaving. He works with my brother in law but he claims they haven’t talked about it. I’m not buyiing that and don’t understand why no one will tell me anything. I don’t know if this is temporary or permanent. I love him with all my hear and am confused about the whole situation. I haven’t been able to eat, sleep, do basic everyday things. All I do is lay around and cry. I have a daughter, that is not his, and can gain a little composure when she is here, I don’t cry but I still have a hard time getting up. It’s not fair to het ans she is hurt too by his leaving. I have no idea where to go from here. I just want to run away rather than stay in this house that only makes it worse. I don’t know where or who to turn to. Any advice or comments would be very much appreciated.

  34. Marty

    There are many scenarios where this could occur. The reason a guy, or anyone, leaves a situation where they are not getting what they want is they have lost all hope of ever getting it, by any means. They basically feel that the other party(s) are no longer negotiating in good faith, so why waste time and emotional energy? Many an obese wife has either made light of their husband’s concerns or “promised” they would do something abou tit only to not follow through. So that is what I would call not negotiating in good faith, and hubbie has only one thing in his bag of negotiating tools to fall back on, which is to just leave and hope to see some kind of progress. Sometimes it never works.

  35. breathless

    about 5 days ago I was in PA with our 2 1/2 year old daughter when my husband left…he left a note for me on our garage door telling me he was done…he left pretty much eeverything of his in the house….he took his work clothes and some personal clothes and thats about it. he didnt leave the key or the garage door opener his wedding band or anything…he is breaking my heart because we both are in the military and he has left me no other choice but to get out because i cannot not afford child care i work crazy hours…he told me he didnt love me as of saturday and that he was not my husband anymore i need adcice im going out of my mind…if he was gunna stay gone y did he leave everything???? mind yyou he even left dirty clothes by the shower…

  36. Oldandalone

    We were married for 29 years and it was a roller coaster. He has lied and cheated on me too many times to count and has had us in financial ruin several times but he always stayed because I wanted a solid foundation for our kids. He took a job overseas to make really good money and it was the best thing that could have happened. I learned over those months he was gone that I COULD do it on my own and I DIDN’T need him. When he came home for a visit, he told me he wanted a divorce and I gave it to him. I negotiated on his guilt and got child support and medical for our youngest child’s last year in HS, and alimony for the next 15 years. He’s going to have to stay overseas to afford me. And NO, I’m not taking advantage of him. I put him through college, I worked my tail off for 30 years and made more money than he ever did until now, I was always faithful, always understanding, always forgiving so he owes me.

    It hurts to know that your husband does not love you, perhaps never did. I hurts to know that you are disposable after giving this man your youth. It hurts to know that you will never be in a man’s arms again and will live out your life as a divorced, single woman. It hurts our children to realize that their father is such a selfish and deceitful man; it wasn’t just me he abandoned for his “wonderful new life”, he left them behind as well. But I know I, and my children will be better with him out of our lives. I truly hopes he finds the happiness he’s searching for but I know I will find mine.

    To all of you ladies who are hurting in your own situations; stay strong and know that it’s better to be alone than in a wrong relationship.

  37. Jer

    My husband of seven years left me and his three children on our 7th anniversary. We were rowing mainly about lack of support for each other, and over the childrens behaviour. He has left before over rows, he just seems to go when there is a row or something to sort out. I am totally numb and in shock as to why he says that it will never work. I love him, the children love him, he is living with a friend from work now, he sees the kids but it seems to be getting less and less now. I have now backed off, but i did call him text him beg him etc., I dont want to meet anyone else, as i love him do you think he will return soon, especially for christmas.

  38. he4she

    When my wife left me (although I couldn’t see it at the time) it was the best thing that ever happened in my life. I felt more passion from a one-night stand than I ever did from my wife.

  39. Heartbroken

    My husband left me a week and a half ago. We have two beautiful girls together, ages 5 and 6. We also have a house that was greatly damaged in a hurricane and had to be gutted throughout the front half. I am struggling to breathe at the moment because he refuses to try to work through this at all with me, but has offered to come every day to help build the house back up. I am going through every emotion that a human being can have and he has just thrown in the towel. I want him back desperately. I can’t fix the house on my own, but seeing him every day, being so cold towards me, is making this a million times harder. My family knows and I wished that they didn’t. Their pity for me is making me avoid them. It hurts to talk to anyone about it, and all I can do is just sit and sob. This man is the love of my life. We have been together for 13 years and married for 9 and a half. I had no idea that he was unhappy because he would still tell me that he loved me everyday and his behavior never really changed. I love him today as much as the day that I married him. I don’t know how I can survive this pain. I don’t know if I want to.

  40. Yolanda

    We met in college went out for 8 years and we finally tied knot this July. He and I have been through this twice of him walking out. first time he was only gone 2 days. Now he walked out last week and it has been a week.
    I have texted him to let me know where he is at to make sure he is ok but he wouldn’t text back or give me answers when he did text. I decided to turn his phone off and don’t understand how he is living because he has no money and no car.
    The emails are just telling me that he just wants updates and I can’t handle not knowing where he is and I told him its breaking my heart that I can’t have him here and I can’t sleep and every night I cry myself to sleep.
    The pain really hurts when I breathe because I feel like i’m not complete and I thought we were best friends and now I can’t believe he would do this to me who has given him everything.

  41. Jules

    Heartbroken, I’ve been where you are. You WILL SURVIVE but you may need support in getting through this trauma stage. Don’t be hesitant to get to a counselor, a dr., an emergency room or whatever. There are medications that can help immensely as you navigate this crisis period that ensure you get some rest. Ask and accept any help you can. Distance yourself as much as you can. You MUST put yourself FIRST…for you and your kids. You cannot control your husband and you deserve better. The love you feel is your own emotion; he does not own it. Use it on yourself right now and in even the smallest ways practice self-love and love of your children. Get a clear jar/vase. Every single thing that you do that is loving to you and your children write down on a slip of paper and put it in the vase. You will see the vase as a vessel that is your own life that will go on regardless of your marital status. Fill that vase up and I mean with everything. If you got a decent night’s sleep, write it down. If you read a short story to your kids while they cuddled on your lap, write it down. If you went for a walk, write it down. Write out your blessings and look at them every day. You still have a life of value…study those blessings and be thankful for them. We live and with that comes pain, sometimes unbearable, but it’s just a part of your journey, your story. Make your story about your own life, your own heroism. Start small…it’s all you can do right now. But show yourself visually that you really are living and you really are loving…even if it’s not with your spouse. Please trust me on this….IT WILL GET BETTER! You’re not alone. After 23 years of marriage with an addict, two kids and doing all my own therapy and work and enduring the trauma an addict puts a family through (the attract-avoid, push-pull cycles), my life has never been better. I found myself alone in an ER worrying about my safety, in the midst of another panic attack and after that, my rock bottom, is when I let go. When I let go, amazing things started happening. Our stories may be different in the details but the sentiment is the same. You cannot control or convince someone to love you or honor their vows or care, even if they promised to, even if it’s logical, even if there are children. So focus on you, focus on the love you do have and see that as the blessings they are as best you can. Be strong, pray to whatever God you believe in and you are not alone, dear on. Arms ’round.

  42. he4she

    I know this from personal experience:
    Lots and lots of communication is the only way any marriage can survive.
    If he won’t open up and talk… throw in the towel… game over (period).
    Remember, it is his loss.
    Go out with friends and meet new people and have a good time.
    But keep safe and carelessness can only add to your problems.
    Get on birth control and always use condoms.
    NEVER jump from one relationship to another or you WILL end up right back to where you are now.
    Stay single at least 5 years before getting back into a relationship, or once again, you’re be right back to where you are now.
    After the pain is gone, you WILL bounce back stronger than you ever thought possible.
    You will become independent and very much your own person.
    It will be a long hard road, but better days are ahead… I promise.
    Remember when you hit rock bottom the only direction is upward.
    Hugs and a peck on the cheek for support
    Best Wishes and God Bless

  43. Margie

    My husband left 3 weeks ago after 23 years married. He waited for me to go work and he took off, he left the island! Called the following morning and said it was over and hung up…. I have no way to contact him and his family is covering up for him. What do I do, will he come back?

  44. Johnny's

    I’ve read a lot of these post and I realize one single thread that runs through and connect with each story: out of the many women/ girls that say the hubby left, only 3 or 4 acknowledged that they actually did something OR didn’t do the things in thief marriage they were suppose to do?!?!? It’s almost implied that its mostly the mans fault as to why he left!?!? Now I know their are really some serious jerks out their. I would like to know if women in general have it in them to be honest as to the role they potentially played in him walking away……I have a good mind that women generally Are not honest seeing that scarcely any of them on this post have not laid out in full detail what they did wrong/said wrong OR DID NOT DO OR WAS NOT DOING ON A DAILY BASIS?!? I want some confessions….I’m sure it may benefit us All to hear…. Cause after all.. The saying is true… Men are like dogs and women are like cats: only one will cover their sh!t up after deficating……

    1. done this both ways

      My ex sure covered his! Lies, lies, lies! Scratching in the litterbox of deceit all the time. What did I do? I went back to school and “wasn’t there.” I cut back on cleaning and cooking and sex and asked him to pitch in so I could work and study. I also cut back on sex because he was not very respectful to me and I often felt like I’d rather sleep with a crocodile than somebody who lied and broke their word to me and never took me out or gave me any support attention or affection and played games. I stopped being affectionate because he had this nasty habit of accidently crushing my hand or stepping on my foot when he didn’t get his way and I didn’t want him close to me. He expected me to read his mind, unless it was something he didn’t want me to know, like he had a girlfriend on the side and I couldn’t know what he wanted me to know without him saying something or not know what I knew so he could get his affections from me. He also said I never went camping or to ballets with him-he never asked. I didn’t whip the purse out and bail him out anymore when he gambled away the bill money. I told him to figure it out, so I was I was “not acting like part of a couple.” I learned to value myself some and to have some self respect and stop letting him walk all over me. I think he resented that I thought something was important besides Himself. I stopped being nice to him, making excuses for his irresponsible behavior. I was NOT NICE. I didn’t appreciate him. I didn’t “let go” of stuff like the time he tried to choke me-and I started throwing it up to him when he started talking about Love. I decided to stop wasting forgiveness on a man who was just going to throw it away, and spent as much time as I could away from him. I didn’t reflect back the picture of himself as this nice guy that he wanted to see. I lost that ability after a while. I was still hurt when he broke up with for a girlfriend, although I saw it coming. I am sooooo bad 😀

  45. Erika

    My husband and I were not only married for almost 10 years, but business partners 8 of those years. We were one another’s everything, and he was emotionally available to say it. I felt he had more talent than managing my career (which was his idea to do) and encouraged him for two years to do something else, so that we could both have a career and I could support him as he had me. He had an opportunity to return to his home country in a good job, and since his mom (to whom he’s close) is recently widowed and he was going there a lot anyway, with my urging, he took the job. When people - there and here - expressed concerns about the strain on our marriage of being apart, HE LAUGHED, WE laughed! We were the perfect couple, and so loving always. I was prepared to rearrange my life, to live there and travel to the States regularly to continue our business. When he left, he recorded a loving message for me in the car so I could hear his voice and not be sad. He gave me a card at the airport that says I am the most wonderful wife in the world. The card talked about our love story, and how he couldn’t wait for what came next. He had put a CD with the song that played at our wedding in the car’s CD player and left me instructions in the card to play it. I visited him two months later and it was like we were on a honeymoon. We were both deliriously happy, and there are pictures that show it - you can see the love in his eyes and mine. A month later, he started acting distant, weird, not answering my calls, not saying “I love you” when he hung up. He was “busy.” I went over again, a planned trip for my birthday, and was going to stay 2 months. He lives in his mom’s house, and she and I are close, though we do not speak the same language. She has always embraced me as a daughter she never had (he is an only child). When I got there for the 2nd trip, he was distant, but he had planned a week vacation at a beautiful resort for my birthday, and his mom went with us (not unusual). The first day we were there, he said he wasn’t sure if he loved me anymore. BAM. Just like that. I asked him if there were someone else, but could not believe there was, and he swore there was not. We talked the entire 2 1/2 week I was with him (obviously didn’t stay 2 months), and we agreed to separate so he could “find himself” (midlife crisis?), then he was coming home Christmas for me and my girls, who have always been “his” too, even though they are his step-daughters. I had taken my wedding ring off and said until he was sure and could put it on, I couldn’t wear it. He refused to take his ring off, saying, “I’m still your husband, you’re still my wife, we’re still married, and I think married people should wear their wedding rings.” At the airport to come home, when he said that, I put my rings back on. He smiled. He kissed me deeply. He was teary-eyed when I left. We promised to work on things. He just needed time. Two weeks after I got home, he took his ring off, first raised the issue of divorce, and said he wasn’t coming for Christmas. Over Skype. That, after promising me three things while I was there - “I DON’T want a divorce; I’m NOT taking off my rings; and I AM coming Christmas.” Seven weeks after that, and one day after we Skyped and talked about reconciling, his coming back to the States, etc., I found love emails from another woman on our business email server while I was doing some routine maintenance. “I love you with all of my heart, a million kisses, your Susanne.” When I confronted him - over Skype - he said she had nothing to do with us so he didn’t think he needed to tell me when I was there, but he had met her in late July, she gave him her number, HE KEPT IT, they texted “platonically,” saw one another, and he wept bc he was “confused” and didn’t know what to do because now he says he wasn’t sure he loved me for two years (though I have asked him about times every month for those two years and he swears he loved me then, but cannot come up with a single time he didn’t). He told her he shouldn’t see her, then went to see her one more time to say good-bye at HER request, and just three weeks before he KNEW I was coming - and slept with her instead. 🙁 He’s with her right now as I write this, which is why I came online. Knowing that kills me. He now says we are not fixable, he wants to be FRIENDS because “I care about you a lot!” (after telling me for ten years that I was his reason for living!), and he is coming in March to talk about how we end things. I am a STRONG woman, no financial issues (I had been a single mom of 4 kids for ten years before meeting him), but this has knocked me to my knees. He has also abandoned our girls, who are adults, but he has been their DAD for 10 years, and they are devastated, too.

    I don’t know why I wrote all that, just saying it makes me feel a little better, but who in the world breaks up a marriage over SKYPE after your wife makes your new life possible??? And where does all of the love that was REAL go in a few weeks? He never would have taken the job without my supporting him to do it! He now has his childhood home, his mom, his new girlfriend, and his new job, and I am left with nothing. He walked out on the community debt, too, saying I had all the assets, so he shouldn’t pay for anything - even though we had business loans he benefitted from for years.

    “My” husband would never do this. I feel like my husband is dead. I don’t know who this guy is, but he is a POOR imitation. I haven’t seen him since Sept. 22nd and won’t till early March; I’m devastated. Never saw it coming. We planned our life moving forward in June when I was there; we planned our 10-year anniversary trip (10 years this March), too. And now? He’s with her - a woman who never married, fathered two kids with two different men, who has already told me (via email - yes, we have communicated!) that she is SURE “he’s the one,” that they had this “immediate connection” etc…and he only sees her twice a month because she lives 2 hours from him. He hasn’t even told anyone in his hometown that we are separated! (Embarrassed???)

    I know intellectually he cannot jerk my chain without my permission, but how do you get over the heartache. 🙁 I have never been in this place, and would have bet my life on it that I never would.

    Thanks for listening.

  46. Eve

    Hi my husband walked out on me two weeks before Christmas, we have for children and have been married for 8 yrs but together for 19, I had no idea he was leaving. He works away from home in the week, my daughter phoned him to see when he would be back for Christmas he told her he wasn’t coming back ever. He didnt love me any more, he has been to see the children and has told me that he has never loved ma and is incapable of loving anyone other than his children. One minute he wants to come back the next he doesn’t, I told him I needed an answer one way or another so I can try to get on with life, he told me its not that easy for me to be able to get on with my life, I’m totally confused by him ans so are the youngest children they are 17 and 14

  47. Growing Pains

    I have read over so many of these stories, and it breaks my heart. I had the same happen 3 weeks ago. I was madly in love with an addict. I made a stance and said it was us (2 kids and I) or his addiction. He left the first time drove to Cali only to return Christmas eve. The stipulation was if her returned no more drinking. He made it 3 days, came home at 3am drunk. I handed him the laptop and said to book a flight. He called the police. They showed up listened to his false claims. Apologized that I had to deal with such a drunk, and asked me to pack up my 2 kids for a couple days, because he was to drunk to leave.

    I did, and returned 2 days later to the house being emptied. The bank accounts frozen, and the compnay that he and I built in the process of being shut down. He blocked all family and friends phone numbers, email, and shut down his FB. He was busy for that 2 days!

    Do I miss him….the sober him absolutly! The drunk….never, and that is what I must remind myself he has become. Was there another woman? I don’t care to know. How will this help me move on? I have no control in the situation other than to keep moving forward. I can’t keep looking back. He’s gone. His choice and mistake. Rejection is terrible, and painful. BUT he does not define me. I do. I have lost a 3200 sq foot home, and a great income. I have to start over, and it’s scary. We moved into a tiny condo, BUT it’s our condo, and if I don’t find a job within 3 weeks we could lose that too, but I honestly know that a higher power is in control. I wake every morning. Love my kids, submit my resume until I have exhausted the search. I have to, but that is all I can do and know everyday I give it my best. I will, and have gained independence. I am grateful.

    Do I miss him somedays? Almost every morning. Will that lessen? It has to. Would I take him back. NO! I don’t want a man who treated me like he has, and could again.

    WE ARE NOT VICTIMS! This is a chance to take care of us. Men and women alike.

    I have since started reading a book that speaks to me, and has opened my eyes. I suggest if you have a few dollars in your pocket you find it used if need be. It’s called Codependent No More by Melody Beattie. Her daily Journal the Language of Letting go is awesome too.

    Find those support groups. Get public assistance to make it through. Work your butts off to gain a better life for YOU! YOU deserve freedom and happiness!

  48. Kasey

    My husband of seven years left a week ago on valentines day. And moved in with a 21 year old. He’s 35. He told me he would always love me but he wasn’t in live with me anymore. We have a four year old son and have been trying to have another baby for two years. He was a good husband and father and I can’t believe he is being so cruel and cold. I want him home so bad we have a life together and there is lots of family that are hurting also to him doing this. I try and tell him how much I love him and that I know this can work if he only will come home. He says everytime I bring up all of that I am only pushing him further away. And that I should have hope that this will work. That he may wake up tomorrow and decide this is all a mistake and want to come home. But right now I need to let him make his own mistakes. She makes him happy and treats him good. Ican’t get out of bed all I do is cry I love this man and our life together. He has even put money down on a house so our son can come over to visit but I know she will be living there except the nights our son is there. So should I have hope do men usually realize what they have done and want to come home? I have decided I will give him space bc everytime we talk about things he gets irritated.

  49. Louby

    My husband left me 9 days ago, if love to slag him off etc but I can’t. Last year I was at an all time low with bulimia, depression, no self worth etc and I also suffer from pain in my stomach, basically I kissed someone on a night out spoke to him a few times on text met up with him and my head clicked, what the hell was I thinking, he at the time was not the usual loving man so a whole conviction for disaster. He said we’d get through it went in holiday, fab Xmas then on valentines night told me in a pub full of people our marriage was over. He’ll talk over FB inbox but not ready to talk f2f I have an 8 yr old boy, he’s paying the mortgage at the moment I’m in the house trying to find a place to rent, in the mean time still hours working etc I’m a house that he is everywhere in, I havnt eaten or slept and I am an emotional wreck I want to stop crying! I love him so much and it was a shock as only hours before he said he loved me and was happy! Now he says he just has visions of me kissing someone else and he hasn’t coped for ages!!

  50. miranda

    I’m not sure if am deluded, but either my husband has just left me or he is just going through midlife crisis and is just being absent minded. I don’t know. Am so hurt and sad right now. I am in a country where I can’t speak the language and i was on the way to get quotes for some scans and blood work for my current pregnancy and he just messaged me “I’m at the airport. gonna head along the coast for a few days surfing. Back on Sunday”. This is very uncharacteristic of him. In the last week he has been chatting to someone on KIK who saw his picture of him and my son together on instagram and supposedly she recognised him and my son as she was at the beach next to us ( so i gather she would have seen me too) and they have been chatting all the time, I got sneaky and noticed he has put a pin on his phone. Again, which he never does. She lives a flight away and I gather that’s where he has gone. I know it must have been pre-meditated as he asked me to sort out a dental app for yesterday to clean his teeth and asked me to cut his hair today and I had to wash all his clothes. Also he left a wad of cash behind for my son and I to live on. Also in the last couple of weeks we’ve had a lot of sex which being pregnant, last time he was too scared incase he hurt the baby. I recently asked for money for some things I need and he was just ok with giving it to me, which usually I have to supply reasons. Maybe I am analysing too much and it really is innocent but right now I haven’t heard from him at all and when I smsed him to ask where he was he ignored the question and said typed that the plane was about to leave and he was going to switch the phone off. I’ve been bawling my eyes out and I don’t know what to do. It bothers me as he had a go at me today as well about the fact that I should leave all his important stuff in ‘his bag’ instead of away in the drawer I put it in. A couple of days ago i also noticed he took his passport out of where all our passports are, and yesterday he was asking me for his driving licence which I keep amongst my important papers. I don’t get it. Things have been really good since we arrived in this country, we’ve been here for 7 weeks and enjoying life and I’ve met lots of ex-pat mothers and a community that I can talk kid stuff with and who can help me with my current pregnancy. I don’t know if he has left me, but all the suggestions I’ve typed makes me think so. Maybe am paranoid, maybe I’ve just been crying so much I’m wishing for another reason. I’m so confused and hurt right now

    1. Lost in Love

      Well Ladies my husband of 19 months has left me for the 2x we were highschool sweethearts ,
      In the short time we been married there’s been issues not to blame any one partner cause it takes two however my husband always want to walk out and threaten me with divorce we tried reconciling but he can not seem to let the past be in the past and looks for any thing to blow way out of proportion so he has a excuse to leave …….sounds like another women to me ……I am his second wife and cant seem to do anything right for him nothing is good enough Thank god there are no babies involved well that would be impossible the man made love to me bout 6x in the 19 month marriage…I know right that says alot bout how he really loves me ….I seen the signs just took my vows seriously and I loved my husband …its hard but grateful for the experience
      He has yet to get more of his belongings from what was once our home .

      waiting on divorce papers now i don’t want any financial support just my heart back !!!!!

  51. When love is one sided

    My husband left 6 months ago. While I was at work and my children (his step children) were at school. He drove back across the country to live with his parents. Who did not know we were married because he didnt want them to know. He was so wonderful the past two years participating in my kids’ bday parties and after school activities. He left because he said “you expect me home for dinner, and to talk to you when you get home from work, and you expect me to spend time with you when i just want my single life back” he is my second husband and i am his first wife. We were married 10 months when he walked out. He hurt my children by never saying goodbye, he broke my heart by leaving and abandoning the home we built together. After the past 6 months of arguing one day and joking and laughing the next he has told me for the hundredth time that he hates me and regrets ever being with me. Has called my children horrible names and has belittled me in every way possible. I love him for reasons I can not explain, and I know he is done with our relationship (as he never refers to it as a marriage) and I dont know what to do anymore. When I ask what I did wrong he reverts back to the same things about how he doesnt feel he should have dinner with me and my kids and how he doesnt feel he should have to talk to me everyday or spend time with me. Worst part about it he lies to his mother who he now lives with and she has contacted me so disrespectfully saying her little boy just wants a divorce and to be rid of me. And she doesnt even care that we are married and he abandoned me. It is so hurtful. It is hard to eat, to sleep, to even function when your heart is breaking. I wish I knew how to cope and how to move on. But I cant.

    1. Lina

      My husband left recently about 3 months ago, he started by asking space and than left. I think he wanted e to go home to Europe so while there he was going to tell me he was going to leave. But I didn’t go and he left anyway. I’m devastated by this loss, he was also very good to me while married 11 years and I thought he really loved me. There may be another woman and that is always a possibility. Sometimes they change completely when they have another person’s energy in their life. I totally understand how hurt you are and heart broken. I’m there too. I have been told by everyone that he is not coming back and that I should move on but I can’t seem to do that. It sucks.

  52. Daisy

    My husband just left me and I feel as if I’m stuck in this phase of panic and fear.
    I was17 when I got pregnant with our first baby, one year later we were married at 21 I had our second baby. Now here I am 23, with two kids, no job, no home.
    On his second deployment he says he isn’t happy with me. He wants his space and he wants to move on. That he lied to himself over and over to pretend he wanted this, but he doesn’t. When I told him I still loved him, he said I was way too weak.

    I know what I have to do, I know I have to move on for my kids and me. It just really hurts. Don’t know where to start

  53. Gem

    I’ve read some of your posts above, but there’s so many I had to scroll down to the bottom to post my reply.
    I’m so pleased to read that I’m not the only one whose husband has left without explaining why. I went out on a day trip with my son and when I on the train home he sent me a text to say that he had moved in with his mate and won’t be coming back.
    I got home to find he had taken his computer, his bed and chest of drawers. He said he’ll text me once he’s settled in to see my son and explain to him. I wish he would explain to me.
    He seems to have changed this year. He has become very cold towards me. He went away earlier this year, by sending me a text and a letter to read when I got home. He text me after a week to ask if it was too late to take him back, he’s sorry and he misses me. Like a mug I took him back, but things were still bad between us.
    I think he’s gone for longer this time, but I refuse to believe our marriage is over. I believe that if you marry someone it should be for life and when the going gets tough you keep working at it.
    He’s got to build up my trust if ever he changes his mind again. I think he’s going through some sort of midlife crisis and I’m sure that one day he’ll wake up and realise what he’s done.
    It’s easy to blame myself for the marriage breakdown, but I refuse to do that! We have both been guilty of not talking through our problems without ending up in a shouting match.
    Since he has been away, he has been back several times to look after our son whilst I am at college. I have so far only got annoyed with him once and snapped at him twice. I’m trying very hard not to get annoyed with him or shout at him and I’ve not begged him to come back. I’ve been to a few websites and they nearly all tell me the same thing, don’t beg them to come back!
    I am praying hard. I have asked God to touch his heart and be with both of us during these difficult times.
    I still love him, but he will not be able to come back home unless I truly know that he is committed. I will not be tricked into taking him back again. He will have to prove to me that he is ready to listen and talk through our problems before he takes a step through the door.
    I am seeing a Christian counsellor on Friday to sort out some of my personal issues and come to terms with the break up. I have surrounded myself with Christian friends and am trying to stay positive and hopeful.
    I believe that God will save our marriage and make it stronger and be more committed to each other.
    I am reading a book by Ed Wheat about Marriage called love life for every married couple. There is a chapter called when things go wrong and how to save your marriage alone. It is definitely worth a read and I am now reading through the chapter for the second time this week.
    I have two questions though - My husband has been doing work for a Friend at our church. She has been offering him a chance to talk and he has taken her up. She’s also been trained as a counsellor, but I feel awkward going to her when I know my husband has been talking to her as well. Although she won’t disclose anything that he has said, do you think it is wise to talk to her knowing what she knows?
    The next question - My husband refuses to come to the advice bureau to talk about benefits. Do I just go alone and sort out my own benefits or wait until he comes round to my way of thinking? If he is opening up and talking then he might hopefully be thinking of reconcilliation or he might not be. I don’t want to annoy him by going it alone, but I also don’t want to get into trouble for benefit fraud. I am not a sponger, I am going to college to learn a trade which will allow me to start my own business. I just need some benefits to tide me over until I can start earning my own money.
    Sorry for the long post, thanks for listening and blessings to you all xx

  54. Sarah

    My husband left 3 weeks ago on my sons 4th birthday, to move straight in with his boss, a 7 hour drive away, I’m gutted he was such a loving dad and husband right up until he walked down the stairs with his bag, I’m still in shock but my priority is my kids who are 1, 4 and 8 they just don’t understand why daddy doesn’t love me any more, just didn’t see it coming 🙁

  55. Tricia

    My husband has left 1 week ago and we have 4 children. First he said he didn’t love me anymore and then it was he couldn’t handle the pressure of the house and that he still loved me. My children were deverstated so I don’t think I could put them through this again. I like the peace and I like the fact I can get back into a routine. Lack of communication from both of us broke our relationship. Once you concentrate on the children the rest will fit into place. Try not to beg for answers as hard as that can be stay strong when they are around. It will confuse them. For money difficulties you can go to the council and ask for advice they will help. I wished I could have sorted our relationship out before it crashed but its to late and searching for the answers won’t make me not worry if he came back. What a miserable life that would be. I hope this helps

    1. Wendy Barnes

      Are you sure your insistence on routine and focusing more on the children is not what got to him? The best gift parents can give their kids is a loving marriage.

  56. Raegan

    My (now) husband left his wife of 25 years, and I left my husband of 20 years to be together. We have been married 6 weeks, own a house, and our children…all in their 20 are good with the situation. My statement is, is that the grass is not always greener on the other side of the fence. Marriage is hard no matter who you are with. Some times people just simple fall out of love with each other or lose hope. Sometimes I wish I was still married to my previous spouse. Him and I see eachother often and are good friends. I just wish we were friends while we were married. Moral of my story:…… Try like hell to stay with the person you are married to. Seek counsel, priest, friends. Go on romantic dinner and get aways. Your next relationship will also lose the zest….

  57. mary

    Hie I’m 11 weeks pregnant. The
    shocking thing is that I have an iud in
    place. I’ve been with my living
    boyfriend fo 2yrs. During the time he
    was always on my case about having
    the coil removed. I was reluctant coz I
    already have 2 kids from previous
    relationships. Any how when I did find
    out I was pregnant I was distraught and
    he didn’t say much but a few days later
    he packed all his things and left. I went
    through the usually (stalking) phoning
    ims etc and didn’t respond, after a week
    I just gave up and went quiet.
    Unfortunately during this time his
    father got reall sick, his parents are
    finanially challenged, so they reached
    out to their son and he just didn’t
    respond, so they reached to me, for the
    last 2 weeks I have been running
    around with his father, I called him
    twice for help and he only responded
    once and came to the house to see his
    dad. This tuesday gone he got really
    sick where eventually got admitted into
    hospital. This time I reached out to his
    closest friend to get him to come and
    see his dad, but even then he didn’t
    saying he would come in the morning.
    Unfortunately he passed away on
    Wednesday morning. I was the one who
    told him and he was distraught, I
    helped organise evrything to do with
    the burial but even then we only
    exchanged a few words. I am devasted
    at th breakdown of the relationship and
    I am trying to give Him his space coz I
    don’t want to give up on this
    realationship. After a lot of soul
    seraching I’ve decided to keep the baby
    (he doesn’t know). I need him back in
    my life I love him so much and I believe
    he loves me 2. I’m 36 he is 32 with a
    daughter from a previous relationship,
    she is 7 but he hasn’t seen or spoken to
    her in @ least 4yrs. What do I do

    1. lisa

      Ladies, i know it takes two to make it work, but i feel like dying honestly. my husband leave after 8 weeks and i dont even know why. i never cheated> all i know his mom never wanted him to marry me> we have a son its 9 months since and the pain hasnt ease> i cant face no more.

  58. Martina

    I am in state of total shock. My husband left me and two children 7 days ago. I just had one text to say he was looking for somewhere else to live. He had a drink problem (vodka) which I only found out about 7 months ago. Supported him through rehab and everything seemed fine until mood swings returned in the last month. I was suspicious and sure enough vodka in his briefcase. Big showdown and I thought I would try to be understanding help him back to rehab etc etc. No contact at all from him. I am totally heartbroken and griefstricken as I love him so much. Feels like I have been hit by a 10 ton truck…

    1. Tricia

      Hi Martina It has now been just over 1 month since my husband of 12 years left. What I found that has got me threw is concentrating on the children. When you have the bad crying times think the kids need me more than I need him. Keep yourself busy, gym, garden find something. I know it’s hard but once you get a routine it will help. Stay strong for them

  59. lisa

    My husband leavse after 8 weeks and i dont even know why, i love him dearly but he hates me and i dont know why. i never cheated. all i know is his mom never wanted us to get marry
    We have a son he walk out on his birthday. help i feel like dying

  60. Michelle

    I am just so sad reading and reading all of these post or comments my tears dont stop running down my face while i am typing.i feel so alone and my girls are asleep:'( my husband never came home & this time i think for good he is not coming back.I feel so emotional right now because my oldest child i had her with my first husband and he walked out on me.I finally entered this new relationship and my second husband knew everything i went through with my first relationship.he got me pregnant with our first child together and my second total.but was in an accident and was in the mental institution throughout my pregnancy and did not get to see my our daughter be born.when he got out he got back with me and married me.which made me so so happy we had issues here and there but made it my oldest is 6 years old and my second daughter is 3 years old we just recently found out i was 2 months and 2 weeks about a week ago.and out of no where he calls me three days four days ago from the oil rigs where he works and says he is gonna send some papers.i ask what papers??he breaks it down to me that he is divorcing me…i ask why and he hangs up.i called him day after day he would not answer me for nothing and now today is monday.the phone call he made was on friday.he never came home.and if im not wrong i think he went back with his ex to san antonio.i am just so so so sad i have no one to talk to.i feel like crap and i know everyone is gonna make fun of me behind my back and say stuff like….man she has three kids and did not stay with any of her husbands….i just dont know what to do i have been crying and crying and all these days i have been crying myself to sleep wondering why???is it because i gained weight is it because i lost my good looks…why god why???perhaps its better to just not know why and try and keep myself busy but until then…my broken wings are gonna need alot of time to heal…you just dont get over it from one day to the next….man this life is tough:”””””””””””””””””(

  61. G

    This is a devastating experience — and it feels like abandonment.
    I am reading a book called Broken Heart on Hold by Linda Rooks. Just simple meditations (faith-based) by a woman who was separated for 3 years — it’s very comforting. Like they say in Alanon, the only ones we can change is ourselves.

  62. Jen

    My husband left me.. The day before our one year wedding anniversary. He and i had a relationship about 6years ago but he was going through somethings snd we went our seperate ways.. Two years ago we hooked up again and fell in love and got married.. He told me he wasnt happy but wont tell me why.. He has been in contact eith his ex about their children wanting to move in with her.. Our relationship was fine until this came up now all of a sudden all his kids have a problem with me and he filed for divorce… Im lost with out him… I just want the pain to stop.

  63. Crushed

    My husband left me after 23 years of marriage and two boys, and I’ve been with him since the age of 18! I’m confused, shocked and very sad! I’ve always believed in commitment and working things out. I know our marriage has been hard with financial problems, sickness, death and lack communication and lack of time together. He’s been gone for 4 weeks and even with separate counseling, nothing has changed. He is bitter towards me, angry and screams loudly on the phone. He says he doesn’t care what I have to say. He does not answer my call often but when he does he’s rude, and angry. He recently was arrested for drunk driving and I was very upset with him. He says the reason he drinks is because I upset him and tell him what to do. We both have said hurtful things to each other but he cannot move past the things that were said between us. We own a restaurant and he has alway worked 7 days a week which has always put a strain on our marriage. Communication between us is basically through phone or text. How can have a marriage over the phone!!!! I’m always begging him to spend time with me and the kids. His conversations with me are basically about business. I would love to take on a interest together or do something that we both enjoy to bring us closer. He wants to focus on being successful in business and do what he wants to do!. He does realize that a good marriage takes work too!!!! What’s wrong with being successful in that!!!! Very depressed and cry all the time. I hide in the closet so my boys won’t see me fall apart.

  64. Nagged

    If a man leaves , 90% of the time it’s due to a wife that just doesn’t ‘get it’. Women simply don’t understand how their nagging is such a turn off that it makes you lose all love for a person.


    OBEY AND HONOUR your husband and he will RESPECT and CHERISH YOU


  65. kristina

    My husband walked out on me 3days ago I asked him the night before if everything was ok he sayed he’s happy so we watch tv and went to bed the next morurning I woke up to go to work while he watches our almost 2 year old son but when I get off of work he’s gone my roommate is watchinv my son all his ztuff is gone and I haven’t heard from him since idk why he left so my minds just woundering whh did he talk to me why would he just walk out on our son like that knowing thT was my biggest fear of having a child I grew up not knowing my father and I never thought he would do this knowing his mother walked out on him when he was a boy I just need some answers I have christmas presents paid for that I can’t pick up without him idk were to start from here or what to do

  66. Javan

    My husband asked for space after our last wknd getaway in Dec. he had a few issues he was dealing with and I agreed. He worked up north, while I came to care for my ailing father. I would see him every 4 days! plus our little weekend honeymoons. We only communicated via calls & text messages. We spent Christmas Eve on the phone for 6hrs until it was midnight. Football was our quality time and so we stayed on the phone or text during all the games. He’d tell me how much he loved me and how he wasn’t going anywhere that I will always have him. He just had a lot going on and could not tell me yet. He sounded in trouble and on the edge, being a recovering addict. Since, I have never had a substance abuse am unaware of what he is going through & just wanted to be supportive the best I could, and just be his friend & confidant the best he’d allow me at this point. (We had been together for 7 years and married for 6). We had always had open communication, loving, honest and loyal marriage. In a matter of months it all changed! I felt we were making progress and planned to get together for weekend honeymoon at the end of Jan. Then I received the strangest text and called him. He said not come up he wasn’t trusting anyone around him, just me. He told me to come up the next Saturday. I did and he was not home. I have not seen, heard, or know where my husband is since Jan 25th. I called his phone and it has been disc. I received a call the 2nd weekend in Feb from an individual saying my husband was done and filing. This is so out of character for my husband because even when he “back-slid” he always had life-line of communication, text or phone call. Am out of my mind with worry and his family hasn’t heard from him either; but are nonchalant about it because of his past history. But I thought our love and relationship was stronger than his abandonment with a word. I fear he may be lost in his abuse and doesn’t want me to see him that way. My friends and family say that maybe is his way of protecting me, since ALL saw how much in-love he was with me. How does one survive when your husband falls off the face of the earth and NOONE will help because of his past history. How do I go on not knowing if he is alright, not hurt, has food, or shelter. How do I breathe without knowing his safety, or where I standing his life. I am just TRUSTING in GOD & have HOPE plus FAITH each day. I pray everyday for him. But then I have these “blue days” that I need some supportive words to help me through. Any positive advise will be appreciated. Thank you.

  67. Colleen

    My husband and I have been on and off for two years no effort on his behalf to fix things however didnt want the marriage to end. My dad had a stroke a week ago and is in final stages of life so I am spending all my time at hospital. we have a physically handicapped 16 year old at home at this time. He exploded at him the other night and packed up and moved out said he didnt care if we lost everything and ended up on the streets. What kind of man does that, so uncaring and cold. I have a job but on leave to be with my dad for last weeks. He knows I have no money but just walked away.

    1. M

      I thought my husband and I had a good marriage (not perfect). It was good enough that I thought that if we had issues, that we would be able to work them out because of the love that I thought we shared. Well, to my horror, I found out my that my husband was having regular conversations with other women on the phone and through other social media for months. When I tried to talk to him about it, all he could say is that it was nothing and that I was taking it too far. I was devastated, humiliated and angry. We got into an argument because I asked him to delete the social media pages and delete the women in his phone. In addition, he would not provide and answer when I asked why he felt the need to talk to other women. He couldn’t answer any of my questions and continued to say he that he was happy with me. To sum it up, he pretty much ignored me for weeks like he hadn’t just broke my heart) until I just couldn’t take it any more. I asked him to leave so he did. We continued to see each other after he left and I asked him to get counseling an he said that he would. I asked him to come home and he said no. He went to counseling one time and while I was out of town on business, he left the state and has offered no financial assistance for OUR bills. He says that he doesn’t want a divorce but he can’t tell me when he is coming back. I have filed for divorce while he still says that he wants to be married. I am emotionally devastated but I know that I don’t deserve to be treated like this. His reaction to the entire situation makes me realize that he was not happy. He didn’t even try to fix things or make me think that he was sorry. I just wish that I could heal and get on with my life but it’s been 6 months since all of this started and I’m still struggling.

  68. sally

    Yes these men are pathetic. The biggest battle we as a society are facing is porn. Men leave because the porn is enough for them. Satan is breaking up our marriages. I am in the same boat but until your man faces the truth of their sex addiction there will be many more broken hearts. Ipads and smart phones make it easier for men to keep their addiction hidden.

    1. Fiona

      Porn is killing marriages, how right. Why would a man need a wife when he can hook up with a different woman whenever he feels like it. It’s just internet shopping, only he’s selecting a human being, he’s purchasing a disposable commodity. A fantasy, a belly full of heartache years down the line. The female sexual revolution means women now play on men’s sexual terms. They want fun, an ego boast, freedom from the boredom of life. Well sorry but the truth is life is often boring, difficult, stressful. We are all going to get tired of playing one day and then what do we have? Broken families, ruined finances that you have both been building for years, confused kids, someone else’s baggage. A lonely old age, sometimes a chance of living again with someone new. New, how long does that feeling last? Then the same boredom, same stresses.

      I think in the western world we value the wrong things in life. Family isn’t valued by many, loyalty is seen as weak and boring. It’s all about intitlement to do and say whatever we feel at the time.

      Question: would you date a married man who is separated from his wife? Their relationship may or may not be over, but is it morally now acceptable to have sex with a man who is still married to someone else? If so, what value does marriage actually hold?

      My husband left whilst I had cancer (life wasn’t fun anymore with a sick wife), the internet chat, sex rooms gave him the fun he was looking for (not just the sex). Then he decided to leave my son and I because he had sampled different and liked it. Then he decided at the age of 47 to become a teenager and date numerous women. Now he’s found someone 9 years younger who thinks he’s a great catch and he is now in a relationship. Yep, until the boredom, hum drum strikes then off he’ll go again.

      Is this a life we really choose for ourselves? Yes it is. How sad the human being has become.


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