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How to make my husband want me more?

Get a life of your own. Your husband needs to start missing you.

If you’re not already, get yourself in shape. Become hot and sexy. Start dressing sexier but don’t be tacky. Sexier doesn’t need to mean trashy or slutty. Be tasteful, but remind your husband of your sex appeal. If you don’t have sex appeal get some. Sex appeal can be developed.

Take an interest in other men. Obviously don’t be inappropriate. You’re trying to get your husband to want you more not divorce you. Men tend to want what other men want. If your husband thinks other men want you he’ll start taking notice. You need to do this in conjunction with getting yourself back in shape and sexing up the way you dress a bit. You want when he starts to take notice he’ll see something that he also wants.

Don’t be rude or disrespectful to your husband but act bored with him. Don’t make him know you’re doing all this for him. It’s just the same as if you weren’t married and were trying to catch someone’s eye. You wouldn’t tell him you’re dressing sexy for him because you’re trying to make him interested. Don’t tell your husband either or make it in any way obvious. Make him wonder what’s going on with you.

Depending on your husband’s mindset you might not manage to get him slapping your ass until you’ve trimmed down to a size he considers sexy. All men are different and some men just don’t find bigger gals appealing no matter what they are wearing. If your husband is turned off by bigness, just throwing on some daisy dukes won’t get him salivating. It’ll likely get you a “what are you wearing?” asked in a disgusted tone. Know your husband well enough to determine when the time is right to start teasing him visually. When the time is right start showing him a little more skin, but still refrain from making yourself obvious.

Repeat: Get a life of your own. While you’re out getting a life apart from your husband and outside of your marriage you might find yourself caring less and less about the fact that your husband doesn’t want you any more. He might go searching instead to find out how to get his wife to be interested again and then your problem will solve itself.

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How to make my husband want me more?, 6.5 out of 10 based on 48 ratings
0 30 31744 16 November, 2010 Marriage Minute November 16, 2010

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    1. Amanda

      What if you are 7.5 months pregnant and was in great shape and had the attention of other men. and now my husband is less affectionate and very stand off ish. we just moved up here and im a full time student online and dont know very many people, so i really only have him around. What to do?

      1. Turbo

        Um, that’s because you’re not looking hot right now. Its actually quite disgusting the way a pregnant woman looks. Also, he probably doesn’t really want a screaming turd machine.

  1. Christina

    SO TRUE!! I have lived this to the T!!! I had 2 kids and got “lazy” with my appearance and time, as expected, my husband got lazy with wanting me. So, I dropped 70lbs, bought some new clothes and make up and started getting out of the house more, and what do you know, we are having sex almost EVERYnight, and we’ve been married 12 years..This is the realist advise you will ever read! Apply it to your situation, it will not fail!!!!

  2. Elizabeth

    Entirely unhelpful. I am very very small and I take great care in my appearance and other men desire me and I’ve even made comments about cute men at our parties to try to get him a little riled up… I have a life, I own a restaurant (which means I can also cook). What now? Just deal with the fact my husband doesn’t want to have sex with me?

  3. sarah

    I really don’t like having to feel like I have to bribe my husband into wanting me. We haven’t even been married a year and I am young and attractive yet I always end up feeling like I’m the one who’s always way more interested in him than he is me. It’s like some game to him, I feel like. I moved half way across the US to be with him and he literally told me once that he thought once I was here I was just going to be happy. With what, sitting in a house all day with no social life? Or job or car or money to even do anything? I gave up my whole life to be with him and now I’m pregnant and can’t even do anything with myself so it’s making me feel even more unwanted. I try explaining things to him and he’s literally just not comprehending. We are fairly young, 23, but old enough to know better. I feel like he thinks he’s “won the prize” and now he’s over me. I don’t want my marriage to fail and things were always great before I actually moved here. And now that I am I’m desperate for help because I don’t want anyone saying I told you so, but I’m getting really hopeless. Plus he’s in the army so I never even see him. Maybe I’ll just leave, I don’t know what else to do, but I’m so sick of being the only person in this marriage when I wasn’t even the one who was so eager to have it in the first place.

    1. diana

      Wow , I think maybe your feeling a little neglected by your husband but you have to remember the reason why he’s over there is for you and your baby , sometimes when your pregnant and alone it makes you feel so emotional but you have to remember why you fell in love in the first place think happy thought , with all the extra time you have you should read the bible or read 15 min with Jesus , its like if your really having a conversation with him its the best thing ever that takes up time ,pray for your husband that I’m pretty sure he’s missing you as much as you miss him

    2. JoAnne

      I so know what you mean my husband move a couple of states over to be with me and with in a month of him being here I got pregnat. After i had our daughter he got me to move to live with my dad who i had never met, anyways i ended up leaving him there and moved back home with in a couple of days of me being gone he came back here. I have gotten a job now and he stays home with our baby. Thing are still hard for us but we are going on Two years togeather and still have sex everynight and have our own date night

    3. dez

      In the same position as you, been separated from my husband for over a year, we come home and have a reunited ceremony and move from west coast to east only to find out he was having multiple affairs behind my back. I went to leave, found out I was pregnant, and my husband begged me to stay. We’ve been to counseling, have tried everything, but he keeps becoming the same jackass and leaves me at home pregnant to go drink w the guys. I work, pay bills, clean, and try to love him. I haven’t changed, but maybe im just effin fed up

    4. luisa

      you literally just explained EXACTLY whats going on with me. except I’m not pregnant. not even married a year my husband is also 23 and i moved to flipping japan for him. now im ready to leave him.

  4. Samantha

    I am married to a man that loves big women. I have kept in shape since we got married and his sex drive has gone to heck. When men marry their testosterone lowers and sex is one of the last things on their minds sometimes. I suppose this was just not the type of article to help someone like me. It seems to imply that a man who does not want sex is all the wife’s fault and no advice on how to stop this.

    1. ruthy Finch

      I have got to say. I have read a lot of these posts and wow.
      WOW WOW WOW women …men think about sex all the time even if it’s not with Us.their wives.
      If your not doing him someone somewhere is..even if its just a masturbation porn problem. men have no problem making themselves happy or satisfied.only a generous lover makes sure you do to. id rather not be teased with 5 min. Wen I clicked on to this site first thing I see…how to make him want you…hahaha. then you see a whore that. says. have an AFFAIR. internet will cost you drive desire passion romance. ect … ok I should say technology. gave us all an international unlimited access
      to all walks of life live or just fantasy. be assured he’s getting his even if your not. learn wat sluts know. bitches get treated like Queens and wow wives get treated like whores … they r usually the selfish whores. and p. s. if he’s accusing. you he’s GUILTY…

  5. Cathy

    I feel so sad for you. One more day in a loveless marriage is to long. Believe me I ve been married for 19 years and it’s hard. I should have left years ago. Hopefully you make the right decision so your happy. Being happy is most important. Don’t waste time like me.

  6. Roslyn

    I agree with the one chick….why do i have to “bribe” him into wanting me? I will try this sexy back stuff, but alot of times i feel he has taken from me. Even when i do get dolled up hegives no compliment and doesnt make feel sexy or beautiful at all. And if i find me a male friend and he takes my mind of my husband…the theres no reason to stay because your friend wont ever be you husband

  7. Krystal Peterson

    dont expect a man to be grateful you gave up your life for hom! he won’t be! it is actually just giving him power in a way as he will feel sure you’d do anything for him.
    a man needs to know that if he does not tend tohis wife then she may as well leave him,as there are always other men willing to take over no matter what you look like or how big you are!
    so…never give up too much for a man and believe it somehow proves to him how much you love him , and if you even mention it like he owes you something you really have messed it up!
    he should also sacrifies if things need be sacrifised!
    its a fine line and balance between being a wife and ending uo as his mother, and i am pretty sure most men would never dream of having sex with their mama!

    anyways, seams to me…if you look around and do a search online….that more and more men, and younger and younger tends to not deliver in the bedroom!
    the old saying that men always wants and thinks about sex is way off!
    maybe too much female hormon waste around in our water and air!
    its a bit of truth to it too as a 60 year old man often times has a better seamen quality than a 30 year old man today!
    there are a lot of unsatisfied women out there with hopeless men who just dont want sex!

  8. melody

    so, we have been married for about a decade. we have kids together and i am not huge and he is not small. we both have lost some weight but i think i am still physically sexy. i mean, a lot of men make comments to me or try to get my attention. in a nutshell, he only seems to compliment me with a head nod or something like that if we are “going out” or something like that. he doesnt like lingerie. oh, i own some, but it doesnt do it for him. i have an unusual sex drive i guess. i like a lot of sex. he was my first. i can go sometime with out sex but once we have it, i want it all the time. like really, all the time. every night. well, i feel like i have to ask for it or basically rape him into submission and thats not what i want….. i want him to want me. i DO NOT have a hideous wardrobe, nice curves, wear makeup occasionally and i keep my hair done. i dont mean to ramble but i am just trying to give u guys an idea. i just dont know what to do. we are in our 30’s, barely. am i doing something wrong? i would just like for him to come in the room sometimes and just turn on some nice slow jams and make love to me. is that too much to ask? i like to read a lot but if he did this, i wouldnt think twice about picking up my nook at all. BTW: i am typing this while he is sitting next to me playing games and watching football at the same time.

  9. Shanna

    I have been doing all of those things and still dont feel like my husband wants me. He very rarely tells me that I look nice or that he finds me attractive. Its frustrating because I go out of my way to look pretty and am loosing weight wich I am not a big person to begin with. But I just dont get it. I tell him he looks good all the time, hoping that maybe he might return the favor. But still nothing! I mean does he just not find me attractive anymore or what? I have asked him and the reply is just always the same thing. He says I never said that! He never says anything different. I mean come on when you ask someone flat out dont you think Im pretty anymore and they say I never said that??? What does that even mean? My reply to that is well no you never said you didnt but you never say that you do either! Im about ready to just give up and not bother anymore!

  10. Ann

    I have been married 15 years. My husband has never shown much interest in me sexually. I can stand naked (or just topless) in front of him without so much as a response of any kind. He is a boob man; he gawks at other women boobs (nipples in shirts, low cut tops, tight shirts on big chested gals). I have a C cup and men find me interesting and still hit on me, but my husband only allows me to jerk him off or blow him. Any advice for my situation?

  11. sam

    My husband is amazing and everything but when i try to play with him he wants me to stop. 90% of the time i get “not now babe.” We have sex maybe once every week. I‘m a woman who likes sex a lot, but i have to try real hard to get that once-a-week sex. He will slap my butt and all that but sex not so much. He plays with himself more than he plays with me. When i catch him i try to get him to play with me instead but he usually wants to be alone….

  12. sam

    continued… i’m an AF wife and its hard to get out and have a life when you don’t know anyone. he goes to Korea for a yr in like 3 months. and i WANT SEX b4 he goes. i try to dress sexy, i dyed my hair black because he thinks its sexy, ive tried playin w myself for him,that only worked for so long… i dont wear make-up bc he thinks i look sexier that way, and same with having my hair down.. ive tried so much. idk what else to try.

  13. ruthy Finch

    Men have no problem making themselves happy. the problem is we usually rely on them to make us happy instead of doing what they do..I should say I got married for a reason and 1 of those reasons were awesome sex…isn’t it usually. I’m 18 years married. I still rather have sex with a man than effin myself. if I liked effin myself I wud not need a man ever again. matter fact if I liked effin myself i wud not have married a man. It is obvious men have the upper hand.. f that. wen do they dress up in sexy langeraie. or do a strip tease or how about just fn you till you can’t walk….hahaha they think they are so good. cuz we tell them they are even when they totally suck..quit faking it and making him think he’s Gud. if he’s not. when is the last time he made you feel like you were the awesome goddess who blew his brains out……face it we all no wen its over but none of us want to be the blame… we stay and teach our children this is love NOT NOT NOT…………….

  14. Charity Jones

    I have tried all these things and they work for a while but then..he turns bck to his porn which has gotten really bad over the last few yrs..i could except he liked these women and they they looked and i would try to be them to change his mind and focus more on me..we have sex but its like lately he can only cum if i jerk him off or if he does it himself..i wish i appealed to him more than porn but i guess its better than him out there physically cheating on me right..what do i do now??

  15. Michelle

    These comments make me feel sad for these ladies. Women always are hard on themselves. Who ever wrote this article is not sensitive to why women came to this site. Women are wanting help. If he doesn’t seem interested….I believe a lot of things contribute to it and it is not because of the way you look. I believe that we as females should take care of ourselves. But it is the men with the issues, not the women. This article should tell us to make sure our husbands are not having affairs or addicted to porn. Or maybe they are having problems at work or maybe they are unemployed, depressed, or they may be on anti depressants (which kill the libido) and/or other drugs. Or they can be low on testosterone and have performance problems. Talk to your men, ask them. Tell them what ever it is that you want to work it out.

  16. lisa

    My husband and I have been married for 2 years and together for 5 yrs and our relationship has crummbled due to his jealous sister that he is very loyal too. I have defended myself from her everytime she decides to create drama n run her mouth about me and for this my husband has started ignoring me,insulting me n emotionally degrading me! It seems like I can’t win in this situation because he has n will always believe his sister over me n he has made dat very clear to me but da lack of respect n love n attention this has taken away from him to give to me breaks my heart because I love my husband dearly but I have tried many ways to try to seduce him n love me again ,because I do feel like he threw our love out da window when I starting defending myself from his sister! I don’t no wat else to do ive even considered walking away from marriage but dat would be letting his sister win n when I c dat wat he doesn’t see n dats dat she laughs after our fights she creates it makes me want to fight more for my marriage n hope dat he opens his eyes before its too late n he loses his family( us)!

  17. amgilina

    guy i have all the more a diff problem yes i m huge n i m working on it big time but my problem is sex is the last thing for my husband,he is almost not interested in it types . it bugs me off a lot, i dont know how to cope with this

  18. Cadence

    What advice do you have for a stay at home mom with no car and no money? I have been married two years and am still not on my husband’s bank account so if I wanted to buy myself new clothes I’d have to ask for money and would have to explain why I needed that clothes, especially since I hardly ever get out of the house. I can’t get a life of my own because any hobby I can take up requires my own car and money (even if that hobby is a part time job, since I’d have to pay for childcare). My sex drive was never down during my pregnancy, I was just physically unable to have sex. After the baby sex was very painful. Now its been over a year and my sex drive is back like no other but my husband doesn’t seem to feel the same. He doesn’t do any work around the house since he works and doesn’t think he should do anything. So essentially I am a live in maid that gets paid in food and free housing. I just happen to sleep in the boss’ bed. I get so depressed about not feeling like a wife that I stop cleaning and just do my duty as a mother. We have many issues but right now I’d like to at least have sex. The few times we have sex I have to practically beg for it and theni feel dirty. Other times I either get shot down or I lay in bed naked and wait for him to make a move and he just doesn’t. I don’t know what to do. He notices the little things I do with my hair and make up to try to look sexier and sees them as a sign of me having an affair. I just want him to want me 🙁

  19. Maggie

    I’ve not even been married a year yet. My husband is a great guy who works six days a week even if it’s only four hours a day. I brought 3 kids into the marriage and he brought 1 and I know it’s harder when you have kids and I know that with us both working that makes it difficult to find time but it’s been like this since day 1. He even said that he wasn’t really interested in sex which contradicts severely his behavior before the wedding. He likes spending time together and cuddling but that’s about it. We have sex about once a month if I’m lucky. We were married three weeks before we were intimate. What’s really going on? I’m petite so it’s not an accruement of poundage although I think it’s wrong to even assume weight is an issue in any event. Love isn’t based on size. He’s not exactly scrawny and I still find him immensely attractive. Other men are attracted to me and he knows it, sometimes before I do. I really love him and I’ve tried all I can think of even to buying exotic spices that claim aphrodisiacal properties. I don’t dress sloppy. I love to dress up, even my workout clothes are classy and sexy without being overstated. That’s why I bought them but to no avail. When we go to bed it’s to sleep and nothing else. I have spent stupid amounts of money on sexy nighties and I might as well be wearing a high necked flannel gown. But he’s sweet and I know he loves me. He proves that in the tender way he treats me but I’m afraid I don’t satisfy him and if that’s so, would I be more of a woman to let him go and find someone who does excite him? And if that’s what I should do, can I actually force myself to go through with something like that? I don’t honestly believe I’m that selfless. I just want him to want me.

  20. Sunny

    I truly understand Lisa. I’m going thru some stuff with my husbands sisters. They keep inviting him to places & not me. They even go on vacation with me. When he’s with them he’s a total different person. I love him when he’s with me but hate him when he’s with his sisters. He has showed me that his sisters are first then his daughters & then me. We have been married for 25 years. We are not newlyweds but I want my husband back! I’m truly hurt by this. Do I leave him because if this? It’s been 25 yrs with this man. It’s not easy.

  21. lia

    Girls, it sounds like you all need to step up in the making the first move department jkjk. It sounds like we all married ass holes but have we ever thought that he is waiting for us to make the first move… suck his member;) get things started. If you are laying naked in the bed and he doesn’t do anything, maybe if you really wanted sex you could initiate it. I’m not saying anyone is doing anything wrong, I just think men are men… They cheat, they lie, they feel guilty, they are so different from us. Ladies, I’m sure all of you are beautiful, you shouldn’t have to change to get sex, but put yourself in his shoes. If you used to look nice and care for your appearance and now you let yourself go, you are not physically the same person he fell in love with. If you want sex, show him you want it. Initiate it, I am sure he won’t turn down a bj. Ride him. Don’t make him feel like sex is a duty or a chore. Connect with each other and truly want to please your man… when you give, he will likely return. I hope all of your situations get better


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