Are you a bad wife if you don’t perform oral sex on your husband?
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Are you a bad wife if you don’t perform oral sex on your husband?

Some husbands whose wives refuse to perform oral sex on them complain that other women do this for the men they love and if their wife really loved them they would do it; but some women are not comfortable with oral sex, whether to give it or receive it. If you’re absolutely not willing to perform oral sex on your spouse your spouse should be able to accept how you feel about it and not try to pressure you or guilt-trip you. Oral sex is like the countless sex positions that have been invented. It is not a necessary part of the sexual experience. It might enhance the sexual experience but lack of it won’t result in bad sex unless someone chooses to make it that much of an issue.

More on the Discussion

One of the most common remarks made in the comments below by husbands complaining that their wives refuse to perform the above mentioned sex act is that their wives loved doing it before they got married but as soon as they got the ring on their finger then all of a sudden they stopped doing it and changed their tune as far as how they felt about the act.

If a woman loves performing oral sex she loves performing oral sex. Getting married will not suddenly result in her no longer loving any particular sex act that she loved before she got married. If your wife seemed to love doing it while you were dating then started saying she hated doing it after you got married, it is more likely that your wife never loved doing it in the first place. Otherwise, if she really did enjoy it and now acts suddenly repulsed by it, something is going on that is making the act repulsive to her. Like some people commented below, if you care enough then try to work with your wife to identify and resolve the issue.

Has something about you changed and could that be why your wife’s reaction to you has changed?

More often than not when we’re dating we go above and beyond to make sure everything is just right as we prepare for intimate times; but when we get married we take a lot of things for granted. Both men and women do this. Many of us don’t continue to go the extra mile. We’re only too glad to be in a position where we don’t have to work nearly as hard; and again this is not only true for women in marriage. It is also true for men. We slack off because there’s nothing we’re trying to win anymore and eventually we get into a pattern of living where we take each other for granted. Where we once saw each other as someone to work extra hard to please in order to win, we reach a point of not seeing each other as someone to work extra hard to please in order to keep. So we stop doing the extra stuff particularly when it comes to keeping up with the things that create and maintain attraction. People like to say that as long as a woman feels loved and secure she will open up sexually. It’s important for a woman to feel loved and secure, but she also needs to still be attracted to you or at the very least (or is this the most important point?) she can’t find you physically repulsive and still happily welcome your penis anywhere near her much less in her mouth. And it doesn’t have to be that you got fat or ugly. It could be your smell even. Whatever the source of the repulsion, only women who get paid for sex in some way usually have the ability to still perform despite it.

So are you in some way repulsing your wife? Since we’re talking about wives with aversions to performing oral sex, maybe your penis smells bad? There’s a possibility your smell might have changed due to not going the extra mile with preparing for intimacy like you did during the dating stage. And sometimes when that means you put your penis in your wife’s face one too many times while it has a smell that’s repulsive to her, you can kill what’s left of her attraction to you. The same way a scent can be powerful in attracting people to you, it can be equally effective in its power to repulse people and make them recoil from you. It would certainly to be worth it to talk to your wife and rule this out as a possible reason or identify it as a contributing factor.

Whether your wife was pretending to love giving you oral, or she did love it but something changed and she stopped wanting to do it on you, it’s not impossible to change the situation to your liking if you and your wife truly care about each other. You can be sure if your wife truly cares about you she’s not happy about the situation either because she does want to please you. She does want to make you happy in any way she can; but for her this is not just a simple matter of deciding not to have a problem and proceeding to blow your mind after making that decision.

You can be sure that approaching your wife with some of the below attitudes won’t result in her overcoming whatever aversion she has to the act. And what is it that you most want? Is it comradery with other angry, disgusted fed up husbands whose wives aren’t giving them blow jobs or an improved relationship with your wife that sees you having better sex and getting what you want out of your intimate encounters with her? How can that happen if your feelings towards her are so ugly that you would rather simply trash her here or elsewhere online than go to her and talk with her honestly, openly, respectfully about your feelings and desires and your concerns that her neglect as you perceive it could cause major problems for the two of you and possibly end your marriage?

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Are you a bad wife if you don't perform oral sex on your husband?, 5.9 out of 10 based on 67 ratings
0 368 122645 30 November, 2010 Marriage Minute November 30, 2010

About the author

Hi, though my real name is not Soliel, it is the name I have chosen to represent myself here. I am a freelance writing wife and mother who is in no way an expert in the subject of love and marriage. My posts, particularly any posts that appear to be giving advise or providing answers to questions, should be regarded as an expression of my personal opinion on the subject of discussion. Nothing I write is meant to be presented as if coming from an expert source. I have no professional qualifications or specialized knowledge in marriage and relationship fields of study. I am not a marriage counselor nor do I have any background in counseling. I present my thoughts much in the same light as a mother, sister or friend might. I only hope to help contribute to the ongoing conversation about love and marriage relationships and what makes them succeed or fail. If you disagree with something I write you are welcome to share your thoughts by leaving a comment. I do get to approve or disapprove my comments so please keep in mind that comments intended to offend are not likely to be approved. If anything I write offends anyone I do offer my sincere apology.

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  1. FSL

    Not true. The same can be said of foreplay if your opinion is right. Some of my closest friends and I have had the same experience with our wives. Oral sex was great before marriage, and after marriage, it became a chore. Men like oral sex as much as women love foreplay and cuddling after sex. Most articles of good sex encourage men to be sensitive to a woman’s needs, and gives ample instructions as to how to satisfy our female partners. Oral sex is not only a turn on, it represents that our lover (wife) is willing to give us pleasure. As wives continue to avoid giving their husbands oral sex, husbands will continue to find other avenues to satisfy their sexual needs. I do not advocate for cheating on your spouse, but if your spouse doesn’t want to satisfy you, it opens the door for division and separation. Women love to receive oral sex, but act as if the penis is disgusting…and that is simply not fair.

    1. jack

      I get a bj or 69 at least once or twice a month. With three kids, washing clothes, dinner and taking care of the kids is way more important than oral sex. I dont advocate any married man to divorce over this issue until the kids are out of the house. It would terrible for any father to do that. Selfish too. I would rather see man have a Mistresses or prostitute then to divorce .

      Just my view though. I am not Dr. PHIL.

      1. Max

        Dude u r sooooooo lucky. I can’t remember the last time I’ve
        Had a 69. My wife is not into sex at All anymore and makes me want to jump off a bridge

      2. cdq99

        Hell what’s a 69 (just kidding), I know what 1 is but its been years since I had 1. I have to beg for head. I gladly go down on her and she makes it so ho-hum I want to quit but I don’t until she climaxes. Still not a big deal. I do agree divorce is not the answer but cheating is so much work.

      3. Ben

        Wow. You are a total loser. I get sucked everyday by my gf. We’ve been together for 12 years. We don’t believe in marriage because its all a scam to get people in legal problems. We love eachother, which is why we both “wash dishes, take care of eachother, and both cook meals”. You need to leave that dying bitch if she doesnt suck your dick everyday. That means she just needed you to pay the bills and use you to feel “secure” financially. LOL

        1. marie2

          I cant keep my hands off my husband ever since I got over my fear of giving him head…thinking it meant I was a slut. He wouldnt respect me, I was dirty .blah blah blah. This is the most erotic fun I have ever had in my life. Thank God he was patient with me and let me talk through my fears and insecurities and then said I could practice as much as I needed till I knew how and what got him off. LOL. He gets an erection and Im all over it. I feel like Ive gone and lost my damn mind. When he gets home from work and exhausted falls into bed I tell him go shower quick cause you know whats gonna happen when you wake up with morning wood. I cant control myself and if your dirty Ill be pissed. Ladies…do something with your husbands penic even if you just lick it a bit to get use to it and keep talking to your husband about your feelings and work through them. My light bulb moment was when dureing one of our talks I realized I was calling his most imtimate body part dirty and disgusting. Never once has he ever called my vagina that. He says its beautiful. I felt so terrible for saying those things but I sure am makeing up for it now and not just cause he likes it but cause after awhile of doing oral on him I have begun to crave his body. Just start doing SOMETHING!!! I promise your marriage will be on fire.

          1. the dork187

            Your man is very lucky to have you I have done all these things I eat out my wife all the time tell she squirts and I still get none back..I don’t want to cheat but I’ll going crazy

          2. marie2

            Melt her favorite candy bar and cover your penis with it? Slather on her favorite ice cream? Chocolate whip cream? Some woman are just afraid it means they are a whore if they give head. Dip it in flavored kool aid sugar mix. LOL Try some stuff to make it look appetizing. Wrap a pizza around it? I dont know think of something before you go nuts cause its fun as hell. Jerk off while she kisses it. Thats how my husband started with me cause I couldnt do it fast enough and I felt uncomfortable doing it so he helped me. Just try to get her to lick it or kiss it once in a while and moan like crazy when she does it. But dont make her finish it till she gets herself use to it and feels more comfortable and ask her how she feels and let her work through her issues with it. Woman have a lot of issues with giving head dont be offeded its society that has destroyed our sexuality as woman saying were whores if we like it.

          3. DystonicRxn

            very simple. If your wife is willing to receive oral sex and have orgasms as the result thereof but unwilling to reciprocate the it is time for the talk. If I was you I would explain to her of your want and need for reciprocation or just head to completion. If she gives you the bullshit “oh yes honey I will” but passive aggressively does not follow up on it then stop giving her oral sex.
            In this day of uber feminism and the bullshit mantra “if momma isn’t happy then no one is happy” said no real man ever, it is time to erect boundaries (pun intended) and stand up (pun intended) and be counted.
            If she is pissed off because she does not get what she wants then let her be pissed off. She may try to piss you off and egg you on. It is time we be the men we were created to be.
            Most women these days act like spoiled children when their every whim and want is not met.

          4. the dork187

            Try it she just laugh did not do shit with it no matter What I do 100% no hair but trim or what I put on it she just makes me feel like chap for ever trying .. Guess I just have to be good with the lame sex life.. Maybe that’s what I get for a bad boy turn good .Not going to cheat just have to deal with it. 😔. TO ALL WIFE OUT THERE PLEASE SHOW YOUR​ HUUUBBY YOU LOVE HIS DICK THE SIZE THE TASTE THAT YOU LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT IT,..No husband should feel like this way.

          5. marie2

            laughing might be her way of getting her nervousness out. Dont give up yet keep makeing her laugh. be funny about it . honestly….being playful and a little silly but not pushy about it may help her become more comfortable. laughter is a good thing. at least shes not angry

      4. ana marie

        I love to give my husband a bj I love to surprise him by doing it we could be in the car the driving watching tv I say drop em and thats that

      1. do it all

        I hate to say it but this is true. The only thing you can do is suck it up and drive on, get it some where else or leave her. I’ve been married for over 20 years. As time went on it went from more than twice a day to not at all. I tried to talk to her about it and she laughed and said ” You don’t know;” then came up with some lame ass “I’ve just been tired.” I think she is doing it to someone else, male or female; but she knows I’m not going to leave my kids. I love my wife. I have given her everything she wanted and don’t get it twisted, we have sex on the regular. she knows how much I LOVE oral sex. that’s why I agree with you saying it’s a power thing.

    2. Dave Johnson

      I have been married for 27 years. Prior to marriage my wife was all over me and gave oral sex without requests.. 27 years later I would have to get her drunk. That is the only way she is worth a shit in bed. sober she is a shrew. I have contacted and hired a divorce attorney. I will lose half of what I have earned while she sat and home not sucking my dick. My advice is don’t marry them. Give them the 4 f’s. Findem, Fingerem, F**kem, forgetem.

      1. olderbudweiser

        Just as the song says, “The thrill is gone!” B.B. King. Divorce the bitch and move on. Life is too short for nags, clinging bitches and manipulators. To a great amount of marriages have to do with boredom and taking for granted a paycheck but no payback. It’s time to move on. Find someone that’ll blow your mind as well as your dick.

    3. Pistol Pete

      This article is absolutely ridiculous. What kind of person would say if one partner doesnt like something then it’s to be respected? So thats it? End of conversation then. One person doesnt like it the other one has to suffer for the rest of their lives. If thats the case then talking isnt essential to having good sex, so stop telling me about how becky from the office never files emails correctly. Taking out the garbage isn’t essential to having good sex so i wont be doing that either. The kids making noise after you told them not to? Oh well, not essential to having good sex so you’re own your own with that too. The reason partners are together is to make sure each other is happy and protected and looked after. Period. No matter what that is. You dont like something so you just dont do it? What kind of world is that to live in. Imagine the one person you love more than anything being unhappy because of something you can easily fix? Is it not the most ridiculous thing to say ‘well i dont like it so tough’? This article is whats wrong with the world!

      1. marie

        Most woman just totally dont understand how important sex is for husbands. So its easily dismissed by it. The first time I gave my husband oral (after months of him discussing his feelings with me about it) he had tears in his eyes and said he felt he was going to cry. I was dumbstruck. Absolutely dumdstruck. I mean you could have knocked me over with a feather. I could not believe the emotional reaction he was experienceing from me giving him oral. He said he felt loved, desired and wanted by me. WHAT???? I thought men didnt have those kind of feelings. He always use to say what a heartless bastard he was all the time and I guess I believed him. I was just blown away by his tears. It made me want to give him oral because I wanted him to feel my love for him and I ended up enjoying it tremendously. Very erotic. Ladies,,please hear your men. They arent being perverted pigs. They want to feel loved and desired by you. Life is stressful and dull. If a man cant enjoy passion with his beautiful wife then life kinda sucks. Dont reject your man . Devour him.

        1. Ben

          Too late, your man already hates your guts for not giving him oral all this time that you wasted not giving him what he needs. Stupid women always love to make men suffer. News flash, your c*nt and mouth are not holding any man back. You want to be stingy? Then your man will leave your ass and f*ck a hot chick that is dying to stay with your man forever. Oh yeah, in that case, which will happen to your sorry ass, he will no longer be “your” man. LOL

        2. Kathleen OBrien

          Amen. I couldn’t agree more. Love your man and show him you love him by putting him before you. Now, if you cannot perform oral sex or are completely repulsed by it, that’s OK…it’s all good. Sit your man down. Tell him. Explain, with feelings of love and disappointment because you love him and love making him feel good. Discuss other options, other ideas. You’ll figure it out. Just never, ever dismiss your man’s needs. It will hurt you, him, and your marriage.
          If you can perform oral sex but just aren’t a fan…make it a game. Ask him where to do what and do exactly what he says. Listen to his reactions, how he moves, what the says, the noises and the way the build up unfolds. GO all out. I mean ALL out. Do things you’d never dream of doing, or dream you had the skills to do or the courage. You have all those things if you have love in your marriage. Channel it into the best BJ he has ever had. Make him happy. I speak from experience too, I really do. I was married to a nice man for 19 years. Our sex life was not exciting or intense, he is very religious and unless we were trying to have a baby he kind of rushed through and then showered. It was shame killing him. It was sad. But then a few years later, a few kids, houses, family illnesses, marriages, new babies and the death of his mother and my father…we grew closer. He became less inhibited. He desired things and asked for things he didn’t even know the definition of when we got married. And do you know what I did? Nothing. I did nothing but the same thing in the same position for the same amount of time as we always had for years because it seemed like a lot of work. Me. Me who loves sex. I chose the easy way out instead of doing what I could do to make the person I loved more each day and still do. I rejected him. And I had no idea men cared so much about feeling wanted, desired and loved. I wasn’t angry at him, he wasn’t angry at me. He didn’t avoid things the first years to hurt me. I didn’t comply with his wishes and desires to hurt him. We just grew complacent. We didn’t communicate honestly. We didn’t make “us” a priority. We were wrong. And we were so wrong that in our 14th year of marriage, the day before our middle son’s 7th birthday, my husband left me. He called me on the phone and said he didn’t love me. He hadn’t loved me for years. No marriage counseling. No religious retreats. No “break”. And no other woman. He didn’t feel loved. Now, we had other major situations going on around us. Youngest son (a baby) had a brain tumor and several surgeries and a three month hospital stay after 16 days in ICU. Our business went under because we were both so frantic that we couldn’t focus or go through the motions of running our business when we were facing the possibility that our son would die. Our business went bankrupt, our house was foreclosed on, his father died, I ruptured a disc in my back and after surgery and a 10 day hospital stay I returned home and walked for the first time six weeks later. Just in time for him to fall off a roof and break both his feet. SO…no…blow jobs or lack there of did not break our marriage to pieces. However, the act of ignoring a request he made to me involving happiness and the feeling or rejection when I said no…that was the beginning of the end. I know it in my heart and have thought of it several times over the years since our split. I still love him, I miss him every day and I regret my choices and behavior in many ways. He does too. But I am no longer in love with him nor he with me…so we will never reconcile. Our family died and we have grieved that loss painfully and often. Our children will be adults we can’t relate to. We both had parents who stayed married for over 50 years. But I digress…my point is…do what you can. Do more than you think or want or believe you should have to do…as long as it’s not repulsing you or you don’t believe in it or if it makes you feel bad or shamed. Don’t do something else. Don’t make the mistake I regret every day…keep your vow and take him to task if he isn’t staying true to his vows. As an aside…I have been single now for years. I’ve had two relationships that lasted over 2 years and have dated different men for a few months at a time. Each time my man and I are engaging in sexual activities, I perform oral sex. Each time. And without hesitation I will say I love it. It arouses me, it makes me feel sexy and desired, it gives me the feeling that I hold, in my power, a secret that breaks all barriers down between us, one move is mine to make and when I do the man lying with me becomes vulnerable, or affectionate or sensitive or calm and content. And he is happy. He’s happy to be loved enough. And that’s why I love it and why it arouses me. Do I regret not learning this sooner. YES. Do I dwell? NO. But do I want you to read this over and over until you get it…and then again. Because I don’t want you to make the mistake I did. Surviving divorce, missing your children and the family that ate at that old table in the kitchen and laughed and yelled and loved each other are gone too. That, my friend is hard. A BJ? Piece of cake.

          1. Dystonic Rxn

            wow! That was the most honest and self-introspective post I have ever read (no offense, coming from a woman).
            I am so moved not only from the lessons you learned but the way you have grown as a result of the experience.
            I wish you could lead a class on sexuality, honest, loving husbands, etc to most of the wives I know.

          2. cdq99

            Men are creatures of habit, if we were getting and giving oral we will expect that once married. Depending on how much we enjoyed it could play a part in us getting and giving it elsewhere. Just saying. Shouldn’t have to beg or plead and shouldn’t force it either.

          3. Dystonic Rxn

            No disagreement here. I would much appreciate a candid non-defensive response from a woman about why not the frequency just oral sex changes seemingly immediately after the wedding vows are said.
            My wife told me before we were married “oh I would swallow every last drop” and yet now it is the most repulsive thing in the world.

          4. marie2

            Thank you for shareing your heart on such an immensely important topic. So many woman just do not get it that their man needs and longs to feel desired and wanted and lusted after. I love knowing my husband desires me. Id be heartbroken if he stopped wanting me. o I can imagine how I made my husband feel dureing the years I rejected him sexually. I could literally slap myself for hurting him like that. He was all snuggly this morning and cuddly and kissy but so sweet about it. He got up then came back to bed two times. I suspected he wanted a quickie blowjob before heading out the door so I rolled him onto his back and kissed him all over and finished him off. Wow. To think thats all I have to do to make my man feel wanted loved and good all day long. I will never reject him again. I love makeing him wait a little though and tease him for a few minutes LOL He doesnt like to be pushy about it so I act like I dont notice his hard on at first hahaha Drives him crazy its so damn cute

          5. Dystonicrxn

            Marie. Thank God for women like you who actually get it. when my wife is self-less not just in sex, I want to give to her and try to satisfy her needs I will do just about anything for her.
            Crazy how a mutually self sacrificing marriage leads to the happiness of both parties.

          6. cdq99

            Why is this such a difficult lesson for many SO? If I stay horny and get no relief does my SO think it just goes away as I go about my day? I personally work in an office building full of women, my day consist of unplanned erections and me having to relieve myself. So frustrating and embarrassing.

          7. marie2

            I think you should have a heartfelt talk about this issue that your haveing to suffer through . Ask your wife…Lord have mercy…have pity on me!!! If you cant do it out of love could you pleaSE HELP ME NOT TO CHEAT.

          8. cdq99

            my wife says all I think about is sex and now thats shes entered the menopause situation is gotten worse. We talked about it but she just isn’t into it anymore and I’m telling you the women I work around are smoking hot and I am positive they notice my hardons. They touch me to communicate, smell great, look incredible, walk sexy and have that look that my wife used to have.

          9. marie2

            This is serious ….if your lusting after other woman and expecting her to get you off thats really lame and disrespectful. But if the reason you have turned to lusting after other woman is because your wife refuses to be passionate in bed then you need to tell her this because she needs to be aware of how her lack of sexual interest in putting you in a really serious situation of looking elsewhere for relief. How would she feel if you cheated on her and then had to live with the pain and guilt? Im sure it would really bother you to know you cheated on her. Deep down youd feel like a dog. But your being deprived of LOVE and sexual companionship and its makeing you crazy. Can you come to some kind of compromise together. Stop lusting those woman at work and set your attention back to your wife and tell her how serious this is for you and you wouldnt think about sex all the time if you were makeing love once a week. Adultery is devastateing for both involved. Please try to make her understand . Or make her jealous LOL I dont know. I feel for you I really do. Your marriage is in trouble .

          10. Dystonic Rxn

            Very well said Marie. Better to lovingly address the issue with a spouse than seek sexual “fulfillment” outside the marriage. Keep trying. Really the issue is just not the sex, it is part of the relationship and an important part.
            I would tell my wife and I have, that I love her and the person I want to have sexual feelings for and have relations w is her.

          11. curiouskitty

            cdq99, just a question to make sure I am not misunderstanding you. Do you mean that because you have such hot women at work you always have hard-ons; but when you go home with your erections that result from working around such hot women your wife refuses to give you relief?

          12. cdq99

            Kitty, I think you misunderstood me. I take hard-ons to work due to frustration at home. The ladies at work get to see the results. My wife is hot, just not in a sex giving mood, often.

        3. the dork187

          You are so right on Marie I use to be able to get any women..But I only want my wife and she not seen that the only time she Care is for a min when her girls friends say some things about me..I only want my wife to want me no other I’ll going crazy lol

      2. Lynn

        Most women already deal with this. I’d tell you the same thing I told my exhusband: For a threat to cause fear it has to be something that might not happen.
        If a woman’s knows without a shadow of a doubt that you hate her guts, aren’t her friend, don’t lover her or want a relationship , think she’s a waste of time, won’t help with house or the kids or bills, threatening not to talk to her and not to help with the house and the kids and the bills won’t work. At this point it’s not a threat, it’s just stating the obvious. You’re not going to do anything to contribute anyway, and you wouldn’t give her the time of day for a million dollars. Do you really think women in these marriages don’t know this?

        That think sex should be something your wife doesn’t like, just another chore like dealing with an incompetent coworker, or taking out the garbage, or coraling crabby kids really says it all. Your wife doesn’t like having sex with you because you don’t care about her, your a bad lover, and you go out of your way to make the experience as miserable as possible.

        When someone shares their body with you that’s a gift and a privilege. Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth and don’t trash the place, and don’t overstay your welcome or you won’t be invited back.

        You can either show your wife how much you “love” her buy making her miserable during sex, or you can appreciate what she willingly and eagerly gave. But enthusiastic sex wasn’t with a woman who was enjoying herself isn’t what you really wanted was it?

        1. Greg

          Lynn, what are you talking about, you do realise that you are not the only woman in the world, but you expect to be treated like it? You essentially told your ex take it or leave it, I guess he left it…and it sounds like he adopted your own approach to the marriage and became selfish himself, before gradually resenting, then hating you. Well done.

  2. DShaw

    My wife does not enjoy performing oral sex. I enjoy performing oral sex on her and our sex life is fulfilling enough that I don’t have any grievances about the fact that she doesn’t reciprocate. She has reasons to feel the way she does which I certainly will not get into here but they involve childhood abuse. You just never know what is at the bottom of a woman’s discomfort with putting a penis in her mouth. It’s a big deal for some and not a big deal for others. It really shouldn’t be an issue to the extent that it causes problems in a marriage. That’s ridiculous.

    1. How Depressing

      WTF is wrong with people. There’s a trend on here that if anyone says anything remotely suggesting it’s not okay to make oral sex such a big issue as if it’s not possible to have good sex without it their comment gets thumbs down no matter if it’s reasonable or not. This is so depressing. Are all men really like this?

      1. the guy who knows

        Nope, we aren’t, however, we are all much more aware that what happens before u say I do is far different after..very far!! Just be ur self women and this conversation dies. If you just sucked to get in the door than its ur own fault..come on now..lets call.and apple an apple and an orange an orange. far too many women have seemed to taken this course. How to.please a man in 90 days and then when it gets real….nope sorry that!!! I just ed wanted the catch..and ya know what good for u ladies..we have been accused of this for 1000s of years now u catch up but get caught. Own up, if u r not who u say u are from the beginning ur just lying to ur self and everyone else

        1. Marie 2

          sadly many woman do use oral sex to catch a husband. I seriously didnt understand just how important this was to my husband in order for him to feel desired, fufilled, content,satisfied with our sex life. When I decided to do it he about cried and thats when I realized how loved he felt by me when I allowed myself to show love to his manhood. Its just skin ladies. Dont be afraid of it. My husband is so much more content in our marriage since I started. He never demands it. He actually is quite satisfied sexually and doesnt hound me for sex the way he use to, that drove me nuts.Now he is incredible emotional and sweet and opens the car door for me. WHY? Cause he feels loved by me. A mans penis is a Huge part of his manhood. Believe it or not, its true. Just deal with it and accept it ladies and stop acting all prudish or you will miss out on the best sex and romance and tenderness of your life. I started out by just kissing it and playing around with it till I felt comfortable. I dont go all porn star on it LOL but he gets off in 5 minutes if I tease the hell out of him first. Its fun. I hope the woman on here who are afraid or feel like less than a woman if they enjoy their husbands bodies can help themselves to love their mans bodies. Just give it a kiss or two. Make it funny. Laugh. Deal with your insecurities and prudishness before you lose out on a beautiful intimacy with the man you love.

          1. Roland E Bastian

            Marie, I think you hit the nail on the head so to speak. You posses an amazing clarity and wisdom on this issue.
            As a man, I speak only for myself, I feel loved when I am respected, esteemed, and wanted. Receiving oral sex is just an extension of those criteria.
            I too feel loved when my wife does perform this act, and this stirs me to want to love her more, I feel so more connected to her, and I want to please her to the best of my ability, to study her more etc.
            I hope more wives realize the power they have to love unselfishly and the bounty of love they will receive in doing so.

          2. Apples

            Roland what if you love your hubby more than anything but your too damn tired after working all day, dropping off and picking up kids, cleaning, cooking, doing laundry, giving baths, and putting kids to bed 6 days of the week?!

          3. marie2

            Why would you put your marriage at the end of your list? Or even worse, not even have him on your “list” and sadly, thats what soo many woman see their husbands as…another item on their list of things they have to do. Please please please MAKE a time to take care of YOU so your not so run down tired every day of the week. Thats no way to live and you will soon burn yourself out . Get your marriage back into priority, it is the very foundation of your whoile family and your happiness. My husband would rather have less money and a messy house if that means Im happy, relaxed and able to enjoy myself . With my personal interests as well as in bed. He came home one evening to me showered and waiting naked in bed for him and he loudly exclaimed…Damn the house is a wreck but I got a sexy bride lieing naked in my bed. LOL It was soo funny and soo romantic. We just held eachother and I cried because I missed him so much and weve been too busy. If your going to let anything go to crap in your life, dont let it be you or your marriage. You have way too much on your plate if you have no time or energy to crawl into the arms of the man you love and make sweet love .

          4. Roland

            Apples, sadly being too exhausted, or too tired, or too busy, etc may be true. yet when something is really important to us we make time for it, and not sure much else other than our personal wellbeing is as important as our spouse or significant other.
            Now I would understand the reluctance to submit oneself to their spouse if they are hurt, feel unloved, no reciprocation of sexual pleasure, and disrespected, etc. Communication is the key in marriage, sometimes I am not sure what to do when there is an impasse. I digress.
            When I give to my spouse lovingly and selflessly she eventually comes around (pun intended) to try to meet my needs. Not perfect for sure though. trust me better than being divorced unless you are being abused.

          5. Lisa

            It’s not always about insecurities or being a prudish . Honey I’m far from that lol !! But in some cases When a man don’t work or support his family the right way . hen he’s not getting a BJ or any othe form of sex . The feeling leaves you . If you want sex do the right thing you will get sex. End of story . A lot of men don’t deserve that .

          6. marie2

            Dont EVER punish your man by withholding pleasure, sex gets a man out of his head and helps him connect to his heart and to you. your makeing a HUGE mistake here. he may be feeling depressed and lacking self confidence. loving him good tenderly is nurtureing to a mans very soul. it will help him be a man when his woman sexually nurtures him. Please stop withholding the one thing that validates his masculinity as good and verile and desireable. it affects his whole outlook on life. men are wired this way …please try to respect that. build up your man and he will build you up. he needs your nurtutring right now…not your disapproval and abandonment. live by wisdom not by your feelings my dear.

        2. Ben

          Oh. My. F**king. Gawd. You sir deserve the nobel peace prize. What you posted is 100% truth. Every female needs to read your post. My respects to you. May you live a long and happy life. Im sure you already do, with your mentality. Anyways, best comment ever sir. Thanks.

    2. the guy who knows

      Well, I have treated women like gold, Go down all the time with nothing in return..which is fine cause I can go too but, every single one cheated on me. The ones that haven’t are those that were equal, which may have taken some pushing (not in.loteral sence) end of day, I’ve heard it all for reasons not to love u that way and unfortunately from the horses mouth if u will 99.99 percent of the time she is just.lying..
      But hey, if ur happy f it!!! Just don’t be blinded..the odds of u meeting and abused child (well not now, older) is about 1 in 50,000, still to high but..never know

  3. cassie

    This is how I caught herpes from my husband. One day after I just couldn’t take the complaining anymore about how I won’t give him oral sex I decided to give him a blow job. I now have herpes for the rest of my life on account of he caught herpes from a prostitute and didn’t know it. Probably wouldn’t have told me if he’d known either.

      1. Disgusted

        My husband and I f**k regularly; and by regularly I mean at least 4 nights every week and sometimes multiple times in one night and it’s not because I love to f**k until my p**sy is raw and sore. He’s just a f**king sex addict and if I tell him I don’t want to do it he makes me do it anyway. And when I say he makes me do that’s what I mean. He’ll force f**k me. He f**ks me like he’s going out of his mind, like it’s been 12 years since he had sex instead of 12 hours. I do everything with him and by everything I mean every f**king thing that was ever invented in sex and I do it whether I want to do it or not. And wouldn’t you know the f**ker still seeks the services of prostitutes even while he’s getting sex at home on a regular basis. So it’s not the case that men only pay for prostitutes when their wives don’t keep them satisfied.

        1. Jay

          Mmm not all men are the same you know my wife hardly every have sex with me. Most of the time I have blue balls every damn day. Most night I come home from work I got me some oil and go to town in the shower every night. Trust me I love my wife more then ever.

    1. Erin---A

      Wouldn’t it have been much easier to take care of him in the first place. I don’t like it either, but I figure if he can get out of bed at 5 every morning not come back until 6 at night, and still manage to help me out with the kids and a little around the house on occasion, it is definitely not too much to ask. For almost a year, I barely did it at all, but after I started doing it at least once a month the romance just surged back into our relationship. All I can say is once a month is a whole lot better than herpes. Plus the romance has been way better. You have the key, if you will just use it.

      1. Emma-K

        So you’re telling this woman that’s what she gets for not taking care of her husband in the first place? And where in her comment does it tell us when her husband slept with a prostitute? How do we know his sleeping with a prostitute had anything to do with her not giving him a blow job? Not that it makes a difference one way or another. The woman clearly had a reason to not want to give her husband a blow job. We don’t have access to the info. We don’t know why she didn’t want to do it. We don’t know her and we don’t know her husband so to imply that she got what she deserved for not taking care of her husband in the first place is presumptuous, cruel and irresponsible. You giving your husband a blow job a month or giving him one every day is no safeguard against him going out and sleeping with other women from whom he can contract disease. There are men who will cheat while having sex regularly with their wives. It happens quite often; and some cheat with prostitutes. And many a wife like yourself who has bragged about how well she takes care of her husband has been hit with the shock of her life to find out she still wasn’t enough for her husband even while she was doing everything he wanted and doing it frequently.

        What is interesting to me is that you say yourself that you weren’t always giving your husband blow jobs. You wrote “For almost a year, I barely did it at all”; so I wonder, if your husband had gone seeking a prostitute while you weren’t taking care of him in the first place as you put it to the OP, would you have deserved to catch herpes from him when you finally decided to start doing it after that year of not doing it?

        Instead of telling someone whose situation you know nothing about that they wouldn’t have gotten herpes if they were taking care of their husband in the first place, try to contribute something more useful to the discussion. Sure, you’ll get hundreds of thumbs up from the guys on here for your comment; but how will you have really helped anybody?

        1. Trevor

          At the point where she refuses. I’m so glad I’m not married. Mine refuses too. But I’ve told her I’ll pay someone to do it. I get it about not wanting to make a partner do what they don’t want to. But she’s all good for receiving it. It’s gross but I used to do it anyway because I loved to please her. Now I have told her I refuse. She seems happy with thats. I’ve told her it’s not a happy arrangement and I will go elsewhere. If I didn’t have kids she’d be gone. She doesn’t love me or she’d want to make me happy. I get people have reservations but in a long term relationship you st least try, or explore. I wanted a vest friend. My vest friend is someone I can tell anything to. I cant tell her I want a blow job because I have given up. So if she’s not my best friend who would do anything for me, I’m not marrying her. She keeps nagging for a ring. “If you like it then he should have put a ring on it” I totally agree. A nice red lipstick ring at the bottom of my shaft would be great. But it’s not going to happen. I don’t see to have sex with someone who doesn’t want to please me. She said stop asking. I said, be very worried when I stop asking. I can’t wait until I stop asking. I was with her one year, no anniversary blow job despite her getting it daily and never reciprocating. I said I feel it’s selfish. She said ” get me pregnant and I’ll give you a bj every week of my pregnancy. My daughter is 2 now and I love her. I thought if she actually meant it, she would learn that pleasing your partner outweighs the displeasure if pussy juice/man cock. No it was a lie and she trapped me. I was ready to dump her after our anniversary and I let her bullshit me. Not gone to a hooked yet. Maybe will have an affair with someone who appreciates my tongue. Why should I have a broken home. I was lied to.

        2. Trevor

          You clearly know nothing about men. Yes if she was giving him blow jobs he wouldn’t want a prostitute. A blow job is the best sex in the world. As someone who is clearly also a refuser, you are talking a load of shit. I told a girl at work about my refuser partner, she said I should leave my partner and be with her instead. I said if I cheat on my partner, surely you’d think I could do it to you. She was very confident and said ” you wouldn’t cheat on my because I’d give you what you want and I know you wouldn’t want to go elsewhere. I tell you she was damn right. Of course I wouldn’t consider cheating on my partner if she gave me head. Why? Because I’d be happy. A partner that refuses doesn’t care about their partners feelings or doesnt care how important it is and is no partner in the first place. I happy man doesn’t cheat. If you don’t make him happy then you don’t deserve him.

          1. Marie 2

            I feel bad for you Trevor. I was like your wife for most of my marriage. I hope my husband didnt cheat on me, he said he never did and I told him that made me feel really sad for him that he went all those years without sex or even a blowjob. I was very uptight sexually. I didnt want to be but I had so many hangups. At one point he just got a life without me and I missed him so much. I started talking about my hangups and looking online for help. Well he started trying to find mt G-Spot to help me enjoy sex more which really pissed me off at first shoving his fingers in me like that but DAMN!!! when he found it I couldnt get enough of him LOL. Now I pounce on him and he is freaking loving it. I love to tease the hell out of him now then give him a blowjob. Try to find ways to help your wife enjoy sex. Be erotic. Dont let her miss out on her sensuality, help her find it. Thats the husbands job.

          2. Lynn

            Oh Trevor. Women with no self esteem are gullible. Your wife knows better. That’s why there are no blow jobs. I’ll say it again. For a threat to have power there has to be a possibility it won’t happen. You’re already cheating. This is why your wife doesn’t care. She could provide infinite blowjobs and anything else you wanted on demand and you’d still cheat anyway. Why? To get revenge because you hate her and like to hurt her but don’t want to take responsibility for leaving. That’s why.

        3. the guy who knows

          Here is the not ever going to defend someone that cheats, u need to talk to ur though u might have seen from other comments if ur not a cocktail sucker than don’t be one, especially don’t be one for years before the wedding and true to ur self. U don’t like it don’t do it and at the end of the day, don’t expect it either cause that’s not equality

    2. How Depressing

      Wow cassie, that sucks. I don’t get why your comment has so many thumbs down. Your husband gave you herpes and these men couldn’t care less. They don’t want to hear anything about what women are putting up with in reality. It is truly depressing to read some of these comments.

      1. So chill out

        How depressing and CASSIE……….. you’ve received a bunch of thumbs down because you’re missing the point entirely.
        Yes goof ball, you’re being abused duh!!! No one disagrees with that.
        However, because you’re comparing the two situations as if they’re the same is why you’ve received all of the thumbs down. Geezzz….!!
        If anything we’re all comparing you to all of those woman that don’t do it because once again, the mind set is the same - you just don’t get it.
        You see, this isn’t difficult. It’s about displaying a carefree spirit about you. It’s about True and pure Love so much so that your partner wants and/ or chooses to be with you and do things that provide you pleasure instead of bitching and loneliness. It’s when you can count on your spouse to do things to you and for you without having to beg or even ask at all.
        Sorry you found yourself in ANOTHER abusive relationship but that’s not much different than those of us within an abusively lonely relationship: You’re just like the rest of us only on the other end of it.
        How long should a person remain in an abusive relationship? Neglect of a child is abuse and so it is the same for a spouse.
        I would have been gone years ago if it wasn’t for children and ensuring they receive a decent life and that my wife doesn’t get too verbally abusive with them. Yes, I have to intervene nearly everyday freaking bitch!!

    3. Dave Johnson

      I have been selecting a prostitute in Nevada because after 27 years of my wife being either cold or disinterested I want some passion or at least faked passion on the chicks part. I no longer care. I am sorry that you now have a std and I might get one to but the whore that I have selected is really hot and my wife at one time was just as hot but now is 250 pounds. I am tired of navigating the muffin top.

    4. 1check

      Sorry to hear that, but if you were suckling it for him maybe he wouldn’t be out with a prostitute.

    5. Greg

      Probably gave yourself herpes there im afraid, inadvertently. Now I wonder why he was visiting prostitutes.. oh yes, oral sex his wife deemed he would never, ever, ever again experience…

    6. TheReverend

      If you would have taken care of your husband’s needs to begin with, he wouldn’t have felt the need to venture off and find a prostitute. You have no one to blame here but yourself for your outcome.

  4. J.Edgar

    I am male and some of the things I read online from men who want to take up arms and wage war against their wives for refusing to suck them off is disturbing. It’s little wonder these men are unhappy in their marriages. I’d be intrigued to find out their levels of education and if it so happens they actually graduated from college I’d hardly be surprised to learn they partied their way through in misogynistic frat boy style. I pray none of them are fathers of daughters, but sadly many are.

    1. kcminey

      This is just my opinion but you sound “henpecked”. I got through undergrad, received a masters degree and am finishing my doctorate and I would never marry a women if she did not want to perform oral sex. I wouldn’t judge or look down on her. I would just chalk it up to sexual incompatibility.

      1. Emma-K

        I agree with you that a person’s level of education doesn’t mean anything. Look at you as a perfect example. You’re finishing your doctorate and you can sit there and write with a straight face that your sexual compatibility with a woman is decided on the point of whether or not she will suck your cock. That’s not the thinking of an intelligent person so quite obviously you are proof that one can be highly educated and still unreasonably stupid. There are tons of “educated” people in the world who are narrow minded and ignorant. When you say you wouldn’t marry a woman if she didn’t want to perform oral sex you are basically admitting that no woman will be worthy of being your wife unless she’s willing to suck your cock. You’re saying that if a woman won’t suck your cock then she’s worthless to you. Do you tell that to the women you date? If you do tell them, can you share (honestly if you dare) which are the types that accept this prerequisite? How many intelligent, emotionally and mentally balanced women who love and value themselves agree to have their worthiness to be in your life reduced to their willingness to suck your dick?

        1. kcminey

          Get over yourself! All your suppisitions sound more like your own issues. Nowhere did I ever say a woman was not worthy to me if she did not perform oral sex on me. What if I said that I would not marry a woman if she did not cook? Being as though I do not know how to cook, i would like like to be with someone who could. I am not very handy, however, I do everything thatni can to make enough money so that if my significant other needs her car fixed, I can afford a competent mechanic. It is called a relationship/partnership. Again if a woman I was interested in did not like performimg oral sex, being that I love to receive and do not mind giving, why waste both our time? She could go out and find a man whom receiving oral sex is not a priority and she could be happy. If this makes me shallow in your opinion, so be it. I am sure you would never want to be in a relationship with me nor i with you. I would also not want to be with someone who is judgmental which you appear to be. I have encountered this issue before. I told my then girlfriend that I believed that she woild happier with someome else. She thanked me for my honesty and we parted on good terms. She is now happily married and I attended the wedding. Again no fault on either side. Just diferent wants.

          1. Marie

            I can so appreciate this guys honesty. Im a woman and I would be pretty miserable if I was married to a man who didnt enjoy giving me oral sex. Even if I loved him I couldnt marry him because I would feel undesireable to him if he found my vagina disgusting. I too would not give my husband oral sex ,it became such an unhappy depressing issue for my husband that I had to seriously think about why I wouldnt do it. I realized I felt like a whore doing oral sex because it seemed so dirty. Then I had a light bulb moment!! What if my husband felt licking my flower was dirty and disgusting and made him feel bad about himself giving me pleasure. Needless to say, I talked with him about this and came to see that its because porn and prostitutes do this so I believed only bad girls did that . I hjave changed my perspective completely since this realization. I love my husband,every inch of him is beautiful and I want to give him pleasure. Now I can say after our sincere and heartfelt talks about my issues…I love giving him oral sex. He was so happy the first time dureing a blowjob that he said out loud, I think Im gonna cry. It was so fucken cute. Im not good at it but he loves it and encourages me dureing it and helps finish it off. Its freaking adorable. Ive never seen him so happy LOL

        2. Link

          Education and intelligence have nothing to do with it. Every normal human has sexual desires, and if that person spends their life being denied fulfillment of those desires, they will never be happy. When choosing a spouse the MOST INTELLIGENT thing to do is choose someone who makes you happy. And if that means only marrying some one who will suck you off, then so be it. There are plenty of women willing to do it. Why settle for less?

        3. Greg

          Emma-K its his choice who he decides to marry, and he wants to enjoy oral sex for the rest of his life, like ALL OF US here, so why shouldnt he only marry a woman who is willing to do that??? If you dont want to do it yourself, i suggest you only marry a guy who doesnt want it! Duh.

    2. jack

      You have no love in your heart and would make a bad wife. But you know and celebrate this.

      Have fun enjoying your joyless life. Know this. Men live not for money but for women.

    3. Smash

      Making sex in different ways always depend on love between the two and oral is not issue but it depends how you two motivate each other and fufill this natural need not self created by two.Sex is nature not a creation and managing it in manner is like a dream which brings pleasure but if you feel it nightmare dream then its thinking fault.happy couples know how to enjoy each other sextually mentals may fight on other issues also.I am dead sure.

    4. the guy who knows

      Come on!! Ur either someone that hasn’t got or never had.. I have and as much money as I make it makes little difference to me in the end..what I deal with is 4x a blow before we..should say I proposed to 1x per month to none in over 2 years…I keep performing but nothing on the other side. Remember the revolution ladies?? Happened in the 60-70s look u got what u wanted, the power to decide…I think maybe u didn’t understand what that power meant. u r now the rulers of ur own fate. Everyone makes less money now that we are “equal”, nothing is equal it’s just gone from the man to women owning everything else.. own what u got!!! Don’t blame us guys for not wanting to open the door for a women that calls u an asshole everyday, other insults, hits u..but..not enough that any cop would respond, cause U the man, no women could ever hurt or beat u….um,,,,,until they realize I can hit u and nothing happens then we end up cut, slashed, and straight up murdered..but hey, as long as I said u were a bitch it was justified

    5. cdq99

      I think we have to take one thing in perspective; did she used to give you oral? why did she stop? What happened? Before I married my wife she used to give me great oral, it was one of the things I had heard about her before we started to date, she would suck them instead of f’ing them. Now that we’re married she made the comment, I don’t do that anymore. Damn near a deal breaker. Don’t get me wrong, I get sucked, just not by her. Funny thing is I go down on her every chance I get and lo and behold she doesn’t tell me to stop or that she doesn’t want that.

    6. Peter Cole

      Old post I know. For the record, I too am nearing completion of my doctoral degree (final defense of my dissertation), and former school principal and teacher for 20 years, neither a frat boy nor mysogynistic, and a virgin before marriage. It doesn’t matter. I’m just a man who feels betrayed. I am so sick and tired of being played by my wife of 21 years. After enjoying and giving oral sex for the first year of marriage came one excuse after another, from “I dont want you hooked on it”, “it’s degrading”, “I might do it as long as you promise to never ask me”,and “it’s sinful”, and the latest “it’s unclean and against God’s law about not defiling yourself with unclean things”, referring to Deuteronmy. Im afraid i might develop an aversion to the Bible. Not only does she not give it, but won’t take it. When i did get oral it was maybe once a year when she felt like i deserved it or it was my birthday. Pure control. Nowadays when we have sex, which happens once a week, she wants it done and over with. She will jack me off to help, but only because she knows sex will be over quicker. So she wants me to treat her like im having sex with a prostitute? Wham, bam thank you mam? We’ve argued and made up three times over this for the past several months thinking to myself that my desire for sex and oral sex will wane, but it hasn’t. I am frustrated at feeling betrayed and I’ve had enough. I know she still has that sensuality inside her, but dammit I think her over-spiritualizing sex is the root of our problems.This hasn’t made me stop attending church as a family, but it does make me resent some of the Christian teachings she’s been listening to. It would be easier if her reason was fatigue or just lack of interest, so i would still have a chance if she’s well rested or in the mood, but i don’t have the slightest chance with her viewing it’s a sin. Call me selfish but I resent that she’s putting her spirituality above our marriage. For the past few nights I gave up our bed and sleeping in another room so I can watch porn and Jack off all I want. I’ve convinced myself that my orgasm is just as good if not better when I help myself. Yes, it’s out of spite, knowing she’s against porn. Outside of sex I’ve resolved to see her as a friend. We just live together. We have children.

      I no longer believe in abstaining from sex before marriage. My advice to young people who place importance on sex would be to live together first. How else would you know their view on the matter? If I had to do it over again, I would make sure to marry a woman who values our relationship above all else and into receiving and giving sexual pleasure. I should’ve seen the red flag as soon as she started to over-spiritualize our sexual intimacy one year into our marriage. But what could I have done? Give her an ultimatium? Give me oral sex or we separate? If it’s not grounds for divorce it should be. In a twisted way, I’d find it easier to forgive if she’d had an affair and regretted it, as long as she still loved me and wanted to please me. Whereas, withholding a source of pleasure is much more painful to me.

      Problem was my wife was very sexual (kissing, petting) when we were dating. I assumed i was set for a blissful marriage. I still remember how much oral we were giving each other on our honeymoon. It wasn’t until our second year of marriage that she started withholding oral sex from me based on religious teachings about holiness and sanctification and all that religious gibberish.

      Aside from oral sex, she also refuses to entertain sexual talk. I love to talk about sex fantasies with her but she views it as sinful. And when she senses that I’m using my imagination, which I’ve learned to do only in my mind, knowing that verbalizing it will offend her, she will ask to wait until I’m “ready” before we try again. She wants me hot and ready so I need less help (and avoid having sinful thoughts) and therefore get the deed done asap. Hence, I might as well jack myself off, of course ill need a little help from porn since my wife won’t help.

      I am really looking forward to sex robots ot even VR sex. At least I’ll get some unrestrained sexual passion, even if it’s from AI.

      1. Peter Cole

        I guess I’m not that tough after all. I was talking like I was the big shot and my way or the highway. So after 3 days of sulking, I gave in and apologized. Some damage has been done (my watching porn which i admitted) and it’ll take a while for her to trust me again, but our marriage will heal in time. It helps that we share the same basic spiritual beliefs. So in the end it is not worth it for me to sulk and demand certain sexual favors from her. Outside of those frustrations, i realize that she does love me, just not the way I expect. But that’s my problem, not hers.

  5. Sean

    It says a lot about a person that won’t give their spouse oral. It’s not so much a question of if not performing oral on him makes you a bad wife; rather, it’s that you’re not willing to put forth the effort and “endure” a couple of minutes of doing something you may not completely enjoy to please your husband. I would say the same thing about a man who refuses to submit to his wife’s desires and go down on her. There’s a much bigger issue. Completely selfish.

    I have been married almost 9 years and have NEVER gotten a blowjob, not once! I’ll go down on her whenever and wherever she wants for as long as she wants. I NEVER deny her anything she may want me to do to her or her doing to me.

    Sure, I can have sex just fine without that foreplay, but the fact that she absolutely won’t do it for me has really made me resent her over the years. I’m in good shape and I’m very clean and trimmed, she just says she doesn’t like doing it. Guess what! I don’t like working all day; I don’t like having to fix the car, clean, mow the yard, cook, and do many of the other things I do for our marriage, but that’s life! If I didn’t do those things I just listed, other areas of our lives would suffer. Same goes for oral.

    It’s really gotten to the point that I don’t want to have sex with her anymore. I won’t leave her or cheat on her, but I’m just not attracted to her anymore. Your denial of your husband is saying a lot more to him than you think.

    1. Mr. Anger

      You (and I) should heve listened to the signals before we married women like this. If they don’t like it, find someone who does.

      1. Dave Johnson

        haha American women are very selfish. I hear the story often about the husband or boyfriend willing to lick the cesspool between their legs and they wont do their wifely duties.. eventhough they sucked it dry while dating. been there.. the next ones will suck it at my will or I will replace.

        1. noheadnaweek

          Yea! Really makes me mad. If I divorce her she’ll tell everyone that its because she won’t go down on me. She use to do it. But now it’s stop. Bait and switch. I feel bad I wanna leave her over this. Am I wrong. I give it to her and she enjoys its. But when I ask for it I’m rude. And she says she doesn’t like it. Idk what to do. Is this a real reason to leave my wife???? I need help. I love her. I don’t wanna cheat. But I almost like head as much as sex. I’m not asking everyday either even though I deserve it everyday. I’m a good man. I go to work found a great home for her. Buy her all the cloths and shoes she wants. I’m loving and kind. Someone be honest with me and tell me if I’m being too hard on her.

    2. Brian

      I have been married for 36 years. My wife and I did not have sex before we were married. I had a little trouble giving my wife oral pleasure at first and she objected to me trying at first. After I gave her oral pleasure for the first time she had her greatest orgasm and has liked receiving oral sex ever since. I gave her oral sex for the first time because I thought she should experience it and if she liked it I could put up with the mental discomfort. I realized after her first oral pleasure that I really liked the taste and scent of her cum. I now enjoy giving her oral pleasure as much as she enjoys receiving it. My wife has never given me oral pleasure. She has never tried. 36 years. It really hurts because I now realize that I will never experience a blow job from my wife. It is hard not to wonder how a person could love someone and not want to please them. She is a great wife and a great mother but we are not lovers. I feel an emptyness that only my wife can fill.

      1. Cindy

        I feel so sorry for you guys that give o pleasure to your wives, and gladly so
        without ever recieving it again. What happens I wonder? I too would give bj to
        hubby whenever at a heart beat, and do so. I actually love his tightening muscles
        and moans….and yes the power I feel at having that electric effect on him. BUT
        he doesn’t feel the urge or drive to reciprocate. I have hang ups and asking him
        to reciprocate. He has erectile problems which means that we don’t always have
        coitus only foreplay with satisfaction. So am putting up with a whole lot
        you would think that such a man would be gratefull and PLEASURE you like
        nobody business, but no. Perhaps the EGO is too much of a load.

        1. Always disappointed


          My husband and I are 32 and have been married for 6yrs and have had a very good sex life average 4xWeel. Usually I give him BJ to start the sex and when he is ready I stop and we have sex. A few months ago I gave him a BJ to compelition and now that’s all he wants. Now When I do it and stop so we can have sex he seems really dissaponted. He give me this look like ya I guess when can we can just have sex now. Or he will insist that I keep going. And if I don’t again he seems disappointed. We used to have very open communication about or sex life and now if I say one little thing he flips out. Tonight I wanted to have sex and he just just kept watching TV. I ask him what was up and he said its not fare because he told me he has been wanted a BJ to completion for a month now and I still haven done it. Here’s the deal when I start off with one to get him ready and I stop for sex he looks so disappoint. I honestly would mind doing it if he would just show some appreciation for the rest of me and not seem like have regular sex is something he will put up with. In the argument he was saying that I was wrong not to so what he says and because of that when we have sex all he can thing about is this is all I’m goong to get for the rest of his life. I feel like he is super lucky that we have sex at least for days a a week. But now he is making me feel like I’m not good enough. Now it’s like I don’t want to even start off with one cause I hate the look in his eyes when I stop like dammit now all I get is vigina. Also he used to complain that I wouldn’t him do anle cause I don’t like it. Well now we do it everyonce and a while. I thought that once I let up off that he would be happy cause it was basically the same argument. Now he gets that and now I’m a shitty wife cause I won’t do full BJs. What am I suppose to d I give an inch Nd he takes a mile nothing is ever good enough. Can someone please help?

          1. Basro

            Always disappointed.

            I can appreciate your situation. Sex is a very intimate subject and closely tied to our most basic inner core of our self-esteem. Thus in my opinion when we deal with the topic of sex between two people it can reveal some very sensitive issues which one may not want to address due to pain associated or underpinnings of other self-worth, self-esteem, religious/social perceptions, etc.

            With the above being said, I have tried to speak to my wife about our sex life and approached her in a loving nonjudgemental matter, either during sex and/or after sex. I receive the same response “now isn’t a good time to talk about it.”

            I hope you are able to speak to your husband about your feelings of wanting to be closer to him, how having intercourse makes you feel this way, having him perform on you, fill in the blank. I think if you phrase it that … about your desire to be closer to him then you might break down the walls of his defenses.

            Let me know how you make out if you will.

          2. Ben

            Wow, what an asshole. He should WANT to give you EVERYTHING after you blow him and finish him off orally. If he doesnt want to please you after you giving 100%, he does NOT love you. And you need to be with another man who loves getting sucked, but will always be there for your needs no matter what you fancy. A real man reciprocates, never takes and walks away. Thats a coward, and you dont need cowards in your life. YOU are a REAL woman everytime you suck him off completely. Great woman. You just have a horrible man. LEAVE HIM ASAP.

          3. marie2

            Always Dissapointed. Just give a BJ to completion twice a week or more if he can handle it. Make it romantic for you. After his shower light some candles massage his lower half and give him oral. Do this for a few months and help him get it out of his system. He is loving it so much thats why he wants that all the time. He can lie back and be completely nurtured by you and it seems he is desperately needing that from you right now, It doesnt mean your sex life will always be that way just right now he is needing to completely recieve from you and and you can always masterbate in front of him first before you blow him. Make it all about him for a while itll work out dont worry. Let him feel worshipped by you LOL.

        2. Damon

          ANY woman who is good enough to give oral to her partner FULLY deserves to have the partner reciprocate. I feel sorry for any person who thinks of oral sex as dirty or imoral. It is a beautiful part of sex, as it was meant to be. A full sex life between two people is what holds the relationship together. Very few men would look elsewhere for sex when they have a woman who keeps herself in shape and makes sure her man is well taken care of. Same goes for the men in the relationship.

          1. Dave Johnson

            he is lucky to have a wife that will take oral all the way occasionally. I haven’t enjoyed that since I was dumb enough to marry her. I take care of her often and enjoy it but would like it back. The she last did a full bj in 1986 when we were in college at Texas Tech in my dorm room. she was wild then and now she is boring.

    3. Chicago

      I have been their, done that, and will not do it again. Bro, in order for you mantain your marriage vows, this should be the last item that you ever read regarding sex on the internet (temptation, anger, and resentment are growing within you). The end of your marriage is closer that you think.

      Imagine if can, what sex acts did Eve perform on Adam, in order to make Adam decide to disobey God.

      I feel you Sean : (

    4. Ronny


      Same exact story as you my friend, married 9 years and 3 kids and my wife never even touched my penis. I mean never did she touch it or saw me naked in light. 9 years of marriage we never had sex in daylight. I please her oral sex every time we have sex. She never once touched my penis. Same exact feelings and resentment as you described. Completely selfish….

      Ronny J

    5. Sick of selfish men

      Guess what, I resent the fact that even though I am very uncomfortable receiving or giving oral sex my husband is punishing me with coldness and hatefulness, lack of intimacy, almost like living with the enemy. My husbands DENIAL of my personal feelings and unconcern or consideration of trying to figure a way to work this out so we can BOTH be happy has made me RESENT him so much that I no longer DESIRE him at all.. SO guys this is a two way street……….Selfishness destroys RELATIONSHIPS!

      1. noheadnaweek

        What I understand is that you don’t like giving oral. And now ur mad he resents it. Ur the only wife he got. And ur gonna deny him. U are a messed up wife. He should leave you. If he cheats don’t be surprised

      2. WowThatGotLongWinded

        OK, this is old as shit, but I have to say in response to your message….SERIOUSLY!!! You are telling us that the idea of spending a few minutes with his penis in your mouth causes you such discomfort and mental anguish that he should not ever expect it or even mention it. It is worth ending your marriage over…HE JUST WANTS YOU TO PLEASE HIM. Let me say it again, HE JUST WANTS YOU TO PLEASE HIM. Oral can feel good, IMO vaginal is much, MUCH better, but I want my wife to do something for me that is ONLY intended to please ME. It proves to me that she loves me and cares about pleasing me. Is that selfish, it only would be if I weren’t willing to do the same….read that again girls. It’s not selfish if I will do the same. I am so tired of the bullshit excuses that women give. Here’s my favorite:

        Man: If you loved me you would do it.
        Woman: If you loved me you wouldn’t ask me to do something I don’t want to do.

        Men, if you ever get that response, here is what you say. “No, I don’t want you to do something you don’t want to, what I want is for you to want to please me! What I want is for you to meet me half way, go as far as I’m willing to go, that is all I ask. Got problems in the past related to this…give them up. When you married me you were supposed to leave that all behind. What if I said my ex used to make me take out the trash and fix the car, and vacuum, and clean the bathroom and I hated doing it all, would that absolve me of ever having to do it again?” OK, well, maybe don’t say all of that, but you get the idea.

        Parting thought: Though many things are cited as the number 1 cause of divorce, the most likely true cause (beneath all others) is the following as said by a marriage counselor:

        “The most common issue I see with couples who are struggling in marriage is a lack of intentional investment in their marriage. And to be quite frank, women are most often guilty of this. The main reason is that they take on roles and responsibilities that investment in their marriages eventually comes last. It’s after the kids and after the laundry and after the floors and after the bathrooms, it’s somehow less important than anything else. Men do make the same mistake, don’t get me wrong, they put the marriage after their friends or the bar, or video games, or work, they just tend to not do it as often as women do. I think it’s because most men are wired to please, that’s what gets them off.”

        I couldn’t have said it better, and couldn’t agree more. That is what makes it so frustrating for us, we are so deeply ingrained in the idea of pleasing our women, that we don’t understand when they won’t do the same for us. And it is so deeply felt that it feels like a betrayal.

    6. John

      I’ve been married for 17 years and known my wife 19yrs. She has never given me a BJ or licked my balls or even just kissed the shaft of my penis. She thinks oral sex is disgusting..unless of course she is on the receiving end in which case she loves it.
      I have tried to talk to her about it, tried to ask her why she wont do it for me and I have told her how much it would mean to me. Flat refusal.

      As one poster here said earlier, theer are parts of his job he hates but he does them, he doesn’t like mowing the yard, chopping wood etc but its life, its the package…he does all these things for the good of the house, the family.
      Surely the same should apply to the good of the marriage?

      I have also become to resent my wife over the years because of this. I have heard that a prostate massage can be really exciting….but I’m not going to even go there…if she thinks a bj is disgusting what on earth will she think about putting a finger up my bum?

    7. Sue

      I’m in the same boat you’re in, I give my husband oral
      anytime he wants it and I enjoy doing it, it really turns
      me on. But guess what? I don’t get it in return, and I
      love it. I want him to do it so bad but he never does
      and I don’t know why either. It really bothers me that
      he won’t, because I love it so much. I don’t know what
      to do. I continue giving him oral, because I enjoy it to
      but I don’t think it’s fair that I don’t get it in return.
      Do you have any suggestions?

      1. Ed

        I would suggest that you say once he goes down on you then you will go down on him. He knows you will keep your part of the bargain.

    8. Listenup

      You women better listen close to these threads: I could not agree more with the statement above. This issue “alone” may end our 20 plus year marriage with 3 young kids. You women may think this don’t matter….it does. The resentment of the fact that you don’t care will continue to grow, if you did care, you would give as much as you receive. If you cared a lot, you would give more than you receive. The women that take the easy road and don’t take care for their man will get what’s coming to them. At best he will have affairs on you, and you will deserve it or he will just leave you? He may very well end up hating your guts over time for not loving and caring for him? He cares for you, but you don’t care for him. Women amaze me…they just don’t get it! Men are easier to take care of than a flea bitten stray mutt dog! Rub behind our ears a little and tell us you love us and we are fine! Pretty simple huh! Suck us off once a week and we will think you hung the moon!

    9. OldFart

      I have a LOT in common with Sean. My last full blow job was in 1989. We married in 1991. In the intervening two years, she would enthusiastically go down on me for foreplay but never to completion as she did pre-1989. But after we married, the times she went down on me for foreplay slowly dwindled away to never. I cannot remember the last time she went down on me. She practices star fish sex.

      OTOH, I ALWAYS go down on her. And I LOVE going down on her. I would almost be okay going down on her and foregoing everything else for it. I’ve even orgasmed from just going down on her alone. Truly, it’s my thing.

      But it says a lot to me as a man that she won’t go down on me. It makes me feel rejected and unwanted. If you’ve done your subtraction, we’ll be married 24 years this year and it has caused a lot of feelings of rejection and anger. I’ve never once cheated on my wife though. Can’t say I haven’t entertained the thought. But at 56, not too many people want me anyway and going to a pro just doesn’t appeal.

    10. Marie

      Many many many woman are very aware of the porn men watch and why they get prostitutes. For blowjobs. Therefore many woman see blowjobs as something that whores do. Therefore it greatly affects our self esteem and feelings of feminity to do something that we associate as whoreish and slutty and we dont want our husbands to think that way about us. We want our husbands to see us as lovely and wholesome good woman. Porn has really messed up womans self esttem. It took really thinking about this and talking with my husband about this to heal from that and be able to love and desire my husbands body and feel ok about myself for doing so. Bring up this subject with your wife. Good Luck

      1. Trevor

        I would love mine to be like a whole. It’s not because I want to disrespect her. It’s because it’s a sexual desire and I feel if she would just give me head and as Mr Grey put it, “completely submit” to me she would be the perfect wife. Well all the time someone else will and she won’t, someone else can do something she can’t, someone else us better qualified to make me happy. All these Roman bleating saying “all these men have something wrong with them” clearly don’t get it. Talk to any HAPPILY Married couple, and they share everything, including bodily fluids and fantasies including head.

        I talked to lots of women about this and they all say the same thing. They know how important head is to a man. It’s not necessarily as important for a woman but they w e important it is to a man.

        That makes them great women. Not because they do if don’t do it, but they know how important it is and that this is normal.

        To bleat on about ” what’s wrong with my man, why does he want a blow job so much” is like this

        ” I want to run my car on diesel because it’s cheaper. But it won’t work. It runs on petrol /( gasoline if your American) but refuses to work on diesel. I need to get it repaired. ”

        My husband refuses to be happy without blowjobs, what us wrong with him??

        Women, ( I’m talking about a very select few because most women know this by now and don’t need to be nagged for years thinking something us wrong with their man, they actually listen and have learned this important facts,

        Diesel cars only run on diesel.

        A man that wants a blow job (nearly every man) will only be happy when he gets blow jobs.
        He wants to be loved and swallowed. If he’s a decent deserving man he will reciprocate fully and swallow every drip of his woman too.

        There’s nothing wrong with him, you need to go on YouTube and look up ” how to not gag on blow jobs,”

        How to swallow cum without it tasting awful

        And actually. TRY.

        If you can’t be bothered then he should cheat on you. And you don’t deserve him xxx

        See it like this. You don’t want to be forced to do something you don’t want him do? Fair point.

        But you are forcing him to do something he doesn’t seem to do, and he doesn’t want a life without blowjobs but you are saying that’s ok?

        Be a nice woman either start to learn, or ” ok I’m not going to force you to do it, ( go without) just get it elsewhere and don’t discuss it with me”

        Trust me it’s hurtful that you want not to give me a blow job more than you want to make me happy.

        I don’t want a blow job more than I don’t want to not force you to do it.

        I’m happy to get it elsewhere and everyone’s happy, except everyone’s not happy because you want it both ways.

        You want me to have no blow jobs, don’t want me to “force ” you to do it and don’t want me to get it elsewhere.

        Are you a bad wife if you don’t give head? Hopefully you came to this site to ask that question and want an honest answer.
        Well you rank much lower than one that does. So that’s a partial answer.

        If you came here to justify why you refuse to do it then you’ve wasted your time because the only people who agree with you are other unhappy wives who do not have the qualifications to decide what makes a good wife.

        The best judges are the husbands. Their opinion is clear.

        They want a living blowjobs from a wife who lives them enough for do it WITHOUT having to be guilt tripped or begged for it.

        It’s every man’s dream. You will not change the minds of these men so please don’t try. Why would you want to?

        If you don’t agree with this then you are simply wasting your time on here. This site asks a question are you a bad wife. You have clearly found the answers and if you refuse to accept this from the men who are the judge ( a woman cannot tell you you are a good wife any more than a baby can decide you are a bad parent because you give them horrible medicine)

        The best judge of a good wife is a husband.
        The husbands getting head are happy and probably don’t even look at sites like this.

        The husbands not getting head are pretty unanimous in saying you are a bad wife if you don’t want to. That’s the point, you should want to or at least want to try, and use the Internet to learn how it can actually be easy.

        Yes I’ve deep throated a banana just to prove it. It’s all technique.

        If you listen to all this and still say that the husbands are wrong then please out your head in a bucket because the world around you means nothing.

        I wouldn’t care one jot if my mrs left the house in a shit hole, never did anything if she would just give me a f*ckin blow job.

        Well she still doesn’t clean the house or do anything and I still don’t get a blow job so I just don’t care anymore. I don’t care if she cheats. There’s no attraction to someone that doesn’t care for me. Its my house do I could kick her out but I’d be kicking my daughter out too so it’s plan b.

        And another thing, why would you want your man to fantasize over someone else? If you refuse to do something he’s still going to fantasize about someone doing it and it just won’t be you and eventually he’ll go to his fantasy to carry it out.

        1. Marie

          I told my husband I would be his dirty little whore in the bedroom as long as I get all the snuggling time I need after. Half an hour a day of snuggling and kissing is satisfying for me and makes me feel so loved. He agreed and said he loves snuggling and kissing me. WIN-WIN Almost 20 years married and our sex life is freaky now. LOVE IT!!! Today he walked out to the living room naked ,I was on the computer. I got up and started feeling him up, knelt down and gave him a long slow sucking then finished him on the bed. It was so erotic and actually incredibly romantic. This blowjob stuff is new to me and Im finding the more I do it the more I enjoy it and Ive gotten better at it. He no longer has to help me finish it, I get the job done .He needs to be lieing down on his side relaxed and able to thrust his hips in order to cum. Im learning all these little intimate things about my man I would have never known before. Wives…dont deprive your husbands. You are all they have for the rest of their lives to experience pleasure and deep intimate love with. Dont cheat him and yourself of this erotic pleasure. Start slow like I did with just kissing and licking it. He will love it. After some time you will feel more confident and comfortable and can suck him. I always go slowly. When he needs faster I let him thrust carefully in my mouth so I dont get tired and have to stop. Just start doing something…anything with his neglected penis. I feel so so badly now thinking of all those years I neglected my man. He is so happy and feels so loved by me now. It melts my heart. Their is nothing dirty or disgusting about it at all. I cant hardly believe how much I enjoy iy and I use to be dead set against it. Just start giving it kisses and you will get comfortable with it I promise.

        2. Lynn

          You want your wife to not participate in your sex life. Remember you equated working, raising the kids, and paying the bills to her doing sex acts she doesn’t like? This is why. Sex is about how you can use her against her wishes, that’s why you want submission. It’s a way to have sex with an unwilling woman without the physical force that would result in a criminal convictions. Pleasure, intimacy and connection have nothing to do with it.

      2. cdq99

        I’m sorry marie but thats not gonna fly, if she was giving blowjobs before marriage now all the sudden thats what whores do ain’t gonna fly. My wife gave everybody she dated blowjobs, even me and she was great at it. I heard about how good she was before we started dating. I fell in love with her and we got married. She actually climaxes when she gives head but she just got lazy and doesn’t want to do it anymore. I don’t push it but the porn angle ain’t gonna fly. If you love him give him a blowjob without him asking and I bet life will get better. Don’t give him one and he will get one somewhere. Just saying.

        1. Lynn

          Nope. These guys don’t like women. They like degradation and power. The pleasure for these men is the knowledge that the wife hates every second of what’s she’s doing and it makes her skin crawl. If you loved him you wouldn’t think you mattered and you do all the work yourself and let him do whatever he wanted to you regardless of the consequences. These men don’t like sex, they like control and misery in a partner. It’s what arouses them. They are turned in knowing she’s turned off. If they knew she like it then it wouldn’t be good for them. Those kinds of men don’t appreciate when a woman does sexual favors. They just get meaner and more aggressive.

          The kind of men who like women and sex that involves mutual pleasure aren’t trying to figure out how to make a woman do something they know she hates, because they don’t enjoy knowing she’s revolted by them during sex.

    1. James

      S.H Waters,
      Me and my wife been together for 23 years… infidelity from both parties. Even after I thought we have worked it out I still perform oral on her, no question asked… I ask she refuse. Hey I do not push the issue, but it is frustrating knowing that if you(i.e. me) do not perform oral, I am selfish and do not care… yet and still. She refuse to kiss and perform oral. So I am the jerk?
      I was told by my Grandfather” if you did it when you dated her, you better keep doing it… for someone else will”…. him and my grandmother was married for over 60 years before he passed.

    2. Dave Johnson

      Based on many years of asking husbands about this I would say that most wife only suck dick when they are drunk or special occasions. I am about to divorce my wife because after many years I cant stand to have sex with her anymore. She has let herself go, wont suck it , and I am tired of fighting off her muffin top.. Chicks, let me tell you big TITs caused due to being fat IS NOT A TURN ON.

    3. mina

      I have not stopped giving my husband head after we got married.. however I don’t do it as often since he doesn’t bother with foreplay.. it also depends on if he tries to take to much control I’m not a submissive female.

  6. S.H.Waters

    Here boys, have at this one. A freebie for you to thumbs down. I’m guessing the people who have commented here and are ganging up on any man who calls men ridiculous for making such a federal case out of the fact that they don’t get head from their wives, are not getting head from their wives and are pissed off about it and don’t want to hear anything other than comments supporting their idea that they have a right to receive frequent BJs from their wives.

    I’d love to hear how that idea went down with the chicks you dated before you got married. You knew you didn’t have a right to a bj then I guess. But marriage gives you that right is that it?.

    Maybe you should have told your future wife that you were only willing to marry her so long as she was willing to perform fellatio on you; but you probably wouldn’t have dared would ya? Nah, you wouldn’t have wanted to give the impression that you were only wanting to marry her so you could have a full-time live-in toy to do with whatever you wanted because then, she probably wouldn’t have married you would she?

    I think anyone male or female who thinks they have a right to receive oral sex from their partner is hopelessly out of touch. Just because you desire it doesn’t mean your partner should do it if they love you. If your wife has a fetish and wants you to get on all fours while she prods you an**ly with some thick long implement are you obligated out of love to oblige her? Not saying oral sex is a fetish so don’t even jump on that. Point is if your partner doesn’t like a sex act and won’t do it and you can’t live with that you shouldn’t be married. Get divorced.

    In anticipation of your thumbs down, envision a middle finger sticking up with a long nail painted red.

    1. Jason

      I agree with this. Get divorced. She changed, isn’t doing what she did before marriage to trap you then leave her. There is a woman out there for every man and a man for every woman so go find the right one not the one that just does whatever it takes to get you to marry her then change her tune. 😉

    2. Andrew

      The pseudo-feminist has spoken! And surprise, surprise, it’s a rant of horseshit that misses the point and makes marriage sound like a legal arrangement or indentured servitude.
      I’ll redirect you to the core feeling and sentiment that was expressed originally: “my wife doesn’t care enough to put forth the effort to please me in a way she clearly knows I desire and this is in spite of all my efforts and sacrifices and unpleasantness that I gladly endure with the thought of how it pleases her or benefits her or our marriage, family, and home.”
      Nobody’s said anything about rights, requirements, duties. This may be a novel concept to you, but it’s about a desire to please each other, about experiencing pleasure in just knowing you’re giving pleasure.
      Also, it’s hurtful to be rejected and denied by the person to whom you’ve made a life commitment. You seem to really hate men and you knew that spewing your hate would get you “disliked.” But can you conceive of the notion that we do have feelings and are particularly vulnerable to the ones closest to us?

      1. Mabel

        If you do not like the penis, you do not like the man. It is that simple. The biological need for intercourse is related to hormones that makes you feel good. The biological need for intercourse in order to get pregnant, is nothing more then to get the child. There is no liking the man at all. It is the biological need that makes them ‘endure’ intercourse. They loath the man for that too.
        So the act of pleasing your spouse, often comes down to the act of giving oral sex to the man, is often refused by women that hate men. They are either hard core damaged men haters, or closed lesbians. So to all men out there that have wives with children and still don’t please you orally. Get out. Do not get involved in their hate, and start cheating on them. They will redirect their dislike of you then to the children. And as a cheater, the kids have a reason to be upset with you. DO not step in that trap. Mentally healthy people just leave. I am a woman and I derive great pleasure not only from giving head to my husband, I genuinely like the feeling of the velvet penis on my lips. It is a great sensation. I love men. I love them for who they are, for how they are different from women and for how they complete us. I love to please my man. So again, if the woman/wife does not want to please you, so does not enjoys herself and you. Her issues then are bigger; they don’t like men.

        1. ak

          I think you all need to talk to your wives. Oral sex is an admission of total acceptance on the part of the he giver and total surrender on the part of the reciever. You must do it occasionally if you don’t like it or frequently if you do - both you spouses

        2. Smash

          Mebel you are exactly right that loving a man is the biological fact and loving a women is too its a parallel path and enjoyment for satisfaction is natural if some one deny the have 100 % other issue not the sex.Sex is an activity for making happy not angry.Abnormal man or women may angry after sex.

      2. Lynn

        No it isn’t. If it was about pleasing one another you wouldn’t be trying to make your wife displeased with your marital sex life. Trying to make sex bad for the other person is not about loving or pleasure. It’s about enjoying the power to make the other person do something you know makes them feel bad and that your spouse finds revolting.

    3. Rinslowe

      Nothing gives us guy’s a “right” to oral sex before or after marriage. But it’s great to receive it, end of story.
      My wife doesn’t need to give me one every time I ask for it, but at least every so often would be a reasonable request surely?
      If you are the type of guy who expects his wife to go down town at every insinuation then buddy, you have very little real respect for your wife, period.
      That also goes for a woman who straight up refuses to give her partner oral on account of simply not liking it… Of course if there are other factors involved (like for eg. a history of abuse) then that’s totally understandable, otherwise what’s the deal?
      I guess at the end of the day, what kind of people we are really defines the kinds of true pleasures we are able to enjoy with our life partners. Are we reasonable? or do we abuse our partners? Are we happy in our relationships? or is their some other underlying factor which we are not happy with which may influence our motivations to compromise? And how much time has passed not being truly happy on either side?

      Bottom line, oral is a good thing in a monogamous relationship if the either partner enjoys it, but too much of a good thing is asking too much frankly and then a little self control and understanding needs to be exercised…

      My wife used to give me BJ’s at least once a week in the first 3-4 years and now refuses to please me in that area full stop. She doesn’t like oral performed on her at all. But do I need conform to this reason or the fact that she doesn’t like it based on that fact? I just don’t know really…
      I know for certain that I cannot expect it often at this point and do not force the subject, but I choose to not go without it for the rest of our marriage and so I pick up the topic from time to time. Cheating is not on the cards. But neither is me being unhappy in our sex life either…

      1. Lynn

        Yes but you can work with consent and commitment and mutual pleasure.
        That’s a very different attitude than women you don’t matter just do what I want.

    4. Joe Blow (never)

      Hey Shit Head, there is one MAJOR problem with your entire theory. When we were dating the women who would eventually become our wives, they were giving us oral sex so we didn’t know that it was ever going to be an issue after we got married. Like ten days after we got married if you are lucky enough to have it last that long! The real question is this : where do women get the idea that it’s okay to be a “dirty girl” and blow your guy when your dating but the second that ring hits your finger, oral sex suddenly becomes “icky” and “good girls” don’t do that icky stuff. Basically, like any other contract, we were all lied to by being shown a bill of goods that was false. We should all be able to get out of the contract with no repercussions, in fact we should be able to sue for damages.

      1. Marie

        Maybe its because you see giving blowjobs as something a “dirty girl” does and your wife feels bad about doing it now cause she wants to be a “good girl” Marriage is a reality check. Makes you more aware of what your doing. After marriage many womans consious starts to bother them because they associate blowjobs as something whores and dirtygirls do. Apparently thats how you feel too. Men like “dirtygirls” and as long as porn represents blowjobs as something prostitutes and whores do then woman will feel degraded doing that. My husband and I had to seriously talk about this issue for me to feel comfortable doing blowjobs. Now Im able to and enjoy it and feel like Im loving him by giving him pleasure and I know he doesnt think Im a dirtygirl.

    5. Dave Johnson

      I was very clear about what I expected and I kept up my part of the bargain. Its the women that cant seem to do it. If you ever sucked the dick before marriage then you must continue.. otherwise you are setting the stage for false expectations. While dating I received complete blow jobs.. loads in the back of her throat after marriage.. nada..

    6. Kitty

      OMG, this! Oral sex is a big issue with my husband and I, and his argument is that even though I don’t enjoy it I should still do it because he enjoys it. I said okay, fine, no problem, as long as he is willing to let me finger him in the arse, as this is something enjoyable for me even though he would not enjoy it.

      1. marie2

        Kitty…you sound like a cold spiteful woman. I feel so badly for your poor husband haveing to spend the rest of his entire life with an unsatisfying sex life. This is your lover husband and best friend. He wouldnt ask you to show love to him if he knew it would hurt you. I shudder to think I was once like you. Im so glad I worked this out with my husband. We snuggled this Sunday morning ,it was so cozy and nice. I lit my pretty vanilla candles on my nightstand ,kissed him slowly all over, whispered sweet nothings in his ear and gave him oral. He didnt last 5 minutes. He is so peaceful and happy today and it gives me so much happiness that he feels so loved by me. He is the greatest guy who has always taken care of my son and I and our son we have together. If this is all he needs from me to feel loved I will never deprive him again. I adore him and he spoils me.. I will NEVER make him feel like his body disgusts me ever again. I wish you to know this kind of intimacy with your husband.

        1. Lynn

          Ahhh yes.
          Rape is only rape when it’s done to men. If men rape women it’s just a normal marriage.

          1. Nubia bizness

            Lynn wow…. you are so weird. There are some psychological issues with you.
            All of your comments have been very mean spirited.

          2. Dystonic Rxn

            It sounds as though a man or men have hurt you or caused you significant pain in your life.
            You deserve better for yourself than to be bitter and live with resentments.
            I hope you find the help you need to nurture and heal your mind, spirit, and soul.

  7. Chris

    When you get married, there is an expectation that things will not change radically after the ceremony. If you’ve been giving oral sex prior to marriage, and then once the ring is on your finger you’ve called it quits on that, then you’ve been deliberately deceptive in the relationship and yes, you are a bad wife.

    If this is something you’ve never done for him, then there is no reason for him to expect it now.

    Think of it this way. Imagine your husband told you all during your courtship that he loved the idea of having kids. Then, once you were married, he ran out and had a vasectomy. Would seem a little unfair, wouldn’t it?

    1. Lynn

      See I had this delusion that people would continue to grow and learn and progress in life. I also had this really weird freakish idea that sometimes unexpected things happen in life and that while this can be horrible sometimes it good. Then there are kids. Did you really think your life wasn’t going to change after kids? Maybe not. Do you really think your not going to get fat old and ugly? No plans to save for retirement? No vacations? No building in unity and stability after decades together that wasn’t present in the beginning? No getting your own place without roommates? No buying a home? I really just don’t understand the idea that there will be no major changes, you don’t have to progress or learn or grow or advance professionally and financially, that state of life doesn’t matter to your family. It just doesn’t make sense to me.

  8. Linda

    I’m asking this objectively and for conversation, not to accuse and finger point and encourage the endurance of hate and anger: How many things do you guys do when you’re courting that you stop doing once you’re married?
    I have no complaints about my own marriage because my husband and I, before getting married, invested years into building a strong relationship founded on mutual respect, mutual concern and mutual consideration. I feel reading some of the things I’ve read on this site that the respect, the concern and the consideration are missing from most of these relationships on both sides of the equation.

    As to my question, while I have no personal experience with my husband doing anything differently after we got married from what he was doing before we got married, I do have sisters and girl friends and I see firsthand the way marriage kills relationships. It isn’t just a matter of wives getting married and then stopping certain activities they were doing before they got married. There’s a breakdown between couples that precedes these changes. I wish people were willing to look at themselves first in trying to figure out where relationships go wrong. Rather than focusing on what your wife isn’t doing to please you, maybe try to figure out what’s different about you that makes her reaction to and her interest in you different? In what way might you have changed? What things might you have been doing during the courtship that you have stopped doing since you married? Don’t be too quick to say you changed nothing. Being unwilling to consider the possiblity that you might be equally responsible for what is going on doesn’t fix the problem. Choosing to believe your wife was deliberately deceptive is easy because then you can just be angry and call her names and make threats while you sit back and make no adjustments yourself.

    Behind problems in the bedroom is always a bigger problem. Figure out what your bigger problem is and solve it if it can be solved. If it can’t be solved, and if you feel you can’t have a fulfilling sex life or a fulfilling marriage without oral sex, then maybe you need to divorce your wife.

    1. mike

      That is my plan Linda. I am tired of feeling rejected by poor sex. I am not an animal and can live without a blow job…..but the disinterest is demoralizing. I will not live with this void any longer. After my daughters wedding it’s So Long……

    2. Dave Johnson

      I am getting a divorce after almost 30 years and am going to hire whores from now on. My divorce will cost me a lot of money and I would rather give it to the pros that actually care to take care of me instead of a wife that just wants to ignore me.

  9. Tuesday

    I am a woman, and I must totally agree with Mike. Men love oral sex. For men sex is primal. They are visual, they like to watch you love their body. Oral sex makes them feel like you accept everything about them even their primal needs, without it the feel rejected.

      1. Andrew

        Wow, Maria… How’s that attitude working out for your marriage?
        Imagine what you have when a marriage becomes infected with that kind of lazy inconsiderate thinking from either side. Each party just uses the other’s complacency as justification for their own and round and round we go.
        How ’bout somebody try to reverse that cycle with a little selfless action and no sense of entitlement? Give a well researched, sloppy BJ. Plan a romantic night out. Send two dozen long-stemmed roses to the office at the beginning of the week (so all her co-workers can see), foot rubs, back rubs, special dinners, dirty texts/pics, long hugs, cuddle fights, naughty underwear (selected and worn by by her as a surprise that’s way more sexy than it is comfortable), a habit of always kissing goodbye in the morning and goodnight when you lie down together to sleep, spa days together, dirty movie night.
        Get your asses in gear people. You made the decision to spend your life with this person. When they said it takes work, that wasn’t just idle banter. And don’t get all pouty when you don’t see instant results. Patience is the mortar that binds all these little bricks of gold.

    1. Dave Johnson

      Please spread the news.. You GOT IT. Women seem so dense and then after being lackluster shrews they seem amazed when their husband leaves them. Its not hard to understand

  10. paul

    this is my story. my wife was a virgin when i married her. we had really exciting “sex” whilst we courted. we did everything except me penetrating her(she had to be a virgin until married), and she would not go down on me. but she did promise she would after we got married. its been 7 years now, and she just wont do it. all she says is that she doesnt like it(although she hasnt even tried it), and that all her female friends dont do it either. i feel cheated by her empty promise, especially because she would not have married me unless we had a child. a condition i agreed to, even though i had 3 from my previous marriage. so i give her what she wants and she wont give me what i want. what would she have done if i hadnt kept my promise about giving her a child? by the way, she is the only woman that i have had sex with, who hasnt sucked me off! and i have had lots of them!

    1. Scott

      paul, sorry man, but that was totally your fault. You should have known what you were getting before getting married…..if she wasn’t willing to have sex prior to marriage, she sure should have been sucking you off like crazy. You messed up, no one to blame but yourself. Bottom line, women lie, twist and distort reality.

  11. Elizabeth

    I don’t think it has anything to do with being a “bad spouse” but more with a sexual incompatibility if you don’t want to do it, and your partner desires it. I think the best marriages are ones where the spouses at least recognize what their partners like and desire sexually, and then do - without unreasonable demands being placed on them - their best to accommodate their partner. Give and take. I know are a woman if I were with a man who enjoyed this act and enjoyed that the fact that I perform it on him, then refused to reciprocate for me, I’d become resentful. Resentment builds, the unspoken kind is very dangerous.

    Find a compatible partner. The worst, I think, is the old “bait and switch” … women who will do everything and anything PRIOR to getting the ring on their finger then once the ink on the marriage certificate is dry, POOF … the don’t want to “do that anymore” and tough luck for you.

    1. MsGee

      bait n switch? Hardly. Men and women both change after getting married. It happens. Men do less for their wives romantically, or start treating her more like a possession or servant. Hell I don’t even think it’s just gender based. I have known women that do that too. During the wooing process both a man and a woman give it their all typically. After marriage and the stresses of cohabiting, kids, etc there is less energy on all sides to keep up that kind of thing. Who sits there and says before marriage, hey do you promise to always suck my d whenever I want till death do us part. Nope because if you did a woman would be like oh that’s all that is important to you? Just like if a girl says do you promise to spend all of yer money on jewelry and dates and flowers like you are doing now? I don’t know a lot of this just sounds so silly to me. No one is perfect and no one is entitled to everything they want, the best hope is to find someone where if one thing ends that everything else is so good that you can still have a great life together and grow old and grey.

      1. Basro

        I hear what you are saying here… we all change when we transition from dating to married, the kids, the job, the darn mini-van, etc. We discussed many things about compatibility before marriage how many children we wanted, what our styles on parenting, money, sex, friends, church, etc were.

        My wife and I actually had this discussion before we were married about her interest in giving and receiving oral sex. just a compatibility question here, nothing more. She told me she liked to give more than she liked to receive AND she would swallow every drop. Oh my!

        Fast forward 3 days after the ceremony, in front of our loved ones and our Maker, things begin to change. I understand we change during the life stages we progress through, pregnancy and the post-partum period is very difficult, pre and post menopause, etc. yet I also see the basic understanding what marriage was meant to represent. Selflessly loving one’s spouse and yet not totally losing one’s sense of self, until little by little the two grow into one.

        Sorry I digress. Will my wife not giving me oral sex make me cheat or leave her? NO. When I see my wife selflessly giving to me it makes me want to do the same to her all the more than I do already.

  12. John

    My wife is like that too, it sucks. When she takes my cock into her mouth I feel like she accepts all of me unconditionally, its such an intimate moment that cannot be replaced by anything else. We used to have great oral sex prior to our marriage, now I cannot even get near her vagina to please her in any way. She does still perform on me however not as near as desired, however I am still doing my best to increase the frequency. You only get one life why live a life with resentment and rejection when your spouse is supposed to be your partner and lover and best friend….its sucks that she cannot see what I need (and every guy out there also needs this) perhaps she no longer cares, given the fact she has a nice house and a son and doesn’t need to work, maybe that’s all she wants anymore. Will keep trying though but just hurt and disappointed.

    1. Rinslowe

      You still get it but not at the frequency you desire? Then mate, you need to learn to accept a little more in moderation…

      Most guys on here aren’t getting it at all any more and hence the problem…
      I fail to see how your situation really applies.

  13. No oral here either

    Married 25 years and I don’t ever get oral sex, I do ask for it sometimes though. Maybe once or twice a year, she will kiss around on it for maybe a minutes and that is it.
    I give her oral sometimes, she seems to enjoy it.

    I know one thing, if I had to do it over, no oral sex would be a deal breaker.

  14. Marie

    Shouldn’t sex be a mutually pleasurable experience? Why are women required show a man that she accepts all of him by her servicing him? What sex act by men offers women the same service?

    1. Chicago

      Dear Marie,

      Upon reading your thought i almost said something foul. What sex act by men offers women the same service?

      Housing, cash flow, social standing, appeareance of finanical security, etc. etc. In any so called healthy marriage, Men spend most of their time trying to provide and please their Women with things that make them happy. This is called foreplay Marie; a sex act……

      Men marry for sex and eye candy, women marry for everthing else.

      1. Marie 2

        Interesting point Chicago. Never thought of it like that. Guess I just took it for granted how he took care of me. I wont anymore. Everything he does will be appreciated and noted as a display of his love for me. How easy it is to take someone for granted. Im so glad I found this website . Its drastically improved my marriage from reading all these posts by husbands. Thank You.

      2. Lynn

        Consent. Choice.
        You want to know what sex act provides the same thing to women? Having a say in when, how, and if sex happens. Having a woman’s decision and desire and pleasure be considered as important and essential and natural apart of the process as a mans decision.

        I think I’m starting to see the problem here. In general women file divorce more then men. However men are far more likely that women to file for divorce if they have a special needs child, or if their wife gets a serious illness.

        Your comment explains why.
        The children and the bills are the woman’s responsibility, not the mans, so unlike a woman a man needs a reward for working and parenting or he’ll just leave.

        I think this is why so many men on here are infuriated at the idea of women enjoying sex of having a say in how it happens.

    2. Rinslowe

      Are you a recently retired NUN by any chance? what a ridiculous question. Trolling can be the only true answer to what it is you’re doing…

    3. Link

      Each person has different desires. A partner should know those desires and be willing to fulfill them, if not she/he is not the right partner. It REALLY IS AS SIMPLE AS THAT.

    4. Marie 2

      Yes, sex SHOULD be a mutually pleasurable experience. So figure out why your not enjoying it and get to work on fixing your issue. Your not required to show a man that you love and accept him, you PROMISED to love him in your wedding vows and oral sex is a huge part of how a man feels loved and accepted by his wife. The foreplay and tenderness from my husband has skyrocketed since I started giving him blowjobs. It amazes me how happy he feels and I only do it once or twice a week. He has started telling me not to go to completion because he wants to finish it by making love to me. Hes not as obsessed with blowjobs as he use to be prior to me giving them and at the beginning when I started. I think he was just so desperately hungry for my loving him that way. Now that hes feeling sooo loved by me he desires to make love to me more than getting a BJ. Funny thing is now I cant keep my mouth off his cock LOL
      Im a different Marie so Im going to sign my name as Marie 2 . I dont want to be associated with this heartless Marie that posts on here.

  15. Todd

    Well Marie, that’s unfair do to the difference between men and women. To answer your question literally, I’d say “orally pleasuring their significant other.” But obviously that’s a tad unfair do to the fact that pretty much 998 out of every 1000 men absolutely love,love, loveeessss going down on women. So that’s the sex act a man gives a woman that offers “the same service” as you said. But what’s unfair about that argument is that not near to that percentage of women like to go down on men. Though there still is quite the percentage of them. But anyways, i feel that it should be a deal breaker. It’s important in my eyes.

    1. Marie

      Out of curiosity, I have spoken to woman who stop giving oral sex after a while. It seems they give bj’s cold, no warm up and they are left sexually frustrated. After he is finished, that’s it. Bj can gain negative associations as a result.
      First, a woman needs to be warmed up, second she needs to go first. Giving bj cold and then being left hot is very unpleasant and gets old.
      My husband and I have no problem giving oral sex to each other. We have foreplay, he gives me first and then I give him. We are both happy when we cuddle afterwards.
      In our 10 yrs together, bj have positive associations for me. When I am turned on, my jaw does not hurt, I notice no particular smell or taste.
      Unlike my fiends who are expected to put up with sexual frustration, taste and smells and all of this with no warm up.
      Try it - warm her up, give her an orgasm and then you get the bj. Never leave her frustrated. You may actually get more bj’s.

      1. Lynn

        This is the real issue. One sided sex. You don’t have to force, bully or badger nag whine and guilt a woman into doing something she wants to do.

        1. Nuni bizness

          It’s due to selfishness.
          I asked my wife, “you know that I would do just about anything you ask of me. Can you say the same? Are you able to say that statement about me? Outside of murder and such, you already know and take for granted, that I will do anything for you. With sex, my efforts will be well over 75%. All I’m asking from you is to set your goal for 25%.”
          ….. that appears to be the norm yet millions of women are too narcissistic to even shoot for 10% effort.
          After 30 years, I just sleep on the sofa: It’s too difficult to sleep in the same bed with someone who does not “actively” participate in marriage.

          1. Dystonic Rxn

            Have you talked with your wife about the lack of intimacy in your marriage?
            Like most things in life I would guess there are more than one cause.

  16. Kevin

    As others have alluded to, the importance of oral sex to guys cannot be overestimated. It is primal, and it is the height of pleasure. My wife used to give me oral all the time when we were dating, and it continued into the first four years of our marriage. After that, the frequency waned and now she does not do it anymore (I’m saying to completion; she still does it as foreplay). I resent that she does not do it anymore … it feels like she is denying me the feeling of that pleasure. I could understand if she had not done it before getting married. You would know what you were getting going in. But to have one spouse change the terms of your (plural) sex life so drastically, is not fair at all. She knows that if she did this while we were dating, that I’d be gone. And it’s not like there was any sign then that this could be a future problem. She was totally gung-ho for it at that time.

  17. Jimmy

    “A bad wife”? No, but could things be better for the wife? Yes, It is normal for negative feelings when things are not going well in the house, to be erased when you know she cares about you enough to meet your needs. These posts sound like a broken record and I am a recipient of the same. Awesome oral sex before marriage and then the tap ran dry. I did not even ask her for this as I assumed it was against her beliefs. I thought I would just introduce this to her during our marriage. I married a very religious woman who is a great lady except for accepting and giving of this wonderful love. I recently (after 10 years) was able to give her some of the best orgasms she has ever experienced through cunnilingus. She was against me doing it but I was able to talk her into it and once the emotions started, she ran the course and begrudgingly admitted to me how great it felt. I have to beg her for me to pleasure her in this way and about once every two months she says ok. I agree that it is a two way street and the men should want to pleasure their lady sexually or any other way that meets their needs also. I asked her why she offered this before marriage but will not now, that she says she loves me even more now? She said she lost sight of her religious beliefs and now she is in tune to what God wants for her life. She also said she thought she would lose me…..

  18. Tu

    Well, while I do think It’s very selfish for women to suddenly stop doing things after marriage, you have to accept the fact that she was only giving you blowjobs in the first place so that you would marry her, I am due to get married soon and am very worried from constantly hearing about women doing this to people. In my opinion this happens because you allow it, if you allow her stop doing her best to make you happy and you keep doing your best to make her happy, it gives her great reason (inside her own head) to believe that it is okay because of one or two reasons, because you want to, or because you have to, she figures, “hey, I don’t have to do anything for him, cause he’ll keep doing for me no matter what”. If you let her become to believe that then all is lost in your marriage. Humans have a knack for taking advantage of other peoples wants and needs and that is exactly what they do, as women are still only human. And people don’t get me wrong this isn’t a one sided story, women almost feel the same as men do but in a different way about the subject. They may think, “If you really love me then you should go without this one thing so I can be happier”. But in truth, it is very hard to love someone who is seemingly not loving you. And I don’t see what the big deal is about putting a penis into you mouth!!! Vaginas are WAAAYYY more icky and gross and degrading to put your mouth on in my opinion (but I am a very icky and gross person so I happen to enjoy doing this though I do understand it is gross) So guys how bout we try NOT doing anything we don’t have to since they wont do anything they don’t have to? How bout NOT mowing the lawn, and NOT fixing the car, and NOT cooking, and NOT fixing the computers and NOT continuing to put up with such selfishness and disreguard for our feelings and needs. Let us understand NOW that just like everything else in life, marriage is what you make it and both of your opinions equally count, not just hers.

  19. Derek

    To bring UP an old post, I myself have been dealing with the same issue. For the five years prior to our marriage, I received blowjobs on a normal basis. I love the feeling of having her having control over my body. It’s not a dominatrix type of thing, but more an issue of trust. I am willing to surrender myself to my wife and allow her to have her way with me. In the past, it was a desired trait. But, now that we’ve been married for a year, it seems as though it is a “chore.” Just tonight, my wife pretended as though she understood my need for oral pleasure (not to full orgasm, just foreplay) and ended up leaving me empty handed, so to speak. I happily went down on her, as usual, but her lack of return is leaving me unfulfilled. I love my wife, and would never stray from her, but her lack of “returning the favor” is causing resentment from me. It’s beginning to get to me and I don’t know what I can do to resolve this.

    1. lovingwife

      tell her !!! women are not mind readers! if she truly loves you, she WILL want to please you…as long as she feels you want to please her and you continue to show her that you love her and show her respect …which should always be mutual.

  20. DANIEL

    Well all i know is if I would get oral sex from my wife more often I wouldnt go around posting stuff on craigslist and hooking up with married females and getting head from them. My wife knows I love getting that from her and she says the only reason she doesnt do it is because she knwos i like it so much. if she were to do it I would be the happiest guy on earth and would proceed to do all the romantic crap she likes aside from being faithful to her.

  21. Jake

    This is very, very simple from ALL heterosexual males point of view. Suck our di*ks!! It really is that simple. Women, wives, girlfriends….it makes us feel you value us as your man… period! Its not some f**king mystery question to ponder or study. It is not some psychological conundrum! Its you(woman) doing something for us(man). If you value our relationship in any meaningful way it doesn’t need to be a complicated thing. I dont give a f**k if you(woman) think is degrading, gross, weird, embarrassing, dirty, smelly, etc… We(man) do all kinds of stuff our entire live to make you(woman) happy and we do it for one simple f**king reason…to make you(woman) happy!
    There is only one f**king reason why a women doesn’t suck their mans di*k. SELFISHNESS

    Please understand this only applies to normal women who do not have a medical reason that prevents them from s*cking di*k.

    1. Marie

      Why do you think she is selfish? Selfish would be her taking more from you than she is giving. Are you certain that your assumption that she should s**k your d**k to satisfy you is not out of a sense of entitlement?
      No one, not even men, are entitled to more than they give in a relationship. Every relationship is an exchange - if you expect unconditional love then you will be frustrated indeed. Only children get that.
      You know that woman are not the problem. Man, women and both of our outsized expectation in relationships are problems.
      Woman are not required to do specific sex acts to keep a man. Men and woman need to have a mutually satisfying relationship. Lots of bj for the man is not a woman’s idea of a happy marriage. It takes a lot more than that.
      Woman don’t overvalue what men do and undervalue what woman do. You don’t get to decide the value of what you give in a relationship, the receiver does. Appreciate your wife and maybe she will appreciate you.

      1. Link

        Quote: “Woman are not required to do specific sex acts to keep a man” YES THEY ARE. And the same goes for men. If a man or woman desires a specific sex act be a part of their sex life, and you refuse your partner that desire, you will either lose him/her OR you will have an unhappy/unfaithful/resentful partner and you will destroy your marriage. IT REALLY IS THAT SIMPLE.

        FACT: If you won’t satisfy your partners desires simply because you don’t enjoy the act, then you don’t truly love your partner

        1. Lynn

          If you only pay the the bills and raise the kids and clean up after yourself because your partner provides you one sided sex, you know she doesn’t like because you think sex is an obligation women owe men, your partner was never the problem. Men who are bad lovers make women who loved sex hate sex. If you use to get lots, and don’t get any now (and you don’t have your young children, and your wife has no major medical problems and isn’t working 100 hours a week) look in the mirror. It’s not sex she doesn’t like it’s sex with you, because you insist on sex she doesn’t like. So sex is great for your miserable for her, and she knows you prefer it this way because you insist on it. You don’t like mutually pleasurable sex. Eventually any woman will figure it out and quit trying when what she likes and doesn’t line and wants and doesn’t want doesn’t matter anyway.

  22. Phoebe

    My best friend was telling me last night that her fiance’s ex-wife never gave him head..if she did it was only twice a year!! She never would let him do it doggy style either!! I could not believe it!!

    So this morning I have been researching this….which has lead me to this site…and I can say I am absolutely SHOCKED!! I do everything with my husband of 12 years, and with great frequency…and I absolutely love it!!

    It gives me great pleasure to hear him moan while I suck him off…and to hear him cry out when when have anal sex…I am so sorry to hear of the tragedy of other married couples’ sex lives.

    1. Lynn

      I’m betting be doesn’t try to control you sexually and make you do what you don’t want to do.

  23. Marc

    In have been married for 8 years and referrer prior for 7…I have reviewed 1 bj from her in that time. I have often asked why she won’t and she says she just doesn’t like it, I go done on her regularity, I love it! Only because it makes her happy. I have sometime Los had to stifle throwing up because on the smell or taste but continue because she likes it. And would never tell her that. She said she would give me a bj several time but never holds follows through. I take it personally, I pick up the kids, make them lunches for school daily while she gets her makeup on, do dishes, sometimes help with laundry…etc etc etc. I love my wife…tremendously. But it frustrates the hell out of me sometime a feel like she finds me completely unatractive or worse sometimes because she won’t go any where near that area of my body. I’m not obese or anything, I’m clean and always trimmed. I find myself to be an attractive 34yo man. So what gives…

  24. Alex

    I’ve been married since 2008 and dated my wife since 2005. She always makes excuses for sex or giving me oral. Maybe we are incompatible our sex drives are very different. She s**ks my d**k everynow and then till I come. She does it before we have sex most of the time but does not continue. I love pleasuring her and f**king her even tho she has put on some weight over time I don’t care. But recently she just refuses to s**k my d**k.

    I think I’m done with our marriage. I have a two year of child. I live with a sh*t job, messy house, eating at her parents most of the time, all the gardening, looking after the car, being bored out of my mine at her parents place. But something must be good in my life. I love my son but my relationship and needs are forcing me down the wrong path.

    I dunno what to do. But from tomorrow I’m gonna stop wearing my ring and doing whatever I like. I will have sex with prostitutes and do what I want from now on. Life is too short to live unhappy. I’m 31 working a shit job and my house is a mess my wife is getting obese and I just don’t care anymore. If anything else went wrong I’d kill myself.

    But I’m gonna separate with my wife as she longer the women…I married and I no longer feel loved.

    1. judith

      U know what, do just that. Leave her u selfish immature pig. No bj and u decide to throw away a whole marriage?! I hope by now she is well rid of you asshle.

      1. Ricardo

        agree with you, he should have done that for the first days she refuses giving him BF. (leaving her, not the cheat part).

  25. raja

    hi, i am married for 24 years. my wife cooperates in all the ways. i had two girl friends before my marriage at diff time intervals. one was married then and older to me and she had agreed to do oral and we have had sex in all Kamasutra ways and she was loving me. The second gf too did sev times bj’s and had sex with me sev occasions. It is the mutual acceptance and as men we have to free them and love them utmost to enable they reciprocate to us. sex is the explosion of love…

  26. Steph

    Perhaps you should sit down and have a candid talk with your wife or husband about your problems instead of whining to strangers on the internet. There is only one way to fix a problem between a married couple and that means a serious discussion about it between both of you. You can’t expect a problem to be fixed if both parties don’t know the issue to the full extent. Good luck!

  27. Tad

    I think the problem is not, not receiving oral pleasures but the deceiving of it. I feel that a lot of males have been deceived that what we got from our girlfriends who later became wives in the sex department has been very misleading. I personally used to get head once a week when my wife and I where dating and now it’s been turned into a special occasion thing. Would I leave my wife over this? No, but it sure does make it harder for me to turn other women away when they flirt with me all the time.

    1. Lynn

      This only works when both people want to solve the problem. The standard male solution, well it’s only about half of men who do this, but the common male solution of “shut up and do what I want because you wouldn’t care about yourself if you loved me and your sexual pleasure, choices and feelings don’t matter anyway” is not trying to solve a problem.

      You’re also unlikely to get a decent solution to sexual problems if the rest of the marriage is shit. If you find speaking to your wife, or spending time alone with her one one without the kids (aside from sex), or making joint decisions on major marriage issue to be an offensive waist of time or think that for her benefit more than yours….you have bigger problems then the lack of blow jobs.

      It’s generally a bad idea to marry some you don’t like and are offended to talk to talk to or spend time with. If the marriage got that bad it needs to get to the point where you like one another long before you expect any drastic changes in the sex department. (And no, spare me the lies that men like women who have sex with them. Men do not marry prostitutes and strippers and it’s not uncommon for men to get violent when sex workers expect to be paid. Sex is not love and a man doesn’t love a woman because he has sex with her. If a man hates his wife, sex and blow jobs won’t soften the guy they will just give him more confidence to be more aggressive and controlling.) Either quit griping and fix the marriage or face the fact that someone you can’t stand probably can’t stand you and therefore won’t want to suck your dick. It may be time to face the music and get out. If the marriage was always bad, and that’s sometimes the case, then admit you screwed up and leave.

  28. Johnny's

    Sh!t u guys don’t got it as bad as i do! I got the bait n switch with my wife! Now she doesn’t even want me to kiss her talking bout she doesn’t like saliva! Every time we have sex and I suck on her huge nipples, she wipes them off every 1-2 seconds! I cant kiss on her neck, face, etc, etc..don’t even think(!) of French kissing! ( which I love) n please don’t mention oral Around me or I will pull a bill Clinton on every girl that looks my way! Listen to this one: when we are f***king and she gets to wet, she wipes away the juices every minute or two because ” eww, its to wet and it doesnt look good”.!! Bet u never heard no retardedness like that before! Damn marriage is a time bomb! sh!t, and just to think she did ALL thAt before mArriage! And then women have the Audacity to wonder why we “color outside the lines” as is their totally devoid of a goddamn brain! Smh!

  29. JiCXX

    Hi Fellas,

    I am married for 5 years and this week I really feel enough with all this sh*t. We did a couple of mini BJ during first years of our marriage (we did not do it before marriage and when I say mini BJ it’s really 5-6 of simple lickings and that’s all - but I am still happy with that as I am not a difficult man).

    I was happy to give her everything. I hate cooking and I hate dishwashing but still cooks her her favourite cuisines all the time and do the dish washing. However enough is enough. I have been watching porns and masturbating everynight to get rid of my desire to be bj-ed. I gave up today.

    I am still with her at this home just for my cute little daughter that I love so much. No more love and I will start looking for someone else outside to give me my biological needs (even if I have to pay for it). That is the basic need of me (like eating), and I have to get it to survive.

    1. Lynn

      Do you expect your parents and your coworkers and your roommates to give you blow jobs when you cook yourself dinner or do the dishes? No? Well same thing with marriage. Marriage isn’t a free ride of paying your bills, raising your kids, or cleaning up after yourself for men. If you think pulling you weight as a single adult counts as foreplayans entitles you unconsensual sexual favors your going to be sorely disappointed.

      1. Dystonic Rxn

        Lynn, your logic is amazingly unfathomable. We are mainly speaking in the context of a married relationship in which both the husband and wife married for romance and love, want to share a life together, have a family perhaps, etc.
        when a woman is willing to engage in certain romantic activities when dating and newly married then after a year or two suddenly stops something is amiss.
        I get it that things are no longer as new and exciting as they were in the beginning, other distractions i.e. Children, house, in laws, etc distract prevent the sexual relationship from being what it once was. This takes understanding
        So forgive us men who are irked when our women say they don’t want to have sex anymore or say I don’t do that to oral sex when clearly our wives more than wholeheartedly did both acts with significant enthusiasm in the past.
        So when I have trained for over 11 years and have worked to establish myself to earn an income and provide for my family and wife, and when my wife can have the energy to work 5 days a week, have coffee and lunch w her friends, rarely make dinner or wash clothes, and has a housekeeper come once a week I call BS on your “arguments”.
        Yes I more than provide, yes I do help out at home even when my wife doesn’t seem to do her share, yes I spend time w the kids, etc.
        if a relationship is build on intimacy and love what does it say about the person in the relationship who solely focuses on themselves???!

  30. JiCXX

    OK again me.

    It is 41 degree here outside. I just finished cooking her fave cuisine Indon vegie soup for her to eat tonight (and yes I did the dishwashing).

    What a sh*tty f***ing life that I can not have some bjs for my whole life (just one life) and I cook her the best recipes even in summer like this.

    If HIV does not exist, I swear that I will drive straight away to the closest prostitution centre of excellence, exchange my red Hyundai Getz with some bjs from those hot girls. And my life will be accomplished.

    My 2-years old daughter, please grow up soon and get married. And then I will leave this house of SH*T !!!

  31. JiCXX

    And happy new year all you guys there… the lucky men whose wifes cook and give BJs. You surely are lucky in your life !!!

  32. Rich

    My wife used to not only do oral but finish it, same with anal, once we got married things began to change, oral ecame a chore, although I kept up with all the romance, and affection, 1st out of nowhere she didnt like finishing , then she didnt like it at all, I was OK because she would do anal which was amazing. then the sex drive went, and still I kept up with the romance, all the little things women say they want

    Then of course after kids, come the hemmhorroids, now I get it , it hurts, and Id never put her in that kind of pain… But dont you think maybe, that if you cant do something, you may offere sometihng else ???? Now ill be the 1st to say I HATE half oral , then intercourse, … its fine sometimes, but come on!

    But now she doesnt do oral or anal, hardly wants vaginal, and wonders why I get pisssed off about it

    this isnt who I married, and I feel duped, when she wanted that ring she didnt seem to have such a problem with the taste!

    and WTF, do women think they tast like friggin Pie ala mode down there ???, no it doesnt.. but I dont care she can get it whenever she wants

    Yet she doesnt understand why the hell id tell my buddy NOT to get married, if things are good with his girl now

    1. a married woman

      I’m sorry but you can’t make everyone happy so you might as well make yourself happy. I gave my husband head even though I didn’t like and he would still b*tch because it wasn’t all the time. Then it became a chore. Irregardless of whetjer he got it or not it was never enough. So I stopped. That was his own fault. Don’t complain if its what you asked for. As easy as you get it…its as easy to take it away.

    2. MineaTheBad

      She defrauded you.
      They all do, after they have secured their right to the property.
      Sell everything, including the house, liquidate all assets, give her half on the condition that she never entertain a man ever again.
      Bet she won’t honor that contract either.

      1. Lynn

        Typical husband whose bad at sex.

        Punish your wife for doing her sexual favors.

        Act shocked that she is entitled to the half stuff when she paid 30-70% of the bills and did most of the housework and parenting.

        Come up with some freakish control scheme to keep her from having sex after divorce and offer her, her own property that she worked and paid for in and out of the home as trade.

        Why do you want her never to have sex again? Probably because you know it’s not her, or sex, it’s you. Why do you assume that since she did most of the work and earned a lot of the money in marriage you are entitle to everything? Probably because you think your entitled and she owes you unconditionally on everything and that how marriage works.

    3. MsGee

      You know I bet if you got Genital Psoriasis or had an accident where you couldn’t get a hard on anymore you would sit there and cry if your wife wanted to leave you after all of the years you were there for her but could no longer perform now. Marrying someone isn’t supposed to be about the sex it’s about the whole package and it being someone you can relate to and grow old with and weather the storms. I can honestly say that if I married a man that was wonderful to me in everyway but one day got in an accident that meant he couldn’t perform sex anymore but didn’t like to lick the kitty that I would stay with him. There’s always a dildo and self gratification you can always pleasure yourself, but you can’t always find a good partner that you could spend the rest of your life with. If all you really care about is sex, don’t get married then. Problem solved. You don’t have to be married to get sex and these days there are plenty out there that will have sex out of wedlock.

  33. TJ WIFE

    Wow, My husband and I were joking, when he called myself a bad wife! Due to the fact before the kids, we could not keep our hands ( or any other body part) off of each other! But its true, I do not ” feel” I need to take 20/30 min out of my jam pack day to give him oral sex. And I have thought about leaving him due to the fact all he does is bitch about the LACK OF SEX FORPLAY SO
    ON. I am amshamed that after two kids i lost that fire frisky wild self. I have and still do love my husband, and i came to this site for help, to maybe feel theres others out there.

    1. MineaTheBad

      There is help to be had.
      Divorce him. Do it now. Admit to the court that you refuse to honor the CONTRACT you made with him and you want out.
      You’ll get 1/2 the property, the kids and 64% of the joint income you two share.
      It will ease your conscience to know he’s not getting ANY from ANYONE unless he is rich.
      Because, let’s face it, all the other women out there are whores just like you and want more pay to play!

      1. MsGee

        I don’t see anything in the marriage vows that says you must suck your husband off and service his every sexual whim. Just saying 😉

      2. Lynn

        Yup. Women who don’t pay all the mans bills and do all the parenting, and all the housework, and who don’t perform everything man wants sexually in demand whores.

        These are the same men who don’t want 50/50 custody, but resent child support, and think they shouldn’t have to pay for the kids daycare or health insurance after divorce.

        Freeloaders all the way.

  34. kitana25x

    My husband asks openly, like when cooking dinner, if he can get one later. It always takes me by surprise and he’ll explain the reasons why he wants one. But he does this take pity on me thing that sometimes works. So I wonder if guys have discussed openly, outside the bedroom?? Does she know what is going to be expected of her after the door closes and lights are off?? My hubby does deserve sometimes, but he constanly nags and rarely tells me he loves. So when he asks, its cause I feel sorry for him and I don’t want to look like a neglectful wife. But I’m Never in mood! Kids, work, money and then u bitch about it all? Yeah, u really deserve a bj. If didn’t work outside the home, and he’d Be thankful for what he did have he’d be a happier man in the bedroom. I don’t find anything great about it except your happy. For that moment. I could on & on.

  35. he4she

    I’ve been divorced for 27 years if I woman won’t blow me I don’t see them again.
    I know of one married guy his wife won’t blow him so he finds a woman who does.

  36. Catwoman

    You’re not a bad wife, just a boring one. It’s hard enough to have sex with only one person for the rest of your life; if that person is unimaginative and limited in the bedroom…ugh! Talk about monotony. Who the hell wants to have sex the SAME way all the time? Life is routine enough, esp. with kids-if you can’t have some excitement and variety when having sex, then what’s the point? 50 more years of blah.

  37. Rachel

    Are you a bad wife? I think that you are doing more damage than you realize by denying your husband of something that he desperately wants. Men are wired to want sex, plain and simple. This includes oral sex. If there is a reason you can’t bring yourself to do it - possibly childhood abuse - then get yourself to a counselor so that you can move forward. Talk to your husband and tell him what happened and why you are struggling. If you don’t he will end up resenting you. If you are just not doing it because you feel that you don’t have to, then you are being selfish. How would you feel if your husband decided he wasn’t going to mow the lawn/empty the trash/change the oil in the car/etc. anymore because he didn’t feel like it? After a while you would grow to resent him, too, I’m sure.

    My husband and I have been married for almost 11 years and while we don’t have sex (oral or otherwise) as often as we did before kids I will still do whatever I can do please him, and then he will return the favor by helping out more around the house or by taking the kids out for ice cream/to the playground so I can have some time by myself.

    Simply put, when you do things to make your man happy, he will do what he can to make you happy.

    1. Lori

      Have any of you suggested options for dealing with fears or objections women have about giving bjs? One thing that helps, and someone mentioned it above, is taking a shower or bath together before sex. Then you both feel good, relaxed, and clean. One of my friends gave her husband bjs in the shower fairly often — they are divorced now b/c of deeper problems, but she was willing to do it in the shower and it made him happy. Also flavored/scented creams, oils, condoms can help alleviate the anxiety about tastes and odors.

    2. MsGee

      And what if therapy doesn’t make her able to move on enough to where she can suck D… if that is the only thing she can’t do does that mean she deserves to be divorced? I think it’s easy to give advice to “the women of the men” in here who claim they are giving their all but we have no idea what their marriage is like at all. It may be that all these men say things to the wives daily that cause insecurity and depression to the point that they are withering away and dying inside. I think all of these men need to go to couple counseling where there is a trained professional mediator that can find the truth in the middle of the complaints from both of the spouses. I can almost guarantee that lack of oral sex or sex for that matter has the root of it’s problems in other things whether it be physical health, mental health, or actual problems inter-personally.

    3. Lynn

      1) If my husband though mowing the lawn, changing the oil in the car, or emptying the trash were the equivalent of sex for women, I would know he thought sex was only for men and didn’t know or didn’t care that women also need sexual pleasure.

      2) If he thought he didn’t have to do anything at home because he was a man and married, including traditional guy stuff, I’d know he was an irresponsible slob, and he better be able and willing to hire help to make up the difference or have something spectacular to offer and even then I’d be extremely suspicious.

      3) If he added going to work, and parenting to the “I don’t have to do it if I don’t feel like it” list I’d know he was he a dead beat and dump him.

      What is it with equating men supporting themselves and raising their children to a woman providing limitless sexual favors on demand? Does this apply after divorce? Are men only supposed to do 50/50 custody and support the children if the mother continues providing blowjobs on demand? What about never married mothers? Do they have to provide blowjobs to get the man to take patenting time and support himself and contribute to the kid expenses? Even on his parenting time? Really?

      1. marie2

        Giving my asshole insensitive angry husband oral sex dramatically saved our marriage. For the very first time he felt loved and wanted and accepted and desired by me.Keep in mind that a mans sexuality is viewed as perverted, disgusting, controlling, overbearing, gross, disrespectful ect….they have feelings you know and when you reject the very core of what makes them a man…yes their sexuality is the definition of their maleness……when you reject this…you reject them… at their deepest most intimate basic level. Thats a fact. They are overflowing with testosterone and this makes them a male. Accept it and cherish it and satisfy yourself in it and you will have a very loving happy giving man. Guys feel deep rejection and hurt by all those awful things you posted. You sound like a very self centered selfish man hateing woman and I feel sorry for any man you involve yourself with because sooner or later your relationship will have issues because no man is perfect and no man understands a womans needs and feelings so he is going to screw up BIG time, time and time again untill he gets it right and even then he is testosterone driven and will still seem to be an asshole at times. My answer to that is continue to show him your desire and love of him and he will always try to be a better man for you if you talk to him and dont judge him or yell at him or reject him. What you wrote does not sound like you know how to love only that you demand Love and perfect love. If he is not abusivesive to you then he loves you. If he is not living up to his full potential then communicate with him but do not reject his sexuality or he will have no way to connect with his emotions for you only feel rejected hurt angry and frustrated and no way to deeply communicate or understand whats happening to him because HE DOESNT HAVE ESTROGEN IN HID BRAIN !!!! Hes a fucken guy. Help a guy out Im not a whore when I give my husband one sided sex. I love nurtureing him this way. LOVE IT!!! He has become so open and emotionally available to me. He is still a man he doesnt act all girlie towards me. Blow jobs wont make a guy all estrogen relateable. It does make them open to you emotionally though. Men pay whores because they are desperately lonely to feel desired unconditionally despite all their flaws and faults. So learn to love your man or give him to someone who will. Dont reject him and expect to be happy.

  38. NoBeej

    My wife has not been going down on me either. It has been a strain on our relationship ever since first dating. She gave her first/previous boyfriend maybe 10 blow jobs. They never had sex. We started dating and she decided to reclaim her purity/virginity… It really bothered me that she gave him blowjobs but refused to give me any. She convinced me that she would would make up for it when we get married. We got married and finally had sex. My patience paid off. Or so I thought. She told me I’d get a bjay on x-mas and my birthday at a minimum now. I convinced myself I could get more… Not the case. She kept asking me to be patient with her. Well, our 2nd christmas came and passed and no bjay. I did not complain. Well, I recently asked for one. She plainly said, “No.” This infuriated me after years of being patient and trying to please her. We had a big argument. …I am still trying to get what I want when she just says she doesn’t like to do it. It’s nothing with me… she just doesn’t like it. I don’t buy this excuse after my years of being patient and understanding. I’m really starting to feel like a fool for ever believing her.

    1. El Guapo

      Women are such stupid lying b*tches. Naughty women are what ALL men want. Why do you think porn still exists? To remind those f**king lying backstabbing bitches that THIS is what men want. Not some boring bitchy lazy ass gold digger. F**K THAT.

      Im a guy by the way, and oral means you REALLY love me. So dont say shit about “ohhhh I love you so much… Blah blah blah.” B*LLSH*T. All you want to do is to trap a man and ACT like you dont know what ALL men need in order to be happy.

      Men love to eat p*ssy, even if you DIDNT shower and wash yourself with f**king clorox, like you extreme stupid b*tches want US to do. Heres a hint: clorox is NOT for bodily use you dumb b*tch!

      F**king women wannabe’s.

      If she doesnt s*ck you whenever YOU want, AND swallow, then she is simply USING YOU.

  39. NoBeej

    I’ve also asked for a bj instead of sex while she is on her period. Her excuse is that she does not feel sexy while on her period. All i hear are excuses. I could understand if she had some sexual abuse history, not the case…

  40. Generouswife

    Ok. So I’ve been married for 20 years. My husband LOVES BJ’s and gets them on a very regular basis. I lick and perform like a trained monkey because he loves it. Do I love it? Not crazy about it but he loves it so I do it. He reciprocates and LOVES to do that. We have sex at least once a day. My point is this-sometimes we do things for our spouses because we love them and WANT them to feel good. That is what sex is supposed to be about-pleasing EACH OTHER-not just your own selfish, self centered, self. And sometimes we surprise ourselves and enjoy it too. If your husband is a caring, warm and genuinely affectionate guy (not a whiny demanding baby having a temper tantrum) throw him a bone ladies!!! Get some flavored drops and make him take a shower first-or better yet shower with him to make sure he’s cleaning it 😀 Now-if I could get my husband to quit begging for anal….
    Any advice? ;-P Done that once-NEVER again! Ow!

  41. MineaTheBad

    Bottom line for me.
    Don’t do bj, for me, because I like bj, but claim you like sex with me?
    YOU LIE!
    Once married, the sex, whatever it is that is alright with YOU, will dry up and blow away, because, if you hate my cock, you always will, and the loathing will spread.

  42. Marcy

    I am a female who has been married for 28 years, so I like to believe I have learned a lot about marriage. Gentleman, what type of foreplay do you perform OUTSIDE the bedroom? Holding her hand, telling her she looks pretty today, offering to watch the kids while she takes a long, hot bath. Remember to have conversations with your wife that are fun. For example, “Honey, you cracked me up when you told Kevin he was an idiot”., etc. SO MANY wives are lonely. Their busy with the kids, the house, their job and oftentimes they don’t make time for friendships with other women. It is easy to become ONLY “Mommy”, and mommy robots do not have oral sex! , If you make her feel sexy OUTSIDE the bedroom door, she will be a lot more adventureous INSIDE the bedroom door. For most women “guy behavior” (belching, farting, etc.) is not sexy. Lastly, SHOWER! I can tell you for a fact that even if you showered that morning, you need to shower again and USE A SOAPY WASHCLOTH on EVERYTHING from your lower back to your belly button. Then do it again. Use a little bit (not a lot) of your cologne around your inner thigh area. Trust me, she will enjoy the experience so much more. Nothing is more disgusting than “guy smell” down there. Also, almost all wives do not feel confident about their bodies. Having children can really mess up a woman’s figure, and breasts may be lower and stretch marks from pregnancy are hard to accept. Be considerate, make love with the lights down, and compliment her body and how she feels while you are having your intimate time. If you can do most of those things most of the time, (but you always have to shower right before) she will happily provide you with sex (including oral sex) 99.9% of the time. p.s. Do not shortchange her on the foreplay portion of sex, and if she is tense, give her a lotion massage to get things going. My husband and I have been together for 28 years. We are in our fifties. Our sex life is fun, loving, happy and sexy! Treat each other like the friends and lovers you are, and it all works out beautifully.

    1. Bob

      Why is it that the man always has to be the one to treat the woman like a princess, tell her she’s gorgeous, give her the massage, flowers, perfume, etc.? And you know what’s worse than “guy smell” down there? Girl smell down there. I do my share with the kids, the housework, the cooking, etc. Can’t she go out of her way sexually a bit? Can’t she tell me I look good? Give me a hug, hold my hand? Most women seem to think they should be treated like goddesses. Give me a break. Your man wants oral sex because it feels great - better than any other kind of sex. And you won’t give it to him why? Because you don’t like it? Please. If your man is a jerk, don’t give it to him - but then why are you married to him? If he loves you and you love him, Give him the oral and learn to like it. It really isn’t that difficule

      1. Nuniabizness

        Exactly dude…
        Why is it men have to complete a zillion combinations just to finally be intimate with his own wife?!
        I’ve done it all and played the game thousands of times.
        Did all the chores, worked over time, raise our kids ( meaning dinner, baths, stories), worked out to ensure my body is pleasant for her, gave her frequent full body massages, cooked dinner daily, wrote songs and poetry,
        Took her out to dinners and such, repaired everything, years work, etc….
        Yet sex just wasn’t available.
        Blow job was laughable!
        Too many women on this post fail to understand that this isn’t really just about a BJ. It’s about the laziness, lack of effort, total disinterest from most women that makes us men paused off.
        If you didn’t want sex then why in the hell did you get married?! We weren’t looking for more friends!
        I could easily live with a buddy and guess what…. it would be quiet! No one would be around botching about someone or at someone or about how constantly “life just isn’t perfect” for your little princess butt.

        1. Ben

          Nuniabizness , you f**king NAILED IT BRO. OMFG. Women are straight us LAZY AS F**K now a days. I also give my girlfriend full body massages, do huge house projects, wash dishes, consult her, listen to her, tuck her in, wake her up gently with hanky panky which she loves. F**KING SHIT, Ido so much for her. And WHADDAYA KNOW, I HAVE TO TALK ABOUT “whatsssss wronggggggg ????” . F**K…. ITS SO F**KING OBVIOUS. Why do they even have to ASK ??? We’ve had this f**king conversation literally ONE HUNDRED TIMES since we began. She is a DEAD FISH in bed, and how difficult is a blow job anyway??? IN , OUT, REPEAT, SWALLOW LIKE A CHAMP. QUIT BITCHING. We guys have to break our necks to lick your pu**ies. F**king BITCHES. You know what? F**k em and leave em. Long term aint worth the headaches. We are literally WASTING THE BEST YEARS OF OUR LIVES ON BITCHES.

          1. marie2

            Guys if you are doing all this wonderful stuff for your wives and she ignores your sexual needs then Yes you are wasteing your time on someone who doesnt care about you. If you have respectfully talked to her about the lack of sex or variations of sex withion reason (nothing painful) and tried to help her overcome her squirmishes or negative attitudes towards your sexuality and even encouraged her to talk with someone about it and she still doesnt care about your sexual needs then she doesnt care. Its not an issue for you. It wasnt an issue for me untill I thought my husband was cheating on me…then Lightbulb came on for me. HE NEEDED SEXUAL ATTENTION AND IM NOT GIVING IT TO HIM. HELLO??? Sex is different for girls. The majority of us dont get it at all. We dont get hard ons from the wind blowing LOL. We dont think about sex a hundred times a day. I pray your wife gets a lightbulb moment before its too late.

          2. Dystonic Rxn

            Marie. I used think I understood women and sex but I am more confused than ever. When my wife and we’re dating she could not keep her hands off of me. Sometimes she would suck on fingers when we’re making out ( we tried to refrain from sex before marriage) like she was giving my fingers a blow job, would straddle me, tried to give me head, would try to seduce me by stripping off her clothes, etc. things suddenly changed right after our wedding. Even on our honeymoon complained when I wanted sex everyday.

            What changed other other than me putting a ring it?

          3. marie2

            I feel so badly for you. I truly deeply do. I did this to my husband as well and it took almost loseing him to realize just how important sexual intimacy and passion is to a man. I swear Im not lieing when I say I had absolutely no idea that sex was a need for a man for his emotional and psychological well being. I thought men were disgusting perverts because of all of the Porn they watch and all the strip clubs out there and the prostitution. I thought and believed that only whores enjoyed sex and that I had to act like one in order to get my husbands attention to date me or want me or love me. I felt like I was competeing for his love from all those slutty girls. So we had sex before I was ready. Before I felt truly loved by him. After we got married I never felt that truly loved feeling from him. He was so caught up with the sex we were haveing and over time of my emotional needs not being met , sex dwindled and basically stopped. I felt disgusted with myself for not haveing waited for sex dureing courtship untill I felt in love and truly loved and respected by him. Men dont control their sex drive and it seems like thats all they care about or want from woman and after marriage it makes us start to wonder, did he even really love me or is this just all about sex. Also, do I even really respect or love myself because I felt like I had to compete for his sexual attention dureing courtship. This is such a huge issue for us girls and so hard to explain. Porn has destroyed a womans ability to wait for sex untill she feels loved and it also destroys our ability to feel like we are the only woman in our guys life because porn is so readily available and viewed. It makes sex feel so impersonal and so degradeing and devalued. That just doesnt do anything for us emotionally and we end up so turned off sexually. Its hard to enjoy sex or want it when it doesnt seem special at all and you feel like your competeing with all this porn and promiscuousness. Its a lot of Pressure. My husband finally understands this and he is more romantic with me now and shares his deepest feelings with me and we talk about this topic together and he has come to understand this pain and dissapointment about sex that I have . Many many woman feel this way. Porn is destroying woman psychologically. We know whats out there and we feel degraded by it. We had to work really hard to have a satisfying sex life . I had a lot of pain and disappointment and huge insecurities but he stood by me and talked it all out with me numerous times to help me heal my sexuality and become comfortable with it and begin to explore it on my own terms and see what I like, not what I saw in some porn video or in a magazine how iI should act or look like or be into. Its so destructive mentally it ruins sex for woman . I dont know how to explain this any better than I have. I thank God my husband understood me and listened to me and helped me cause we have such a satisfying sex life now and I really enjoy sex with him . We have passion and fun after 21 years of deadness sexually. Believe this or not. Its up to you. Woman are just disgusted and downright disheartened about sex. My husband takes me salsa danceing. He took lessons with me and we go with other couples. SOOO much fun and so bonding. I feel more in love and loved by him than I ever have and the sex just naturally unfolded as we grew closer. This is what I always needed and Guys if you dont have the time or willingness to get into your wifes fucked up head then you wont ever be getting any Head. Girls today are destroyed sexually. Trust me. You all have seen the evidence of it.

          4. marie2

            I want to add one more thing Dystonic,Rxn. After all my husband has talked with me about sex and helped me work through my insecurities about it and disgust with porn and such, I still do have this terrible feeling afterwards sometimes that Im a slutty dirty whore because I have this belief that only whores like and enjoy sex and its because of the porn, prostitution and magazines objectifying woman and showing them haveing sex with any old person and men love it. It doesnt projest the woman in a good way. Like she is loved or cared about. Only used and objectified and sexually abused. I wish I had never seen or heard about porn. I wish TV wasnt so degradeing and sexually objectifying of woman. It has deeply scarred my sexuality and my view of men and I struggle with this as do many many woman and sadly most of us just check out of sex altogether. The insecurity and disgust and sadness over it all is overwhelming.

          5. Nunibizness

            True… we’ve been married for over 30 years. I hate to admit it but those have NOT been the best years of my life. I contemplate divorce a lot lately .
            She is just non-caring. Distant. Anti-affectionate. What is intimacy???
            I really truly wish she would meet someone and that dude would take her away. She can be HIS problem!!
            I don’t mean to be so
            Cruel but it’s rather
            Obvious she has no interest in me and from what I’ve witnessed never ever had!!!
            Why marry if you never intend on sharing yourself?!

  43. Catwoman

    Generouswife-3 words for anal. Drink, Lube, Relax.

    A couple glasses of wine do wonders. Make sure you use some good quality lubrication like Astroglide on him (and you), and lastly, you cannot tense your ass, or it will hurt. Also, some positions are worse than others. If he sits on a chair, straddle him, facing away from him so you can control the depth and speed. If you do it doggie-style, it may hurt more, esp. if he thrusts hard.

  44. Donna Smith

    Wow! I honestly cannot believe how many men are married or dating a woman that won’t give them oral sex. Its very sad and selfish too. No wonder men cheat. I am in my early 40’s and have been dating a man for 6 months now. I FINALLY found a great guy and I love him very much. I receive such great pleasure in giving my bf oral sex & vice versa. I get so turned on when he does and the fact that he reciprocates and is kind, generous, intelligent, passionate and a GREAT kisser makes our sex life ten times better bar none. In addition, we have a great mind & body connection too. It feels absolutely amazing!!! I have dated so many losers in the past and its nice to know that there are still some good men out there. Communication also plays a vital role in love making and trust especially if you want to experiment with your partner. 🙂

  45. Vanessa

    You may not be a “bad” wife. But did you get married to be a not so bad wife? Didn’t you marry planning to be a GREAT wife?

    I didnt love the idea of a penis in my mouth at first. But my husband LOVES it and I LOVE my husband and I want him to know it and never doubt my love. I want him to trust me completely. I want to be the woman in all of his dreams and desires. I want him to be thrilled that he decided to marry me.

    My husband and I have been married 20+ years. We did not have sex before marriage due to our Christian beliefs. We had both been married before so we were not ignorant of sex. We did talk about sex before we married. I knew that he liked to give and receive oral sex. That had been part of foreplay in my previous marriage.

    After we married, sex was challenging. Blended family. Small house. We had to get creative sometimes to get satisfied. And sometimes get interrupted and stifle things till another time.

    My husband liked oral foreplay but he also wanted to cum in my mouth. This just grossed me out. What if I threw up? That would damage our sex life forever. I was in turmoil over it. I even wondered if I could pay someone else to do it for him! That was a big conflict with wanting to be a good Christian wife! I didn’t find anywhere int he Bible where it forbade this sexual expression. The book of the bible called the Song of Solomon is pretty erotic, not full of taboos.

    So I tried to get psyched up in my head to do it. I would do oral foreplay on him but I could always just switch gears if I chickened out and couldn’t go thru with it. I could suck him and use my hands to bring him to climax, but not let him climax in my mouth. Or I could get him ready with my mouth and then climb on him and we could cum together.
    I did not say no. I said I would try. He knows how much I love him and that I was not ruling it out.

    Recently, my husband came home from a very physical and emotionally demanding day. He showered and was going to lay down for a nap. I offered a massage to help him sleep better. I rubbed his back and then rubbed his feet. I did some strokes on his legs and he started to get hard. Which wasn’t my intention but I wasn’t going to exclude it. I finished the foot massage and then focused on massaging him sexually including trying to do the best oral I could do for him. I knew he was too tired to do anything but receive. I just wanted to give him a complete physical release. I increased the intensity and got ready. He came completely in my mouth and I swallowed every bit.

    None of my fears came true. I did not gag at all. The cum just tastes like nothing. I wish I would have done this for him sooner.

    My advice is make it your goal to be a GREAT wife. Marry a man that you respect and then become an expert in the unique needs of that man. Yes, they are wired different than us, emotionally and physically. He is wired to think about sex and to respond to visual stimulus. His hard on is for you. Enjoy it! If you don’t you may lose it. Don’t make your man have to ask you for sex. Let him know you LOVE him and you LOVE his body, especially that wonderful hard on.

    Men, be patient with your wife. Let her know what you want but pressuring her is not the way to get it. Practice good hygiene, especially before bedtime. Do remember that we usually turn on more slowly than you. Foreplay includes more than just breasts and genitals. Helping with housework and being thoughtful and kind and knowing that your husband find you attractive is very arousing.

    1. roger

      Vanessa. You are a wonderful loving and frankly Godly woman. I hope your husband knows how much of a treasure you are for loving him the ways you do.

    2. Ricardo

      Leave god out of this… if god did not wants us (mortals) to do this stuff, we simply would not give us the option to do it 🙂

  46. Jonas

    I have been married for almost 20 years. My wife has NEVER given me a BJ! She thinks it’s nasty and that I shouldn’t expect her to do something she’s not comfortable doing. I use to give her oral pleasure, but she thinks it’s nasty too! We have argued off & on over the course of our marriage about her lack of desire for regular sex. She’s usually down for sex about 3-4 times a month. This to me is unacceptable! I have never cheated on my wife, but I have thought about it regularly. We have a 5 year old and the thought of us divorcing over her ANTISEXUAL ways and being his father only when the courts permits is something I’m not willing to accept. He shouldn’t suffer because his mother is a selfish bitch! She’s very insensitive to my needs. She acts as if it’s no big deal and she is doing all she can do. She’s always tired and has a bad back, but I am willing to have sex ANY way she likes it, but no sex until she feels like giving in is her answer. When we have sex it’s usually great! We are both still attractive adults in our early 40’s, therefore, physical unattractiveness is not the problem. I am at a loss as to what to do! I have had to please myself so much over the years, but that now is growing tiresome! She’s my wife for crying out loud whom ‘I have forsaken all others for’! She should be willing and wanting to please me! If my desires don’t cause pain…they don’t, and degradation…they Do Not! What’s the big deal??.

  47. **** ***

    I hate this bullshit. Women always respond one, predictable way: Sure, you work, you do the yard work, you clean inside, do dishes, make dinner, do the shopping, do more than your share of child care, and sure you provide romance. Sure you get me cards and flowers and chocolates and leave me with nothing more to do than folding a few washcloths. Sure you go down on me whenever I want. But oral sex is a TREAT for men. You do NOT deserve it. You are shit. No, lower than shit. You don’t deserve anything. ANYTHING. You’re lucky you even get to touch us. You need to give us 72 hours of oral sex per week, and then, maybe-just MAYBE-you can sort of, kind of, maybe not really entertain the wisp of half a fart of forlorn hope of receiving a crossward glance at your neglected penis. You are FILTH for expecting more. P.S. Go clean the garage then take the recycling out and mow the lawn, asshole.

  48. Lilith

    The bottom line is that women & men should never marry. Men never really love women, they worship sex and sex only. Women can provide for themselves and no longer have to put up with the sexual demands of men plus, a vibrator can do the job for a woman with no muss, no fuss or demands. Marriage is outdated, the sexes want completely different things are not compatible in the slighest. My husband passed away 2 years ago after 2 kids and 15 years of marriage. Truthfully, I’ve never been happier in my life. I will never re-marry or even date. I hoave absolutely zero desire to deal with a man ever again. Marriage is a complete loss of self, goals, independence and servitude…never again.

    For the women out there, trust me when I tell you there is absolutely nothing in marriage for you. You grow and change with knowledge gained and men stay bitter children who need their asses wiped. You’ve been warned.

    1. deserving

      In my experience, I couldn’t agree with you more. I look forward to living alone again. I’m grateful we don’t have children. I’ve given my husband plenty of blow jobs and once, after all sorts of sexual extortion, until completion. He then looked at me as I had gifted him with the Second Coming of Christ, and told me that now he knew I really loved him. I then realized his psychopathy. He disgusts me

    2. Lisa H

      I will HAPPILY remain single than deal with this. These men demanding oral sex sound like the evil guards at Hitler’s concentration camps, no kidding. THANK GOD I said no all those times I was proposed to. Stay out my house, get out my life, and a big “go to hell” to every man on here who thinks like the men on here. Oh and I’m 5″5, 115 pounds, very cute, and I’ll be happy with my single life.

      1. billybonny

        i read all the post. my wife to dont like bjs. after reading all this i have decided to just get a girlfriend who will. and thats f**ked up because i thought i had forsaken all other after i married, but its been 9 years and no real blowjob. the shit she does, i would never call a blowjob. it would be doing dishonor to the act if i called it a blowjob. i have no motavation to do the slightest thing to make her happy.

      2. Ricardo

        Lisa, you should talk to pink!, i think your a perfect match 😀
        Lets see your single life when you bio clock starts to catch you 😀

      3. Joh Dee

        Lisa H - Are you really comparing a blow job to imprisonment in a concentration camp with gas chambers and disease? I am not surprised at all by your lack of rationale and detachment from reality. You get online spouting nonsense clearly showing yourself to be a spoiled child that never had to grow up and learn to compromise.

    3. Ricardo

      Are you for real?
      The problem is that man LOVES too much women to a point to treat them as princesses lol
      Bottom line: keep her on limbo 😀

  49. Chris

    I love to give my husband blow jobs! …but he has NEVER once given me oral. I’m attractive, waxed and clean….but noooo he won’t. He knew when we got married that I loved oral. I never ask for it because I know he dislikes it and I secretly resent him for it.

    1. manav

      i gave oral to wife 2-3 times. she was asking me do not i feel dirty? i said no to please her. nonsense i am begging her to give me she is not. i am thinking of killing her. my wife is worst woman. she is my enemy. she ruined my life. u know it is very very natural. real female like males d**k and balls too much and male like her p**sy. but some real mad women do otherwise then after hitting start crying.then shout domestic violence. brainless women r worst. life too short. enjoy it and die.

    2. Grover

      He must be crazy ! There is nothing better than orally pleasing a woman that keeps herself clean and waxed. I would be licking you every chance I could …

  50. Chris

    In reference to some of the above comments….I don’t get flowers, expensive gifts or a nice holiday. My birthday and Christmas goes by with nothing. I work my ass off at my job and get promotions PLUS I cook and clean and have 3 kids. I still find time to give a BJ. Why? Cause its fun. But I sure would like the favor returned! And I wouldn’t mind a little anal!

    1. Grover

      You sound like a woman I would love to be FWB with I really think we would both be completely satisfied …

  51. Joe

    My wife went out with her friends the other day and when she got home she told me her friend was joking about how she never gives her husband a blowjob. Only once a year on his birthday and they ran out of time or somethin this yr so he was outta luck and they all had a big laugh about it.
    Not sure why my wife told me this story but it really ticked me off. I said to her, really she only blows him once a year. My wife says so what most guys dont get it that often. Im like umm alot do, guys should get one at least once a month (which i still don’t think is right, it shouldnt be like a scheduled chore to fulfill) She sighs n shakes her head.

    I know its just girls joking around, but i find it distrubing the attitude of american woman towards men is these days. Then women wanna know why men are jerks and or cheat. I get a bj maybe 5-6 times a year. I dont think ive ever had more than one a month ever. It’s only when she has her period and never ever when she doesnt. And its not like were having so much sex instead. Thats 4-6 times a month and never more. The sex frequeny is ok with me if she blew me once in a while but to have that little sex and bjs on average once every 2 months just really sux. Meanwhile i go down on her almost every time we do it for like 10-15 mins and she usually cums from it, sometimes multiple times. I’ve tried to to do the whole not reciprocating thing and it just backfires and it starts some huge fight. Its unbelievable, she basically demands it sometimes yet she feels a guy should only get it once a yr? I tried to stop doing oral on her, i started doing less for her in general aroiund the house, and ignoring her more and doing my own thing and it just makes things worse. If women are this selfish and treat men this poorly, then what choice do we have then to cheat. i havent so far.

    1. Pure

      You do realize, as should everyone on here, the Other guy gets the BJ. No matter what their opinion is or excuse, when they decide to cheat, they are going to show off. That my friend is the bitch of it. You are absolutely right, there is a selfish change that takes place during marriage, usually without cause.

  52. Eden

    I am shocked and disgusted at what I am reading. Men calling thier wives awful names, hooking up with other women, and even planning for divorce. All because of a sex act??!! Doing all you can to satisfy your mate is critical to a fulfilling relationship, obviously. But anyone who is even remotely capable of thinking of thier partner this way (selfish, devious, a bitch…) is not doing much to deserve the effort and affection he’s demanding like some spoiled toddler. You may mow the lawn and help with your children, but isn’t that part of owning a home? And of having children? Do you think you deserve some sort of medal for taking care of the children you bore and the home you live in? Odds are, your wife cooks, cleans, and does much of the child rearing as well. Odds are she does not require special favors, sexual or otherwise, for doing these things. It needs doing. End of story. As for why she wont go down..ask her lovingly about it. Women tend to be emotional beings and oral sex is more intimate than intercourse for many of us. If she is having trouble feeling connected to you, that cuts into your chances of getting blown. For a surprising number of people, the reasons can be deeper. I dont do it because of a disturbing history involving sexual matters. My man understands and accepts it fully. For women who feel they cant do it, be it from psychological trauma, moral convictions, or just a syrong gag reflex, i suggest compromise and getting adventurous. For us, toys and role play make things exciting and gratifying. Not all toys are for girls…I decided to ask him to try using a bj machine while i talk nasty to him. Turns out it was a perfect solution. Also dont underestimate nipple clamps or maybe sex during a dirty movie. Or in public if you are very careful! Explore each others fantasies and you will never be bored. I have never given my guy a bj but he cannot keep his hands off me. We get down like rabbits! 🙂

  53. JustNuts


    This is crazy to me… I just recently had a conversation with a friend of mine and she told me that she doesn’t give her husband head. She was disgusted by the idea. My thoughts at that moment? Poor husband.

    I’m an attractive woman. That’s not said to boast, I say it because I think a lot of women feel that because they look good, men should be fulfilled with just having sex with them.


    In my marriage, I make sure that I do my part in keeping my husband satisfied. From maintaining my appearance (don’t get me wrong, I don’t ALWAYS get glamed up… I just stay clean and cute) to being sexual and fun. It’s important to be sexual with the man you love, if you want him to be happy with you. So many women get cheated on and then say, “I can’t believe you! If you truly loved me you would never have done this to me!” well sorry hun, but if YOU truly loved HIM, you should have given him head as often as possible. No excuses. You wake up in the morning? Head. You’re driving to the grocery store? Head. Its really not that difficult. Unless your husband takes an hour to cum, you should be able to get it done here and there throughout the week.

    My point I guess is, I feel sorry for some of you men that are with women like that. I feel sorry for my friends husband. People have needs, both men and women… and it’s important to try and fulfill those needs together. That to me is what a marriage is. Its not just paying bills and having kids, it’s a relationship too…. and relationships need things like time alone, outings, fun, and SEX….

    HOWEVER.. side note. If a woman really isn’t comfortable with it for good reasons, it’s important to try and work through that if you are married and you do love her. There are things that can be done, as Eden said. I don’t think it’s just about giving head or not, its about your willingness to please… and there are other ways.

    Some women are just awful though. Boring and selfish. Some men too.

    Anyways… Goodluck to all of you…

    I’m going to go see how many times I can give my husband head in a day just because I read this. Like when people watch hoarders and feel the need to start cleaning their perfectly clean house. lol (by the way, we have two kids. And we still make time to maintain our relationship… it is a two way street though.)

    1. nofindausername

      My husband wants a divorce because I won’t give it whenever he demands. He dies not like making love to me only blowjobs. He will force himself to get hard to make live to me do it real fast and hard to satisfy me do we can get to the blow job. He wants a divorce because I have to have oral surgery and braces for tmj he dies not want to be deprived of a blow job for any length of time. I say “adiós amigo”. This way I don’t have to wit for one if us to cheat.

  54. Smash

    Successful love never need the bats and contracts and married life too.If you love on contract so its better to have a shop or GF which empty your pocket and keeping contract in her pocket.Love needs sacrifice with out contract.

  55. Wil Treath

    I have read with interest most of the comments above and it is disappointing to find people are using sex as weapons or barter tools, and to run your partner down is so sad.
    My wife and I have been married for 52 years so we are in our 70’s. Bj’s are a way of showing your love for each other. I always go down on my wife as part of love making and give her 2 or 3 orgasm before normal sex or anal sex and then I often go down her again and give her another orgasm. Or she will sit on my face after sex until she has orgasm again. She gets real turned on doing this and will often Bj me at the same time. During the day we will have random Bj. She will be sitting in a chair and I will kneel down in front of her and bring her to orgasm. In return she give me Bj’s daily and will drop to her knees in front of me, Bj me to the end and get up and passionately kiss me.
    When we do these random Bj’s it a way of telling each other we love you. I love it in particular, after she has been out on her motorbike and upon return is still in all her leathers and does a Bj on me it is so sexy. Like wise she will dress up very provocatively, to turn me on and then Bj me knowing I will return the favour once we have gone to bed. We have had a fantastic open sex life, which has kept our marriage alive and loving.

  56. Any Bee

    I jsut filed for divorce, in part because my wife had no interest in sex. I gladly gave her oral, but she wouldn’t reciprocate, and then in the last five years we slipped into a sexless marriage (less than 10 times a year). In the whole 17 year marriage, she initiated maybe four times. And half the time when we were in bed, she would just lay there. I would ask her for handjobs, just because that meant she HAD to do something, she would have to take part in some way. Once we stopped having sex all together, she went out and had an emotional affair (she says she didn’t sleep with him and I don’t believe her, but whatever). We did a year of counseling and she was just as withdrawn and distant as ever and so I filed. Yay for me. So our marriage really fell apart, and it started with problems in the bedroom.

    Recently I started dating someone and after taking it slow and putting it off, we went all the way. And OMG! To have sex with someone who desires you, and WANTS to please you, and looks at you and makes eye contact and can talk and laugh while you’re so engaged… It still blows me away what that felt like. I so can’t wait until the divorce is final. I’d never go back. The grass is so, so much greener.

    1. TheOtherWoman

      Interesting. Kudos for the courage: getting out of even a miserable marriage can be traumatic. But what I think is even more interesting is that, statistically speaking, so few men actually take the step you did. Somewhere between 40 and 50% of first marriages end in divorce. (Web sites that dispute that are usually those promoting counseling, reconciliation after infidelity or religion.) But out of all those divorces, men file only one-third of the time. Usually it’s the wife. Not sure what that means. Except maybe that you guys are much more willing to put up with sh**ty sex or no sex than you claim . . . . Forever . . . . Geesh . . . . Yeah, yeah, yeah: the kids, the settlement, etc. etc. But when you get right down to it, if you don’t have a fulfilling married sex life, you’re alone. To one degree or another, you’re alone and emotionally isolated. That sucks 😉 Pun intended.

      1. Trevor

        That is exactly how I feel. Alone isolated and nothing I can do about it. Why? because I want to see my daughter grow up more than I want to have a good sexual relationship. the truth is it has really destroyed my libido now and I just don’t feel like sex at all anymore. I don’t even have the urge to cheat. sigh……
        it has been sucked out of me so to speak, (or not as the case actually is) Pun Also Intended!

        1. marie2

          OMG I feel so horribly sad for you. I had done the same thing to my husband too untll he started going out a lot, talking about some sexy girl where he was hanging out at his best friends house and flirting with her. I got soooo jealous and insecure. Thats when I realized how much I loved him and didnt want to lose him. I moved back into the bedroom with him and he suggested we start sleeping naked and just cuddling. He would kiss me tenderly and gently caress me,,,no sex ,,,,just tenderness and holding me. I got so horny I climbed on top of him. Men….do the little things to spark desire in your wives. Without pushing for intercourse. Tenderness sparks our libido. Being chased for sex makes us feel preyed upon. We need to feel our own desire. He dances with me in the kitchen and we laugh and have fun. Sex is crazy wonderful for me now and I initiate romantic blow jobs because I feel overflowing from his romantic gestures and tenderness he show towards me. Ive never seen this side of him before and I desperately needed it to get my libido fired up for him. Thank God we figured it out. We are insanely happy and have the most tender sex. Sometimes just good ol doggy style when hes got me so on fire for him. It was his tenderness towards me . Walk up to me and instead of gropeing my breasts he would caress my face and start kissing my temples before leaveing for work. Comin home and brushing my hair off my face and kissing my nose. Danceing with me after dinner. Kissing my neck gently….Im dragging him to the bedroom by this time LOL

  57. Lisa H

    I’ve read many comments on here; Most men are saying they’re mad about not getting oral. Most of the wives say it feels nasty, they don’t like giving oral, etc…..

    So here’s my solution to all you men: It’s time that you sit your daughters down when they’re 18, and DEMAND they learn how to suck d***k, and let them know it’s a DUTY for them as a woman, as a wife and girlfriend. Fathers, read your daughters the letters these men wrote on this website about how these men are divorcing their wives, hate their wives, have resentment towards them—so your daughters will understand that anything good she does in a marriage will not matter-only sucking d**k on a regular basis is what will determine how well she’s valued & treated by her husband…Before your daughter gets married, inform your new son-in-law that you 100% support divorcing her and ‘kicking her to the curb’ when she stops sucking d***k…

    Next time you see your precious daughter, know your daughter is worthless if she doesn’t suck men off, and she will be treated as such. And since some of them on here are divorcing their wives soon, you should contact them and set them up on dates with your daughter.

    1. Nuniabizness

      I talk with my daughter ALL the time about deep subjects within a marriage. I ensure that she fully understands that when you marry, your body is no longer only your own anymore; you’ve chosen to share your body and life.
      So of course I talk with my daughter…. duh!
      Man I get so sick of all of these
      Women that act like immature princesses. Grow up!
      You made the choice to share your life and body so freaking do it already!

  58. Lisa H

    Can I ask a question? Why can’t you men just enjoy sex, you know, with her p***sy??! What the Hell? God gave woman a p***sy and you don’t want it!? What a bunch of ungrateful s-o-b’s you all are. I had no idea so many men didn’t like to f***k.

    You men must either be ‘women abusers’ or closet homosexuals who hate women-so you take your rage out by making your wife degrade herself…Can some gay men have some input here? Don’t these men sound like angry closet gay men with a hatred for women? Look, I can understand being upset for having no sex life at all, that’s different & understandable. But being obsessed with oral sex and feeling angry, demanding it, and wanting divorce even though you have a good sex life-that’s some type of abusive personality disorder. There’s 10,000 other great things that can happen during sex, and all you want is a bj?? I’m willing to bet you’re abusers in other areas of the relationship, not just the bedroom— just like the woman who wrote that her husband begged & begged for oral, then she finally did it and she got herpes from it: that’s domestic violence, period— he knew his d**k had sores! Or the other woman who wrote that she finally started giving oral sex, and now her husband doesn’t real sex anymore, he just get bj’s, and he gets upset if she wants sex-even after performs oral all the time. You abusive, arrogant, narcissists.

    Look, There’s a reason why women hate giving oral, and the ones who give oral ‘only’ do it from obligation-because putting a d**k in your mouth is degrading-period! Just like women don’t like it up the butt, or want to be peed on, it’s all the same…And the woman on here who brag about giving oral- they’re either ugly, skanks, or fat (no offense to fat people); and you better believe that no other man wants them, and they know it.
    I already said before, I’m considered veeerrry pretty, very thin, have been proposed to many times (but said no because I don’t want to be tied down)—and all you ungrateful men on here can lick the dirt, dog-doo, crackhead spit, and gum off the bottom of my shoes. Next!

    1. Mr. Blackman

      Wow princess nicely said. I admire your grace and eloquent way of expressing your feelings. Well done. I want to marry you already. As your beauty just radiates through your post.

      First let me say this. Honestly I wouldn’t want to encourage a girl of any relation to me to go off a suck dick. Even if she was just a close friend. So obviously you made your point about the whole “daddy sit down with your daughter and have the talk.” But also I wouldn’t encourage a female relative to go out and f**k either. Nor would I want them to do it if it was not necessary for giving birth. But I’m sure you don’t have a problem with intercourse? Guess what else? I don’t want a man sucking and groping on their breast or ass either. So I will not be encouraging them do any way shape or form. So sorry.

      secondly, Yes a girl going around bragging about blowing dicks would be looked down upon and she would not be desired to be wed by hardly anyone. You’re right about that,”high five.” But guess what? If another girl was running around town talking about how she bounces on and off every other Joe Smo’s rod not many would be lining up for her either.

      And my last point. So now men are little fairies or brainless brutes because we want a little suck suck? Hmmm… I’m sure there are some lay-low gay boys getting domed up from the unknowing and naive wives. Or perhaps some monstrous-women-beating beast, that physically forces there man meat down the innocent throats of women across the land. But, honestly I think that’s less than 1% of the men on the forum. I can’t prove it so I won’t waste time debating it. But I say that to say what makes it abusive or homosexual? Yes, you could force women to gag and suck, I do believe women can be forced into such acts. It could be degrading and is absolutely when women are forced or harmed emotionally or physically by a man in this way. But may I (After I lick the gum of the bottom of your shoe of course) as you a question dear princess? In all sincerity, why can’t it just be a pleasurable act between a man and a woman? Why must it be a horrid nightmare that no decent, very pretty, very thin, and having been proposed women can never wake up to? (Because it is obviously ok for any other woman that does not make the cut.) Why?

      You may say its not natural or something that gays do in lieu of sex. Yes, it is a big part of gay sex, as well as anal I would suppose. Since vaginal and penile sex can’t be achieved. But I’ll tell you this, sweetie. So is tit sucking and nipple licking, oh and don’t forget kissing. So just because a gay person does it during their sexually actives does that qualify it as gay? Or is it something you just don’t like? Just because an abusive man can knock a girl to her knees and demand for her to engulf the pole, doesn’t that mean a loving man can’t just want to experience that kind pleasure from his loving wife? You know wife beaters can f**k too? So since they’re f**king (having intercourse) We should probably stop that as well.

      I think you get my point by now. I have no prob with a girl disliking blowjobs, or even if she feels they’re degrading. But why belittle men because you feel a certain way? I just don’t agree with women saying they will give oral, then don’t. It’s deceptive. It’s like me telling a women we’ll wait until after marriage till we have sex and then we get married and right before the honey moon I get a katana and chop off my cock . Just be upfront and honest about it so we as men can decide if we can deal with no blowies for the rest of our lives or not. Not women making the decision for us. That’s all. If I loved a girl enough I wouldn’t need a blow job from her. But be honest and speak with candor about. Not that manipulative bs.

      All I’m saying is

      1. Oral is not the end of the world

      2. Be honest

      3. Communicate

    2. Marie

      I enjoy giving my husband oral. I find it pleasureable and emotionally satisfying. He doesnt try to shove it down my throat. He is respectful and its a beautiful time together. Im not ugly, Im not fat, Im certainly not a skank and many men are attracted to me. I feel sorry for you.

    3. JR

      With Respect you are not getting it. Part of the concept of receiving Oral Sex is that you do not have to be on your knees, in a stress position. You try holding yourself up (like a push up) for 5 minutes. Or, in general being on your knees. Yes Cowgirl position is an option, but I doubt these men age getting that. Asking for head every day is unreasonable. But asking to be the center of attention and receive every once and while is NOT unreasonable. Also note, many of these men have said that they DO take care of their wives. It’s a 2 way street. The man should bring the woman to Orgasm and the woman should do the same for the man. I believe a man should bring a woman to Orgasm prior to intercourse. I know my wife likes it that way. Why am I an ungrateful SOB to want a lay back and receive orgasm too.

  59. John

    As a person from Europe I find it interesting how very antisex and anti family Anglosaxon women are in general and how little they want to do for their menfolk in a marriage bed situation.

    No wonder the Anglo Saxon world leads the world in the high divorce rate and bad marriages.
    IF men and women really want to be happy they should discusss their preferences before marriage , like we do in Europe, and if there is no agreement on some issue to move on to another partner who is amiable to your likes and dislikes.
    There are plenty of fish in the sea and there is a lid for every pot.

    1. MsGee

      I’m sorry but divorce happens when people don’t want to put work into their relationship. NO ONE not man or woman should expect their partner to fulfill every single sexual fantasy/like. If yer woman does everything else great then what the hell is the big deal about not getting your thang sucked. To be honest those that would divorce only over not getting oral sex might find themselves to be really lonely when they are old and in a nursing home because at some point in your life the sex life will most likely be dimmed way down unless yer rich and have a mistress you pay for servicing you. I’d be willing to bet though that most in here saying they would leave their wife over no oral sex … that there are bigger problems in their relationship that some couple counseling will improve upon, but go ahead pay a lawyer money and get a divorce instead of actually putting work into the relationship. 😉

      1. Nuniabizness

        You’re missing the point. This isn’t primarily about “just a sex act”. The article talks about this one thing so people are responding as such; however it’s really about being selfless and sharing and giving. Most men are not witnessing their wives displaying any respect, appreciation, and general interest. Most of us feel used and ignored; that’s the main problem.

  60. Senthil

    My Wife gives me satisfaction on sex but there is some thing i miss dearly is oral sex. I just can’t make her do it for me. Hope she understands my needs one day… she thinks that oral sex only prostitutes do it for their customers.

  61. Andrew

    Any woman that thinks the relationship can still be healthy without her performing oral is wrong. It needs to happen at minimum once a week.

  62. ron

    I am gainfully employed, do my share around the house, don’t do drugs etc.
    I help do everything, but I don’t get any oral sex and want it badly!!!
    I give her oral anytime she wants it, but I never get it.
    Anyone need a hard working honest husband!! lol

  63. FrustratedSex

    I’ve been with my gf for two years and she has only give me a bj once because she says she doesnt like it yet the first time i gave her oral made the statement “i told myself if i found a guy who does that as good as you that i would marry him” so obviously she enjoys it. If its so degrading or whatever the problem is, why is it ok for me to go down there and do it. What i get out of that is you dont love me enough to give me oral or respect me enough to NOT to perform it on you because you find it offensive. Instead she lets me degrade myself without issue because she enjoys it. That good people is selfish. Resentment has started to set in more over the past 2 months and our sex life is dead. We are up to six times for the year so far. If the lovin stops after marriage I am in trouble becuase it hasnt even begin for us… And Yes, I’m clean, I help with the kids, I am considerate to her in every way but still nothing. I was thinking about suggesting couples counseling but dont think that will help. I feel like I am being punished for all the wrongs men have ever done to her and her in her friends relationships.

    1. John

      Been married 17 years, known my wife 19 years. When we met she was a total sexual virgin.
      My wife loves me going down on her but refuses to put her face anywhere near my ‘equipment’. I’ve told her how much I would like her to and asked her (gently) why she won’t do it to me. She says its disgusting (though she’d NEVER done it) and that it smells.
      I wouldn’t want to go down on a smelly pu$$y either… hygiene is very important for me, both genital, oralk and generally. I even got circumcised to increase hygiene (I also wanted to be cut anyway). Still nothing.

      I slowly stopped going down on her…she has never mentioned it. Her refusal to give me oral has built up resentment…I no longer look at her and think WOW! We have very ‘boring’ sex (she refuses to ‘French kiss’ aswell) maybe once a month.

      I want someone who WANTS me, who wants to make me feel good….its a two way street…she makes me feel good makes me WANT to make her feel good etc..the opposite of a vicious circle!

      When our children have flown the family nest in about 6 years time, I will follow. We all have responsibilities in life, some we may not like but we have them none the less. It is also our fundemental right in life to be HAPPY.
      I want to have all my sexual needs met just as I want to meet all ‘her’ sexual needs…

  64. April

    I have been with my husband for 8 years and I LOVE GIVING oral sex to him. When we first start dating I did it every day for 2 years straight before he decided to perform oral on me. He was kinda new to it but it happened eventually and my goodness!!! he has magic in his mouth after I taught him well. However my husband is a very large person in the paints area and boy I tell you its not easy sucking on that with my small narrow jaws, here lately I have been a slacker on giving him oral sex because he likes to shove it in my throat not letting me come up for air, he pushes it in until he feels my throat open, I just try to breath threw my nose (its hard). Every day he ask me to have oral with him and in my mind im like omg NOOOOOO!!! But I smile and say uhhh sure! He knows Im full of b.s. when I say it like that cause I stall him but he’s slicker then me he make me feel obligated to do it , he will go get flowers every other day he is very much deserving of my throat but like I said Im a slacker because he is too large for my mouth. All im saying is ladies I really understand what you mean every body dont like giving oral but you gotta give to receive. Im just gone to set a schedule for my husband once a day should be good enough. He is aggressive with it so I told him this —> let me turn you on, relax and let me do it so I can get into it for myself you will find that if you let your wife lead the way at oral while you give a lil guidance added she may enjoy it more. STOP shoving the stick down the drain so early in the act she may surprise you and learn some new tricks on opening up her throat and herself. But also you need to respect when she says no! It isnt all about the oral. #bouttasuckhimdown

  65. dignity

    to the woman that compares herself to a monkey, your own words shoot your argument. “I lick and perform like a trained monkey because he loves it”. Does love have anything to do with it? and for you men, how easy do you think it is to have something go down your throat and you can’t even breathe? is that love, stopping air flow to the lungs? someone else mentioned it but oral sex is something that homosexual people engage in, which is fine. However, if you are not gay why would you want to have oral sex like homosexual people do when you have options for I don’t know real sex? You men want your wives to play the roles of gay men. Gay men can suck on your penis. Heck if you men want blow jobs so much why don’t you loose a few adominal bones and perform oral sex on yourself.

    1. gocrew

      Someone needs to disconnect the internet at the Westboro Baptist Church. I’m sick of seeing ignorant shit like this on the internet.

  66. had enough

    Short answer: “Yes you are a bad wife.” Every human male wants a blowjob. Period end of story. Over and over we hear about the wife who gave plentiful BJs before marriage and now nothing, ever. I last got a blowjob 20 years ago. After the sex started really drying up, I saw the odd escort here and there, and finally got a lady on the side who takes care of business. I will leave when the kids get older.

    Ladies if you don’t like giving head, your chance for a successful marriage is minimal.

    Guys, if you’re not sexually satisfied, and you’ve done everything in your power to work on your marriage, be the best husband and man you can be, etc., if you can’t leave, go find it elsewhere. Then get out. You deserve better.

  67. John

    If she won’t give you a blowjab, then ditch her. There’s plenty of intelligent women out there who know that relationships are a two way thing.
    A blowjab is her way of responding and proving how much she loves you.

    So, again, if she won’t ‘gobble the turkey’, then get her out the door on the double.

  68. Franky

    Are you a bad person if you don’t perform oral sex? No.
    Are you a bad wife if you don’t perform oral sex? Possibly.

    Did you always know your husband wanted it/needed it/liked it and still refused to do it (or only do it half-assed at best)? If yes, then both of you are bad. You’re bad because NOTHING drives up desire/frustration more than refusing. Want proof? Have kids? Tell them they can’t have something. Watch what happens…

    More times than not, people are made to feel guilty for liking/wanting something sexually, so a man (or woman) might feel like it’s wrong to completely throw away a relationship based on one “tiny little, inconsequential need” (that we all know becomes the elephant in the room when it’s a huge desire).

    Sexual compatibility is insanely important. A substitute performance (instead of head, here’s some vasoline-in-a-hand) will NOT make the desire go away, despite insistence that it should and “you should be lucky” to even get that.

    Lastly, the swallowing aspect… While this isn’t a requirement to how good it feels physically, it does matter psychologically. Ladies, just once, a guy needs to make you orgasm and run to the bathroom like you are the most disgusting thing ever. Just once and you’ll know what it feels like. And the women who use the whole “but boy juice is different than girl juice” argument are children at best. Then go drink girl juice and shut up.

    So, in the immediate is.. it depends. If your husband doesn’t care, then you’re not a bad wife. You’re not even necessarily a bad wife if he does care. You are, however, the WRONG wife (for him).

  69. Horace

    Everyone in this thread needs to see the bigger picture. I am trying to do sone research for a friend of mine. All sex lives go through an overhaul after marriage. This is do to financial changes, learning to truly live together, and the lack of autonomy. Joint accounts, joint assets, mutual sacrifices, and less romance aren’t exactly panty droppers. Every situation is different, but expectations change and relationships change. I have been married for 4 years. After 6 months of marriage everything came to a stop. We moved, I changed jobs, and she had to move away from her family. I realized that what changed with the sex was increased responsibilities and sex became less important. I would get sex a couple of times a week and rarely got a blowjob to completion. We both went through resentment and agreed it was time to make a change. The KEY is to talk about it. Be honest, but have empathy. You got married for a reason. Sex or selfish motivations will lead to disappointment. Wives don’t want to be cold and distant and husbands don’t want to be zombies living in disappointment.

    Bottom line is sex is disgusting…awesomely disgusting. Sex is also a power play. We realized that, if we wanted out sex lives to have fire again, it would take work. It is not just a matter of flowers, shaving the junk, or making life easier for her. Sex is an outlet for both parties and should relieve stress rather than cause it. We began to just share fantasies and role play. We would spend Sunday nights laying in bed naked together sharing fantasies (as far fetched as desired but usually settled on something mutually agreeable and monogamous; guys, depending on the girl, take it slow at first so she feels comfortable sharing and doesn’t think you are a crazy perv) and would write them down and make sure to get through the list each week. This is when I really realized that sex is awesomely disgusting and power plays are best when mutual. I never thought I would lick her ***hole for 30 minutes while she tied me up and sat on my face OR I would dress up as a teacher and give her anal and then finish in her mouth. She probably did not either. It is disgusting and sometimes I get used, but our sex life is never boring and our relationship and marriage have never been stronger.

    For the ladies I just want to say that most guys love you and love sex. Most men will do anything to please you and not complain. Vaginas are disgusting but awesome. Giving a bj can be degrading. I get it. Guys are often just disappointed because they never lose their desire to please you. I let my wife take my back door with a strap on because she wanted to see what it was like for god’s sake. Between consenting married adults the worst thing you can so is repress talking about sex. A sexual attraction is the spark that brought about the relationship in the first place. There is a reason why both parties feel distant and untrusting when marriages become sexless. I am just tired of reading these tips that point the finger at the guy saying he doesn’t show appreciation or isn’t as caring as when they first started dating. These experts have pHDs but probably go home to a sexless marriage where the wife and husband are both secretly masterbating in distain to meet basic human needs.

  70. Roser

    My wife stopped performing oral sex about 10 years ago. I have no idea why, as she has become increasingly unwilling to discuss anything related to sex. Before we were married, she was an avid supporter of all things oral. We’ve spent the past three months in marriage counselling to discuss these problems, but to no avail. She always insinuates that I have some sort of sex addiction because I’d like to have sex with her three times a week. I have always performed a lot of oral on my wife, and up until a year or so ago, she seemed to like it. Unfortunately, she has now become addicted to her Hitachi Wand and she is unwilling to try to orgasm without it. She wants to have two or three orgasms and then stop having sex as soon as possible, and she has started rushing me verbally and physically when I’m going down on her. We have sex relatively infrequently, so I want it to be more meaningful and satisfying when we do have sex. I’m sort of at my breaking point here because I’ve tried to improve things for years, but all I manage to do is incite a sexual embargo that can last weeks or months. It’s such a pathetic existence.

    1. MsGee

      Sounds like she could be depressed. Depression can put a huge damper on sex stuff. Sit her down and ask her if she’d be willing to go to couple counseling and maybe even have her go in for a physical at the docs. There are certain things in the body if they aren’t functioning correctly it can have adverse effects on libido as well. I have a friend that still did quickie masturbation but was depressed so she couldn’t actually have the energy to do full out sex with her boyfriend. Definitely talk to her about it and say hey listen something is wrong here and we need to talk about it and work through it before we end up drifting apart.

  71. SyaoLi

    A man who wants you to “endure” giving him a blowjob even if you don’t like it for whatever variety of reasons is not worth your time. Many men here are threatening that they’d leave. Good, let them. You dodged a bullet.

    I have no problem with giving oral sex to my husband whatsoever, but this trend of thinking that your partner should be okay with every sexual act you want is ridiculous and childish. GROW UP. You will NEVER find the perfect partner. Your partner will always have flaws. That doesn’t give you the right to be a whiny baby about it become passive aggressive and threaten that you’ll divorce or leave or cheat. And oddly enough, this only comes up with men who want something sexual. They expect their wives to give them everything they want sexually or they get aggressive and insulting about it. But if a wife wants her man to be just a *little* more of anything the men moan and complain that it’s stupid to have such high standards and insist she wants the prince on the white horse. You want him to cook more? He’ll say your nagging. You want him to help out more? He’ll say you’re expecting too much. But you won’t give him the one sex act he wants? He should leave! He should cheat! He should insult you! He thinks he deserves to do these things because he has a penis!

    I can’t fathom asking my husband to do something sexual that he doesn’t like or isn’t comfortable with. I wouldn’t be able to get pleasure from getting him to perform an act that I knew he didn’t like. But there are TONS of posts here from men insisting that their wives just “bare it” or “endure it.” It’s sick, really. Almost sadistic. “I know you hate it and feel uncomfortable, but it gives me pleasure so endure it!” Again, if you have a guy like this and he threatens to leave, let him. No one who loves you would be okay with you “enduring” a sex act.

    Never let a person guilt you into doing something you don’t enjoy. This is not a task, or a chore, it is sex and it involves a living, breathing, thinking, feeling person, not an object. And let’s face it. If he can’t find a way to find sexual fulfillment with you with the great many sexual possibilities that exist, he’s also boring and sucks in bed. You deserve better. The reality is that there are about a million sexual things that feel incredible, but he CHOOSES to be hung up about getting oral because his ego takes a blow if you don’t do it, even if you have a good reason. Again, if he can’t find other things to do with you out of all the things that exist and still insists that you do that ONE thing you hate, he’s a terrible lover and you can do better.

    (You can flip all the above for women who demand oral sex, but you won’t find nearly as many women asking reluctant husbands to “endure” sex acts they don’t like.)

    1. Marie

      When I give my husband a blowjob I dont have to ask him to do the dishes. Hes sooo happy he will do anything for me. And its not a sex act, its me loving every inch of his manhood. Id be soo hurt if my husband found kissing and sucking my vagina to be dirty or disgusting, It would ruin our marriage for sure and Id gladly take oral sex even if he didnt enjoy it. Id put ice cream on myself for him LOL. Men have feelings Lady, they arent pigs. Its complete sexual rejection to not love his penis . Its OK if you feel uncomfortable about it , just practice a little at a time. My husband just about cried the first time I did it to him. Seeing that moved me immensely and caused such desire in me for him. He said he felt so loved and accepted and desired by me and so complete in our sexual union. Like his body was something really good. And I was enjoying it. Im not good at blowjobs because I cant get the speed he needs to cum but he helps finish it off and I keep my mouth on it when he cums. It works for us and hes very happy with the compromise. Thank god LOL Your being too hard on men with your comments. Passionate sex makes life awesome. Id feel very cheated and doomed to a life of so so sex if my husband didnt like performing oral. Id be really really sad.

  72. El Guapo

    Oral sex is an art, just like sex. How can a woman NOT expect her man to run away and f**k another woman who WILL s*ck his c*ck? Women have nowhere near as much testosterone as men. And no, thats not an excuse, its the f**king truth. Dont say you “love” us, when you wont s*ck our deepest desires and fantasys straight down your throats. We love licking and sucking p*ssy, so guess what? Better learn how to deepthroat and swallow his load. If not, then you get NO wedding ring, just some cum as a nice “parting” gift.

    El Guapo

  73. Ed

    My story is a little different, She gives me oral and I do the same back. She always tells me not to or I don’t have to, but I enjoy giving her pleasure so I continue. Now My problem works this way, she loves foreplay as I do but it is very hard to get her to give me a hand job, I enjoy having her stroke me and more. She keeps telling me it’s an uncomfortable position, laying on the bed and go at it, plus even after a few minutes she gets tired and gives up. I may feel the same way, when doing her but I might change positions to keep up the action. Why is it that she can’t/won’t try different positions to keep up the action for me? We both are out of shape, in our 50’s, so it tends to be a bit of a chore but , HEY, if it pleasures each other give it your all, right!

    1. Deana

      Its never too late to start going to the gym together. Im almost 50 and Ive been going for 4 months. Im amazed at how much more strength and stamina I have already. My husband says it has made a big difference in the bedroom

  74. Bishop

    I had to stop reading this hypocritical dribble. Why does this country seem to think that women are reasonable in every thing they ask or do? They say, “If a woman doesn’t want to give oral sex to her man, she has that right.”. But adversely, “men must be understanding in addressing the desires of their woman”. What is good for the goose is good for the gander. There are too many spineless men out there.

    On the last blog I visited, I read a post written by a man who said his wife told him she wanted to suck off an 18 year old man at her job for a birthday present to the kid! It was her “fantasy”. She and her husband were over 40. And the spineless idiot husband was actually considering it!!! SCREW THAT BITCH, because that’s exactly what she is (and “yes” I’d say the same about the guy if he brought that crap home to his wife!!!). This is crazy. If women want consideration from their men, then they should expect to give that same consideration to their men.

    Women’s lib is a two edged sword. It’s a give and take; not the woman always taking and not giving. I would rather be alone (and I’m not, and I demand the same respect that I give), then to be cockolded by my wife or controlled sexually(and I’m not talking about off the wall weird stuff either). Sometimes….hasta luego is the best power you can exert. You may not be able to “control” her, but you can always control yourself. Walk away and leave her to another guy. Women and men, do not have to be puppets for partners who want to use and control them, or who even refuse to satisfy them in a way that they need or want to be satisfied. It’s good for your self respect and peace of mind. I will not be in a serious relationship with a woman who will not satisfy me in the way that I want. It’s not fair to me, and it’s not fair to her. It will most likely lead to problems in the relationship. Life is just too short.

  75. Free of disease

    All of you need to forget about women and sex. Women have rights now. They can lie to the police and put you in prison. Buy a video game system and play video games to de-stress from work.

    1. Deana

      LOL when woman get stressed out, have bad PMS, mood swings, we can become emotionally irrational. When we divorce a man loses soo much, his family if theirs children, his money, his home, half his retirement. Im surprised as hell men risk all that and get married still today. If I was a man Id be terrified to marry. My husband and I were on the verge of divorce not too long ago. There was no sex for years and the PMS fights were horrendous. I was soo stressed out. My husband insisted on finding my G-Spot after talking with a Lesbian friend of his from work. I was mortified. I didnt want him sticking his fingers in me. I had become so uptight and frigid but I still loved him and was actually a bit curious. It was a rough start cause I freaked out a few times after wards. I had intense and wonderful orgasms but I wasnt use to loseing control like that. You basically lie back and let your man gently stroke it with the tip of his penis or finger. The orgasms come like waves of heat all up through your body. Not just one but Id have three in one evening. It took about a month to really feel comfortable with it. Emotionally it feels very vunerable to let go like that. Now when my husband works late Im not yelling at him soon as he gets through the door. Im all showered waiting in the bed for him. I buy pretty lingerie for myself instead of wearing those packaged white Kmart underwear. He has rocked my world. Interesting how sex can save a marriage. I had become so uptight and his loving tender touch in the right place set me free. I thank him often of course with blowjobs now, Something I would never do before. So guys, find her G-spot!!!

  76. Ricardo

    What have we learned here?
    A) Never marry women, keep her on the edge 😀
    B)No suck? no swallowing? bye bye get a idiot to put up to you lol
    C)Cheating is wrong, but get a younger one and better after you kick her.
    D)Men are primal, do not like it? get a dildo 😀
    My two cents.

  77. The Unselfish Lover

    I am a man whose wife would give oral more than frequently, besides the weekly sunday morning, on car rides, anytime we were together until the ring hit the finger, I am a man who gives 150% no matter what because it’s all about giving your partner the most amazing sexual experiences every single time, showing exactly how much you love her, I haven’t received any reciprocation in eons yet I go downtown every time. Yes I enjoy it, have been told I’m amazing by every woman I’ve been with but that’s not important to me as an ego booster because it’s all about giving her the best orgasm every time and as many as possible. My wife doesn’t seem to participate in foreplay or put any effort into sex or our relationship yet is extremely demanding especially with oral, She actually demands I perform while refusing to give anything back.” you’ve heard the expression “DEAD LAY” The only occasion she’s ever gave anything special is after an instance she saw someone else notice me and the way I’m neglected and I guess her pleasure and happiness felt threatened … It’s not really about the lack of reciprocation more about the way you make your partner feel …”I’ts not the sex that’s amazing it’s the way your lover makes you feel.” She’ll demand a “quicie” or head but never puts any effort into it…… I know a lot of women say men ask for too much and some even say are demanding, but my perspective on not only sex, but also your relationship and marriage is if you can’t put effort into it or don’t love your partner enough to make them feel special or even loved then you don’t deserve their effort or time, especially if your partner ALWAYS puts in 100% at all times going above and beyond to not only make you feel loved, special and over cloud 9……

    No I’m not a sucker or stupid I’m aware of how unhealthy my situation is on my Sanity, I’m just old school and take things seriously especially promises and oaths I always keep them….

    In the end it’s not about you or what you like or dislike like I hear both sexes use the term so lightly -If you truly love your partner it should always be about giving them the best you that you can despite what you may like or not like …..Isn’t that what they deserve your complete unyielding love…
    “The Unselfish Lover”

    1. Trevor

      you have just read my life story, only now i refuse to give it back. And yes the relationship is crap because of it. Maybe i wish she’d read all my posts cos she sure as hell won’t listen. I had a pregancey scare too, thought id be extending my sentence to a life with no head. Thankfully not, just another 16 years to to go, not another 19.

      1. marie2

        Try not to be angry,woman have a lot of hangups about oral. Its considered very slutty. We know guys love it cause they watch porn and pay prostitutes for it so we do it hopeing the guy will love us and not cheat while were dateing . Then once married its difficult to continue and we feel safer now cause you married us . It really hurts to think we have to keep doing that for you to be happy and love us. It feels so sleazy. Why?? Cause guys make it out to be sleazy with all the porn they watch and by saying SUCK MY DICK or BLOW ME whenever your pissed off at someone. We hear the term being used as a degradeing thing. I had to really work through all those issues with my undrstanding careing husband. Finally when I was able to start trying it he just about cried and I was so touched that he felt so loved by me. Now its something I do when I want to be romantic with him. Ill light candles,play soft pretty music, have him take a shower, tell him to lay back against the pillows and relax as I message him and end with oral sex for him. I find it so beautiful now that I can enjoy my husbands body andmake him feel so loved. No more hangups or feeling slutty. But it took talking through it with him for about a month or two to get all those wrong ideas about makeing love out of my head. Good Luck. Woman are bombarded with slutty mesaages and sexual objectification all our lives. It damages us sexually. Be loving with her and talk kindly and respectfully. Listen to her and help her. I feel so free now.

        1. Trevor

          i do listen t her. I listen to her “NO” all the time. I don’t ask anymore. She doesnt listen to me and cares not that i now no longer fancy her a bit because she cares not to please me. So Now i can’t be arsed to please her or even have sex with her. She lied to me to get her pregnant. She said shed give me head all the time if I gave her a child. Now i’m stuck with her and i resen her for lying to me and ignoring my feelings. She doesnt lke giving head. Fair enough, but i don;t like not getting head. Tough shit. why is my pain less important than hers? She has no pain because she never has to do it. she doesnt love me or she would at least try even once a year. Thats when really spoke out, i thouhght she was waiting for a special occaasion. Birthday, valentines day, fathers day, christmas, so when annversary came i knew it was just never or speak up. i spoke up about how she gets it from me but never returns it. nothing changed . Extremely selfish. our relationship is crap because i cannot be expected to love someone so selfish who wont even talk to me about it.

          1. marie2

            Well, all I can say is I was the same way..When he started staying out late a lot and hanging out with friends more (pretty girls too) and I began to get really scared and jealous that I might actually lose him. I started begging him to be home more and he said he was soo unhappy with our sex life and longed for good sex and to feel loved by me. Im pretty sure that was the turning point for me. Thinking I could lose him and that maybe he has a crush on one of the girls he was hanging out with who was kinda slutty. I figured she would definately give him a blow job and he was desperate for one so I started talking to him about how I felt and our marriage improved so much. Maybe shes feeling too secure in the marriage like she can control you however she likes. Give her a little insecurity. Make her wonder what your up to and where your at. Be vague about your where abouts and see if you cant shake her off of her selfish high and mighty pedestal. But dont cheat. It never occurred to me that my husband would cheat I always felt so sure of his lust and love for me. Made me kind of selfish and too secure in myself. Like I could treat him however I wanted and he would stick around. Then he stopped coming home after work. That shook me up bad and made me realize SHIT!!! I could lose him. Now I make sure to please him once a week real nice like how he likes it. Slow and romantic with a massage and Im happy to do it cause I realized how crazy I am about him and I aint gonna lose my man to no slutty girls. LOLGood Luck. Erase these emails so she doesnt see you writing on here.

  78. James

    Good News!!! A few years ago I posted on here that I married a religious woman that had been raised to only see sex as penis-vaginal contact. Last night my wife asked me to shower and then gave me the most satisfying fellatio AND swallowed. She even told me she could do that again. This has done wonders for my psyche and soul. The road has been tough but I kept explaining that this is not a sin and several bible versus that suggest oral - genital contact. I am not sure what changed her mind but I am thrilled today for her unconditional love.

    1. Richard

      James, what a great report to share. You are saying it the way most of us decent guys feel. The girls often don’t understand really that what you wrote is 100% accurate - we feel not only the exquisite pleasure at the time but joy for hours, sometimes days afterward. I’m Christian too, and within marriage there are no real taboos so long as the activities are consensual.

      I’m guessing your wife either read some serious materials or spoke to someone knowledgeable because she suggested the shower first and then went all the way to give you this special pleasure. Now your life can move to another plane, James. Be sure to let her know how fundamentally and spiritually that pleasure affects you — and — look for ways to do things, whatever they might be, to make her happy.

      Ladies, if you are reading this, please know that oral sex, and especially to orgasm, can change your husband’s attitude and outlook on life literally overnight — especially if happens maybe once per week or twice per month. (More if you both want, of course 🙂 And a good shower first makes total sense) It would be totally fair for you to gently and smilingly request oral sex in return — or whatever it is that would make you happy. And guys, you should rejoice at the opportunity. Make your marriages fun and rewarding in this way, and you can overcome lots of other challenges together.

  79. MsGee

    Well let’s see the man I married chose to not tell me he had HPV and Herpes, at the beginning of the marriage before I knew I did give oral pleasure though his “cream filling” tasted absolutely acrid I swear it’s the energy drinks he drank that made it taste that way. One day I came across his Journal he told me to go ahead and read it if I was curious about his younger years. Low and behold there it was written by him I have herpes now. I was really upset I confronted him about it and he said he told me(he really didn’t) and then fessed up to having HPV as well, that bump I thought was a mole on his thang was a wart. I have TMD I had already before this tapered off on giving oral sex because my jaw started clicking but after finding out he had two stds that actually can put warts or sores into my mouth I no longer wanted to do it at all. He treated me like crap after that cheated didn’t tell the ones he cheated on me with he had diseases either. Sometimes guys if you have certain diseases I don’t feel it’s right for you to expect oral pleasure the same with if yer gal has herpes or etc I certainly wouldn’t blame you for not wanting to munch da kitty.

    1. Roland E Bastian

      Wow MsGee I am sorry for what you went through and currently are going through.
      I think open communication is the key, especially before and after marriage and most importantly about money, decision making, and sex.

      I think my experience and the experience of many of the men on this site do not make mention or have complaints of the situation of those poor spouses who have been victimized by abusive spouses with histories of STDs which are never cured, physical, emotional, or sexual abuse, or unreasonable or careless demands of a spouse with physical limitations which prevent sexual intimacy. In my opinion there is no excuse for that type of behavior.

      Rather I take issue with my previous and current spouse, and many have complained in this form, where in the spouses could not keep their hands off of them while they were dating and engaged, and almost immediately after becoming married had very limited interest in sex, initiating sex, etc. I am not the perfect husband nor have I ever claimed to be. I bring my wife flowers at least two or three times a month, make and arrange date nights with a babysitter for our child, occasionally cook and often help with the kitchen cleaning/dishes when I have a job where I work over 70 hours a week.

  80. John Dee

    So many women on here and the author of the article basically saying “Hey men, sometimes women do things to catch a husband that they really hate. That’s why they stop doing them after the wedding, and that’s ok.” So let me get this straight, it’s ok for a woman to be a two faced lying bitch to land the guy, then cut him off from most everything that attracted him to her in the first place, sit on her ass and spend the family resources while he busts his ass, and then divorce him when Mr. Moremoney comes along?? And this is all ok?? This what leads to the pick up artist, the guy who finds, f**ks, and never calls again, and he does it for good reason. He does it because he knows the he’s f**ked in the legal system, cause the wife will get at least half and most likely primary custody of the kids. So not only are his money and assets gone but so are his kids and any values he tries to instill in them. I am saying all of this from a bitter and angry point of view, but that doesn’t make my view any less valid. I am currently married to a woman that changed significantly after I do, we are now 5 years in with one child. I love my daughter more than anything and I never wanted her to live in a broken home. So I will spend hopefully only the next 18 years, raising her and getting her started in the world, then I will go after my own wants. But all the women on here that advocate this premarital duality are evil golddiggers.

    1. marie2

      John Dee…first I want to tell you how sorry I am that your in this situation. I use to be like your wife. It was fun dateing and fooling around with my fiance but once we got married I thought it was time to grow up and be a woman that my husband and others could respect, I wanted to respect myself now that I was in the category of being married and responsible. I wanted my children to see me as honorable and wholesome. The sex with my husband dwindled over the years to non existant as I raised our kids, kept our home and finances in order, worked part time, planned birthday parties, PTO meetings at the school, grocery shopped and cooked. et ect ect. Men dont take on all of these new roles when their married and have kids. I completely lost the sensual fun sexual side of myself. I felt dead in that area. We were headed for divorce after 10 years of marriage and just going through the motions. I moved into a spare bedroom on our 18tyh wedding anniversary as my husbands sex drive was ferocious and I was a complete prude. by then. Couldnt even stand to be touched. We had some long heartfelt talks. I wanted to leave him. He wanted sex. The year I spent in the spare bedroom, away from his constant sexual advances helped me to get back in touch with my femininity. He bought me a vibrator which infuriated me yet I started useing it LOL, I found that I could have multiple orgasms with it and became interested in my sexuality again. I told my husband about that…he was thrilled haha and encouraged me to be comfortable with my body. He began romancing me again. Very hard for him cause he was beyond horny with the lack of sex and me in the other room pleasueing myself. Eventually I moved back into the bedroom with him and showed him what I liked. I was soo uncomfortable with my sexuality. Soo many woman are. Thats why we please a man to catch him then stop once married. Its not to be mean or cruel. We just truly dont undrstand your need for sex since we dont have that need. Everything else consumes us and takes over our lives when we marry. We dont spend our puberty years masterbateing every day like guys do. Us girls dont have an outlet to explore our sexuality and be comfortable with it. Girls dont talk about jerking off the way guys do. Girls dont talk about sex at all. I read about the male sex needs and learned to perform oral sex on my husband in a romantic way that I enjoyed. Candles , music ect… he let me do what I was comfortable with and at my pace and let me explore. It was all about me for the first time in our relationship. Sex was always about him in the past. Now its about US. I am very modest and conservative but in the bedroom or home alone with my husband I feel safe and comfortable with my sexuality for the first time in my life. I never understaood the importance of it all untill I started reading about sex and womans orgasms and learning about myself. Im a much more fun and relaxed person now. Maybe leave some literature around for her to read. Make friends with some flirty woman who take good care of themselves who are comfortable with their bodies. Maybe it will rub off on your wife or make her jealous enough to rev up her own engine 😉 Good luck sweety. Dont lose all hope. Just lose the anger and try to be more understanding untill your wife comes into her own self exploration. Encourage it romantically. I wish you the best.

    2. dystonicrxn


      I totally understand your bitterness and viewpoint.

      In retrospect after being married twice I realize for the most part women do not mean to put out in a way which misrepresents who they are before and early in the marriage only to “bait and switch” us into believing we got the raw goods in the deal.

      Women are amazing creatures … tantalizingly, beautiful, soft and curvy, and amazing but at times they are raging hormone filly torrents who take things way too personally, like cats do whatever in the heck they want, etc.
      The thing I realized over time is most women do not like or “need” sex the way most men do, there are rare exceptions.

      The “shopping gene” as I like to call it plays a big part in the psyche and maturation of women. I think you have seen it in play… something new is advertised on TV, they see a new nice new car, have to go shopping even if they truly do not need something, etc and they are excited, wait so driven by excitement they begin to lose there everloving minds.

      Unfortunately when the luster of the newness of the relationship and romance began to fade generally the excitement about intimacy, in my opinion, coincidingly fades as well.

      Also take into account increased busyness of family, lifestages, including pregnancy, post pregnancy, pre-menopausal and postmenopausal states, etc. causing attitudes and levels of interest in sex in marriage to be very complex.

      Finally, I say the things not to make excuses for changes in behavior, level of interest and excitement, etc. by the other spouse or partner but rather to help understand further things I’ve seen in my two marriages.

      I think the really difficult thing to deal with is the lack of give-and-take which a good marriage seems to be somewhat or in part, founded upon. And in addition wherein sex can be used as a tool or reward predominantly by women to get what they want, i.e. Newhouse, new jewelry, new clothes, money, certain behavior, etc.

      Sorry for the wordy reply. Any suggestions on how to counter or remedy the above complex situation would be greatly appreciated

      1. marie2

        Give your wife what she wants and likes and she will be moved to give you what you want and like. When my husband made an honest yet clumsy attempt at romanceing me, buying me flowers and yes, he took me shopping to places he could afford and bought me little things I liked it really sparked something in me. I guess that was all foreplay for me. I felt so loved by him for the first time in a very very long time and not just LUSTED by him to fufill his sexual needs. Now I understand his sexual drive better and its importance to him and he understands my foreplay needs. Its still clumsy at times but the effort he makes more than makes up for it and our bedroom is smoking LOL. I was a woman who hated oral sex, giving or recieving, now I crave both. Because he gave me what I like. Shopping is not bad if you have a budget. He gave me a shopping allowance outside of my own part time paycheck so I could play a little. It made me happy. It wasnt a lot but i had fun with it. It made me want to give him what makes him happy. At first I was doing him a favor but then I started being horny all the time because we were flirty and seually active so it got my mind more focuse4d on my sexuality. Woo the hell out of your wife. Go crazy for a few months. No sex just woo the heck out of her and tell me what happens. Guys get mad cause woman love to shop and woman get mad cause guys love sex. Stop being angry and use it to your advantage. Everyone is happy and you will end up in bed. Thats where the love and intimacy and tenderness really bond you together. Everything else is a means of getting you both there.

        1. Dystonic Rxn

          I cannot literally afford to woo my wife in ways in which she may like. Before marriage we used to hang out at the beach, go for hikes, picnics, etc and now after marriage and our first born all she wants to do is shop.
          I buy flowers for her … not much of a response.
          do dishes on my own w/o asking despite having a very busy medical practice appreciation

          I will not exchange shopping and ergo money for sexual intimacy with my wife. money for sex is one of the oldest occupations known to man, and I did not know marriage was very much like this occupation.

          1. cdq99

            My brother married a girl that gave everybody oral before she met him. Now she’s like I don’t do that anymore. I think its wrong for everybody to oral but now thats shes married no oral for husband. Damn!

          2. cdq99

            My wife is the same way. She has gotten way too comfortable somewhat lazy. If and when we have sex its missionary or doggy style only. I stopped asking for it so long periods of time go by until she actually wants it and she gives me head to get me in the mood but just enough to get me hard then she stops and wants me in her.

          3. marie

            Oral is optional just like romance is optional. Neither is needed to make a marriage but both are needed to make a marriage fun. If romance isnt her thing then shopping might be. Id give her some shopping money if I were you LOL Oral sex is awesome and your missing out. Just pay her for it . Shopping makes us happy and gets us out of the dreary endless boredom of life. ….you wont be complaining afterwards I promise 😉

          4. Dystonic Rxn

            She has her own shopping money. For what reason should I pay my wife to go shopping, so that she might endulge me in oral sex.
            I would like to be intimate with my wife where we truly enjoy each other physically, mutual oral sex, massage, kissing, love making, repeat.

          5. Marie

            Well apparently she does not want you in the way you want her. Time for counseling or move on .Sounds lonely and heartbreaking for you.

          6. Dystonic Rxn

            Not sure why that is. I am not perfect and am not quite the younger stud I once was and yet all fairness age has done damage to her also
            Yet there was huge change from when were dating to only a.short time after we were married. “Oh I will swallow every last drop” before marriage to “I am not swallowing that, it’s nasty” after marriage.
            It often feels like the Ole bait and switch plan. “I it.takes to get him. But once I have him I will only do.what I want and might oblige him every once in a while.”

          7. marie2

            Your dateing her so she feels loved your not buying her. Just a suggestion thats all. You sound desperate so I gave my two cents, Try something

        2. John Dee

          Marie2 I do all laundry, clean her cats’ litter box daily, cook her dinner before she gets home (she get home at 5:30 and I go to work at 4 so I cook it and leave it in the fridge and wash all the dishes), I take out the trash, vacume, I am mr. Fix it (because I despise getting ripped off by repair men but I have been blessed to learn alot so on most things I actually do a good job), I spend much of my free time in the floor drawing and coloring with our daughter and just being a dad, the only two things my wife doesn’t have are a high enough cash flow and constant excitement.

          One thing that is constant from my wife is that she frequently complains about boredom. At work, home, you name it things aren’t exciting enough but she doesn’t busy herself with tasks that can make things go smoother? It seems that alot of women have been catered to and expect a certain stand of living and if it’s not met exactly how they want then they aren’t going to do shit because they don’t have to. So don’t try to sell this crap of “well do for her and she will do for you.”

          1. marie2

            Wow..excuse me. I wasnt trying to sell you any crap, just offer a different perspective to consider. Why are you so nasty?? No wonder your wife wont blow you.

    3. Ben

      You sir, John Dee, hit the nail right on the head !! We need more real men like you bro. F**k these “shopping” bitches and their chastity belts and chastity mouth covers. What the f**k is wrong with “women” today? More like p*ssies desperate to bait and switch and pop out a f**king child to sink a trapped man. F**king bitches. F**k you p*ssies who do this to men. Leave men alone and go f**k yourselves with your rabbit vibrators. Stop wasting our god damn time sucking the money out of our wallets on dates , marriages , and shit. Let us real men f**k the orgasms out of REAL women who LOVE sucking and f**king before and during marriage til death do us part. There are women who will still be sucking their man’s Cock even in the afterlife. So F**K you bitches who call yourselves “empowered women”. You all are p*ssies and should be put down for the bitches you are. Have a great day John Dee bro. Peace out ????

      1. Dystonic Rxn


        Although I do not condone the language I do wholeheartedly agree with the general gist of your post.

        Unfortunately I do not think the issue is as straight forward as it is portrayed here, and yet there certainly are many women (many I have met and some of my wife’s friends) whom I have heard admitted to the tenants of the “bait and switch” technique.

        1. Ben

          Dystonic, grow the f**k up p*ssy. You dont “condone” the language??? Shut the f**k up. Free speech is FREE, or have you forgotten the constitution? F**k even that, speech has always been free from the day you were born and crying. Same as youre doing now, crying about “language”. I served my country for 5 years in the army, deployed to Iraq and Afghanistan, and got shot at. While you have the freedom to tell me in return about “condoning” language, I also earned the right to say f**k you. Grow a set of balls and get used to “condoning” deez nutz bitch.

          1. Dystonic Rxn

            Yes free speech is “free”, but always cost something. I think somehow your message is lost amongst the expletives.
            I don’t disagree wit your message, frankly at all.
            It always amazes me how those with much to say using expletives end up having very little to share showing their lack of intelligence and inability to communicate.
            A person is not much of a man if he cannot control himself, communicate well, and offend others over the Internet.

  81. JR

    I love the comment of Marie 2 on 11-17. I have been married for 26 years. My wife only gives head as foreplay, never as the final act. I know she likes to lay back and receive to orgasm and then have intercourse. All I am asking is that every once and while I get to lay back and receive until orgasm . The only way I can orgasm with my wife is if I am on my knees in a stress position (missionary or doggy) She has also given up being on top. And yes, we men do take it very personally. It is a rejection of us just as real as “sleep on the couch” Ladies, you have a gift that you can give your man that will make him Very happy. Please don’t hold it back.

  82. Robert Zwittzer

    Women don’t understand. Men have to have sex. And men crave it because they have feelings and just they have to have it. Look it up why men crave sex or something okay?!

  83. Frustrated

    I just want to share my experience.

    When I was dating my wife we had sex all the time, and all the time I’m talking multiple times a day and in many places even public. She sucked my dick all the time and we had a lot of fun.

    We’ve been married for 15+ years and over the past 2 things have gone south. We only have sex if I initiate it and I have to work so god damn hard at it…then it’s just me on top and most of the time she just lays there like a dead fish. It’s not fun, not engaging and I just end up stopping and going to sleep. It’s gotten so bad that I refuse to even try. She reduced the times she’s sucked my dick within the first year of our mirage to just about NEVER now.

    I’ve never cheated on anyone and would never consider it and like someone else has mentioned I’ve looked into divorce and it would cost me more than it’s worth.

    I do everything around the house since I work from home. I cook dinner, do the laundry, clean up the house, run the kids around and take care of the finances. Leasing up to the past 5 I worked my ass off. 80 hours a week and sacrificed everything for my wife and kid, my health deteriorated and I now have high blood pressure.

    My wife is selfish and shows no care for what she’s turned our marriage into. We’ve gone to see a counselor only for her to quit because the female counselor didn’t “taker her side”.

    I know the easy advice is DIVORCE HER WHORE ASS…it’s not that easy. I have my kids and finances to think about.

    At one time my wife flat out told me I’m last on her priority list. Funny because her and our marriage is first on mine followed by my kids.

    The problem is women seem to think they are better than everyone. When I was younger I would watch women turn guys down for attention because they didn’t seem to have money or dress a certain way, these same women would gravitate towards the assholes and when they got screwed over they would just claim guys are jerks. Now that I’m older these same women found good men and have no idea how to treat them so they treat us like pieces of shit.

    Women need to wise up. Don’t complain when you’re good man leaves your dumbass out in the cold. There isn’t a man in the world that can’t survive without sex from you.

    I’ve argued with my wife over our issues and now I just tell her the truth. I consider her a roommate. I refuse to initiate sex with her because who the hell likes being rejected or treated as if their needs are troublesome.

    If she cheats on me, all the better, I can then file for divorce and I won’t have to pay her shit and I’ll get my kids. Just remember ladies men aren’t half as dumb as you think they are.

    1. Steve

      Cheat. Cheat. Cheat! Or… make her think you are cheating, but not able to prove it. Wait till u see signs of her cheating and hire a PI to catch her. She is basically spitting in your face when you do everything for her and your kids. 80 hours a week? That’s nuts. That’s dedication. That deserves atleast 10 bjs. A lot of women rly do think they are better than everyone, that’s real talk and she sounds lik an example.

      Or maybe you could get her to agree that she sux and is a nub and agree to not take half your shit cause it sounds like she already took an equivalent of 3/4.

      If my wife told me I’m her last priority, I would pull up my bootstraps, hunker down, and lay upon her the steamiest, meatiest, chunk of a hot slimy log. And I may be forced to save up a weeks worth of caked on sack salt, and just diligently drag that vinegary pack of steaming meat across that face.

  84. Ann Byla

    Very interesting post and I have to say I am very pissed right now.
    I am single and met my boyfriend 18 months ago. He said he was separated and his ex wife did not want anything to do with him. Doing many of out talks he told me she had never giving him a BJ. I on the other hand love giving BJs. When I met him he had difficulty getting a hard. Better yet, he could not get it at all. I liked him a lit and had patience and I started giving him BJs. After a while all started to work fine. I always enjoyed giving him bjs and also trying nee positions. I always felt that what we do sexually between our four walls is just fine as ling as we are having a healthy secual relationship. He told me he did not have feelings fir his ex and they slept in separate rooms and he was almost always with me. Couple months ago he broke up with me because he said we were not on the same page. After the break up, he slowly got himself back in but saying he does not want a relationship, just casual. Three weeks ago as we were talking and he said” I find interesting that you said you like giving me bjs, because most women do not like giving bjs”. He than also said he still have feelings for his ex and that he loves her. So this man lied to me that he is separated, changed his marital status so he can live a double life, because his wife gives him lousey sex and he lied to me so he could get the great and fun sex he does not have with her. Basically he used me to have bjs and the open and fun sex she does not give him. Damn, I wasted all thise months of bjs on this a—le lying puece of dirt.

    1. cduke6

      Ann, look at it this way, you love giving BJs so keep doing what you love but don’t make yourself exclusive to someone who isn’t exclusive to you. If you want to keep looking around and doing what you love to do, do it, be you. Don’t ever stop looking until you find what you looking for. Keep sucking, make us proud:)

      1. marie2

        Dont have sex untill your in an exclusive relationship with someone,,,try to control yourself long enough to meet someone decent who wants to be with you and is not married. You brought this on yourself.

        1. Dystonic Rxn

          Nice kind and supportive last line Marie. This kind of Judgement does not help those of us who are trying to grow and vent by sharing online. None of us are perfect.

          1. marie2

            Sometimes the kindest thing you can do for someone is tell them the nature of their problem. I wish their was a nicer way to say it I really do. The best help I ever got was when people didnt sugar coat my issues but were straight up with me about what I was doing to bring chaos and pain into my life. I didnt need someone to stroke my ego and say oh dear you poor thing. I needed the truth so I could see myself and change it. Quickly and decisively. Life sucks, we do foolish things to hurt ourselves and wander around for years playing poor me poor me. And never changeing. I said what I said because I care. I said it the way I said it because Im not dicking around with peoples lives. It is what it is and now its in her hands and with the truth comes the power to change and be better and make better choices. Maybe I was too blunt so I will add.this…Learn what it means to love and respect yourself in its entirety before you try to love and respect others.with all sincerity Marie.

          2. Dystonicrxn

            Marie. I don’t necessarily disagree with “your truths”.
            that being said I realize I alone am not the source of truth for the universe and even moreso am hardly perfect which is conflicted with the fact my ego wants to judge others and administer my truth.
            I am learning more and more every day as I search and as more is revealed to me in regards to love and respect myself and in turn love and respect others.

          3. marie2

            I understand what your saying but in this case “the truth” is pretty obvious. She didnt have any discernment or relationship expectations.She dove right in. Sometimes theres ledge under that water. Best to put a toe in first and wade around a bit before diving in like that. Its just common sence. We could all use more of that and unfortunatelt it is often learned the hard way. 🙁

  85. JR

    I am glad to see this conversation continues. I have been married 27 years and I know I should not complain about sex. We “Play Around” once a week and it is usually pretty good. She gives me BJ as foreplay. I make sure she has a Big O and then we have intercourse. But never in all the years we have been together has she ever finished a BJ. Not Once. I guess you can say that I do not have the right to complain if I never forced the issue. But I don’t think the issue should be forced. I do the laundry and cook more than 1/2 the time. I am the breadwinner and work 50 hours a week. I regularly bring her flowers and have always said I love you. I do not take her for granted and she is otherwise a Great Wife and mother of my children. If this is the worst thing in our relationship, I should be happy. Am I so wrong to feel that every once and while (once a year, once ever other year, once every 5 years) I get to sit back and instead of BJ as foreplay, have her finish the job. I understand she feels BJ should be foreplay, but I am feeling depressed that it has always been foreplay ONLY and I am looking at never again, for the rest of my life, experiencing it as anything other than foreplay. I am not asking her to swallow, just finish one. Am I out of line for wanting?

    1. marie2

      Its never out of line to ask for something nicely. Ask her. Ask what she would like you to do as well. I love being bent over and given doggy for a long while slowly. I dont get that all that time he cant last but he knows I LOVE IT and will do it when he feels he can and not too tired. I do what he likes too sometimes. Ask.

  86. Melisandre

    Reading this thread is so sad! Do any of you get your wives off via sex? My husband gets me off with his penis like it was meant to be, I don’t need his mouth. Most men suck in bed tbh. I went through like 8 boyfriends who sucked before I met my husband. And he cooks and does dishes too. Win win! We don’t find a need for oral anymore since we are busy and have mind blowing sex.

  87. Frustrated

    Here I am one year later and going through a divorce. Turns out I was 100% correct in my assumption that my wife was cheating. She stopped oral because she was seeing others behind my back (or so she thought).

    And Melisandre, I cook, clean, do dishes, do the laundry, mow the lawn and help our kids with homework not to mention I earn a damn good living and never treated her bad or disrespected her, her loss.

    Turns out my kids have seen her for what she really is and my divorce is looking to go in my favor. No maintenance and i should have custody of kids.

  88. frustrated

    My wife has never giving me a blowjob since we’ve been married. I have done oral on her for many years and she liked it. She thinks a blowjob is nasty. However, eating her out is not. It is my fault for putting up with her for all these years. I should have divorced her long ago. Now we both or older and we never have any sex. It’s a complete “dead bedroom” at our house. I talk with her about our problem and she tells me to just take care of my problem. I used to love her, but now not so much. I think she maybe never really liked sex from the beginning. If I had is to do all over again, I would have run the other way.


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