Having sex with your wife while she’s sleeping
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Having sex with your wife while she’s sleeping

I’m just wondering if there are other men out there that do this because my husband does this and I don’t know how I should feel about it. I’ll wake up and find him having sex with me or maybe I should say having sex with my body since I think for him to be having sex “with me” I would need to be awake. Should I feel like I’m being used like a blowup sex doll or is this normal and acceptable behavior? Submitted by guest

Sex with sleeping wife


Based on a comment left below I have decided to expand this topic that was started by a guest poster with a story from my own experience. The comment in question appealed for the point of view of a woman who has some experience with the issue given that the majority of the comments below are from men.

My first experience with this happened before I married my husband. I had gone to live with him in his country. We had not yet been sexually intimate as we’d agreed when our relationship first started that we would wait until we were married. It had been about 4.5 years we’d been together by the time I went to live with my husband. I had already figured we would end up having sex before getting married but I didn’t expect it to be initiated the way my husband initiated it the very first night of my arrival. In the middle of sleeping I started to have a very erotic dream. It was so intense that my body had become aroused in reality to the point where it woke me up and I discovered this man, not yet my husband, was having sex with me. My body and my mind were not in sync as far as how they felt about it. My body was in a state of arousal but to my mind I was quite shocked and disturbed by the discovery. I felt I had been violated in the worst way imaginable regardless how my body felt. You can arouse someone’s body while their mind remains aware that what is going on isn’t right. Many a young girl is violated this way every day.

I didn’t make a big deal about it after and I don’t think I’ve ever made a big deal about it on any of the occasions that my husband has done it throughout our marriage; but I am never comfortable with knowing that while I’m sleeping my husband starts sexual intercourse with me. There have been times I have awoken aroused but that has never removed the feelings of discomfort even if I have participated in the sex after being awoken aroused.

I have never thought it was my husbands intention to violate me; but knowing it’s not his intention doesn’t mean you don’t still feel violated. I know sometimes he wants sex and I just want to sleep so I do sometimes tell him it’s okay if I’m sleeping and he does it-not that it’s generally okay but that it’s okay on that specific occasion; but unless I give him permission I don’t think it’s something he should be doing especially if he’s doing it with the intention that I will sleep through it and not know about it. It doesn’t matter if I wake up in the middle of it on the verge of the most explosive orgasm in history; if the intention was to have sex with my body and for me to stay sleeping through it and therefore be completely unaware unless in the morning I sense my body had been used, this is absolutely not okay unless I have previously indicated that I don’t mind and you can do this to me any time you like.

Everybody is different and boundaries need to be respected. Just because one man’s wife might have no problem with it doesn’t mean your wife is being unreasonable for having a problem with it. If your wife doesn’t mind then she doesn’t mind. If she does mind, then please don’t write her off as being a bitch for it.

In my husband’s case, except for that night-the first night of my brief time living with him in his country 18 years ago-I’ve never believed it was his intention to use my body and for me to sleep through it. He wanted sex. I was sleeping. He felt it was okay to go ahead and have sex with me anyway. He’s my husband. I’m his wife. It’s not like he found himself sleeping next to a woman that he’s not involved with and he decided to steal sex from her while she was sleeping. He would understand that would be rape; but when it’s his wife, his sex partner, he considers it okay to do this. In a way I can’t fault him for thinking it should be okay; but at the end of the day, a person’s body belongs only to herself or himself.

If you particularly like to have sex with your wife while she’s sleeping but she has a problem with it and finds it creepy, talk to her about it. Explain to her why you like having sex with her while she’s sleeping. Help her understand it because right now she finds it creepy and if you keep doing it you’re putting your marriage at risk because she isn’t going to be comfortable with you. She’s going to think she’s married to a creep. She’s going to feel like you’re violating her in the worst way and you don’t care that you are violating because you keep doing it even though she complains. That makes it even creepier and sends out other damaging messages about how little you love her and how little you respect her.

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Having sex with your wife while she's sleeping, 6.1 out of 10 based on 82 ratings
0 149 161122 11 January, 2011 Marriage Social January 11, 2011

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    1. BadBob

      First and foremost to all the ladies out there that your husbands are doing this without your consent take a dull spoon and cutt their Dick off!!!! First off why would you want to have sex with your wife who is sound asleep? Secondly why would you do so without her consent? And third how the hell can you physically have sex with a woman without waking her up? To the husbands and wives that both agree to do it more power to you. I know what the hell my wife would do to me if she woke up from a sound sleep and me trying insert Mr Wonka. I would get a broke nose and kicked in the nutts.

      1. Charles

        My wife and I do not mind the other touching or enjoying each other asleep or otherwise, that is so small and ridiculous. What you’re saying when I touch my wife in her sleep it’s with love as well and vice versa your marriage isn’t much if that’s the way you feel about each other.

        1. Dan

          So true my wife dont care abit with 3 kids she unstands i have needs she never beenbotherd by it she knows i love her and after 12 years of marrige where very comfortable with each other iv never felt violated when i awake she’s rideing me lol grow up guys

      2. Why it

        You are an idiot. If ur wife let you while she was dead asleep or knocked out drunk, you would know how great it feels knowing u can have your way and do whatever u want and how long ever u want without her saying a damn word.

      3. Tony

        How wud u feel if u woke up and found out that ur wife is treating ur dick like a dildo?…. Wud u push her off or let her do her thing?……

      4. John wayin

        Well becuase she fell in sleep while we having sex… that is ok? And she get be arouse and that go to sleep… defore its happing that i did it. Now we have so little sex that i soon need a sexdool or a lover.

    2. Kevin

      My wife and I have an unspoken agreement that’s its ok. I usually won’t penetrate her but use her more as masturbating material. I will cum on her and she will wake up in the morning and just say did you cum on me last night and just laugh about it. I think she is fine with it because it makes her feel good that after all these years of marriage I still would rather look at her as I pleasure myself then watch porn or looking at pictures of naked women.

  1. stephen

    its normal its actual very sexual im still trying to figure out the secretes to doing this with out waking up my wife before i even make it all the way but its like a great sex act imbrace one time i woke up to my wife having sex with me she said she had been at it for atleast 10 mins before i woke up and after i woke up i went along with use it to spruse up ur sex life

      1. Charles

        I think your marriage is in trouble, I feel a lot of hate you and a lot of people will not agree with you.

    1. Charles

      Honestly, really, does it have to be explained how to do it to you? I don’t think you’re an adult I can’t do that.

    1. Tony

      Haha haha…u asked for divorce and u still in bed with him… Woman, expect anal sex soon…. He will every fantasy of his before he signs the divorce papers… Lol

  2. jimmy

    Well, i have done it.. twice i am ashamed that i did it. however, i went to therapy to see what they said. They said that in in my life lately things have been missing. wife out drinking, im worried sick about everything, mostly her health. so they said that in the back of my mind im taking what i believe i deserve, a stressrelief. i still feel bad about it. but she (terapist) kinda justified it..

  3. Joe

    It’s normal. Guys get horny girls get sleepy. Is it hurting anyone?

    Also, make sure you have an agreement with your wife outlining you are allowed before you give this one a try.

  4. Rebecca

    I’m pretty sure if there is no consent first, then it’s not okay! My ex boyfriend did this once and that was the beginning of the end for me.

  5. ChrisP

    Think of this for a moment from the man’s perspective. There is nothing as awesome as being awakened by your partner giving you a blowjob. It is totally - mind blowingly - awesome. A man, not totally up on the mechanics of a females anatomy, foolishly believes he can recreate this experience for her. He honestly believes it will send his mate over the edge.
    I don’t believe that it is anything akin to rape. It’s just extremely awkward foreplay.

    1. J Michael

      While I don’t entirely disagree with the logic you have, you should also include that in a healthy respectful relationship, that both partners should attempt to communicate about their wants and desires, and if one has an idea that they think the other might like, then that person should bring it up to their partner first. Just because one person doesn’t mind it, doesn’t mean that the other will.

      In another sense, it’s a similar topic as bdsm, just because you like it doesn’t mean that your partner will agree if you spring it on them without telling them first, and since you are starting something they can’t consent to in the moment, it should be discussed before hand. Just like you have to discuss hard limits ahead of time, in this situation you have to discuss their consent ahead of time, because you can’t take back a violation of their trust.

  6. ToddS

    I watch my wife play with herself, while she is asleep. she does things, she won’t with us both awake. I love to watch but would like to be more involved. when she is awake and I ask. I am just a man ad all we think about it sex. but it’s so hot to just watch her go at it herself. I will sometime move in as she finishes.

  7. TheMandolinPlayer

    I have done this too. Early in our marriage, she said it was fine - she even encouraged it. About eight months ago, that changed. She woke up, freaked out, punched me, said she felt violated. Somehow, some repressed event that had happened to her when she was younger (which I had no idea about until after the fact) was dug up. I see these posts where wives are okay with it and I have to admit, I’m jealous. I’m in a virtually sexless marriage with a super hot wife. It sucks.

    1. NightOwl

      Almost the same boat. She told me she was OK with it until a few times after it actually happened. Now it’s absolutely not. I guess she didn’t like it in practice.

      Play a sad tune on your Mandolin for us, I’ll drink a beer, and we can wallow together. Cheers

  8. WIfey

    I have been married for almost 20 years and my husband has been having sex using my body several times a week for years. I have asked him not to force me. I have asked him not to do me while I am sleeping. I have asked him not to do me when I am sick. He does it anyways. The more he forces me; the less I find him sexually appealling. I do feel violated when he does me when I am sleeping. We went to counselling and the therapist just called him a sex addict and made excuses for him. It is hard to even get a papsmear done now. Basically if you don’t like it, then leave because it will continue to happen. I believe that marriage is only for men and children and offers little for women in general… imho. Marriage is a free sex tickat and most consider you sais “Yes” when you said “I do.”

    1. jake

      You are all correct. If you ask a man to stop and he doesn’t, that’s rape, its selfish, and its wrong. Sure you may be addict or just want to get off. TAKE A COLD SHOWER. But, that being said, my wife and I do it. We’ve even taped it. She’s shy awake and confident in her sleep, so we watch the tapes and laugh. We outlined what I can and can’t do early on (awake) and we stay in those parameters. It’s fun. But we love and trust eachother so that’s what matters. Try to open up. You might like it. If you don’t, and you ask for it to stop and it doesn’t, then you’re damn right its time to leave, because if he won’t respect you when you’re asleep when else is he disrespecting you?

    2. danny

      You are way to bitter and trying to spread it to others. Marriage is just for men and children. You should be ashamed.

      1. trish

        No she should not be ashamed. If she is not happy with her lot she is entitled to feel bad. Shame on you for saying that. It is not right and it should stop, he is taking liberties. He should hang his head in shame. If it makes her miserable she will get bitter, she is being honest.

        1. PositiveRealist

          She should be ashamed. If she doesn’t like the way things are going, CHANGE IT!!! I tired of everyone complaining of things they can change. Life is about choices, make the right ones, live with the consequences otherwise. If she won’t change the way things are going, leave, otherwise, SHUT UP AND QUIT WHINING!

          On the topic at hand, my husband does this to me all the time. I told him it was fine as long as he doesn’t wake me up, if he does he stops and goes to sleep. The way I see it, as long as he’s having sex with me, he can’t be having sex with someone else. Keep your men happy and they will stay.

          1. mareyn

            What I really want to know is how so many small dicked men got hot wives that don’t even feel it when they’re asleep??? Hahaha, how is that possible? U guys pushing 4 inches. Or what ?

          2. Della L

            Keep your man happy and they will stay! Wtf! Marriage is a partnership. They chose to marry each other and if the wife says no he should respect that. Married or not! Marriage is not a free ticket for unlimited sex!
            If husband and wife have an agreement about sex while one is sleeping that’s fine. I have spoken to my husband about it and he knows that I was assulted before we met and told him I am very uncomfortable with him having sex with my body while I’m asleep. Its very disturbing waking up being wet inside and out from his cum, like a used toy, no knowledge of what he did during the night. Marriage is ending. Trust is gone.

          3. mike

            Too right . too many women think if they don’t have sex with there husband he will just wait til she does. WRONG!!!! A man is a red blooded creature who is programmed to multiply. If he ain’t doing you he WILL do someone else and that is your fault. If a man stops giving hos wife money she will leave him. Same deal girls. Stop winning you lazy bitches.if you never had tits and fanny we wouldn’t go anywhere near you. Your not funny or cleaver creatures so suck it up and put out.

          4. Tony

            Della L., then I hope u wudnt mind if ur partner goes to fuck stone else when u refuse to make yourself available….. Read Genesis 2:19 downwards… It shd give u a clearer picture of marriage!!!!

    3. Tan Tan

      my opinion wifey thats a little harsh to say that about your husband for being married for 20 years and i’m sure you guys have being so much over those years. i have done it on many occasions with my wife before we were married and even after we got married. There are times she was into it and there are times she was not. The times she was not i stop and apologized. But should it really be all that disturbing to a wife to be adored by her husband while she sleeps? and arouse her husband to the point that he is so arouse that he either masturbates or has intercourse with, not his girlfriend but in his awesome wife? if you feel like you’re offered very little in a marriage and its only for a husband and kids, then sex while you’re asleep is not the reason you have a problem with my dear. If it is then you my dear have the wrong concept about marriage. Sex shouldn’t be the foundation of a marriage but it’s important hence it should never be frowned upon. Sex however is an important part in the marriage and if something is disturbing then when pointed out it should be stopped. But if you want the man to make compromises for you then it’s a 2 way street you have to approach him respectfully and let him know the way you feel and he should lovingly take your feelings into consideration and stop because you’re not comfortable with it. But it doesn’t stop there, you now have to make some sort of agreement like if he’s feeling sexually arouse either try to get in the mood by kissing and while kissing think about why you married this man, the happy times together, how you all felt when you got the house, when you bought appliances furniture together. when you enjoyed childish fun with him when you found out you were pregnant and couldn’t wait to tell him and really kiss him passionately. Touch gently hold him press yourself onto him, breathe his air, feel his warmth and make love. Slow it done. Let him appreciate you and your body and you make love to your husband. But of course sometimes you will be tired or just not into it. Get up look him in his eyes and kiss him and gently say baby i’m really tired or I really can’t make tonight. but we can in the morning when i’m feeling rejuvenated or some time during the next day. BUT STICK TO YOUR WORD KEEP YOUR PROMISE. when the time reaches you start the foreplay and remember slow things done, it’s a marriage it’s for as long as you live in sickness and in health till death do you part, so it ain’t no hurry, appreciate think about the good times why you fell in love with this man. And if he stops doing the things you love or the things that made you fall in love. You do those things to him, bring him flowers in his job, send him post cards, take him out, give him a candle light dinner and every time you do it let him know gently and respectfully, babe i remember when you use to do these things for me i don’t know if i’m not attractive anymore but it doesn’t matter you’re my husband and i love you please lets be 16 with me all over again. Don’t forget to look him in his eyes every time you speak to him cause trust me when i say this there is always someone else doing it with both wife and husband on the outside of the marriage. The major problem we have today is too many of us married folks spend more time working on fixing a car, or working on some money to by a new dress, a friendship with a close friend, or a relationship with a pet, or nails, or the job trying to be the best employee all sorts of bull shit, instead of what matters most. Your Relationship Between Your Spouse And Your FAMILY.

      STOP IT, STOP IT, STOP IT. Compromise. Appreciate. Respect and Love your mate. And don’t forget. You did it before God. SO KEEP HIM THERE IN YOUR DAM MARRIAGE. And stop this bull shit bout i feeling violated and it feeling like rape ah don’t think he mean fuh me to feel so but I and But I and But I. it’s not about me it’s about us. Stop being selfish and thinking about yourself and think about the man for crying out loud. And men stop thinking about your cock and your sacks being emptied for crying out loud. it’s a marriage. it’s about the perfect 3. God Yourself and your mate.

    4. Chris

      I will say this to you… I feel that Marriage is just a ticket for the woman to STOP having sex and just use it to make babies and get what THEY want. So you can just take it and whine. My fiance loved to mess around and do all manner of things before we were married. Then I seal the deal and now, as if a flip was switched, she feels that sex is “dirty” and just “can’t” get turned on no matter how f-ing hard I try with dates, romance, dirty talk, 2 hours of foreplay, etc. So now I have a totally sexless marriage, and now humiliating counseling bc she feels that she isn’t happy enough anymore. You women need to get real and understand, if you don’t want to have sex, DON’T GET MARRIED. Quit forcing us men to think about cheating on you bc now you “feel” sex is dirty. Now I have to either destroy 3 childrens lives and get a divorce, cheat on her or just live in an actionless “unhappy” wife for tge reat of my life bc she is too self centered to see that SHE is the one making the marriage unhappy here!

      1. Shia

        You need therapy, dude. Not normal.
        My husband is a gentleman, never behaves as if he’s entitled to my body, therefore he gets hot, tantic sex anytime he likes.

  9. brenda

    well, guess i m odd. I love to wake up to a man having sex with me,,,my husband of course but I do have some fantasies about others as well.

    1. trish

      The odd time can be nice, but when you are ill? When you are expected to tolerate when ever he fancies it regardless is no joke. No one should feel obliged to oblige what ever state they are in. Sex addict is a farce, they are just not willing to control their urges. Do i sound bitter? Just angry at the disrespect.

      1. NightOwl

        Sex addition is a real thing; a reason, but not an excuse. Since she’s the one primarily affected by his behavior, she has to decide if he’s too much a problem to tolerate or not, that’s basically how it boils down.

    2. jam han

      I love and adore my husband and he loves and adores me … therefore he can have sex with me whenever he wants as long as im not menstruating or in an egregiously inappropriate place. He pretty dawn romantic and sexy and i love spontaneity. Awesome! !!

  10. NightOwl

    For a long time I dated a girl where I’d be mostly asleep and start getting frisky. We’d both be dreaming or barely conscious and go all the way. I really enjoyed it, and so did she. I often wake up about an hour after going to bed extremely horny! I’m also very turned on by the idea of taking my time, me doing all the work, and really enjoying my partner; something that is hard to do when they’re fully awake and more demanding or distracted. Nearly same effect is achieved by a long thorough massage.

    Now, however, I’m married to a woman who I love very much but is 100% not OK with it. She felt the same way as the original poster and some of the commenters. It’s her right to decide whether it’s OK or not, no matter how frustrating it is for me to have sleepless nights and have to reject my own desires. Part of wanting it while she’s sleeping I think is to avoid what feels like constant rejection (her sex drive is MUCH lower than mine… One a month is plenty enough for her, but she sure demands it when she wants it) and create a situation where she “accepts” me and I’m still not bothering her. Other options don’t work either - She won’t be subjected to long sessions, deep relaxation massages, or being woken up for midnight delight.

    I’d say it’s rare but not freakish to want it, but if you say no, he has to respect it. If not, you need to go your separate ways because you will grow to hate him for it.

  11. nightlova

    one night i couldnt sleep so i just decided to challenge my turned-on self to see how far i could get w my lovely wife - not very far but after many sleepless nights of subtle attempts to enjoy the adult comfort of her while she slept i finally made it all the way(i had to be sooo slow and gentle the whole time). so this initial experience took about 2 hours to perform, a liitle lube and allot of patience! she wondered the next day why she was so wet. i told her she had a wet dream. ha! so 1 year later im stil whenever i can enjoying my wifes amazing sex while she sleeps and its such a sexy secret!

    i first spoon her from behind with a pillow between our knees - this helps her fall asleep deeper/faster and also makes it easier for me to manuver myself down there. i usually have to wait an hour slowly rubbing her so her body gets used to a general feeling there. i had to study her body closely for a while to learn abouts when shes out; when i can start to try and touch her.(she twitches a little and thats the point i know shes out). i found using condoms( so she doesnt get too goey in the morning) a little lube and going super gentle and slow seems to be a good combo. and i have to be done by the first 2 hours of her sleeping because otherwise she rolls over and its then impossible lest i be caught! ha! many nights it just wont work because either shes too restless or i cant stay hard long enough. and ive had to learn to be semi hard at the initial point of entry to enter her without her stiring. its quite a tough sexy challenge!

    yeah i should probably tell her but i love that its my little secret. but shes so giving to me and wants me to be happy that i know when i do tell her shell be totally down. it makes her happy when i have orgasms and happyness via her sexy body/mind. now thats a kick a wife! total keeper!

  12. Georgie

    It’s a sleeping beauty kink, there is nothing wrong with the sleeping beauty kink, or any other kind of sex….but like any kind of sex, it kinda um, REQUIRE consent.

    I find the idea of sexing on someone, or being sexed up while I’m still asleep kinda a turn on, because sleep =/= dead, it does equal vulnerable and out of it though, and thus, prior consent. This goes for tying someone up too, duh.

  13. ehrm

    As far as I know, this has never happened in my 20+ year marriage, but I recenty told him, if I go to bed with my panties off, vaginal is fine (I’m a light sleeper, no meds or alcohol, so seriously doubt I wouldn’t wake up), otherwise he has to wake me. Kind of like college when you would put a sock on the door as a sign so your dorm mate wouldn’t come in while you were getting busy with your boyfriend/girlfriend. Of course, since I told him this, I haven’t actually gone to bed panty-less. Still working up to that. Maybe this weekend 😉

  14. guiltyboy

    Oh, I just feel so guilty that this has turned out to have caused problems in our marital life.I do not get enough sex and left with a high desire.like someone mentioned it takes hours to get into a position( mainly Anal,vaginal if she is very sound asleep) but I have been caught during the act several times.I’m losing my sleep over it wanting to wait for the moment she passes out.though I feel very guilty,I’m still doing this almost on a daily basis.if she tosses around,I usually masturbate besides her after I’m totally wet with lubrication.it kind of gives me more pleasure and a deeper sleep after that.I woul be so happy if this happened the other way around.I do feel sorry for her though!!

    1. Kathleen OBrien

      I can’t wrap my head around what is wrong with the men leaving the posts that they so brazenly write with descriptions, details, explanations, ideas, instructions and with the occasional “quip” or clever remark. Even better, “I feel very guilty…I would be so happy if this happened the other way around. (insert giggle) I do feel sorry for her though!
      Adorable. And you know what guy? I feel sorry for her too. So sorry that not only is she being violated, assaulted, exploited, exposed and RAPED several nights a week by the one person, ONE PERSON she should and just may under false pretenses, trust over anyone is this world. Here’s an idea. Next time you get the urge to rape your wife…don’t. Just don’t because it will eventually break her. You? I’m not worried about you. You are a sociopath and sociopaths do anything and everything for personal gain. Their own gain. No one else’s. So when all the personality disordered folks involved start thinking about it, feigning those familiar feelings such as feeling, “kinda bad…giggle giggle” and “She knows what she’s doing.” try stopping your hand and mouth and entire body from doing something that I have a feeling you know is wrong and will end up wrecking your marriage and wrecking both you and your wife. Is it worth it? Is it?

  15. ws

    My wife and I had a huge fight when she found out I was mastrubating…..I told her that twice a month was not enough for me and she said that I should wake her up if I needed sex. so now every Saturday night and Wednesday morning I start when she is sleeping and /if she wakes up either she gets up to go pee or is really into it. Sometimes I think she’s having a dream about someone else & that’s OK because I would! I usually initially feel like i am using her but then I hear her enjoying it and that’s when I start enjoying her. Usually she wakes up so don’t know if my input is valid here but hope it helps. and good to know others are doing the same thing.

  16. Jesus C.

    Thou shalt roll on thine belly and spread thine ass cheecks. Bare thine stinky starfish and be thankfull that somebody wants to touch you at all. Because you all bitch to much. And I wouldn’t want to be married to any of you. I can wake up my wife with my penis or toungue or fingure whenever I want and she loves it. Plus on a scale from 1 to 10 of hottness she is probably about 14 points better than any 2 of you combined. So she can afford to bitch. But she doesn’t. Because she likes it. Because she loves me. If you don’t want your mans penis to touch you then you should probably reconsider being married to him. Prude ass. You make me sad.

    1. Diesel

      This must be the cold dead fish complaint fourm. LMFAO. Even my Wife is laughing at these guys for staying in their loveless relationships. My Wife loves my waking her up. I do fo0r her and she does for me. Get over it and stop playing the victim hey you might find that you’ll like it. Oops is that bad to actually like sex. WTF!!!!!

  17. Whit

    This whole page is f**king disturbing. There are sick sick sick disgusting weird FREAKS in the world. It’s not ok. Period! Consent is needed and if the other person is unaware or asks you to stop then stop!!!!! How anyone could do this at all is gross. What the hell is wrong with you people?! And all of you men who say that you do it, and your wives don’t know, I hope that karma bites you in the dick, because you are a sick bastard. You don’t even deserve to have a penis. It’s horrid and disturbing that men do this. If my husband did this I would be in jail. There is no doubt about it. And Jesus- You’re a horrible person who obviously has no respect for women and I feel sorry for you and I definitely feel sorry for your “super hott” wife. What an idiot for marrying such a jerk. I am appalled at the craziness I just read on here. What is wrong with people???!!! I am SO SORRY for you women that are dealing with this. RUN!!! RUN!! RUN!! This is NOT ok!!!!! Get the hell away from these sick freaks and get some legit therapy. Anyone with a brain would know that this is wrong and try to give real help.

      1. Faith

        Thank you! I have been dealing with this for a year. My husband always does this when he knows I have taken a sleep aid, I either wake up half way through or as he’s finishing with my PJs around my ankles and he rolls over and goes back to sleep. I have asked him not to do this as it bothers me due to past experiences. I have been sick with the flu for a week, took a load of cough syrup and half a Xanax, knocked me out I woke up to obvious signs that he had sexed all over me and left me laying there on my side like a piece of meat. Same guy said he couldn’t understand why they keep showing all the “stupid Shi# about the gymnasts being molested on tv”. We have been married for 10 years. So for those of you crying saying we should take care of our men. I do, any time he asks I have never turned him down, never less than twice a week not counting the nights he takes it in my sleep without consent. What twisted person would have sex with someone who is completely unresponsive? Trust is gone.

    1. Four Owls (@four_owls)

      It’s not sick…grow up you feminist….I pity the man married to you…I can honestly tell you that men despise women who put a fence around themselves….I am not advocating sleep sex but if a woman doesn’t satisfy their man enough, where else is he going to take it? Man I am so glad my wife (who has preplanned sex 3 times a week with me) is not like you….and yes a man won’t love you if his wife can’t be the center of his fantasies too. Now off you go, go and nag your husband or give him sex once a week or something boring! lol….no wonder more men are marrying Japanese or beautiful asians who allow them to be men rather than brow beaten, spineless men….uggh!

  18. annoyme

    I could literally have sex with my wife every day. Sometimes shes more up for it and if I’m depressed I may not be so inclined (rare as hell though) and vice versa. I recently caught her having and emotional (mostly) affair with her collegue/teacher so once we patched things up I gave the “have sex with me when Im sleeping, I don’t mind, it would be really hot” idea more than just thought. I slowly touch her and eventually enter her slowly and gently. Ive done it twice to the point of orgasm, and even though we had sex earlier I decided to do it tonight (although she rolled over onto her back so I had to finish on my own). She knows and is fine with it. It took years for me to build up the courage (it just seemed wrong) but she consents and regardless of how much she has sex with me awake (where I do want it to be about her pleasure as much as mine) in a vulnerable time its nice to know she is giving me the power to do something that basically amounts to total domination. It does worlds for my self esteem and honestly is helping our marriage recover from a pretty messy disaster. I agree consent is manditory… I just want to say her giving of her self so selflessly is a MAJOR TURN ON. I’ve always said I do anything within reason for her as long as she treats me right; now I’ll do that and more because of the trust she’s giving me to build back some trust she broke.

  19. Just someone

    This is gonna be different for everyone. This will also vary circumstantially. Talking is the best way to understand your partner’s wants, needs & allowances. Be caring (if you don’t care or know they don’t…you’re concerned with something way past what you should focus on). There’s a happy medium in every good relationship. Remember, give & take and most importantly, COMMUNICATE. Sex with a sleeping partner isn’t always a good or bad thing. It depends on what you’re both comfortable with. Do what you like. And don’t share your bodily fluids with someone you don’t really want to be part of YOU anyway! For a night or a lifetime, be caring & realistic. Especially about yourself. You might even find your biggest turn-ons are something you’ve yet to try. Talk and listen to each other. I swear it works.

  20. Humble man

    Me and my wife have done it many times. i for one absolutely love it when i wake up to her giving me a good lick, ive woken up a few times to her riding me, she gets a kick out of seeing how far she can get without waking me up, but always wakes me before she has an orgasm. and when i sleep with her while she sleeps i dont think i ever can bust faster, normally during intercourse it lasts 20mins to an hour and we have to get each other off before were done. but when shes sleeping its like a whole new challenge, 1st start with the breast, play with it and suck it, she wont wake up. keep doing that until shes wet, then start to finger her for reassurance she wont wake up, then the hard part, spread her legs into position. if she stays asleep through that then its a gogo. i never, neeever bust in less than 10 mins normally, but after all the effort and patience it takes to get her while she sleeps, i dont even last 5 mins. and she loves hearing the stories later on. whether she would start to wake up, get pissy an roll over(sometimes i get pissed at that but we always laugh about it) or slightly wake up and get extremely horny before falling asleep again, or completely waking up and having amazingly brief sex that she doesnt remember. and to that stupid dike who said marriage is only for men, learn to marry the person you love and love to be with in every way. withholding a man from sex is like giving a dog a bone with 3 coats of plastic lamination on it, it has it but it cant enjoy it. imagine how ure partner must feel, that he has such a strong desire for u and wishes to express it by doing the ONE thing he can never do with any other girl, yet u give him none in return, that coming from the supposed woman who “loves” you. it would make him insecure about himself and question his manhood, “am i not good enough, does she love me but is not attracted to me, what am i doing wrong”… stingy bitch. you have no idea what happens to a mans emotions and body when he has that kind of passion for u.

  21. Humble man

    oh i just read Whits comment, or should i say stupid C U Next Tuesday Criticism. ill guarantee ure husband touches u in your sleep, maybe not gets in, but touches u. who the hell are u to say that what others find sexually appealing are wrong. Jesus C. seems to be PERFECTLY FINE with his wife, and im sure his wife would agree ” on a scale from 1 to 10 of hottness she is probably about 14 points better than any 2 of you combined. So she can afford to bitch. But she doesn’t. Because she likes it. Because she loves me. If you don’t want your mans penis to touch you then you should probably reconsider being married to him.”- u have any idea how many woman would find that to be a compliment if that was their partner. shut the hell up u prude. If ure violating a woman while she shouts no, or wakes up to feeling raped/violated. then hell yeah, thats where u shouldnt do it. but tell me this….why the hell would u feel violated by the man, the only man, who lives with u, sleeps with u, trusts in u, and has a deep desire for u. what the hell makes him any different weather ure asleep or not…its u isnt it, sheeit, would u prefer he sticks it in the local bar maid while u sleep? thats more reassuring for u right? really shows he wants ONLY u. get the hell over ureself, ure body is his body and im sure as hell he would feel the same, that his body is ure body, do what u want. damn prude. ure prolly the kind of woman who feels she has all the rights to the relationship and treats ure partner like a well trained lapdog, i would turn a cold shoulder to any girl like u no matter how hot u were.

  22. alan

    My wife does not mind me doing this act, we have been married for 24 years. She had caught me once and she joined in. No one gets hurt as we both give consent

  23. Horny Brad

    I sometime wake and seeing my beautiful wife, get so horny and desires for so bad that ill start having sex with her rather awake or not. She dont mind it as long its only her I want which is the only one I want. Some ill finish and a few hrs later, she’ll wake me and make me go again the way she want it. So I have to be fair, I take what I need but have to give what she needs.

  24. A genuine guy

    After reading all of the above comments, some of which I disagree with I would just like to add some words too.

    I once did this with my wife after waking in the night feeling so freaking horny I had to do something and she had already indicated that she was against masturbation (unless it was her doing it of course! women logic!) so I just impulsively rolled against her and spooned her slightly widening her ass cheeks and rubbing it against her clit until I got off. At the time I was very randy.. mostly because she expected me to be ready and up for it any time she needed and if not sex she wanted reassurance and affection. Well thats exactly what I wanted to give and more and since she was against me going solo I just felt that she probably wouldnt mind me being kinky afterall, how great would it be if it was the other way round and she was getting it off? I would be fine with that even if I never even reached orgasm, especially if I didnt need to orgasm every other day…

    Although in retrospect I had become hooked on sex at the time and was having uncontrollable urges and acting on them unreasonably… nevertheless our commitment to each others feelings and wellbeing was more important than getting prissy about it.. but at first she would sometimes wake up and get off on it and she sometimes would turn round or get into it and sometimes she would laugh at the thought when she woke up and found her knickers wet… we would talk about it as being another kink in our sex lives… until one night she told me it was doing it for her anymore and just like that she told me she didnt feel comfortable with me doing it and we spoke about it and she said it was a selfish thing and sex should be for two people to share the experience not only one person getting off which confused me because that really wasn’t the nature of our relationship although at that point maybe things had gone too far, so I regretted what I had done and started to feel ashamed and bad and agreed to her that I wouldn’t do it like that anymore. That kink was extinguished for me within a few months I suppose.

  25. A genuine guy

    Yet recently she may have been going to bed different times as me and when I would come to bed if she was still awake or half awake sometimes I want to spoon her or nudge into her a bit even just to feel comforted or maybe even for a bit of a kink being honest, but not all of the time and mostly for reassurance and to have a good sleep.

    Guess what happened? She was not in the mood and the whole thing just got out of hand especially as I was actually kind of horny one night but as I also saw that she was a bit down I thought trying to initiate a bit of a kinkiness might help her to: (a) get in the mood and: (b) unwind and relax and help relieve her of her stress; I really was not being selfish to add on to what happened I was very sexed up by the thought of getting some too, but instead she coldly and loudly rejected me and my attempts. I respected her wish not to engage in sex but I was hurt by how loudly she was about it as we share a place with others who would overhear us and thought hurt my self esteem and I felt knocked that (1) she didnt seem to trust my reasons and (2) she didn’t respect how I felt and what I desired as she had been putting me off so much that masturbation and titilating myself was becoming normal and more accessible even being tempted by online filth. Of course, it was far easier for her to forget my needs and to wallow in her own negative emotions.. naturally I got ticked off and she just basically expected me to shut up and go to sleep?!

    Well if u have managed to read this far I will tell you how I managed to show her what it feels like. It needs a lot more control and restraint to do this and with some awareness about women logic and how women feel and react in general I had a bit more understanding about what I did to deal with the situation, which was this:-

  26. A genuine guy

    I waited until we were both calmed down after that the following day and when a suitable time presented itself, I suggested to her as we were awake and had chance, we could maybe have some time alone and get laid.. so we we got going and I got her feeling real turned on and horny and in the mood so much she started pressing her body and legs against me and shaking her ass -

    then i began to stop and just make her to keep feeling aroused and stimulated and horny but without having release and climax - because boys and girls - a quick anatomy lesson - a mans penis sticks out and throbs observably in front of his eyes when he has an erection and feels so hard and unrelenting.. in addition to other hormone factors that anybody feels when they are stimulated or aroused - even a priest when asked by a Christian woman if it was “ok” to sleep with her significant other before they were married (even if nothing takes place) - he replied he will feel something (ie get aroused) unless he is either gay, or doesnt like u that much… hence the reason why men get turned on to women and feel more horny especially when alone in bed with them (is there a better place other than this to get horny?)

    btw if u dont like men getting horny go and find somebody who is gay, or gets action elsewhere then u can sit reading ur bed time book and rollover and go to sleep if u need or want anything u can always pay the services of a “bellboy”

  27. A genuine guy

    the moral of the story… women don’t know how men are really feeling when they are aroused because they wouldn’t like it if u just pulled out half way into the act and finished ur self off in a tissue or something… the boot has to be on the other foot for them to fully understand and as they process things more based on “feelings” and “women logic” and are notoriously prone to change their minds (yes tonight honey.. means no I changed my mind, and no not now, can mean I want u to seduce me more or “more foreplay please”) don’t get me wrong NO is NO is NO, but just maybe she might change her mind.. or even regret saying no later…

    This world is way more than we think…. its easy to gloss over these issues or label people with labels like “sexaholic” or “addict” but that only complicates matters more and is not a responsible way of dealing with the situation it basically amounts to name calling and using it as an excuse for behaviour.. so guys don’t get depressed if u are having a HARD time.. remember u dont have to take matters into ur own hands, if u have someone who cares and shares they will understand.. otherwise maybe finding somebody who can help relieve the tension isn’t such a bad idea? what they dont know cant harm them, right? they wouldn’t worry if u became hooked on pornography or masturbated so much u lost interest in regular sex would they? but who wants to become like that? its way more healthy to hook up with someone intimately.. if not ur significant other maybe there is somebody else waiting in the wings? because lets face it - thats pretty much what rejection feels like doesn’t it? first we say i dont need anybody else - I will look after this myself - then we start rejecting those who reject us and the relationship self-destructs….

    So end of rant - grow up - grow some balls and do what u have to do if u can avoid breaking the law (rape) by doing something lawful who gets hurt? problem solved…

    (sorry if these posts look too long but this is my effort to redress the balance here)

  28. A genuine guy

    and I wish u all a happy love-life and settled relationships.. having somebody who cares is truly more important than getting laid.. keep that in ur mind as much as u can..

  29. sexsomniawife

    you all seriously need to do your research. Sexsomnia is a REAL sleep disorder! my husband has it nd we didnt know it until the past 2 nights we have been woken up by having sex the first time we both thought the other initiated it because neither of us knew what was going on until we were already doing it. last night the same situation only this time we didnt wake up until after the act was done and was at a loss so naturally for me when i have questions i look for answers from doctors not others. if your spouse suffers from Sexsomnia the only thing you can do is ask them to sleep on the couch or other room when you arent up to having sex. its a disorder… treat it like such.

    1. GimmeABreak

      @sexsomniawife, your husband knows fully well he initiated sex with you while you were sleeping and he was wide awake. You’re clearly just so exceptionally gullible that he’s able to make you believe he was sleeping and had no idea how the sex got started. And lucky for him there’s data available on the internet about sexomnia so he just points you to it as proof that what he’s telling you is possible and you believe it because you don’t want to believe the real truth.

  30. hubby


    I never did it i’m married for 6 years now and i get sex every 3 monts once thats all, i cant even think of doing it not because i don’t want to but if i touch my wife while shes sleeping i will get a hard slap!!!!

    1. sex lover

      oops, i thought that me alone doing this!!! sleeping sex!!! come across here and found out that u also reach here for same reasons.

      After 5 yrs of married with 2 children, i found out that sex while sleeping is enjoyable.
      First time feel so bad that i did wrong thing… but told my partner that i did while she sleeping-deep sleep. She say not to repeat but i convinced her that i had good sleep after doing that, then ok to me. so i do enjoy alone and whenever she want to have with me i made her fulfillment too. had even anal act..

      The point is, tell ur partner what u did. if she’s ok then… enjoy… else stop it.. sex is part of happiness..

  31. Andy

    Grow up people, half you yappy ladies…. If you don’t want your man to cheat on your then spread them legs everynight for them…

    My wife enjoys it when I have sex with her while she’s sleeping. It’s not like she doesn’t feel it, once I enter she’ll be awake and moun telling me to stick it inside and harder…

    To call it rape, it’s been challenged and lost in court already… Unless you are not married then it’s rape…

    By denying your husband of sex, I hope he’ll stand up to you and find someone else….

    1. Beentheredonethat

      You are absolutely wrong. A woman can press charges against her husband for rape! If there is no consent, it’s rape. Period. Men are being arrested and jailed all the time for having sex with women who don’t give consent, and this very much includes husbands. If she finds out and hasn’t given permission or has already said no, she can call the police and the husband will be arrested for domestic assault. Just because you are married does not give you a right to rule over her body. You do not own her body like you believe you do. You MUST have permission or you risk being faced with rape charges. This is illegal.

  32. Joseph

    You know I’m just curious, for the past few months or so my wife and I wake up with either her on top of me or me on top of her, or me or her doing something with eachother. I’m not really too sure why this is happening? Our Sex life is average especially with a 1 yr. old. So I’m curious is this normal?

  33. Sexsomniac

    I suffer from sexsomnia and it does wonders for my marriage. I have a low sex drive and my hubby’s is through the roof. He has sex with me every night when I am asleep (I always initiate it apparently), sometimes anal, and I sleep through the whole thing, although he tells me that I’m very responsive in my sleep. He gets his leather and I get the brownie points. Everyone’s a winner. I don’t remember a thing the day after. He fills me in on all the juicy details 🙂 However, if I didn’t “suffer” from sexsomnia, I’d chop his knob off if he tried it on with me whilst I was sleeping.

    1. kevin

      Hi I have been married for 28 years. I am a Christian and want to keep my sexual attention directed to my wife so I asked. She said it is ok but wanted to have a paper towel in position to keep the bet from getting wet or dirty.

      The Bible says: The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 6 I say this as a concession, not as a command.

      So God knows how easily we are tempted so he has given this command to married couples not to deprive oneanother. I If sleep sex fullfills that command then so be it.

      According to this verse married couples should be either be praying or pumping . Following this verse would probably generate much more prayer in the Church. There is no victorian sex ethic in the Bible. That is a a fallacy!

  34. Chris

    hmmm…WTH. No…I am not into waking up to full on sex. Being touched and fondled is one thing (then I can join in). But it would feel to ‘rape’ like to wake up to something that wasn’t initiated. One person said that if it was something agreed to before hand - then cool. I would agree with that…if my husband were to make it a continual habit then I would probably go with it…but I do admit its kind of weird.

  35. singer

    I try to poke her in the ass once in a while. As soon as I hit the target she usually rolls over and I go in the other room to jerk off.

  36. CuriousMind

    After reading all these comments, I wonder if your wives were “really” sleeping?? Because, my husband has done this to me several times and every time he thinks he’s being sneaky and EXTRA gentle, little does he know I’m awake the whole time and I just let him experiment and enjoy my body while he thinks I’m knocked out…lol…I have to admit its such a turn on at times for me that I join in and get mines while he’s at it.

  37. Frustrated

    I often wonder how many women out there loved regular sex untill they got that ring on their finger, and then the other one closed up. Continually hearing ” NO” is the quickest way to send a fellow looking elsewhere for sex, and then the divorce rate goes up

  38. deserving

    Many years ago I woke to my husband having sex with me. We laughed about it at the time but I now realize he has no sexual ethics (which may be considered an oxymoron). Not so funny now.

  39. Jermaine

    I am reading through these comments and I sometimes wonder what on some women mind. If you are with someone (preferably married), you should have the mind set that his body is yours and your body belongs to him. I am not talking about abuse! I am talking about experimenting with it and loving it. I do have sex with my wife sometimes when she is asleep. Sometimes she wakes up and joins in, sometimes I am not sure if she is awake, and sometimes she will ask in the morning. I am always honest with her and sometimes she scold me for not waking her up. The point is that good men want to experiment with their wives and sometimes when wife is asleep and they are awake, that’s when the urge comes on. Would you rather them waking you up? I for one would not mind waking up to a blow job. I believe couples (especially married couples) try to model their lives after mainstream media believing that when you are together with someone you can say no whenever. While you have the right to do so, this is not a good ingredient to a successful relationship. I know for me I use to had oral sex! Yes, I did. But my wife wanted it all the time. However, after doing it for a while and seeing that she enjoyed it so so much. I started enjoying it myself. Now I can’t wait to please her. Again, I believe that if a woman feels violated when their partner have sex with them while they are asleep, there are other underlying problems in the relationship. If the couple are secure in their relationship, then this should not be an issue.

  40. Bill535

    LOL, the differences in people. Married 25 years, cheated once 21 years ago, been cheated on many times. Wife says… girls “pretend” to be asleep but enjoy the attention.

    Personal belief is that a husband and wife should be a team. NOT the standard bf/ gf thing. It’s a lifelong commitment to each others futures and needs.

    That being said, be open, be honest, RESPECT each other.

    Currently I don’t get nearly enough sex with my wife, so I have had many thoughts of cheating lately, and even of moving on, sadly. So to all the prude types, you may want to think about it.

    1. Nauseated

      Newsflash: NO, some of us women are NOT AWAKE OR AWARE. It is NEVER okay to use someone’s body without consent. Contract or not. Period.

      My husband woke me up during our dating days a few times by initiating sex; I had no problem with it as I (wrongly) assumed he meant for me to wake up and was doing it b/c he desired me (not just my body).

      Six years later he now confides that he’s been doing it all along to “see what he can get away with” before I wake up. Now, gentlemen, listen to the facts before replying with your cock: My husband and I have a great sex life and we’ve never turned each other down or quibbled about being…creative. But to find this out after so many years makes me feel very used. I won’t bother to share more b/c, based on the replies I see, it’s mostly men posting and justifying their own behavior.

      LADIES: this is not okay if you did not give permission. I’m not sure what to feel or think or do just yet…we have 2 wonderful kids…but right now I don’t even want him to touch me…and he’s a very kind and gentle person…but apparently selfish. Guys: don’t bother posting a reply for me personally b/c I will NEVER return to this thread. I was searching for women’s insight but it doesn’t seem to be here.

      To Kevin — the bible was rewritten numerous times by men for the main purpose of power and control. Do your homework. Your reply only furthers this fact. I am a very spiritual person but this sort or religious nonsense has no place in modern day society.

  41. big sean

    Guys hate it when a woman gets us all ready for sex then when we get out of the shower she’s fast asleep. If it bothers you when a man does a B & E. ( Breaking and entering ) than have with him or don’t promise him sex unless your going to commit to it. Just be happy he’s not going out and having sex with someone else because your too busy or keep falling asleep on him.

  42. big sean

    I agree with you. If you have a healthy sex life, its not right especially after you expressed to him how you feel about it. But please don’t let that mess up your marriage because it seems like’s a good guy other than that. May sleep in tighter under clothes so that he can’t remove them without you waking up. Try a pair of male boxer briefs for a short term fix but this needs to be resolved to save your marriage.

  43. Natasha

    I absolutely LOVE when I am woken up with d*ck or with me in his mouth! It’s the est feeling ever! I love that my husband enJoys it! I always wanted that to happen to me and then the first time he did I was so happy I found someone who does exactly what I desire, not just about this but everything really. I’m a very heavy sleeper like extremely so it’s the best way for me to be woken up without getting grumpy!! People Just need to find someone that enJoys doing things they want! Life is to short to be miserable. If someone loves u they will WANT to please u.

  44. Anonymous

    This maybe from a very different woman’s perspective but I enjoy when my husband has sex with me while I’m sleeping. Let me add by saying that we enjoy an active sex life and I’ve given him permission to have at it unless I swat him away in my sleep. We share a very loving and mutually trusting relationship. So much so that I recently woke recently to one of the sleep sex sessions but decided to stay very still. I realized very quickly that he was doing the sweetest, softest things to me including taking his time. I realized in this moment that he would rather do these things with me awake or asleep rather than leave our bed, turn on the computer and jerk off to some random naked woman.

    I’m for it as long as both people are consenting and a man is kind enough to his wife to stop when she lets him know even in her sleep that she does want to be messed with.

  45. Jacquie

    This is all about about trust, first. Men and women have a different order of needs.
    Men’s sexual needs are first, to them. Women want to feel safe and taken care of, first. Once women feel like their needs are met, a woman will be much more willing to meet your sex needs because she had her peace of mind and can relax into it.

    Allowing someone to access your body while you are asleep is serious act of trust. I would say that sleep sex is a kink. It’s not natural. And it requires consent OR you are a closet rapist who could be caught and maybe convicted, even if it’s your own wife. There is a boundary here that you cannot cross without prior permission or you are a creepy pervert. Think about it. It’s similar to molesting someone unconscious from drugs, like the date rape drug. Either way, they’re out cold and not making decisions. You have no right to do anything to them, no matter who they are.

    If we feel like our men aren’t helpful around the house, helping with kids, tuned in to our needs (insist on doing a regular house chore and make your kids help out too). If you don’t, the relationship gets stale, women get resentful and they see their men as selfish, tuned-out, stupid and unattractive. It happens. Most women work all day, just like men, even if they are not the breadwinner. Then, somehow, our men assume that we will come home, know what’s for dinner, prepare it, serve it, clean it up and then still have the energy to get excited about boosting our man’s self esteem (via an evening blow job, etc) or sleep sex. Really?

    I love sex and I’m game for a lot of things with my man, but if he’s not helping me, my sex drive goes away. Nobody needs a lump. Our best days are when he fixes my dishwasher, hangs my ceiling light or just cleans up the dishes without me asking or waiting. He just does it. It does wonders for his sex life. Get to work!

  46. Mills

    No consent whilst having sex with your sleeping girlfriend = rape
    No consent whilst having sex with your sleeping wife = rape
    They marriage certificate does not provide either sex with the right to rape.
    If you continue doing this then your own conscience will regret this in the future.
    Maybe not soon but before you die you might just wish that you hadn’t been raping your wife all those years. God bless every one of you and I hope you see the light one day.

  47. MayJay

    I’ve brought up this subject with my husband. He’s totally against it. I can’t tell him I’ve had dreams since I was 12yrs old of being woke up with a very handsome man giving me major orgazms. He’d think there’s someone different I’m thinking of. I want this experience with my husband. I was a virgin until I was 21yrs old-three months b4 I actually met my husband b4 we got together. I will bring this up again, and I really hope I can convince him this is ok with me. I think it’s really sexy!

    1. coolman

      I am in my late 60’s and my wife in her late 50’s and married for 8 years. When we started off for the first 2 years we had sex about 3 times a day. Everything from regular sex to oral to cumming in each others mouth, me cumming on her breasts and her p____ie then starting making movies. Made about 5 movies having sex fun. We even made a movie of her making out and having sex with me while I was pretending to be sleeping. She ended it with me cumming in her mouth and then she woke me up.
      I go to bed early and she usually stays up later playing on the computer. She says she plays games but I think she must be looking at porn because when she comes to bed she starts rubbing me all over then she gives me oral sex until I wake up that’s when she does what she really wants. After she gets me up and really hard she gets on top and f___s me hard until she comes. She says with her on top she can get a great orgasm because of how my d___ goes into her. If I don’t cum after she is done she will finish me off with a great blow job and let me cum in her mouth.
      We still have sex once a day at least. Maybe we are both a little over sexed!

  48. Ron Rogers

    I woke up several times to my woman doing sexual things to me. However, when I tried to return the pleasant surprise this morning she scream in a long drawn out voice..”STOOOOOOOOOOOOP” and pushed me away. I won’t be trying that again.
    I’m kinda bothered by this.

    I say just don’t do it and don’t let them do it to you.

    (looks at Linda as she continues to snore)

  49. Strife

    I came here wondering if other people have has this experience and I honestly am shocked to find so many women that are so adamantly against this. Its one thing for a person to do with a random person because that is definitely rape most of the time, but with a long time girlfriend of wife is another matter entirely. There is the dynamic of if she doesnt like it then you should not do it, but what I am seeing here is illogical emotionalist brain at work for a lot of the negative posts about the act. The men here give actual reasons as to why they do this, the underlying psychology, and logical explanation as to why they feel its ok. The negative female comments I have noticed just say no its not ok, you do not own my body, need permission etc. There is no real talk of WHY they do not think its ok logically on a base level.

    I would like one of the women who feel its not ok to 1. give a logic based reason why it would not be ok to do this with someone you are supposed to be sharing yourself with body mind and soul. 2. If you are against it there is probably either a socially instigated or religious block on it if you can not give a reason why you would not be ok with this in the circumstance of a longtime partner who you should on all account trust completely. 3. Think about it on the level of if everything else is fine in your relationship(he tends to your needs emotionally financially etc outside of the bedroom) isnt it kind of selfish to deny him something that requires no real effort from you and deprives you of nothing? This is especially true if your libido’s do not match up and you give him way less sex than he desires. The stereotypical female equivilent would be a theoretical situation of you have to ask him before you go shopping and he denies you the opportunity for you to buy shoes clothes etc that makes you happy but it doesnt really affect him either way.

    Again I will state that rape is rape and if you do this to a woman that doesnt want you to then it is rape. However if you are a woman that feels violated by a person whom you are supposed to have the utmost trust and comfort with then their is either something off with your thinking or their is something off with the relationship as a whole.

    I have also seen some post about men who say their wives do not want to have sex with them but do not want them to masturbate either. In general, my thought would be to leave that person because that is tantamount to physiological abuse and in this aspect(because I cant speak for any other aspect of your lives) she is a selfish person that should not be in a relationship let alone married. Even if she is understandably tired or just not in the mood it is nothing but a game for her to be upset that you masturbate since it does not negatively impact her at all realistically.

    Basically talk about it. If you are having these problems and your wife doesnt want to do something then ask her why. As with the standard I judge all adults with, if you do not have a logical reason then you probably are just having a little kid moment and not being an adult because every action no matter how subtle has a logical reason(even if we are to limited to understand it at times) and if you can deny someone something that makes them happy without even trying to search for that logical reason then you are just being a little kid mentally regardless of if your partner entertains that childish mentality.

  50. Strife

    A good example of childish behavior is the woman you had powerful things to say and basically name called but at the same time declares that you should not respond to her because she will never come back to this thread.

    You have freedom of speech yes, but declaring such things without being receptive to a potential response is childish, especially since your declaration can be deemed an attack. As such in my mind you are a coward who just likes to try to force their ideals on others then make a quick getaway without taking responsibility for their actions.

  51. Strife

    As for the OP in the expansion of your post that proves what little restraint he had since he could not even wait for you to be awake for your first time. That was such a moment where conscious consent is required since waiting until marriage was already discussed. In this instance it was a clear violation of trust and lack of empathy.

  52. Samantha Jones

    My husband has done this quite a bit. I find it sexy and it really is the best sex we have had. He tries to wake me up, but I tell him to do it even if I am sleeping.

  53. taylor

    Contrary to what a few people have said, if you do not have prior consent AND consent once she were to wake up it is rape. The courts have ruled on this, and yes even if you are married, you can still rape your wife.
    If you have prior consent and want to use it as a way to enhance your sex life then it can be ok. With my wife we agreed that when she gets intimate while still asleep (grinding, pelvic thrusts) I can respond in kind. However this means I masturbate her until she gets so turned on she wakes and then we continue together. But anything more before she wakes by nature is without consent. That’s just our arrangement though.

  54. mdj

    My wife and I or my wife rather agreed to have sex once a week. On “our nite” we had both been drinking her more than me but still both of us had been drinking. I came to bed it was late she had only laid down maybe 10min prior to me. She was looking at her e-reader. I proceeded to start fore-play, rubbing back shoulders buttocks etc. for about 5 min only to find she had fallen to sleep or semi sleep state. I started pulling her pants off (pajama bottoms) and she eased out of them meaning as I pulled down she pulled her legs out. I am still thinking she is in some sort of conscious state. I pulled her over and she just moved around a bit eyes closed. So I though I would start playing until she awoke and joined in so I gave a slight poke but no penetration to her anal area (she hates anal and doesnt want to do it) I thought that surely this would wake her and she would participate in “our night” without the actual anal of course. Now this all took place around about a 5 min time span. I took it upon my self to take this opportunity to snap a couple cell phone pics of her (this was wrong and I know it) I really like to have pics of my wife which I eventually erase from the phone but usually she knows that I am taking them, not this time. so she wakes up while I am taking a pic and freaks out asking what I was doing. I was embarrassed that she caught me taking pics, I quickly erase the pics and apologize. I thought she was really upset about the pictures but 3 days go by she still is not talking to me so I ask her if she was still mad about the picture thing she tells me she wants a divorce because she felt that I had sexually assaulted her and that she felt that I had penetrated her anally because she knew how it felt (I did not penetrate her) but I did try in order to get her to wake up. I explained this to her she did not believe me and she wants a divorce. we have been together 10 years married for 9, she has awoken me from sleep by climbing on top of me numerous times. I of course like this. But she feels differently about it happening to her. Please I need some help. am I really a bad person or what?

    1. Bxydae

      Yes. You are. Dude are you kidding me? My husband has a fetish for doing things to me while I’m asleep and it disgusts me. But I am so glad I am not your wife. What you just described is absolutely disgusting and you should do whatever you can to make the divorce as simple as possible for her. After 10 years you do that to your wife!

  55. lisa

    Well I hate what my husband is doing to me. We’ve been married 21 years now I’ve asked him time and time again to stop but he just won’t stop. It’s got to the point that I’ve stopped loving him now. I’m now also having a online affair because it’s intermicy with out the sex and being loved without the sex. This new guy have asked me to marry him a few times now but I can’t trust another man again. When my husband have sex with me during my sleep it feels like rape. I’m stuck with my husband because I have three children to think of and no job. I feel I’m being punished by my husband’s actions. I haven’t told anyone about this before I feel to ahamed too. He knows he has a problem and went to the docters but I don’t think he told them I wanted to see the doctor with him but he wouldnt let me go in. We separated a few weeks ago but I let him back because he cried so much I felt it was my fault and the kids were crying for their dad. He is a good dad to them and works hard to pay the bills.

  56. MisterMister

    Well, I Wouldnt Even Bother. All I Have To Do Is Push Up On My Wife Erect And She Wakes Right Up Like,” What In The World Was That!!”

  57. what?

    To each his own but this sounds like rape to me. I think your husband needs help. Actually, a lot of these people here sound like they need help. It seems few of these women have respect for themselves or their own bodies and few of these men doing such things have respect for their wives. How can you respect someone if you violate their body? What is so hard about getting consent before you engage in sex with someone? If you did this to a stranger, you’d be prosecuted. Case closed.

  58. DavismDavid

    Well, this is a tough topic. I’ve woken up my girlfriend to have sex (massaging and rubbing her awake), does that mean I was sexually assaulting her as she slept? I think the issue when it comes down to consent is the fact that there are some assumptions people make when in a relationship (regardless of how long) and one of these assumptions is highly sexually in origin. Whenever my gf and I are awake and I initiate a make-out session, is that considered sexual assault because there was no original consent? She continues the kissing, but I don’t know if she’s in the mood before I take action. I don’t believe the rules that people apply to strangers should ever apply to close people in relationships. The law is an extremely important factor of social control, but to regulate the actions of people that are dependent on each other seems wrong to me. Of course there can be abuse to this. When one partner feels as if they are being abused, that’s where the proverbial line should be drawn, but there has to be active communication. It’s also very interesting how women that are against this are discussing how a woman doesn’t respect her body and allows herself to be used, yet every guy I know would love to have their partner initiate sex. Are men just more open to this because they understand the concept of mutuality better? I know I would love if my partner did this to me (a male) while I slept. It would make me feel that she’s sexually attracted to me and turns to me for sex. I would understand that even if I wasn’t in “the mood” that she is, and I have to do my part to please her.

    1. Life357

      It could be worse, he could be with another woman. Women who are married or in a serious relationship should not feel used or abused ,he must love your body to have sex with you whether you are alert or TKO’d. Embrace your man ,because he loves you enough to not go ASTRAY. And never deny him of SEX , F**k him til his rod hurts & he screams no more please. AND NEVER TRY TO PUT HIM ON PUSSY CONTROL AGAIN….

  59. Jotoper

    I thought that i was the only one doin this, I started having sex with my wife while she is sleeping 2 years ago.. because it turns me on when she is sleeping specially when she is wearing somethin’ sexy. most of the time i had sex with her when shes really drunk because no matter what i do it wont wake her up… I enjoy doin that b’coz it gives me the freedom to explore her body even more and caress her without her consent. and it gives me some sort of excitement.. specially when i remove her clothes. and watch her lying there naked.. its always been my fantasy to have sex with a sleepin woman bcoz i can do whatever i want with her. even things she wont let me do when shes awake… sometimes if shes reaaly drunk i would have sex with her more than once.. but when she wakes up she either goes with it or gets grumpy, either way she never gets mad.. thats what i like… “)

  60. 35 years

    been married 35 years now. I could have sex everyday, 2-3 time would be fantastic

    Butt wife libeto is twice a month

    She also gets tired early in the evening and falls asleep 15 min into a movie. And if she has more than 3 drinks, even more so. She goes asleep fast

    I have found if i ask or suggest while she is alert, 9 times out of 10 the answer is no.

    But……if I wait till she is asleep, then walk in, take her panties off and insert, nine out of ten we end up having sex. Iniallly,, she protest some, but with persistance, she usually gives in. I always promise her it will be a quicky and I follow through on this.

    Heres the thing, even though shes a little pissed, she is just too tired to argue, so she just gives in. And the really interesting thing is, after we get going, she really enjoys it. Is not a dead lay

    Got go now. Wife has been asleep for about an hour and I’m feel really horney

  61. Robert

    Simple if you like sex don’t get married because most women have you conquered after you say “I Do.”.

    Men are much more driven by sex than women, don’t believe me look at who hires escort more on Backpage.com. It’s about 98% men, as oppose to a minority of women.

    Nothing is left and the mystery is gone, but if you live together and things get old, or tiresome then you both can part your separate ways.

    There is nothing worse than two incompatible person in a long-term relationship.

    A relationship shouldn’t be solely based on sex, but when men get horny women need to understand a man’s perspective as well as her own, but if they can not agree it’s time to move on.

  62. me

    This is why marriage has a 50% failure rate. Read the bible, it clearly states that your body no longer belongs to you when you get married. It’s speaking to men and women. It also says that no one should keep sex from their spouse for that reason. It’s clearly telling you if your husband or wife wants sex, it doesn’t matter how you feel about it because your body is theirs, as their body is yours. The only time the bible says you should have a conversation about sex is about agreeing to abstain for time from it, not about when to have it. If you do not want to give yourself fully to the person you marry, don’t marry them!

  63. Jade

    OP I can see why you feel violated because he never gave you the heads up, but I suppose it could be worse. I am not opposed to sex while i’m sleeping. I just want to see if its possible and if ill like it. i know at some point id wake up in the middle. to each their own.

    if you felt so violated and considered this RAPE then why are you still with him?

  64. lucky guy

    Although it is rare, I do sometimes initiate sex while my wife is asleep. She does the same to me. In fact I think it happens more in that direction. However, and this is the critically important part, we have both explicitly invited the other to do so. While wide awake we have each said to the other, “my body is yours, I want you all the time, even when I am asleep. This is not just permission, it is an invitation.” If it were not for that explicit, while awake, discussion and invitation, I wouldn’t even consider it. We are both extremely lucky to be crazy in love with, and in lust, with the person we are married to and for that I am eternally grateful. For those who did not give that explicit permission ahead of time, you are totally right to feel violated if someone starts while you are asleep.

    For those of you stuck in a relationship without physical and emotional intimacy, take a long hard look. Are you helping anyone by staying in it? Consider giving yourself and the other person permission to walk away. I was in a bad relationship and marriage for nearly 20 years before finding the strength to finally stand up for myself and say “I deserve better” and walk away. While single (and much happier for it) I wasn’t looking for anyone new but just enjoying having peace in my home. Then I met the woman who would become my best friend and later partner, lover and wife. New doors opened. A new reality became available. Years later and she is still better than any fantasy I had earlier in life. She had been through a similar path in life and we give ourselves fully to each other. If we both hadn’t reached the point of saying “there is more, I deserve better” we wouldn’t have the joy we have now.

  65. Sebastian Daniel

    women are not seems to be enough for satisfying men’s libido. I think japanese are into technology instead of women. masterbating device and virtual girl to satisfy rather than real women who are too much fed with feminism and their “fluidic” sexual orientations. women don’t want men. while men needs to find a alternate option to women in coming years. women are outgrown with feminism and lesbianism that they believe men are lesser beings. I say, let us fight out the gender war. this planet is made livable by men and men only. not lesbians or feminazis nor women in general. if you look at India or other asian countries, women are obediant and are not equals but subordinates under the protection of man. now that white women wants freedom, its in the interest of men to seek alternate options. women are not worth it in long run. I honestly believe women must learn that Men are the leaders and women are their partners only. if feminism wants you to believe in your so called rights, bye then. let Tenga does the Job for men.

  66. Very Sorry

    I have many things to say about this, but will try to keep it to the point. I am a man who suffers from this addiction and that is exactly what it is for me, an addiction. I disagree with so many of the comments on here, but some of them are absolutely correct. I cannot address everything, but here are a few bullet points from someone who has been in the trenches on this and is suffering the consequences.

    1.) This is rape - it is non-consensual sex with another person which is technically rape. I do not necessarily feel that it is at the same level as violent rape or rape of someone other than your spouse, but it is still NOT acceptable. (Side note: That is how I feel. Maybe that is my mind trying to rationalize my behavior, and I admit that it could be, but I really do not think so. I love my wife dearly and want her to be happy). Anyways, The point is that it is a violation of another person and is not in any way acceptable behavior, and in many states is legally treated as rape. Even if you think it does not hurt your partner since she does not know… It actually does. My soon to be ex-wife claimed that she did not know, but I think that on the subconscious level she did know and it affected her and hurt her and made her feel unsafe in our marriage. The fact that I did not stop never allowed her to build trust in me and that is why she is leaving me. It did hurt her and she has scars from it that she will bear and might affect all of her future relationships if she does not address them. I feel horrible for that and disgusted with myself.
    2.) For those who’s wives are okay with this and like it, that is great and lucky you. However, I suspect most women would not feel that way. You are disrespecting your wife if you do this despite her not wanting you to. You are telling her that she is not important enough for you to stop. I struggled with this for years. I knew it was wrong and I continued to do it. I tried counseling for myself and that helped, but I stopped it too soon. I came up with many different methods (on my own) to get myself to stop. I would succeed for a while and then fall back into the pattern. I hate myself for it. I am losing my wife because of it. I can argue all I want that she did not love me the way I wanted and that she did not have the same sexual desires as me and I was doing it out of those feelings of rejection. That is all true, but it does not in any way make it okay. The actions are still selfish gratification at the expense of someone else.
    3.) The Bible passage that people are citing in here is taken out of context and used in an incorrect way. The goal Paul had when he wrote that was to help couples to treat each other well and to not have problems. Yes he did say that women should not withhold themselves from their husbands, but he also said that men should love and treat their wives as Christ loves and treats us. This passage does not give anyone a right to demand or take sex from their wife. He is trying to say that If she willingly gives herself to her husband and her husband treats her as Christ would treat us then things will go better for both of them. Both partners need to make strong efforts to keep the other happy. One by itself is not enough.
    4.) I think if both partners are willing to get help to deal with whatever was the root of these issues and also to deal with the ramifications of the actions that happened, the marriage does not have to be over. If one or the other partner is unwilling to really address the issues, than it will likely end in divorce and it may make some sense to leave. For example if the husband is doing it and she doesn’t want him to, and he is unwilling to try and get help. She does need to leave to protect herself. However, if he knows it is not right and is trying to stop, but cannot seem to do so, the woman needs to help support his efforts and work to understand the underlying issues. They both also need to pursue additional efforts to get help. We did not do that. My wife never addressed her deep down and buried pain so she still treated me poorly and did not open herself to me emotionally and I still felt rejected and alone and at times acted out which just further increased the damage to her. I should have convinced her to do more counseling, and I should have done more to deal with the issues that drove my actions.

    I hope this can help someone. I realized this too late and will forever be paying the consequences.

  67. lipglossncod92

    I’m a girl and I love sex! Its just another way of intimacy and bond that only the two of you share and having sex with your lover while theyre sleeping is just something different and erotic! I wake up all the time to my bf having sex with me and sometimes I try to continue to fake sleep just so it’ll be better for him, or if I can’t stand not doing anything I get into it! Ya its somewhat.. Idk weird and it makes u feel like, wh couldn’t he have sex wit me while I’m awake? And it makes you think. But hey..at least he ain’t cheating! Its just something different. And also, did you ever think that he feels like he HAS TO because you “just want to sleep” or you just don’t “feel like it”? If your man didn’t want to fave sex with you…ever then how would you feel? Me and my boyfriend used to have sex like crazy!! It was amazing! Then I got pregnant and now HE never wants to have sex.. it makes me feel ugly or idk I can’t explain it because its never happened. Thanks god only two more months to go! But the point is.. Have sex (make love) with your spouse! Get creative, get intimate. The real problem is when a guy DOESNT want to have sex so you should feel proud that you still turn him on!

  68. Shawn

    I’m a guy and I have done/do this too my wife. She actually sleeps naked or sometimes with crotchless panties, so she is easily accessible whenever we feel like enjoying each other. When I have done it, I don’t try to avoid waking her up or anything, though I tend to be more gentle. Just use lube so she’s comfortable. I think she has woken up every time although she often stays in an aroused half awake mood. A couple of times she has said she doesn’t remember it happening although it seemed like she had woken up.

    I do it rarely, but that’s more because we f**k before sleeping 98% of the time and I tend to sleep longer than my wife, than it is because either of us have a issue with it. Come to think about it, we usually have sex when we wake up at the same time too. Wives that have a big problem with this, I suggest your marriage has much deeper issues to make you feel that way.

  69. Random 86

    I haven’t seen my wife for three weeks now because of this.
    I’ve put her through hell and back with it touching her up in the night after she told me that she didn’t want too.
    Everytime I would come back and say it was sorted, and it won’t happen again. In the end I have left and will be seeking help.
    I cared too much about my own needs instead for her.
    What’s worse is that I used to play dumb to it.
    I can’t really judge after messing up, but as far as I’m concerned if it’s not agreed then it’s rape or sexual assault.
    My wife and I had a good sex life and if there were times when we would go to sleep feeling horny we would agree to tell each other that if one was then we could touch. But it’s simple. It has to be agreed. I feel terrible for what I’ve done to her and ashamed and know I need help.
    I still love her but I was messed up when it came to this.
    Please women who say you don’t care. Value your body.
    And men dont do what I did and treat your wife like a piece of meat. Like a few others have out just because your married doesn’t excuse this kind of behaviour.
    I just hope that I will get another chance to show my wife that I will treat her how she should be. She should feel safe to go to bed at night knowing she’s not gonna get touched up.

    1. Myself

      Well you brought that to yourself you didn’t stop after she told you no, some of us have a green light to do this all night every night

  70. Together for 10 years

    If you are not comfortable with nocturnal sex, you have to communicate that to your significant other. I found this post after wondering if any other couples have experienced this. I am 100% in agreement with the author. Kudos for sharing your story. I will try not to be too graphic with our story.

    My wife and I have discussed it and it is OK with her. Of course, I’d prefer that she’d wake up, but we’re often very tired after work and getting the kids together in the evenings. She actually told me that she’d prefer I do that in lieu of masturbating. She’d get into a comfortable position, get me aroused and put “me” in position before falling asleep. If I know that she has to wake up early, I’d go easy so I don’t wake her up too often (she’d give me a couple thrusts here and there). Sometimes I’d wake up to her performing oral or touching me sexually. We are just that comfortable with each other. The key is to communicate with your partner and respect their wishes/feelings even if they differ from yours. I love my wife and am so thankful we have the relationship that most people dream of…not just sexually, but how we compliment each other 100%.

    Good luck

  71. jack

    My wife is diabetic and does not, and I mean does not have a sex drive. After having a talk with her she said that it was ok, because she enjoys it once I get her in the mood, and that she would ra her for me to do that then to go outside of our marriage. Most of the time she never wakes up because she sleeps really hard. She understands things from a male prospective. Keep me at home….. And vice versa.

  72. Lucky guy

    The difference between a loving act and rape is consent. It isn’t that difficult. If you want to touch, or have sex with your wife, husband, girlfriend, boyfriend, partner, while they are asleep, just ask permission before they’re asleep and find out what their parameters are. I am lucky that my wife has explicitly given me permission and even asked that I touch her while she is asleep and I have told her the same thing. Being a heavier sleeper than she is, it is more often that she plays with me while I am asleep. For us a strong and frequent physical connection is very important. I think we each have only said “not now” only once or twice to the other.

  73. joseph

    Most females are too funny, they will have sex anytime anywhere with you, and bam,,, you marry, have kids and then the husband is at fault for still wanting to have sex!!!!!!

  74. koko

    I’ve been married for 17yrs. Once we moved in together I realized thru conversation that my husband always thot that I initiated sex when I snuggled with him. Not the case. I cannot initiate sex but I’m a very affectionate person. So once I realized this I stopped snuggling. After that it seemed the only way we would have sex is by him initiating it (and sometimes actually having sex )when I was asleep. I didn’t mind at first but after a while it started to bother me. I didn’t want to offend him and make him feel badly, plus I had been ok with it previously. So I ignored it as much as I could until it became soooo uncomfortable for me, I had to say something.
    I explained that I was drugged and raped in my late teens and that him doing that to me triggered me. I explained that I had to do lots of therapy as I became agoraphobic and it took years for me to get over it.
    Believe it or not, he continued. And continued. I tried hard not to get angry, until one day I sat up, yelled in his face “do u like reminding me of when I was raped?!?”, “No”, “Then stop it!” So, I rolled over and tried to go back to sleep. And after that he STILL DID IT!!! It has taken every ounce in my being to not lunge over and plow him in his face. I just would grunt at him and make it impossible for him to do anything. I’m now leaving his sexually abusive/rapist self. Cuz that is NOT the only way he abuses me. He is emotionally abusive.

  75. Mike

    lol i’m soon going to be marrying a girl from philippines
    I have this fetish where i can have sex with her sleeping and even told her
    that i even want to buy a bottle of sleeping pills just for the purpose to have sex with her on purpose.. and i know it’s going to be boring cause there’s no chance of getting caught Risk involved.. so i will also try to have sex with her every night when she’s sleeping without getting caught and hope to master it

  76. shirley

    This bugs the crap out of me! Makes me feel used, like a teenager jerking off into a sock, and I’m the sock!!
    I’m not a prude, or frigid, I like sex! But I would like to be present when it happens!! WTF!!!
    I’m not just an orifice, or a goddamn receptacle!

  77. Busymom110

    My husband of 13 years has sex with me asleep. Not only do I not mind, I want him to. We use to have a great sex life but my sex drive lately has been really low. But I know the importance of sex in a happy intimate marriage. I don’t enjoy doing it much thou. I find myself wanting it to be over quickly. I was feeling pretty shitty about it one night as I was about to go to bed. I happen to be taking a sleeping pill that night as I do a couple nights a week and I thought, what the hell, I’ll make him the offer and see how it goes. I texted him my idea from bed told him I would sleep naked and to wait about a half hour. I don’t remember anything after that. The hubs was in a great mood the next morning. Said he didn’t feel rushed or like he was pressuring me. Spent time enjoying my boobs ( which I usually cut short I just want him to start the P in V and finish )
    And had sex with me twice. We’ve been doing it ever since.
    I leave my panties on my night stand the nights I’ve taken a pill as a go for it if U need to signal.
    He only has 2 rules, be gentle and clean me up a bit before U roll over and go to sleep. I’ve never been sore or hurt, he’s obviously gentle. And I’ve only had a few nights where he didn’t clean me up at all. On his birthdays. He’s aloud to have at it and roll over and go to sleep those nights. Lol I’m glad it only once a year for that. He ejaculates a lot… My vagina is a Jizzy disaster the next morning !

    1. Gary

      I wish my wife was like that. We have been married 20 years and I’m 12 older than her so I’ve always thought she’s hot. But she has lost all interest in sex. She says she still loves me dearly but I’m lucky to get it twice a month.
      I’m old, I ain’t dead, yet. If I had my way I’d have her two or three times a week. So yes, I have started fondling her while she sleeps. Better than nothing!
      Other women think it’s OK tell their man, I’m done having sex, get used to it. Well guess what ladies we ain’t programmed that way. I’ve told her I got no problem with monogamy but I’m sure as hell not OK with celibacy! We are not joining the priesthood. So spread for him or loose him, you ain’t the only woman who needs a good man.
      Most men are fairly simple, we fall in love we marry and it’s not outrageous for us to expect our wives should take care of us in the bedroom. We take care of you in so many ways everyday. Is a little nooky too much to ask? If it is, you should not be surprised when you find out another woman knows a good man when she sees one and knows how to keep him happy.
      You used it to catch him, now use it to keep him! The smart woman knows how to keep a smile on her husbands face. And it makes for a happier, better relationship. Don’t kid yourself by thinking it does not.

  78. Lulu

    I’ve been dealing with my husband doing this to me for years. I’ve talked to him multiple times asking him not to but he continues anyway. It’s completely disrespectful and I know longer trust him.

    1. Doug

      I love my wife and lust for her constantly. We make love 2 sometimes 3 times a week. And I make love to her maybe once a week as she sleeps and she orgasms when I do because I can’t feel her clit twitching under my finger. At fist she said she had a problem with it. But then she thought about it. She said she would rather have me cum in her then to masturbate. To her that would be cheating because my bony belongs to her and hers to me. That’s what true deep love is people!! Knowing that you are the most important persons in someone’s life. And there needs are what make you the happiest! Most of you don’t even sound like you know what love is!!! And that’s sad because there’s nothing like feeling lof the person in your life want to be yours completely ❤️❤️❤️

  79. Chris

    I have been with my wife for 25 years married 24 she has lost mega wt. She now sleeps naked, and ask why I don’t. I know have been starting to, she knows it hard me wicked hard so it gets to the point of major enjoyment most times for both sometimes she finishes me and goes back to sleep then we make another round before she goes to work. We now sleep naked alomost every night.

  80. Marcus

    I have sex everyday with my wife. Sometimes 3 times or more even she is at sleep. She doesn’t mind. I don’t cheat on her either. I respect her totally. If husband and wife decides it’s fine then it’s fine.

  81. stu

    if your married or been together for years then if your husband penatrates you while your asleep then you should think to youtself why…maybe you withhold sex from him and the only way to have sex with you is when your asleep,start giving him sex on a regular basis or face him having a affair as his only means of having sex,learn to love him instead of taking him for granted,then maybe he`ll stop having you while you sleep…men have needs.

  82. Tommy

    My wife is from the Philippines, and is 27 years younger than me. She has a much higher libido than me, so with my permission, she has a young boyfriend to take up the slack. On occasion, when my wife has finished with her boyfriend and drifted away to sleep, I would enter her. This is easy because she is already very wet and slippery from her boyfriend. She always wakes up after I am inside her, and is very enthusiastic about the whole thing.

  83. Dustin

    I’ve done it before. And it caused a real problem because it became almost an addiction. But after some hardships between is over it I was able to stop. My problem is that I work very hard and am under a lot of stress and since out last child our sex life is terrible. Like once a month or longer terrible. And the sex is not as steamy as it once was. But with the stress of my job and finances and just life . Sex is that one relief I need and look forward too. And after 17 years in still more attracted to my wife more than any women in the world and every other aspect of our relationship is great. I’ve tried to talk to her about how I feel and that our sex life is an issue for me but she acts like how I feel about it isn’t valid yet I’m supposed to accept her feelings about the night creeping. I’ve even suggested maybe an open marriage and made it clear Id rather have her above anyone else but she dosnt want to do it so maybe it’s an option. She could even pick my friend if she wanted but nope. Even gives me crap for masturbating saying I should wait for her. And I don’t want to divorce over it because I love her in my life. Maybe someone on here has some advice or has been in my situation and has been able to find a solution? Just feel like why should I respect all her wishes and feelings when mine are a joke to her

  84. Chris

    I don’t know how you can do this, I can’t even put my arm around my wife when she is asleep without her waking up so trying to touch her intimately is not even remotely possible!

  85. Bxydae

    I have been waking up to my husband trying to have sex or get himself off while I’m asleep for a couple years now. We have a toddler together and I’ve had history of sexual abuse before meeting him. I’m not in a place of “is it wrong?” I’m to the point where “it’s wrong!” It all comes down to the intention in my opinion.

    •Is he doing it because he’s sexually frustrated?
    •Or because he thinks you’ll be into it?
    • (I don’t believe in the whole “is he awake” thing. I find that to be complete bullshit.)
    • Does he admit to it in the morning?
    If yes… While I still wouldn’t be okay, with those intentions, I think a lot of women would be okay with them.

    Intentions I don’t think are okay for anyone:
    •Does he stop what he’s doing when you make a movement?
    •Does he try to take your clothes off in the slightest way to not wake you up?
    •If you turn away suddenly to show you are annoyed by the touching, does he wait for you to fall back asleep to proceed?
    •If you sleep in a different room or on the couch does he still try in a different area?
    •If you start crying or flinching, does he keep going?
    •Does he deny anything ever happening?
    •If you ask him to stop, or tell him how violated you feel, does he continue to violate you (maybe in a different way, or even just stops for a period of time and then starts again.)
    •Has he conveyed a ‘rape fantasy’s to you?
    •Does he watch porn of things like “drunk girl passed out” or “while she’s sleeping” or “rape” (acted or not)

    If yes, these things are a bigger problem than you think. The bad side of intentions is what I’m dealing with. It all started when I had surgery to get my gulbladder removed.

    Just to give a little backstory on our sex life, we had an intense one. In fact, he couldn’t keep up with me in the bed. It’s ironic because he turned me down so many times because I wanted to do it so much. As hurtful and sucky as that was (yes!!!!! Women get blue balls too!!! It’s a deep throbbing pain.) I never ever complained to him or made him feel guilty for not pleasing me. I never crawled on top of him and made him do anything. The worst I have ever done to this man in that sense, is asking him to finger me like three times in a row. Then we had a child. And you know what, he isn’t helpful at all with his family. He treats his son like it’s a chore and will not spend more than 15 minutes with him before saying “okay I tried playing with him, im done.” And that’s the thing, I ask him to watch his child when I need to do chores. He doesn’t help. He comes home from work, jumps on video games for hours. He stays up until like 5am playing. He comes to bed and tries to touch me, and sleeps until the very last second he has to leave for work. I’m so exhausted, the house is always a mess because I simply can’t keep up. The mess I find in the morning from my husband is disgusting. And YES. I am MAD. I am fed up. I would be less fed up if he didn’t treat me like a sex doll at night.

    A couple of years ago I needed my gallbladder removed. It was a very extreme case and I ended up getting acute pancreatitis. I was in the hospital for over a week. In the middle of that time I get a very upset phone call from him in the middle of the night. He says he’s found this video of me online. I was passed out and a black dude was raping “me” in the mouth. I assured him it couldn’t be me and told him to show me the video the next day. It couldn’t have been me because I was violated only at a very young age… Old enough to remember. And on top of that, I was very smart in my teenage years. I never ever put myself in a position to be violated like that. I mostly smoked weed and I’ve never been to a bar.

    He comes the next day and shows me the video. And this girl literally looks NOTHING like me. The only thing we had in common was hair color. She had moles on her face, I mean it was obvious it wasn’t me. I made him stop the video because it was really gross. And I felt terrible for that girl-whoever she was, because it was obvious that it wasn’t being acted out. This video made me sick to my stomach.
    For a couple months my husband can’t stop watching this video because he is so sure it’s me. I even showed my mom the video to get her opinion and she agreed with me. I felt like he knew it wasn’t me and I couldn’t understand why he was trying to make me believe it was. I still don’t understand that.

    Eventually he admits that there’s no way it could be me. After that, one day, he asks me (since I’m so exhausted all the time) if it’s ok if he masterbates next to me while I’m asleep. I didn’t put the video and this together at all. But I say as long as he doesn’t get it on me, or touch me and wake me up.

    Months later, I woke up one morning with semen on me. I was horrified by it because it was in my clothing. My clothing had to be taken off, and then put back on for it to be possible. For that to happen and me not wake up was truly a nightmare to me. Like, anyone could come in my room at night and do this. I asked him and he just laughed like it was a joke. He admitted it. He had taken off my pants and rubbed against my butt until he came. He actually even said he googled “how to have sex with a woman without waking her up”.

    I didn’t tell him how brutal that was to me. I felt like it was a one time thing the way he laughed, and he had also been making me feel guilty for months for not wanting to do it as often. He made me feel like shit about it. He still does to this day and I don’t know how I can when I know what bullshit it is, but he makes me feel horrible about it. He knew that I didn’t like what happened, but he didn’t know the extent of how horrified I was by it. I mean, I’ve been sexually abused. I grew up on the pretenses of sexuality being warped. I guess that’s why I always feel like something is wrong with me.

    I would’ve reacted differently if this were a boyfriend doing this. I probably would’ve broken up with my husband instantly if he had done this before we were married. Your husband is the one partner. Like your ride or die. It takes a lot for me to react in a horrific way with him. It’s not black and white.

    He does the touching thing almost every night now and I know he wants me to not know about it. He’s very turned on when I’m asleep, but not as turned on if I’m awake. It’s actually made me feel ugly like he doesn’t want to look at me. I’d wake up to him some nights just touching my pelvic area, and I’d turn over to get away, but he’d try again. He never ever gave up.

    One night I decided I’d just go limp like I was dead to see what he would do. But also to make himself see how f**ked up he was being. I wanted him to feel what real rape was like, and if he liked that it was over. If he stopped then we could work it out. I didn’t know how else to get him to understand how much it was degrading me. He liked it more when I was asleep than when I was awake. This wasn’t like he was just frustrated with no sex, he WANTED me to be asleep.

    I went limp. Kept my eyes shut. I didn’t flinch, which was hard for me. I didn’t give any reactions. I didn’t breathe differently. And I certainly didn’t get wet. At one point I think he tried to wake me up, by the way he pulled my clothes off… So I would stop him, but it didn’t “work”. He went through with it. It changed the way I ever viewed him as a man. The man that I loved who always was so sweet opening doors for me. Called me beautiful every day. All the nice things he did were gone after the surgery happened. I wonder if he found that one video hot thinking it was me… it’s hard to believe that but I just don’t know anymore. And he went through with having sex with me.

    I’m not telling you that this was rape- because it wasn’t rape. I let him do it. I wanted to see if he could do it. It wasn’t rape. He had violated me before, but this wasn’t rape. It was very hurtful still. He got off real quick because I guess that’s what he likes. He likes passed out drunk girls. When he was done he left my pants off and left his mess. He just layed down and fell asleep like a baby. When I knew HE was asleep I cleaned myself up and put my clothes back on. I went and slept on the couch.

    In the morning I pretended like nothing happened. I couldn’t show my disgust for him because I wanted to see if he would feel any guilt on his own. I don’t know if he did. He was nicer than usual. But it turned out that he didn’t touch me in my sleep for a couple months. So it had did something, but it wasn’t strong enough to last. Two months later he’s doing the same shit. I’m sleeping on the couch every night and he comes out to cuddle. I let him do it because I’m sick of arguing with him. I sick of fighting in front of our toddler. I’ve told him how unattractive that is- and you’re pushing me away, and think about what you want in a family because you pretend nothing exists when you get home. Nothing changes. You’re reading the angry rant of a wife who can put up with a lot of bs and be happy. Like I would be happy if he did one thing a day that showed he cared. His son is so excited when he gets home and so crushed when he just puts it off.

    I mean, obviously there’s many more issues than the sleep f**king fetish… But you know what… It’s the constant proof that reminds me how he doesn’t give a f**ck about me. And I guess I need to be reminded that to get away. The other day I actually thought how nice it would be if he just cheated on me and left me alone. I’ve told him over and over you’re gonna lose your family. Do SOMETHING!!!! He just takes it all for granted.

  86. dale waters

    I am “guilty” of making love to women as they slept. It all began with my first wife. She was very “hot” meaning that she was sexy and she loved sex as much as I do. One night after a couple of hours sleeping I awoke with a throbbing erection. I got up and went to the bathroom and urinated then returned to bed and tried to go back to sleep. But the extreme sexual urge wouldn’t go away. I rolled over and snuggled close to my wife who was laying with her back to me in the spooning position. I kissed her on her shoulder as I fondled her breasts and rubbed her nipples which instantly became hard. My throbbing penis jerked and thumped against her soft buttocks. I felt down between her thighs and found her to be very wet. I slipped two fingers between her lips and gently massaged her clitoris. After a few minutes of this she began to breath more deeply as she responded to the stimulation. She moaned very softly and rolled over to her back. I thought I had awakened her so I stopped what I was doing and remained still, pretending to be asleep. I was afraid that she would be upset with me for waking her. A couple minutes later she began to mumble something softly under her breath. I couldn’t understand what it was that she said. Then I realized she was still asleep and dreaming. I snuggled close to her and whispered some words back to her as if I was talking in my sleep as well. I began to gently rub her still hard nipples and returned to rubbing her clitoris which by now was very erect and even more moist than before.(When she had turned over earlier she had raised her knee and opened her thighs with one resting on top of me.) By now I was so aroused that I was overcome with my lust and desire that I began to stroke my penis and rub it against her soft inner thigh that rested across mine. All I could think about was her warm and wet vagina which was only a few inches away from my throbbing manhood. I couldn’t take any more. I momentarily thought of just relieving myself but couldn’t resist the urge to plunge into her. I reached down and caressed her thigh and moved my hand down to her calf just below her knee and very gently and slowly raised her leg up and over both of my legs. Then I slowly scooted down in the bed about four or five inches.Now I was in position for penetration. I layed there very still for awhile and returned to rubbing her nipples and gently caressing her breasts. My throbbing penis now lay nestled against her moist bush which by now was getting even more wet from the seminal fluids leaking from my penis. She began to mumble again. I whispered back to her very softly telling her how I loved the feel of her soft skin and how pretty and sexy she was. Then she answered back. “What if we get caught?” she said. I whispered back “don’t worry, baby, no one can see us here.” I began to rub the tip of my penis between her well lubricated labia and back and forth across her clitoris. She opened her thighs even further. I knew she was dreaming that she was about to be penetrated by “someone” and not by me and I wanted to find out who she was dreaming about. Even more I wanted to feel my very hard penis inside the place it loved so much. I gently pushed the tip inside her vagina and stopped. I sure didn’t want her to wake up now. After 3 or 4 minutes I began to push ever so gently and slowly until I was all the way up inside her. I lay there shuddering and quivering, my body aching to just give her a very vigorous thrusting like I never had before. I began a soft very slow in-and -out movement as I gently rubbed her clitoris. She moaned slightly and mumbled some more words that I couldn’t understand and I feel her vaginal muscles tighten- much stronger than I had ever felt before. She was definitely having a very sweet dream.
    This went on for about an hour before I finally couldn’t hold off any longer and I had the strongest most intense orgasm of my life. So intense that it almost gave me a head ache. After that I fell asleep, my penis still buried deeply inside my wife who was breathing very deeply and almost snoring. I knew I had been successful in not waking her.The whole thing had taken about 3 hours. It was the most exciting 3 hours of my life.
    The next morning I was awakened by my wife down under the covers sucking on my penis. We made love and it was better than ever before. She never mentioned her dream and I never asked. But I was always curious as to who was making love to her in that dream.
    Over the next 10 years I made love to her many more times as she slept and never once did she wake up.
    I never felt guilty about it and I have successfully done it with about 5 other women since then.
    Given the opportunity I will do it again.

  87. SomeDude

    As long as it is communicated before the incident takes place. It is an arrangement between people involved. (you, your spouse, neighbour who is videotaping etc.)

    Even if the arrangement is a knuckle sandwich in the middle of the night if you start snoring. Although it would not be in your interest to agree to such an arrangement if you are likely to snore.
    Bottom line.
    It is still your choice.


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