Respect & other stuff
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Respect & other stuff

So my husband is essentially a good man. He works hard, doesn’t mess around. But he has no clue on how to be in a relationship. He has a pretty messed up past, which I get affects his trust & stuff, but I’m kind of sick of getting abused for this past. Notreally “abused”, but lots of little things. His ex-wife cheated, so naturally I get “talked to” EVERY DAY about how women leave all the time, & how I better not cheat, etc. He reads my texts & emails, & even though i say he can because i want him to feel safe, he won’t admit it, & then askes pointed questions about stuff he reads in the texts. He’s moody, & when he decides he’s in a funk, it sends waves through the house. We have 3 young kids, our second son absolutely gets scapegoated, so i often have to step in. I am very non confrontational, so when he gets in my face, over the stupidest stuff, it seriously stresses me out. I havefelt unsafe around him, but I don’t think he’d ever get violent. His father was violent, & the few times he’s actually spanked the kids, its sent him into a spiral of guilt & depression. But he’s nasty in other ways. He’s intensely critical of most everything I do. I love home improvement projects, but I stopped doing them because he focuses in on wherever I may have messed up & tells me about them repeatedly for weeks. I’m not “allowed”to buy furniture because he hates everything I pick out. Actually, he just hates furniture. He hates the kids’ toys. He flips out weekly. He can be the coldest man without any reason. He’s disrespectful in tone like 90% of the time, he talks to me like I’m an idiot, even though he jokes daily that I’m the brains of the marriage. He gets intensely hurt & vengeful if I don’t want to have sex, even if we’d just had it yesterday. He loves using the terms always & never.
I want to stay with the father of my kids, but it’s been 7 years, & while some things have improved, on the whole it’s just as miserable as always.

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0 3 723 17 November, 2015 Marriage Minute November 17, 2015

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  1. JJ

    OK. Stay then -_- you see how bland that response was? Its your life , don’t use your children as an excuse as to why you stay in misery. Your husband is obviously a mean guy. Stay and suck up the crap or do something about it sheesh. Nothing will be different if you both continue to do the same thing.

  2. Tyree

    I think the two of you need counseling, especially if you want to stay in this marriage; he has no idea of what he’s doing. If he say no to counseling then maybe you should consider options for your own happiness and peace of mind. You only have one life, live it and be happy.

  3. Marie 2

    Counseling dear. First for you to build up your self esteem and self confidence and communication skills, then ask him to join you to help you. Dont make it about him or he might get scared. He sounds extremely over sensitive which makes me thing hes got underlying depression and insecurity issues. You both seem to have this in common, your just dealing with it passively. As you get healthier you can share what you learn with him by posting notes to yourself on the fridge and mirror and cubboards. Thats what I did. My husband is a whole new man and Im the one who went to counseling


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