Trapped any direction I pull
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Trapped any direction I pull

18 years together and 2 amazing young kids. Had so many experiences - laughter and tears. She lied when I had suspicions, but then late one night I found the texts on her phone. We had the typical difficulties so many couples go through - kids demand so much and consume so much (but of course give so much too). Money is always tight. She couldn’t figure out what she wanted to do with her life and I listened and offered advice, and listened and offered advice for years. She finally gives up and gets a night time waitress job- and what does she do? Slowly grows colder toward me. Stops sleeping with me and has an affair with the owner of the restaurant.

The difficulties of life (raising kids, money, keeping each other happy, work, etc) plague so many of us. It’s very tough being married and raising a family and staying happy. I get it. But my spouse was the person who I thought had my back. Now, 6 months later, I’m lost. The floor caved in and I’m lost. I’ve never once had an affair in all these years. The only thing that I love now are my kids. I can’t handle the idea of their unhappiness, that is a direct result of her cheating. I’ve been trying to pretend and keep us in the same house. It’s so hard. I don’t trust her and don’t even want to look at her. Occasionally, I’ll see her at a certain angle or hear her voice a certain way, and I almost forget that it’s all ruined. But it is and she ruined it.

I don’t want to meet someone new to hear about their life stories. and I really don’t want to meet someone and have to deal with their kids (though I understand for those who have gone this route and do okay). My priority is making my kid’s life work out.

How do I tell her to get out? And, how do I raise my kids with a full time job? How do I tell them mommy has to leave? How do I know I shouldn’t just keep playing the game for 12 more years until the youngest one is in college? She barely makes any money and we can’t afford two places to live. I haven’t had physical touch in well over a year. People all seem to know about us and it’s all so different now. It’s all so hard. How do I get untrapped…or should I stay trapped?

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0 3 420 10 August, 2017 Wife Bashing August 10, 2017

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  1. JD

    As a woman I would like to say stay for your family and make it work but truth is likely you’ll be miserable and the affair will still have happened (and will never go away) and obviously the trust you had will never return as a result. It just can’t. People try and sometimes can make it work but the betrayal will always nag at the back of your mind and it’s so hard to forgive but I found I just never could trust again.

    The long and short of it is you will be happier and the kids too just ending it. They now live with an awkward tension and kind of living in confusion and walking on egg shells. If it isn’t obvious yet it will be soon. They aren’t stupid and they sense things. She will likely try for the victim card too. If you had done this or that… she’ll do that after too-prepare for it. Just be kind to your kids. Honest. And explain in a nonblaming way when the time is right. Only you know when.

    You seem a really nice and kind man. You will be happy again. If you stay you’ll really become more bitter and miserable. Life is too short for unhappiness or to waste time. Your kids need to see life goes on and sometimes change happens and it can be good too. Not everyone gets a story book life. Life is just messy but what matters is attitude.

    Now I’m curious did she say why she did this? Does she want to stay with you? Did you discover it and she never came clean? Would she still be sneaking around if you hadn’t discovered things? Will she let you have the kids? If not I would still leave. She may try for the children and alimony but she may not win. Again it’s better to give up the money then be truly miserable. Kids won’t want to live with the tension etc. I promise. What do you do with them? The same as the rest of us. School. Daycare if needed hopefully a family member or friend. Ask for help from people you trust an love the kids.

    I’m sorry she did this. Life isn’t fair. A lot of us have gone through it and I’m way happier now. You will be happy again. Just one foot in front of the other. Just my advise. Good luck to you!

  2. marie2

    Im so very sorry your going through this. May I suggest you find a great social evangelical church like Assembly of God. You need some support and emotional guidance and emotional wisdom right now. Your wife is playing with sin and she is burning herself and her whole family. You need some kindness and support and church is great for learning how to not suffer when your in pain. It sure cleared up my head and took away the crazies when my usband and I were haveing severe issues. Focus on your kids. Do you still love your wife? Ask her what she needs? Did boredom and routine make your marriage stale. That is so suffocateing. She seems like she doesnt have the self confidence to make her life what she wants and to find a career or hobby or interest that will give her life meaning so she took the easy way out of her desperate misery and had some excitement in an affair. She will regret it. Will you be there.
    ? You need some good christian friends with high morals who will support you through this agony. Your marriage can survive, your just in the thick of it. You will come out OK.

  3. Louie

    Do not accept blame for her poor choice!. I am sick to death of listening to the excuses for having an affair by the unfaithful. Always seems they were forced into their transgressions by the partner who,although faithful and loving , didn’t “get it”. Balderdash! An affair is not a reaction it is a choice…a very poor choice. She seems to be what a popular blogger refers to as a “cake eater”, she wants her cake and eat it too . Sir I am not trying to be a judge in your relationship but I can’t help but believe that you are doomed to live in a hell created by someone else’s poor decisions and you don’t deserve it. Your children will be fine…a famous television Dr states repeatedly that a child would rather come from a broken home than live in a broken home. Sir life is too short and any time you spend fretting over what your wife has done or is doing is time wasted…time you can give to your kids who don’t deserve to be the judges at a pissing contest nor be the back splashes for one.
    Lawyer up sir…keep anecdotal notes dates times , situations,what was said and what the response was etc. you’ll need them . Your kids need you….you need you.


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